


~Seer~ A Supernatural Fanfiction

by Symphonia93



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:20:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 36
Words: 146,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23982226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Symphonia93/pseuds/Symphonia93
Summary: My brother's had their story, I had mine. I didn't know they existed, until I died...I was a psychic,  I knew that, but I never expected to be stuck in my grave and watch their story unfold as I laid dead and motionless. I knew them well, watched them grow up to be heroes, without ever knowing they were family.Until something brought me back....Now I find myself entangled in the mess they created, and learning things about myself from a angel. Yes, an angel...but even he cant tell me who brought me back and why.
Relationships: Castiel/OC (Hazel)
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

So, my name is Hazel. That's out of the way...And your probably wondering where the hell I came from, right? Well, it's a long story and I'll do my best to explain without spoilers.

See my mom met some army dude, marines I think, and hooked up. Well...not so much hooked up as, she put a tiny, innocent spell on him and practically dragged him out of the bar a drooling, horny mess. From what I understand, he doesn't remember it.  
Did I mention she's a witch? No? Well she's a witch, a good one too, mostly...

She never saw him again, and you guessed it! Nine months later I was born, in a cottage in the Ozarks where she raised me. She expected me to inherit her natural gifts with magic, but instead I turned out to be an exceptionally powerful psychic. Now, I couldn't bend reality, and unfortunately I couldn't read or control minds...but the telekinesis? Hell yes I had that. Gave mama quite the handful of a toddler, that's for sure. But most importantly, as I got older, I was having the most accurate and vivid visions and premonitions that she'd ever heard of. Not to mention the fact that I could see or sense all things supernatural that humans couldn't. Imagine my terror at age seven when I saw my first demon...  
And my mother wasn't just some hermit witch, either. She was in fact, a hunter, in her spare time. Mom wasn't perfect, by any means, but she tried to use her powers for good. Most of the time. Needless to say, when I got old enough, I was raised to do the same. Though for me, ganking all things that go bump in the night was a little more hands on. I had to learn to fight, seeing as how I couldn't just throw fire and lightning or chant Latin at monsters. I had my own power, but it didn't always help, especially not against something that can do the exact same thing.

Anyhow, you know how the life is, it started to get to me. Call me weak, but I started shooting heroin around age sixteen. Yuck right? I know, not my proudest aspect...It caused a lot of tension between mom and me, and eventually I ran from her.  
She came after me of course, and she died for it. A hunter had been on her tail for some time and she let her guard down before she finally caught up with me.  
Why was she being hunted? Well I told you, mom wasn't perfect. She was a witch, and witches often do cruel and selfish things. People get hurt. Hunters get justice. I dont care to elaborate further...  
So I was on my own, only seventeen, hitting the streets and drugs like a bat out of hell. I survived pretty well, drug dealers didnt give me much trouble, all I had to do was slam them into the wall and jack their shit if they tried anything. I slept wherever I could, occasionally in jail. Food was easy, I just used my powers to make it float right off the shelves and meet me in the alley or something. What? Tell me you wouldn't try it if you had telekinesis? I thought so.  
It was the same for clothes, when I needed them. The only thing that was tricky was getting cleaned up. In the summer I would sneak into swimming pools locker rooms and use their showers, but in the winter I would have to rely on my visions to find houses in which the residents were away, and use theirs.  
If I needed money, I usually stole it, in one way or another, or offered to help sell the heroin for my biggest dealer. That actually proved the most fruitful, and got me an apartment of my own when I turned nineteen. I know what you're thinking, I must be a terrible person right? Well, sometimes maybe I was... addicts can be selfish. But I never killed a human, I never stole more than what I needed, and believe it or not, I was a virgin. I helped people with their ghosts and monsters from time to time, I saved people. Thay counts for something right?  
I was still a junky, and a hunter, but I was functioning fairly well. For a few years, anyway...

I still dont know what happened that night, but just a few weeks after I turned twenty four, someone killed me. I remember three people in nice suits, no not people, they were something else...but I didn't get a good look, and I was high. All I knew from my senses were that they weren't human, and they were powerful.   
I remember one of them telling me it was for the best, and I remember trying to fight them off with a blade. But one of them ran me through with their own blade and it was lights out.

I dont know who buried me, I dont know where I was buried. All I know is I woke up, sort of...unable to move. I was still dead, I figured that much. But for whatever reason, my consciousness, my spirit, lingered. Most of the time it was like sleeping but staring at blackness. But occasionally, I would dream. Not like sleeping or comatose dreams...It was my powers. I would have visions for hours, like watching a tv show. And always the same show was on.  
I literally watched the lives of two young men, named Sam and Dean Winchester from my grave.  
I didn't know why I was seeing this, I didn't know how it was relevant to me, but that was all I ever saw. I watched them fight monsters, search desperately for their father only to lose him, I watched them kill the yellow eyed demon, befriend an angel, and slowly but surely start the apocalypse.   
I knew them very well, but they didn't know me. I knew Bobby, I knew the angel some, I knew all the people they encountered.  
And by the time Lucifer was erupting from the cage with Sam's help, I finally woke up....


	2. Another One?

Cold. Dark. Wet. No...very wet. Dripping. Dripping....  
Smell of dirt. Back stiff.

I gasp for air, though there really wasn't any, when I realized I'm not imagining those sensations. I had no room to move, and there was nothing but blackness, and apparently something leaking from above me. Panicking, I clawed at whatever was above me with weakened arms. Anxiety increases once I remembered exactly what happened, and realized exactly where I was.  
In a pine box. _Fucking hell..._ _I'm_ _buried alive._

As I fought the painful suffocation gripping at my lungs, I could feel the wood was rotted. Soft and spongy to the touch. I kicked and punched with what little leverage I had in the small space but to no avail as my actions merely doused me with more mud ridden water.   
I tried to calm myself, sucking in what was likely the last bit of air inside the coffin, and summoned my strength.  
With a desperate quick burst of power, I pushed my psychic energy as hard as I could. It was weak, I could tell, but it worked. Everything above me blasted upward, giving me a glance of sunlight before it all started falling back down loosely. A piece of the wood conked my forehead, but my adrenaline pumped so feverishly that I barely felt it. Now I could dig.   
I shoveled and swam through the disturbed dirt and debris until I could feebly sit up and feel the rain on my face, taking in a greedy breath of fresh air.  
It was pouring rain, and I've never felt anything more glorious as it slowly rinsed the dirt from my face. Choking and coughing, I grazed my blurry eyes around my surroundings.   
My grave was shallow, which explained why I was getting leaked on. _Body_ _must_ _have really rotted before...wait, why am_ _I_ _alive!?_  
I looked myself over. I was caked in filth, but appearing to be very much alive. Instinctively I grasped the area around my middle where I had been stabbed. I didnt feel anything but a hole in my shirt.   
My clothes were the same as what I was wearing that night on the street. Meaning nobody gave me a proper burial. At least they had the courtesy of putting me in a box. But this was definitely a body dump.  
Looking around at my surroundings, I was hopeful by the look of the trees I was still in the midwest somewhere. I died in Omaha Nebraska, and if I could find a road I might be able to tell if I was still in the same state.  
 _Yeah, find a road, steal a car and..._ _then_ _what?_

With some effort, I dragged myself out of the grave and tried to stand, only to stumble on weak knees and lean on a tree. I waited for my breath to steady before trying to a step again.  
However, once I tried, I felt it coming. A vision. My head seared with migriane-like agony. _Great...a premonition, my favorite._  
Unlike the real time visions, premonitions were debilitating and painful. I dont know why, because it never worked, but I tried to push it down and make it wait. It obviously had other ideas.

_I saw_ _the_ _Winchesters, they'd survived Lucifer's_ _release_ _somehow. They were at Bobby's door step. Some conversations flew by...Sam had left...But Bobby was possessed, even in visions i could see it's true face. It_ _attacked_ _Dean, other demons came, a_ _fight_ _a broke out..._

The premonition ceased, leaving me gasping and shaking. _I have to help them...I just_ _hope_ _there's time._

Maybe I was sentimental, after everything I'd already seen, but I was feeling compelled to reach them. Surely there was a reason that they were all I could see for the last six years. I silently thanked my powers that I at least knew how long I'd been dead by watching those boys and their friends.   
I started walking, feeling out with my weakened power where a road might be. I couldn't get it to muster up my actual location, not after that vision, but I caught an inkling of a highway just a few miles south of me. If this was Nebraska, thankfully the forests weren't too dense or large. At some point I would be coming across bean and cornfields, or cattle pastures at the least. Which meant highways.   
And a drive to Sioux Falls would be less than a day from Nebraska too.

I wasn't the type to sit around, curl up my knees and feel sorry for myself. I was going to walk until I dropped, or found a solution. I had a plan, so that was something. But I didnt know what was going to happen when I showed up at Bobby's scrap yard unannounced, literally looking like death, claiming the things I was about to claim.

☆☆☆☆☆

I crept toward the front door, noting the presence of the Impala on my way, confirming that they were here. I was nearing the house when I decided it was best to scope out the place with my mind before rushing in on the unsuspecting hunters.

"Lilith _was_ the final seal.."

"Sam, stop it."

"I killed her and I set Lucifer free."

"You what!?"

Oh god, it was starting! I wanted to bust in right then and there, scream at Sam and tell him that wasn't Bobby. But my vision had a tight grip on me as I pressed myself flat against the exterior wall.

"You guys warned me about Ruby, the demon blood...but I didn't listen. I brought this on."

"You're damn right you didnt listen!"

Finally I was losing connection. I was ready to sprint around the corner but stopped when I saw Sam leaving, not wishing to be caught sneaking around by an experienced and currently emotional hunter.

I waited for the taller brother to leave my line of sight before slinking onto the porch and throwing the front door open.  
"Dean, he's a demon!" I screamed, my freshly alive voice hoarse and rough.

Dean looked at me from the other side of Bobby for a split, surprised second, only to receive a vicious uppercut by the possessed scrap dealer. He landed hard into some furniture on his back.  
'Bobby' whipped around and saw me coming at him. I tried to push him away with my power but was it was weak and I wasn't fast enough. His hand met my throat and threw me into the next room where I collided with the coffee table.  
I choked and stiffly rolled to my side in pain, blurry eyes barely catching the fight carrying on without me. Dean was losing, Bobby had him pinned to a wall and two more demons entered from the back, a bald male and a female. I scrambled to my feet, heading for the female talking to Dean like she knew him. This 'Meg' as she was called forced me hard off my feet with demonic power. Once again my exhausted body was winded and sprawled on it's back on the floor.  
"Who's that?" Meg asked sickly sweetly.

"You got me. " Dean grumbled through the strain put on him.

I couldn't get up. I tried but everything hurt and after walking and driving hundreds of miles with no sleep and just a bottle of water for sustenance, I was defeated. I watched the scene unfold as Bobby managed to stab himself and kill the demon inside him, Sam bursting in and doing away with the other one, and Meg smoking out of her suit in a hurry.

"Bobby!" Sam hollered and fell to the older man's side.

"We gotta get him to the hospital. " Dean said in a panic.   
Both their gazes fell on me, struggling to keep my head up and return the eye contact. They observed my diminished figure; my dirty clothes and wild hair. I'm sure I was quite a sight.

"Who the hell is that, another demon?" Sam asked, a little angry suspicion in his tone.

"I dont think so..." Dean replied, helping Bobby up to support his weight, "she showed up trying to warn me."

"Name's Hazel." I groaned, finally managing to sit up.

"Ok , _Hazel,_ what the hell are you doing here?" Sam demanded. He hadn't been there to see me try to help, he trusted me the least right now.

"Look..." I breathe gruffly, "I'll explain everything when you get back. Take care of Bobby. I'm on your side, I promise."  
They didn't have time to argue. And thank God because I felt like another word out of my own mouth might put me over the edge and I'd pass out.

☆☆☆☆☆

I waited for several hours for them, one of which was spent just lying on the floor not sure if I'd ever get up again. And once I did, I raided the fridge for a little fuel and beer, afterwards deciding to try and clean up the mess left by the fight. It was surreal, going through things I'd only seen in visions. I noted the family pictures, smiling as I dusted them off.  
Part of me felt like I ought to have a photo of my own up on the shelf. Felt like I was one of them. I was there with them every step of the way. I cried internally for their pain. Rejoiced at their triumphs. But they didn't know me, they might not even like me. And that was ok. As long as they knew I'd always be there for them.

When I finished cleaning up I decided it would be a good chance to shower. Oh god...a shower. How wonderful that sounded. But I didnt have any spare clothes. What little I owned in the world was long cleaned out and discarded from my old apartment. So, I did the only logical thing, and stripped naked, putting all my clothes in the wash, and waited around in a towel for the dryer to complete its cycle.

It was early morning, and freshly cleaned and fed I had fallen asleep on the couch, my senses waking me as they picked up indications that a car had pulled up and parked. Before I decided to sit up and wait for the interrogation, I groaned and reveled in the smell of laundry soap on my purple flannel, wishing I could sleep just a little longer.   
The brothers came through the door, pushing Bobby in first in a wheel chair. My heart sank, and a psychic flash passed through my mind of his xrays and diagnosis papers. _Paralyzed..._

They all circled around me like wolves in the living room, squinting menacingly.   
"So you're still here, huh?" Dean said gruffly. I pursed my lips and nodded.  
"Who are you?"

I sighed and slapped my hands on my lap, puffing my cheeks in a big sigh. "This might sound crazy, but I figure you're accustomed to crazy. "

"That we are," Bobby growled. He seemed to be the most wary of me out of the three of him. After all, I did tresspass on his property and squat while he was away. I felt his distrustful glare on me like a hot laser.

"Ok...well first off, I'm a psychic." I said, watching their expressions. They weren't surprised, but at least intrigued.

"Ok? " Dean prodded me to continue.

"That explains why she came to help." Sam said, seeming to lighten up. I flashed him a grateful smile.

"Yes. Exactly," I carried on, "but you see...a few days ago, I was dead. Had been for six years. Dont ask me how, but instead of _going_ _into the light,_ I laid in my grave and experienced an endless vision of you two, your lives. When I woke up and clawed my way out of the ground, I had a premonition of Bobby's possession. I tried to stop it but I came just a little too late..."

They fell silent, expected confusion and contemplation written in the lines of their mouths and eyes.

"So you...watched us like a TV show?" Dean asked.

"Yes."

"But you were dead?"

"Yes..."

"I need a beer..." And Dean left the room.

"That don't make any sense," Bobby chimed in, "if you were a ghost ya shouldn't have been stuck in your meat suit watching this gory soap opera. Ya shoulda been free to roam and turn vengeful like the rest of em."

I shook my head in tight lipped agreement with his confusion. "I dont get it either. My working theory is that my soul was paralyzed by the visions. Why I was having them, is another question."

"I'm gonna call Cas." Sam said, running a stressed hand through his hair. "Something about this stinks. "

I couldn't help but agree. I was dead, and didnt really have the cognitive ability to question what was happening at the time. Just laid there and watched..  
Dean returned with four beers, and I graciously took mine from him, locking eyes for a moment. I was surprised at how much they'd softened after my explanation. He seemed...kinder. It was subtle but I could tell he was grateful and was finding it possible to trust me. Or perhaps merely feeling sympathetic, because he too had once wriggled out of his grave.  
"Thank you," I mumbled and cracked it open. He merely nodded and took a seat in the arm chair. Sam walked a little ways away on the phone.

"So.." Dean directed at me, " you're obviously on the level. You a hunter?"

"Not actively," I said with a loose shrug, "but yes. I sort of became...more consumed with my life and didnt go out looking for trouble. I killed things if they were close." I wasn't about to mention that I had been primarily too busy to hunt while I was sticking needles in my arms.

Dean frowned satisfactorily, and took a swig of his beer. "Well thanks for coming to the rescue, failure or not."

"Coulda come sooner..." Bobby grumbled, catching a scorning glare from Dean. It didnt hurt, I would be grumpy if I had just been paralyzed too. In truth, I doubt anything would have changed if I had arrived much sooner.

"Cas said he'll be here soon." Sam said, taking a seat next to me. The close proximity was surreal with a man I'd known from a distance. He was a lot taller than he looked.  
"So, Hazel...um, do you have somewhere to go?"

I shook my head. "No I was barely keeping a roof over my head before I died. No family." I couldnt contain the despair in my tone.

"Well, if Bobby's ok with it, maybe you can stay here till you figure something out?" Sam offered suggestively. Bobby rolled his eyes and didnt say anything. I looked at him, summoning the sweetest smile I could muster.  
"I can cook, if that helps."

I wasnt one to beg for housing, but even a street rat like me didn't want to go back to alleys and bridges after I'd already been sleeping in a box for six years.

He sighed into a reluctant growl. "Fine. You did clean up the place, and _tried_ to save my sorry ass...wouldn't be right to throw you out."

"Thank you." I said politely. Truthfully I was terrified of what to do next if I couldn't stay. Hit the streets and steal drugs? No. I figured death was a pretty good reason to start clean and stay clean. In fact, I didn't feel the addiction. Not like I used to. I sure did want a cigarette though. From my visions I knew none of these men had any.

Suddenly the angel I'd seen several times in my sleeping death appeared in the living room doorway, catching my attention in the corner of my eye after a single blink.  
I turned to him anxiously, his gaze already locked onto me like a target.  
I couldn't decipher the look he gave me, but it was unnerving. His deep blue pools for eyes dug into me, almost enough to frighten me.

"You shouldn't be here." came his deep, slight monotone. He almost sounded surprised.   
I think all four of us raised an eye brow at him. I was practically shaking. I didn't expect to be so intimidated if I ever met him in person. I knew from my visions that Castiel was a force to be reckoned with, and I feared he might feel the need to smite me by the way he looked at me like he'd seen an old enemy.

"Cas, you know her?" Dean asked.

"Yes." he responded flatly, his scrutinizing eyes never leaving me as I struggled not to curl up and cower in further corner of the couch.

"Well I dont know you. " I defended, bravely, "not personally anyway. "

"I imagine you were too young to remember. " the angel replied. He got closer, his prying eyes making me a little uncomfortable as he seemed to be checking for something, raking over my body.   
"Good, the sigils are still in place."

Sam and Dean rose from their seats, catching on that something peculiar was going on with the angel at the mention of sigils.

"What's going on, Cas?" Sam asked warily.

"She's not just a psychic." he said flatly.   
I squinted at him. _What the hell does that mean?_

"She another prophet?" Dean asked, glancing down at me.

"No. She's not. " Castiel replied, stepping away from me and directing his attention to the brothers. "They have many names, but more commonly they're called Seers." he explained.

"And that's ..?" Dean said.

"A powerful psychic, able to see anything and everything if they put their mind to it," he answered intensely, "There's only one born every seven generations. Prophets interpret the word of God. But a Seer...a Seer sees everything. Heaven decided long ago that they should be killed as they come, fearing them falling into the hands of enemies. But..."

"But...?" I chimed in timidly.

He looked at me with a strange softeness I wasn't expecting. I tensed.  
"But I couldn't do it. You we're only three years old... So I hid you instead. Placed the sigils on your ribs so they couldn't find you."

I exhaled slowly with puffed cheeks. It was alot to process. "Well...thank you, for choosing not to be a baby killer." I said smartly, sipping at my beer like a nervous tick.

"Ok..." Sam began, "but how do you explain her seeing us while she was dead? And not moving on or becoming a ghost?"

"That's the other thing..." Castiel said ominously, "I imagine that was because she's your sister. "

The boys and I all three spit out or choked on our beers.   
"W...what?" Dean stammered.

"You have a half sibling," Castiel reiterated.

"Another one?" Sam said in disbelief.

_Another one? Oh right...Adam._

"Yes. Though this one is older than both of you. John Winchester's true first born child. It seems your shared blood provided a psychic connection that didnt allow her to fully perish."

I suddenly felt nauseous. I was about to question it, tell him he was wrong and that it was impossible, but as I thought about it, I realized it had to be true.  
"When he was away for the war..." I whispered to myself, "He hadn't met Mary yet." Castiel nodded.

Dean shook his head, an exasperated smile on his lips. "I'm starting to think dad never heard of condoms."

"It wasn't his fault, " I said, swallowing a lump in my throat that had been building, "mom put a spell on him. She told me the story. "

"A spell?" Dean's eyes focused on me sharply.

"Yeah...she was a witch. " I said sheepishly. I couldn't take their stares and questions and bombshells anymore, so I rose to my feet.

"Excuse me..." I said quietly, and walked out of the house for some air.

I wandered the rows of decrepit cars until I found one that suited me for no particular reason and sat on the rusty hood.   
They were my brothers? This whole time, I was watching my family, not strangers, suffer. I felt guilty somehow.   
And I'm this...so called Seer? How could I have not known? Did mom know? Was that why we lived in the middle of nowhere? Was that why she let me hunt with her? And Castiel...he tried to kill me as a toddler. Angels wanted me dead. I knew they were dicks but damn...who kills a kid? Besides monsters. I was eternally grateful that he didnt have that in him.   
Speaking of the angel, he scared the shit out of me as he poofed into view next to me, nearly making me fall off the car.  
"I'm sorry, Hazel. You weren't supposed to know. I hid you from all of it for a reason." he said kindly.

I sighed deeply. "Angels are the ones who killed me, aren't they?"

"Yes." he said regretfully.

 _Yup. Dicks_.

"I don't know how they found you. I'm sorry." he apologized again.

I shrugged, rubbing my arms where underneath my flannel were needle scars. "Honestly I probably wouldn't have lived much longer anyway."

"I noticed..." he said quietly, sparing me a soft glance.

I raised a brow at him. "You checked on me, didn't you?"

"Occasionally..." he admitted, "I wanted to help you so many times, but heaven forbade interfering with humans."  
He looked genuinely guilty. I forced a grin and patted his arm.

"Hey, not killing me was enough." I said reassuringly.

"You havent considered the pain you'd have been spared if I had?"

I shrugged. "Life is painful for everyone, Castiel...So...do you have any idea why I was resurrected?"

He shook his head. "No. I believe God brought me back, and saved Sam and Dean...But I cant imagine him having a good enough reason for you."

That stung a little, but he was right. My Lazarus moment was unlikely the work of God. But someone had to have wanted me to help my brothers, why else? And who?


	3. To Trap an Angel

While my newfound brothers left to respond to a distress call from Rufus, I remained at Bobby's. Even Castiel left to apparently find God. We all doubted his plan, but we didn't argue with him much. I was bummed however, that the people I was hoping I could bond with the most, abandoned me for who knew how long. Leaving me to attempt to butter up and win over a cantankerous old man.  
It was for the best really, I was still in my body the way it was when I died. Skinny, tired, starving and weak. I had no business hunting. And I knew my brothers could handle themselves without me.   
Castiel was actually the first one to insist that I not confront any demons or angels, at risk of exposing who I was. The angels for sure would recognize me, and if demons figured it out too, we'd have a whole mess of trouble headed our way.  
Despite that I made a silent vow not stay on the sidelines of the apocalypse forever. No matter what they said. 

I was a little heart broken to be honest, when Dean came home without Sam, who apparently took off on his own. I had some brief visions of what happened, thankfully, because Dean wouldn't talk about it. In fact, he took off again in a hurry on a vampire hunt, as if avoiding the whole situation; including me.

But I kept myself busy. He wouldn't admit it, but Bobby needed help around the house. I had taken it upon myself to keep the place clean and the kitchen stocked. I cooked for him, breakfast, lunch and dinner. Made sure he was taking his meds. I wasn't exactly a professional home care giver, but beneath his stubborn griping and complaining, I knew he appreciated it.   
As the days passed he softened on me more and more, even started calling me Haze.   
I would be lying if I said I wasn't restless, though. The most I'd been out of the house was to get groceries and I bought myself a small wardrobe of new clothes with money Dean left me.

My cabin fever didnt go unnoticed, as I was scolded multiple times for my fidgeting. Tapping my fingers, scratching my arms, playing with my dark wavy hair...As I was doing now.   
Sitting at the table, combing my fingers through the long tresses as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Bobby sat across from me reading the paper, pointedly ignoring me. I glanced at him in time to catch a glare, and he opened his mouth to say something when Castiel fluttered into the kitchen and cut him off.

I looked up at the determined angel, our eyes locking for a moment. I dont know why, but I always averted my gaze when he did that. He always looked at me in the strangest way. I couldn't put my finger on it, because angels were awkward and hard to read.   
"Where are the Winchesters?" he asked us both.

"Dean's on a hunt. You need the motel address?" Bobby replied, pulling a small note from his shirt pocket. Good old Bobby, always keeping track of the boys. Castiel graciously took it, memorized it and tossed it aside. He looked as if he'd be flying off again so I stood up abruptly, my chair sliding loudly.  
"Wait ! Take me with." I said , stepping around the table to face him. He made me nervous at close proximity like this but I swallowed it and held firm.

"You should stay here..." he warned softly. 

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, I've been stuck here for like a week. I need to get out." I pleaded. 

I heard a very quiet rumbling protest in his throat, but the longer I stared into his hard face, the more it softened.  
"Alright," he caved, "just for now. But I'm sending you right back."

God, he sounded like a father giving in to a small child. My lips thinned into a grin, and I waited for his two fingers to touch my forehead like I'd seen him do so many times. 

It happened so quick I didn't see it. I was expecting some sort of tunnel of light or something...but between Bobby's kitchen and the bathroom we arrived in, there was nothing but the blink of my eyes.

Dean was bent over the sink and didn't see us. Cas drew closer and waited for him to look up into the mirror.  
He startled and I almost giggled at that.  
"Don't...do that. " he hissed.

"Hello Dean." Castiel said as Dean turned to him. They were very close together.

"Cas...we've talked about this. Personal space. " Dean said.

"My apologies. " Cas said and took a step back.

"What are you doing here?" Dean asked me. His tone was a little rough but I could see the affection glinting in his eyes as he observed my greatly improved appearance. I'd gained a little weight and color back in my flesh, my hair was neat and shiny, and my new clothes (that he paid for) fit me well. My taste in apparel seemed to be rather similar to my brothers. Only I often took it one step further and wore cowgirl boots from a western store. I loved me some boots.

"She insisted that she come along..." Castiel replied lowly. He still wasn't happy about it. Too bad.

"How did you find me?" Dean turned his attention back to the angel ,"Thought I was flying under angel radar. "

"You are. Bobby told me where you were. Where's Sam?" Castiel replied. At the mention my power caught a breif flash of Sam cleaning glasses in a bar. The angel spared me a glance as he noticed. 

"Sam and me are taking separate vacations for awhile. " Dean replied shortly, "Did you find God? More importantly, can I have my damn necklace back?"

"No I haven't found him. That's why I'm here, I need your help."

"On what a God hunt? Not interested."

"Its not God...its someone else."

I was already getting impatient with how slowly this handsome but clueless angel made his points.  
"Who?" I asked .

"Its an archangel. The one who killed me."

"Excuse me?" Dean and I both said together. I almost couldn't differentiate between our voices, his was just much deeper. 

"His name is Raphael. " Cas continued. 

I snorted involuntarily. "You were wasted by a Teenage Mutant Ninja angel?" I asked. Dean chuckled a bit too.

Castiel ignored our immature antics and looked at us both very seriously.  
"I have heard rumors that he is walking the earth. This is a rare opportunity. "

"For what, revenge?" I asked.

"Information," was the response.

"So you think if we find this dude, he's just going to spill God's address?" Dean asked.

"Yes. Because we are going to trap him and interrogate him."

"Your serious about this?" Dean said, locking eyes with his friend. 

"Yes."

"So what, I'm Thelma and you're Louise, and were just gonna hold hands and sail off this cliff together?" I giggled softly at his joke, cursing myself for not being able to stay serious about this. Specially since Cas ignored and didnt understand it. "Give me one good reason why I should do this. "

"Because you're Michael's vessel, and no angel will dare harm you."

"Oh so I'm your bullet sheild."

"I need your help because you're the only one who will help me...please."

"Alright fine...where is he?"

"Maine. Let's go." Cas said and prepared to zap Dean, who backed up defensively. 

"Whoa whoa..." he said. I moved closer so they couldn't ignore me.

"What?" Cas asked.

"Last time you zapped me somewhere, I didn't poop for a week. We're driving." my brother insisted. 

"AND you're not leaving me behind." I stated. They both looked at me like I was crazy. I put my hands on my hips with determination. 

"Hazel I know you're a hunter but..." Dean started. 

"But nothing. I'm not sitting around Bobby's forever while you and Sam go out and kill yourselves saving the world. Besides, an angel on your shoulder can only do so much. You might be surprised how handy a psychic can be on a hunt."  
Dean frowned in agreement, but Castiel shook his head.  
"I told you that you need to stay clear of angels, and you want to face one of the most powerful ones? I don't think so."

"And I dont think you're the boss of me." I spat, folding my arms stubbornly. Dean grinned.

"You're definitely a Winchester, little sis." he said amusedly.

"Big sis." I corrected. He raised an eyebrow at me.

"What?"

"She died at a younger age than you are now, but she is nearly five years older than you, Dean. " Castiel explained.

I smiled smugly. "So if anyone is anyone's boss, its me. And I should be allowed to drive."

"No frickin way. Now let's go."

☆☆☆☆☆

We drove for several hours. Cas had elected to sit up front with Dean, so I had room to stretch across the back seat to take a cat nap here and there. They didn't speak to me much. I imagine because my presence in their lives was still a bit awkward.   
I was nearly asleep towards the end of the ride when Dean actually started a real conversation with me. 

"So, Hazel. Why'd you get into hunting anyway?" he asked. That wasn't normally a question you'd ask a fellow hunter, as it was never a pleasant story for any of them. But seeing as how we were family, I dont think either us if were bothered by that.

"Mom raised me in it." I said sleepily, sitting up and rubbing my eyes, "I dont know exactly why she was in it, but witches tend to get themselves into trouble so I imagine it had something to do with that. "

"What was she like, anyway, your mom? I mean she couldn't have been all bad, for a witch."

"She wasn't. Dont get me wrong, she did some horrible things with black magic. Most of which I probably don't know about. But she was kind to those in need, brave, a little too adventurous for her own good maybe. She wasn't perfect and we had our problems but...we loved each other. " I found myself hurting from my own words, sentimentality gripping my sore heart.

"Sounds like me and Dad." he said quietly smiling, "shame you didnt get to know him. I think he would have been proud of you."

"Thanks, " I said through tight lips, "if I had known about him, or you for that matter, I might have gone looking when I ran away."

"Why did you run away?" he asked me sincerely. I caught a look of knowing on Castiel's face but he stayed quiet and listened. 

I sighed to myself. I guess he deserved to know.  
"I don't even know really, I was just a stupid kid. We were fighting all the time because of the drugs...so I just left one night. "

"Drugs..?" 

My courage faltered and I didnt feel like answering, but the angel decided to do it for me.  
"She was injecting herself with opiates on a regular basis. " he explained, a reproachful tone in his throat. I nervously scratched the pit of my forearm. 

"Wow..." Dean breathed, "but you're clean now?"

I smiled weakly. "Death will do that to you, apparently. "

He looked at me with pity in the rearview, making me avert my gaze. He must have sensed my shame.  
"Hey, you're the nicest junky I've ever met. Nicest hunter too, actually. Why are you so nice?"

I chuckled. "Good question. I don't know...maybe because I've seen so much suffering I just...dont have any desire to cause any. Unless you're a monster. "

"Speaking of which...have you...seen anything recently?" 

I shook my head. "No. The visions come as they please. Usually only when its important, " I replied, "Sometimes I can force one, if I need to know something, but it doesn't always work."

"Because you haven't disciplined yourself." Castiel spoke up, "a Seer should be able to see anything they want to, at any time. "

I laughed sarcastically. "Well you let me know when you figure out how to do that, because I haven't."

We continued our drive through the Maine town, until we pulled up to a police station, piling out on stiff legs. I accidentally shut my door a little too hard and Dean pointedly glared at me before turning to Castiel.   
"So why are we here?" he asked.

"A deputy sheriff laid eyes on the archangel. " Cas informed. 

"And he still has eyes?" I asked.

"Alright what's the plan?" Dean said .

"We'll tell the officer that he witnessed an angel of the lord. Then officer will tell us where the angel is." 

"Serious?" I said, walking up to him, "you're gonna walk in there, tell him the truth?"

"Why not?" 

I grinned at his ignorance and stuffed an FBI badge into his pocket and straightened up his collar. "Because we're humans. And when humans want something really, really bad...we lie." I said. He watched my fingers and face with that unnerving, soul pericing gaze of his. 

"Why?"

Dean chuckled. "Because that's how you become president. "

☆☆☆☆☆

The three of us walked into the police station, me being the only one not wearing a suit of sorts, because no one planned on me tagging along. Apparently, I was to pretend to be an intern or something, and take notes and keep my mouth shut. That ground my gears a bit. I knew how to hunt. But it made sense if I wasn't able to pretend to be an agent.   
Dean approached the officer first, while Cas and I kept a short distance and let him do his thing.  
"Deputy Frammingham? " he addressed the African American officer to catch his attention and pulled out his badge. "Hi. Alonzo Mosely, FBI. This is my partner, Eddie Moscone..."  
Cas just stood there blankly before Dean nudged him wordlessly with his eyes. "Also FBI..."

I giggled to myself as Cas clumsily pulled out his badge and held it upside down. Dean rolled his eyes and flipped it for him.  
"He's new...And that's, " he gestured at me, "Erica Clapton. An intern. Dont mind her." 

I shot a glare at him for making an alias up for me, specially such an obviously fake one, but I stayed quiet like I was supposed to.

"May we ask you some questions?" Dean said professionally. I had to admit, he was really good at this. Personally, my expertise was playing helpless bait, seeing the monsters coming with my powers and ganking them before they knew what hit them.

"Yeah sure, talk here though, " the deputy said pointing at his left ear and stepping into his office, "hearing's all blown to hell in the other one."

"That happen recently?" Dean asked as he and Cas took a seat. I stepped to the side and nestled in a corner, pretending to take notes.

"Yeah. Gas station thing. That's why you're here isn't it?" The deputy said. 

Dean paused, trying to mask his ignorance and quickly snapped back to FBI mode. "Yes, it is. You mind running us through what happened?"

"Call came in. A disturbance out at the Pump n' Go on route four..."

Dean frowned attentively. "What kind of disturbance?"

"Wouldn't have believed my eyes if I hadn't seen it myself. We're talking riot. Full scale. Thirty, maybe forty. In all-out, kill or be killed combat."

"Any idea what set them off?" I slipped out.

"Angels and demons probably, " Cas said to Dean then turned to the sheriff, "they're skirmishing all over the globe. "

I mentally face palmed and bit my lips to hold back laughter. Oh this angel...

"Come again? What did he say?" the officer said with wide eyes.

"Nothing"

"Demons."

The two said back and forth a few times, Dean trying to shut him up with his biblical talk. He quickly made a lame excuse for Cas before resuming his FBI speech.   
"Anyway what happened next?"

The officer explained the explosion of pure white light, killing all but one man, the mechanic, who was now residing at Saint Pete's. We thanked him for his time and left swiftly, Dean quietly scolding Cas for his blurting on the way out.

☆☆☆☆☆

"I take it that's not Raphael anymore?"  
Dean asked.

We peered in the room window where a man was huddled in a wheelchair inside. 

"An empty vessel. " Cas confirmed. 

"This what I'm looking at if Michael jumps my bones?" 

Cas squinted at the poor man inside. "No not at all. Michael is much more powerful. It'll be far worse for you. "

☆☆☆☆☆

Dean and I were waiting in an abandoned house. Dusty, musty, sparse dilapidated furniture, the works. Castiel left to retrieve whatever it was he needed to trap Raphael. It was dead quite between us for a long time, as we perused around the the place aimlessly and drank beer. 

"I gotta ask..." he finally spoke up and broke my daydreaming, "what was it like, watching Sam and me all those years?"

I shrugged rigidly. "At first, it was compelling. Like watching a good TV show. But...it started to become unbearable. Just horrible...watching all these terrible things happen to people I'd grown to care about. When so many times if I'd been there I could have helped."

He smirked lightly. "You cared about us? I mean, before you knew we're your brothers?"

"Absolutely, " I turned to him, matching his sentimentality, "maybe deep down I knew you were. And that's why it was hard...I know you dont really know me, so dont feel obligated to feel the same, I know I'm still basically a stranger. "

Before I knew what was happening, I was pulled into a tight hug. "You're right. I dont know you," he said quietly into my hair, "but you're family now. And I cant wait to know you better. "

Tears brimmed in my eyes as I squeezed him tighter. It felt so right. This was mine. He was mine. My brother. This unexpected warmth and acceptance from him was more than I could have asked for. My heart swelled with so much love I actually hurt him when I hugged just a little tighter. 

"Hey hey, easy Haze," he said chuckling and pulled away from me, "dont go soft on me. We have an apocalypse to stop."

I wiped my eyes before the tears escaped and nodded with a smile.  
"So you'll let me help?" I asked.

"We'll see...Cas is right, you probably should stay out of it. But as a Winchester, I understand that's not really an option."

Before I could say anything more, Castiel appeared near the door carrying something at his side. 

"Where you been?" Dean asked.

"Jerusalem. " he said, stepping over to the small table by the window. 

"And how was it?"

"Arid." He set an antique looking oil jar down.

"What is that?" I asked, bending down to take a look.

"Oil. Very special, very rare."

"Good. We're gonna trap Raphael with a nice vinaigrette?"

"No."

"So this ritual of yours, when's it gotta go down?" I asked.

"Sunrise. "

Dean frowned. "You keep saying were going to trap this guy. Isn't that like, trapping a hurricane with a butterfly net?"

"No its harder." Cas responded flatly. 

"We have any chance of surviving this?" Dean asked.

"You do."

I swallowed at that, admiring the angel for his willingness to sacrifice himself for the cause. 

"Odds are you're an dead man tomorrow?" 

"Yes. And so is she, if she insists on coming with. "   
I shuddered at the look he gave me. His face was hard, like always, but there was glint in his eyes of something. Sadness? Regret? I wasn't sure. Does he care that much about me?

Then they began discussing what to do with Castiel's last night on earth, to which I rolled my eyes and opted out of the scheme when Dean suggested essentially that he was going to get Cas laid. Something boiled in my gut at that. Almost like jealousy, but more like disgust at the idea of corrupting such a proud, simple and innocent creature as Castiel. 

I had no interest in joining them at a brothel. Not even for laughs. I chalked it up to over priced drinks, inappropriate involvement in my brother's sex life, and extreme distaste for women of the night. However classier they may be compared to ones who walk the streets. 

While they were gone, I had the fortune of catching a few small visions of Castiel enraging a prostitute and getting both he and Dean thrown out of the place.

They came back after a few hours to get me ready and scoop me up for the trip back to Saint Pete's. 

We snatched a quick breakfast at a twenty four hour diner. Dean and I both got huge plates with basically everything breakfast you could think of. We weren't ones to waste our potential last breakfast on earth. 

When we got to the hospice, we snuck around a bit in the early morning, finding and rolling the catatonic mechanic in a wheel chair away from prying eyes into an empty room.  
Castiel brushed past me pointedly, and I knew he was trying to physically get me to stand back and away from the vessel. He'd been grumbling all morning about how I didnt need to come, didnt need to die for this. And I had been grumbling right back stubbornly that I was going to be there for him and my brothers. Frankly, I was tired of the argument. I swore if he said one more word about it, I was going to kick him in the shins. It would likely hurt my toes more than anything, but at least my point would be made.

Dean and I watched in bewilderment as Castiel began drawing a circle around the wheel by pouring the oil delicately. "When the oil burns, no angel can touch or pass through the flames, or he dies." he explained.

"Ok...so we trap him in a steel cage of holy fire. One question...how do we get him here?" Dean said.

"There's an almost open phone line between a vessel and his angel. One just needs to know how to dial."

I watched the generally sweet angel's face grow dark as he lowered himself to speak near the vessels face. He started to chant something in enochian, very deep and full of purpose. If I didn't know better, I'd say it was kinda sexy. But that would just be wrong.

"I'm here, Raphael. Come and get me you little bastard."

"Just out of curiosity, what is the average customer wait time to speak to an archangel?" I joked nervously. 

"Be ready." was the only reply as Cas stood back and joined us, lighting the oil with a match. Again he seemed to be subtley ushering me out of direct view. I scoffed and crept right back out from behind him. I appreciated the protectiveness to some degree, but it was really getting on my nerves.

A few long, suspenseful moments passed, before Dean gave up and we drove back to abandoned house. "Well that's a day I'll never get back ." he said as we pulled up.  
We moved inside and instantly my mind was taken over by a vision of a bright light plummeting from the sky toward our location.   
I grabbed Dean's arm. "Dean, wait hes coming..." I grunted through the headache.

The vessel we were just coaxing before appeared in the middle of the next room, wings of lightning snapping and whipping from his back. Once it ceased, the no longer empty eyes turned to us menacingly.   
I saw right through his vessel. He was alot different from other angels. More beautiful and yet rippling with a frightening flow of energy. This time I didn't protest when Cas stepped in front of me.

"Castiel..." 

"Raphael. "

"I mean I thought you were supposed to be impressive. All you do is black out the room?" Dean taunted.

"And the eastern seaboard. " Raphael corrected darkly, "it is a testament to my unending mercy that I don't smite you here and now."

"Or maybe you're full of crap.  
Maybe you're afraid God will bring Cas back again and smite you, you candy-ass skirt. Hi, I'm Dean by the way."

"I know who you are. Just as I know who she is. " the archangel said, looking directly at me. "You're supposed to be dead..." His eyes flicked back to Castiel, "and thanks to him, I know where you both are. "

"You wont kill him." I said bravely, "you wouldn't dare."

"But I will take him to Michael. And I will kill you." he said calmly to me, "unless Michael thinks he needs you too."

"Well that sounds terrifying, it does. But I hate to tell you, we're not going anywhere with you." Dean said.

"Surely you remember Zachariah giving you stomach cancer?"

"Yeah, that was hillarious.."

"Yes, well he doesn't have anything close to my imagination. "

"Oh yeah? " I said smugly and stepped forward a bit, "I bet you didnt imagine one thing. "

"What..?"

Dean smirked and lit lighter. "That we knew you were coming, you stupid son of a bitch. " He dropped it into the circle of oil which erupted immediately. 

The storm started by his presence began to rage harder. Thunder cracked loudly, lightning intermittently lighting the room.

Raphael looked around for a moment at his predicament before staring absolute venom at Dean.  
"He dont look at me, it was his idea!"

They exhanged bitch faces before resuming the issue at hand.

"Where is he?" Cas asked.

"God? Didn't you hear? He's dead Castiel. Dead. There's no other explanation. " 

"You're lying." I could hear the hurt and uncertainty in his voice. I can only imagine what that must feel like. 

"Am I? Do you remember the 20th century? Think the 21st is any better? You think God would have let any of that happen if he was still alive?"

He had a point. What if God had been gone for a long time now, not just absent, but dead? But that's crazy...right? God cant die. 

"Oh yeah? Well who invented the Chinese basket trick?" God damn your smart mouth Dean...shut up!

"Careful, that's my father you're talking about, boy." Raphael warned. 

"Yeah who would be so proud his sons started the fucking apocalypse!" I snapped. Castiel cast me a warning stare of his own, but I wasn't afraid. I was tired of this arrogant son of a bitch already. 

"Who ran off and dissapeared, who left no instructions and a world to run." Raphael countered.

"So daddy ran away and dissapeared. He didn't happen to work at the post office did he?" Dean continued to goof. I swore I was going to hit him later. 

"This is funny to you? You're living in a godless universe. "

"And? What, you and the other kids decided throw an apocalypse while he's gone?"

Raphael actually sighed a little.  
"We're tired. We just want it to be over. We just want...paradise."

"So God dies that makes you the boss? You can do whatever you want!?" I shout over the growing storm.

"Yes. And whatever we want...We get!" The window beside us broke, rain pouring in a straight line and splattering our faces.  
"If God is dead, why have I returned?" Castiel pointed out," who brought me back?"

"Did it ever occur to that maybe Lucifer raised you?" was the response .

"No..." Castiel argued but it almost sounded defeated.

"Think about it. He needs all the rebellious angels he can find. It adds up. "

I placed a hand on Castiel. "Let's go."

"Castiel...I'm warning you, do not leave me here. I will find you."

"Maybe one day, " Cas said looking over his shoulder darkly, "but today you're my little bitch." 

As we walked away to drive into the storm, I was never more proud of our little angel.


	4. Family Business

Words cannot express how overjoyed I was to learn that Dean asked Sam to come back to us, and face the apocalypse together. As a family.

While Dean was off in his own "Back to the Future " ride because of Zachariah, I was suffering horrible premonitions of the exact same future. A broken Dean leading a war against a devil possessed Sam. Croatoan virus running rampart. Castiel a hapless hippie... Bobby did his best to nurse my migraines, offered me copious amounts of liquor to cope with the shaking.  
It was me who called Dean, and told him we couldn't let Sam go at it alone anymore. He was already on the same page, apparently, and they were both headed to South Dakota to pick me up for a hunt they came across.

They and Castiel had been sniffing around for the Colt for weeks, but it was fruitless, so Dean called me yesterday and asked if I was ready to shake off the cobwebs. Hell. Yes.

My first real hunt since...I didn't even remember when. Probably a year or so before I died. The drugs had consumed my life. It was a miracle I was keeping the bills paid; there was no room for hunting anymore.

I had a modest sized backpack opened up on the table, stuffing clothes and basic weapons inside. Bobby rolled in with an armful of other essentials and began handing them to me, one at a time to pack.

"Holy water."

"Check."

"Salt rounds."

"Check."

"Silver knife. And flashlight"

"Check and check!"

"Alright, " he said, " the boys will have anything else you might need. You sure you're up for this?"

My lips quirked into a crooked smile as I turned to him. "I was pretty damn good, once."

"Once," he repeated, "just cause I've been helping you shoot out back doesn't mean you're ready to get back in the game. "

I shrugged. "Gotta buff out the rust somehow, right? "

He rolled his eyes at me. "I guess...but you're still an idjit for going."

I chuckled at him. I'd really grown to love this man already. It was like living with a father. Not that I _knew_ what that was like. But it felt good, having someone around to act like one.   
Our little moment was interrupted by the flutter of wings. I knew the sound all too well, and glanced side to side to find him.  
"Going somewhere?"

I turned on my heels to find Castiel behind me on the other side of the table, leaning on his hands over it and eyeing me with that blank, yet purposeful stare of his.

"Sam and Dean are on their way to pick me up for a hunt." I said shyly. I mentally kicked myself for sounding like a teenager caught in the act of sneaking out. I didn't answer to him, why was I worried about what he thinks?

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" he asked calmly. I was momentarily frozen by his eyes. Damn those eyes. They just stop you in your tracks.

"I'll be fine. I will be with the boys, after all. And I _do_ know how to hunt." I replied with a little more attitude than I meant to. Must be a Winchester thing. But mother wasn't exactly soft spoken either.

He relaxed and straightened himself up. I felt a burning in my head behind my eyes suddenly, and for a split second, I saw his wings. Not the flashy, wispy things of blackened light I normally see in angels... But his actual, dark feathered wings.  
I must have made a noise or something, because Bobby rolled closer to me. I was pinching and massaging the upper bridge of my nose.  
"You alright, kid?" he asked.

Castiel cocked his head and narrowed his eyes at me. "What did you see?"

I shook my head gently. "Nothing, just caught a glimpse of your wings."  
Before I realized it, he had gotten very close to me, apparently forsaking the lesson he learned on personal space.  
"Your powers are growing." he said, barely a foot away from my face.

"Did you know your eyes glow when you do that?" Bobby asked, "like damn orange Christmas lights."

"Wouldn't that make them Halloween lights?" I joked lightheartedly. The pain was gone. I turned my attention back to the angel, who was still staring at me like some fascinating science experiment. "I dont know understand, why is this happening now?"

"Seers are born to a purpose, the way prophets are born to interpret the word of God. Yours must be to aid in the apocalypse." he answered, a flicker of pity crossed his face.

I folded my arms and lowered my eyes in annoyance. "Lucky me," I breathed, "could that be why I came back?"

"No." he said, "many Seers have been killed before fulfilling their purpose. Someone did it intentionally. "

"Sounds to me like alot of people could have been saved if angels would have minded their own damn business. " I hissed, but instantly regretted it in fear of insulting him. To my surprise he didnt look it.

"Most likely...yes." he agreed soberly.

I bit my lips and turned away from both of them. "I've been thinking...about what Raphael said."

"What are you talking about?" Bobby asked.

I sighed, scratching my arms through my long sleeve. "He said that maybe Lucifer brought Cas back for his own gain. What if he brought _me_ back?"

Cas followed me across the kitchen and gently but pointedly pulled my anxiously scratching fingers away from one arm. I felt my cheeks flush at his tender gesture, thankful that he didnt hold on to it. It wasn't like him to do things like that.  
"Even if that were true, I wouldn't let him take you."  
I felt his gaze burning into the side of my face and I was practically forced to meet it with my own. He was serious. Not angry or threatening. But he was genuinely promising this to me. I was feeling slightly embarrassed at that point, in front of Bobby, who was eyeing us suspiciously like a father daring an older boy to kiss his daughter in front of him. Not that it was going to happen, but he definitely caught the awkwardness.

I actually sighed in relief when I heard Baby honking out front. _Thank_ _God .._

"That's my ride, gentlemen!" I squeaked enthusiastically. I bent over to squeeze Bobby in a hug, surprised a bit by how firmly he squeezed back. We were really growing on each other.  
I finished zipping up my pack, threw it over my shoulder and looked back at the angel, looking after me without a blink.  
"Be careful." he said. But his lips didn't move. I blinked dumbly. _Did he just...? How in the...Ok, hello growing powers._  
I wasn't sure if he said it to me directly or if I simply read his mind. Surely a Seer wasn't powerful enough to read angel minds. _I think he said it. Maybe._ I thought to myself and walked out the door.

☆☆☆☆☆

《 _So just curious, what do you guys think?_ _Lucifer_ _bring_ _her back? Cas catching feelings already?_ _I'm_ _still working out_ _exactly_ _how_ _her_ _powers work, but in case your wondering,_ _she_ _can't read minds. But she's_ _slowly_ _developing a form of telepathy. Which_ _isn't_ _the same exactly...like she can't just hear people's thoughts, but she can_ _talk_ _to them.》_

☆☆☆☆☆

"So what's with this job?" Sam asked.

"Dude suffers a head on collision in a parked car? I'd say that's worth checking out." I replied, sticking my head between the front seats. It was late night, and Baby had us in the middle of nowhere on a highway to the case.

"Yeah sure but, " my baby brother said, "we got bigger problems dont you think?" While I was excited to hunt with my brothers, I too had been thinking the same thing. Why were we doing this?

"I'm sure the apocalypse will still be there when we get back." Dean assured.

"Right yeah...but if the Colt is out there somewhere..." I said.

"We've been looking for three weeks. We got bupkis. " Dean stated.

"Ok, but Dean...if we're gonna ice the devil-" Sam argued.

"This is what were doing , end of discussion. " Dean snapped, "this is our first real case back at it together. First one with our new lil sister-" he winked at me, I corrected him under my breath; _big sister_. "I think we should ease into it. Put the training wheels on."

"You think I need training wheels!?" Sam and I both said together.

"No. We. _We need_ training wheels. You guys and me, as a team. I really want this to be a fresh start, ok? For all of us."

He exchanged serious glances with Sam, but me, me he smiled warmly at.  
"Family business right?" I said, returning the smile to both of them.

"Family business."

☆☆☆☆☆

We spoke to the arresting officer, after being briefed on what happened and watching a graphic video taped by the so called killer. We already knew something wasn't right, and we knew the victim's best friend didnt kill him, so we asked to talk to him in his cell.  
I had finally gotten myself an FBI costume, and at Sam's request I had my long, slightly wild hair wrapped up in a tight bun. Dean had suggested I cut it, but I insisted that I would look too much like him.  
Which, the more time we spent together, the more I realized the family resemblance, especially with Dean.

"I was in the house when it happened , I didnt even see it." Jim, the accused killer said.

"For arguments sake, let's say we believe you." Dean said.

"Why? The cops didnt." Jim scoffed.

"We're not your typical cops." I said, watching the man's face, " just tell us what you saw."

"Its not what I saw, it's what I heard. Tires squealing, glass breaking. It was the car that did it."

"The car?" Sam repeated.

"I heard about the curse, just thought it was a load of crap." Jim explained to us.

"Curse? What do you mean curse?" I asked, my interest peaking.

"The car. Little Bastard." Jim replied.

"L-Little Bastard?" Dean and I both said in slight separation.   
"As in, THE Little Bastard?" Dean said.

"What's Little Bastard?" Sam asked all of us.

"Its James Dean's car. The one he was killed in." I said.

☆☆☆☆☆

We arrived at the crime scene, to indeed find the famous killer car in the wealthy victim's garage, blood still all over the windshield and steering wheel.   
"So what, this is like, Christine?" Sam asked skeptically.

"Christine is fiction, " Dean answered, "this. This is real."

"Ok, enlighten me." Sam offered.

Dean began to circle around the car in admiration.   
"After James Dean died, his mechanic bought the wreckage and he fixed it up. And it repaid him by falling on him. Then Tony McHenry was killed when it locked up on the racetrack. I mean, death follows this car around like exhaust. Nobody touches it and comes away in one piece. Then in 1970, it vanished off the back of a truck. Nobody's ever seen it since. I'm telling you, man, if this car is Little Bastard, I will bet you dollars to doughnuts it's what killed the guy."

"So how do we find out?" I asked. I was a fan, but I didn't actually know that much about cars.

"Cal matched the VIN number, but the only real way to know is the engine number. "

"I'm guessing the engine number is.."

"On the engine, yeah. " Dean said nervously.

We watched Dean slide under the chassis and retrieve the number. He then instructed Sam to start researching, as far back as 1955 when it was built. I elected to help him, wanting to spend some time Sam. Dean and I were getting closer but I simply hadn't any bonding time with my littlest new brother.

We hit the nearest local library for books and internet access. There wasn't much for lore to go on, which is what I was looking into, but Sam was making a little progress on his laptop with tracking down the origins of Little Bastard.

I was getting frustrated with my own research, and decided to step out across the street to fetch us both coffee. He thanked me as I handed his to him and let his kind eyes linger on me for a moment.  
"What?" I asked shyly, sipping my cup.  
"Nothing, it's just...I don't know, I still can't get over the fact I have a sister. " he said grinning.

"I know what you mean. It's a little extra awkward for me, though. I saw everything..." I said with a quirk. He knew I was talking about him personally. About Ruby and the blood.

"Yeah, sorry you had to see all that," he said softly, "but you're life wasn't rainbows and butterflies either, right?"  
I shook my head with a click of my tongue. "Nope. Sure wasn't. "

"We're all cursed it seems. Hell, according to Cas, you're destined to be part of armageddon too."

"Yeah...fun."

"You look like him, you know?" he changed the subject a bit. I blinked in confusion.

"Who?"

"Dad." he said somberly, "I mean it's like seeing a ghost sometimes. You're...tiny and a girl but, you make the same faces as him, you have the same eye shape. Your hair color is the same as me and Dean but a little darker.... Its just crazy."

I didn't know if I should feel sad, flattered or proud. Either way I could feel a slight blush in my cheeks.  
"Im not that tiny!" I whined playfully.

"What are you, like 5'2?" He chuckled.

"5'3 and a half...what are you, like 10ft?"

We both laughed. We talked and joked for awhile like that, and it was wonderful. I came to learn that my intuition about Sam was correct. He was a really kind, respectable, loving person. I loved Dean but he was much more on the rough side than Sam and harder to talk to.  
I knew Sam would never judge me; never turn me away. And we had something in common that Dean would never understand. Recovering from addiction.

☆☆☆☆☆

Little Bastard turned out to be a fake. Sam and I tracked the engine number to its original owner, who died of natural causes. We had bupkis. At least until we responded to another strange death, where we met the victim's Hispanic maid who basically claimed that Abraham Lincoln killed her employer.   
Then we had more than bupkis; we had a whole new layer onto the mystery that was quickly proving to be no ordinary case of curses or ghosts.

All three of us returned to the motel, because it was dinner time and because had to review all this bizarre crap as a team. Dean sat a the small table going over the video taken by the first witness on the laptop, Sam mulled over some research that I didnt quite catch on his phone, while I sat quietly on the bed devouring my chicken fried rice.

My thoughts drifted. I wondered many things, when I left the waking world to day dream. Did mom go to hell? Did Lucifer bring me back? What was Bobby doing right now? He better be taking his meds...What was Castiel doing?

Castiel...just thinking the name in my head made me uneasy. Perhaps because he was the source of the information that I was some highly sought after, powerful psychic. But that got me thinking about what he'd been telling me recently. My power was supposed to be absolute, but it was undisciplined. If I wanted to know what he was doing...maybe I could find out?

I tried to focus, but I wasn't sure how this was supposed to work. Visions always just...came to me, or under stress. Sometimes I could get a general idea, more like a feeling than something visual, if I pushed it. But I've never been able to get a full blown vision on demand.

My eyes closed, I tried my best to search the abyss. Tried to concentrate on not only the image of him, but the idea of him. Suddenly I was struck with unbelievable pain behind my eye sockets, and I felt my body stiffen like I was seizing. But the blackness opened up, if only breifly, and I saw him.  
I saw Castiel, in his vessel, walking down a street somewhere. I couldn't make anything else out, the pain screamed at me and I couldnt hold on any longer.   
I jerked my eyes open, or rather, away from the vision because they were already open and glowing, to find Sam hunched over me with his big hands on my shoulders.  
"What was that?" he asked me, genuinely concerned.

"That...was stupid." I answered him, catching a glimpse of Dean watching with just as much worry. "I'm alright," I assured them both, "I was trying to see if I could force a vision."

Dean's brow raised from the table at me in interest. "Did you?" he asked.

I shook the slowly subsiding pain from my head, "Sorta...not worth it."

Sam stayed close to me as I stood, probably worried I would faint or something. He knew visions were no fun, but he knew I wasn't going to pass out too. I guessed that was brotherly love.

"Whoa..." Dean suddenly said, looking at his screen.

"What?" Sam and I inquired.

Dean flipped the computer around to show us.  
"Freeze frame of Cal's video. Is it just me, or does that look like James Dean?"   
Sure enough, in a blurry reflection on the video, was a vague image of a man.  
"That looks like James Dean." Sam agreed breathily.

"So we got Abraham Lincoln and James Dean? Famous ghosts?" I concluded.

"Maybe, " Sam said with a shrug.

"Well that's just silly," Dean said.

"No, actually there's a ton of lore on famous ghosts. More than the, you know non-famous kinds. I'm surprised we haven't run into one."

☆☆☆☆☆

Things were getting out of hand. We investigated the wax museum, just to have Ghandi spring to life and try to eat Sam. Then we get another victim...witnessing claiming it was Paris Hilton. I didn't know who that was; apparently some rich bimbo heiress on TV that I'd missed while I was dead. And this was after we torched the personal items of the so called ghosts of Lincoln and James Dean. We were apparently missing something.  
Dean and I hung around the motel, while Sam was busy at the morgue dissecting the victims for clues. Disgusting really. I both admired and appalled him for being the one to usually do that. I might have been a hunter, but I wasn't a fan of mangled bodies.

When he returned he held up a bag plastic bag full of large, seeds for us to see. "Yahtzee. "

"What is that?" I asked.

"Seeds found in the victims. Not from any plant or tree anywhere in the country. Only in Eastern Europe. A forest in the Balkans that was chopped down like thirty years ago." Same explained.

"So?"

"So local legend has it that the forest was guarded by a pagan god whose name was Leshii. A mischievous god. Could take on infinite forms."

Dean grumbled. "Let me guess, he liked to munch on his fans."

"Yep. It would drain them and stuff their stomachs with these seeds."

"So how do we kill it?" I asked. They both looked at me with an all too familiar _you're not going_ face. To which I responded with a stubborn bitch face of my own.

"We gotta chop off his head with an iron axe." Sam replied, taking the hint.

"Alright, let's go gank Paris Hilton. "

☆☆☆☆☆

Once again, we were creeping around the wax museum, this time properly armed and ready. That was until something got the jump on us.  
I didnt see anything physically, but I sensed it coming. Too late unfortunately; Sam and I were knocked out cold in a jiffy.

We awoke strapped to fake trees around the closed exhibit, the missing girl we'd been looking for tied up as well not far from us.   
I pried my eyes open, head pounding to the sound of scraping. Sure enough, there was Paris Hilton, scraping her manicure on a carving knife, sitting on an artificial log.

I had missed some of the conversation apparently, as she was already talking to my brothers.

"Or maybe nobody cares about some backwoods forest God." Came Dean's smart mouth next to me. Even in my groggy state, I rolled my eyes at him. Stupid asshole always taunting monsters.

"Once I'm finished with you," Leshi began, "I'm soooo excited to have _you."_ The pagan said approaching me. She slid the blade gently down my cheek. "I ate an Oracle once. Or Seer. Whatever. You couldn't imagine the rush."

Her doughy eyes of the heiress she'd stolen flashed with something hungry and manical. I sneered, my lip curled as if I would growl like a cornered animal. I noticed Dean almost free from his bondage, as I just waited, allowing the Pagan to be distracted by me.   
"Yeah?" I said, "how's that work?"

"You don't know, do you?" She replied with a wry smile, "Seers are grade A cuts in the world of monsters. Have a bite. You might get a vision or two behind your power. Have the whole roast, you get ultimate juice for months. So fun."

I chuckled darkly. "Everyone wants a peice of this ass , dont they? Lucky you. " I was beginning to understand why Castiel was so protective of me, and why angels didnt allow Seers to live.

"Mm...lucky me."

Finally both my brothers broke free, Dean tackling Leshi to the ground away from me, Sam going for the axe. Leshi threw Sam away, smashing him hard into the false exhibit house, then proceeded to toss Dean around like a rag doll and beat him senseless. I began to panic, and felt my emotions super charge my powers. With a little concentration, I willed the rope to untie itself, dropping myself to the floor.  
Dean was about to face a killing blow when I made a desperate push with my power, shoving the God away enough for Sam to coming running with the axe. He chopped several times until Miss Hilton was thoroughly decapitated.

Dean groaned and looked up at both of us. "Not a word." He warned, seeing the amused grins already cracking our lips.

"Dude," I chuckled, " you got wailed on by Paris Hilton."


	5. Hypocrisy

Though it wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped it would be, I was satisfied to have hunted with Sam and Dean. I got out of the house, I saw some action, and I was merrily distracted from my troubles. And for a brief moment, it was cool to think we were dealing with famous ghosts.   
However it hurt that the boys were still fighting some, Sam refusing to be the submissive baby brother anymore. I couldnt blame him, even I knew that Dean's domineering attitude was aggravating at times. I felt the same way towards my mother on many occasions. I would work with her, we could be a team, but I refused to let her be the boss of me. Though now, in retrospect, I should have listened a little better...  
But all in all, despite the apocalypse hanging over our heads and Lucifer and Michael planning to take my brothers' meat suits for a joy ride, we were in a place of contentment, albeit temporarily.   
After the case with the forest god, I returned home to Bobby for awhile. Home. What a funny thought, but a true one. As of now, that was my home. Bobby let me completely take over the spare room upstairs, and I made it my own. For the first time since I lived with my mother all those years ago, I felt like I had a comfort zone. No more dingy apartment littered with needles and fast food bags.   
As I made my bed with bran new sheets and comforter, I began to recall more detailed images of the home I grew up in. Especially of mom tucking me in at night when I was small, reading to me old nursery stories that wouldn't be considered appropriate today; that was the earliest thing I could remember. I had excellent memory, but apparently I still couldn't dig deep enough to remember meeting Castiel.   
_Castiel..._ my mind wandered to thoughts of him. From what I knew of angels, they would kill anything under orders, even Cas. But he couldn't kill me. I couldn't help but wonder why. Something, my powers maybe, told me it was more than my age and innocence that stopped him. I knew he was different from other angles, but it still stumped me that I was the reason he disobeyed for the very first time.   
As if drawn by a prayer, something tickled my senses, and I knew immediately it was the angel in question before he even appeared across the room from me.   
"Hello, Hazel." he greeted me calmly in that oddly charming monotone.

"Hey, Cas." I said warily. _What is he doing here?_ "Find God?"

He bowed his head. "No. And I wish you Winchesters would stop asking me that. You'd be the first to know if I did."

I narrowed my eyes at him, not sure if he was irritated or just thinking out loud. "Sorry." I murmured, and proceeded to stuff a pillow into its case, "what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you. " he said seriously, stabbing right through me with his hard stare.

"Why..?" I inquired with inflection.

"I believe you might be of use on an important case. One your brothers are investigating as we speak. "

I shook my head, not sure if I heard him correctly. "Wait a minute...you _want_ me to hunt?"

"Not exactly. I want to see if your forsight can see something. " he replied, taking a few steps closer.

"I'm not some tool." I spat regrettably, for I saw the stiff lines of his face soften in guilt. He stepped even closer, making me tense.

"I know. Unlike many others, I wouldn't dare treat you as such. But... its important. I...I'm asking for a favor." he said, and there was very human hesitation there. It was kinda sweet, when his angelic monotone failed. I wondered what it might be like to see him smile. Because he never did.

I chuckled. "Imagine that. An angel, one once sent to kill me, is asking for my help."

"Yes." was his curt response. Though it was difficult, I met his gaze. Yet again he was indescribably focused on me. I couldn't understand it. He was always friggin staring at me like he'd never seen a human before!

I sighed and massaged my brain.   
"Cas...my control over this is limited to say the least." I told him.

"I'm aware," another step, "I intend to help you."

He made me so inexplicably uneasy; my first instinct as a hunter was to respond to those nerves and attack or at the very least stay on my guard. Which I did. I could feel the tension building in my shoulders. _What is wrong with me? Cas is my friend. An ally...why does his presence shake me like this?_  
Just as I was internally debating that, something like a vision flashed through my head. But it was more than that, it was a memory. It didn't hurt, in fact I didn't feel a thing. I saw myself as tiny girl, meeting Castiel in my backyard. He had taken a different vessel then, holding his angelic blade poised to strike.

I shuddered as the dream like trance faded and the current Cas was before my eyes again. All at once I figured it out, as if my powers had been trying to answer my question for me.

I was subconsciously afraid of him.

Somehow as a child I knew he was sent to hurt me, and it stuck with me even though I'd forgotten.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "What did you see?"

I bit my lips. "Nothing I just...remembered meeting you." I said hesitantly, "I was afraid. I still was...all my life. I just didnt remember. "

Something like a pout, or as close to one as an angel could muster, painted his expression. "I'm sorry...you needn't hold onto that fear any longer. I would never hurt you."

I merely nodded. I didn't have anything to say to that. Shaking a subconscious fear wasn't done over night, but I wasn't about to tell him that.

"So..." I said after painful silence, "where to?"

"You dont have to come with, I just need to-"

"No. I'm coming. If something serious is happening involving my brothers, then you take me to them. No buts about it." I said with stubborn ice in my voice.

"Very well."

He got way too close for comfort, to where my sight was blocked by the sight of his throat. Only because I wouldn't look up at him at that distance. Way too close.  
I felt his fingers lightly touch my forehead.

☆☆☆☆☆

We appeared in a blink, standing in what I presumed to be the motel my brothers were staying in. I didn't even know where. Cas stepped away from me to let me approach Sam and Dean.  
"Haze! What are you doing here?" Sam asked with a smile and offered a hug, to which I accepted.  
He was warm and comforting, like a sun bathed rock I could lean against in the cold.  
"As always, I insisted on coming with." I replied, turning to embrace Dean as well.

"I take it you got our message?" Dean asked Cas after releasing me.

"Its lucky you found the boy. " Castiel responded plainly.

I raised a brow at him. "What's going on?"

"We'll explain later..." Sam said , "what do we with him?"

"Kill him. "

Castiel's face was dark and serious. My jaw dropped. I didn't know what was happening, but I understood _boy_ and _kill._

 _"_ Cass..." I scolded softly. He ignored me and proceeded to take a seat at the table. As his rear sank, a loud flatulence sounded through the room. I snickered and eventually full out burst in laughter at his confused expression.   
"That wasn't me..."   
I laughed even louder. Dean joined my amusement as Cas pulled the whoopie cushion out from under him.

"Heh, who put that there?"

Sam shook his head at us.

"This child is half demon and half human, but it's far more powerful than either. " Castiel continued, unphased by our childish sense of humor. "Other cultures call this hybrid cambion, or Katako. You know him as the antichrist. "

"Jesse is the devil's son?" Sam asked.

"No, of course not. Your bible gets more wrong than it does right. The antichrist is not Lucifer's child, but it is one of the devil's greatest weapons against heaven." Cas explained.

I was beginning to feel floored by the information. Of course my brothers stumbled upon the antichrist. Of course they did. But I had a feeling it wasnt the horrific encounter one might imagine. It was just kid.

"lf Jesse's a demonic howitzer, what's he doing in Nebraska?" Dean asked.

"The demons lost him. They cant find him. But they're looking."

"And they lost him because...?" I chimed in.

"Because of the child's power. It hides him from both angels and demons."

"So he's got like a force field around him," Dean inferred, "Great. Problem solved."

I was ready to agree but Castiel didn't look convinced, he rose from his chair and wandered across the room thoughtfully.

"With Lucifer risen, this child grows strong. Soon, he will do more than just make a few toys come to life. Something that will draw the demons to him. The demons will find this child. Lucifer will twist this boy to his purpose and then, with a word, this child will destroy the host of heaven."

The three of us humans were taken aback by that. "You're saying Jesse's gonna nuke the angels?" Dean said, "you cant know that. "

"But I do..." Cas stated, "it is his destiny just as yours was to be the vessels. We cannot allow that to happen. "

"What do you mean it's his destiny?" I asked.

"Yeah that sounds a little bit...over the top. We never heard that before. " Sam said.

Cas turned to me intently. "That's why I needed you. You have to tell us if its true."

I smirked dryly. "What am I supposed to do?" I looked to my brothers, who seemed to be just as struck and confused as me.

"You have to see the boy's future. " Cas said in almost a demanding tone.

I shook my head. "I've never done anything like that before. Peaking at the present or near future is one thing, but-"

"You are a Seer, Hazel, " Cas cut me off , "The looking glass of all there is, was, and was ever will be. You can do it."

I chewed on my lip and dug nails into my arms. "You said you would help me...?"

He nodded and came close to my side, then looked at Sam and Dean expectantly. "Do you have a picture of the child?" he asked.

Sam nodded sharply and began digging through his phone for the school system in which the boy attended and pulled up his year book photo . "This is him. His name is Jesse, he's eight. "

I took the phone with an unsteady hand and looked at the sweet, innocent features of the handsome young man, my heart sinking at the idea that he was the so called antichrist. And that Cas wanted to kill him. I was supposed to be killed once too...

Suddenly a strong hand squeezed my forearm holding the phone. I felt his power ripple softly from it through my whole body. "Focus. Look forward to the fate of this boy."

I tried, I really did, but it was like trying to get a radio station with poor reception. My brain resisted with static and throbbing. I heard Castiel huff slightly in impatience, then he slipped behind me and placed both his hands on either side of my head.

Talk about uncomfortable. But he didn't apply pressure, just gently held them there, so I tried to relax.   
I glanced at Dean who was nearest to me, and who was in the closest relationship with the angel out of all of us. I trusted Cas, but something in me wanted reassurance from the one who trusted him the most.  
His hard warrior's eyes were soft upon me, and gave a slight nod.  
"Its alright Hazey, just try. "

I cracked a dry smile. He called me Hazey. I havent heard that since my best friend in junior high school.

With a deep breath, I looked down at the photo on the screen again, desperate to concentrate. Non psychics didn't realize how hard it actually was to focus on an abstract concept and hold it in your mind.   
I felt power softly radiating from Castiel's hands, it sharpened my thoughts, narrowed them down, and after what felt like hours in the silence, something gave.

My eyesight exploded into light, then opened up into what was like looking through a window rimmed with golden sunlight against an empty blackness. The pain was beyond words. It felt like hot daggers were trying to erupt from my brain through my eye sockets.  
But with Castiel's power holding me steady, I watched the vision steadfast. Lucifer had gotten to Jesse, he grew up fast. Destroyed cities , slaughtered angels... He wasn't the soft featured, sweet little boy in the photo. He was a raging war monger. Red eyed and determined.

And then I saw it, and it hurt the most, I thought my skull would melt onto my shoulders.   
He stormed the gates of heaven, cutting down angel after angel with merely a gesture, and when they were all dead, Heaven began to tremble and crumble. It went dark. He then gripped at seemingly nothing in the air, pulled roughly with his power, and heaven completely fell apart. Millions of souls in paradise began to fall to the earth, or evaporated all together as the young man manically snapped his fingers at them like he was popping bubbles.

I gasped and fought against the angel's power to end the vision, he responded appropriately and it snapped away. My head seared miserably, and felt faint, tipping backwards on my heels and falling into Castiel's chest. It was unnaturally firm and he didnt even stumble. Just supported me with an arm across my chest. I wanted very badly to relieve him of holding me, but my legs were jelly and my head was still in agony. A couple hot tears of pain ran down my cheeks.  
Through the blur of them I saw my brothers approaching closer with wide eyes and hands instinctively outstretched to me. Cas guided me backwards to sit on a chair, or rather, on his knee. Normally I would have been a nervous wreck but I was too shaken to care.  
"What did you see?" Sam asked me shakily.  
I shook my head and wiped my wet cheek with a trembling hand. "All those souls..." I massaged my still throbbing forehead, only to feel Cas's hand cover mine, sliding past it to touch my hairline and with a quick, gentle burst of his power, the pain faded to nothing. Apparently he was still capable of relieving pain. I sighed in relief, glanced back at him gratefully, and tensed my legs in preparation to stand but they decided not to respond. I had to wait it out I guessed.

"Its true..." I breathed, "he's going to break heaven apart peice by peice." The words escaped my lips with sorrow. We had to stop this, but there had to be a better solution than slaughtering an innocent child who knew nothing of it.

"I told you." Cas said, his deep voice rumbling from behind me and into my hair. I didnt realize I was now leaning back into him until I felt him speak through his chest. _Damn these visions,_ _I_ _hope he's right and some discipline helps me handle it better..._ I couldn't believe I had just seen several years into the future on command!

"Ok but Cas..." Sam said, "We're the good guys. We don't just kill children."

I found my strength at last and pulled myself away from the angel's lap, he stood up as well and looked us all in eyes seriously. "A year ago you would've done whatever it took to win this war."

"Things change, " Dean said, "we're not gonna kill him, alright? But we can't leave him here, we know that. So we take him to Bobby, he'll know what to do."

"You'll kidnap him? What is going on in this town, it's what happens when this thing is happy. You cannot imagine what it will do if it's angry." Cas said darkly. Involuntarily I had flashes in my mind of some of the things that had happened that the boys were investigating. "Besides, how will you hold him? With a thought, he could be halfway around the world."

"So we tell him the truth. You say Jesse's destined to go dark side, fine, but he hasn't yet. So if we lay it all out for him, what he is, the apocalypse, everything, he might make the right choice." Sam argued his case.

Castiel stepped forward and looked my baby brother hard in the face.   
"You didn't..." he said snidely, and I was ready to reach and smack him, "and I can't take that chance."

Before any of us could argue with him further, he dissapeared.   
"Damnit!" Dean hissed.

"What now?" I asked.

"We gotta get to the kid, before Cas does."

☆☆☆☆☆

Baby took us as fast as she could, driving into the night back to Alliance where the boy lived. On the way, the boys further explained everything that happened, and despite the death of the victims, it was a reasonably amusing story, lightening my mood a little.   
But I was upset with Cas. That irrational hypocrite was going to kill a kid, for the greater good, but he couldnt kill me for the same reason. I failed to see how it was any different. Next time I saw him, I was going to tear him a new one.

We pulled up to the house, there were cars parked so I assumed the boys parents were home. The front door was unlocked as we rushed in quietly after hearing a commotion. I felt the boy's power surge, and we entered his living room to find him trembling staring blankly.   
Dean put away his weapons and approached him kindly.   
"Was there a guy here? In a trenchcoat ?" he asked. Jesse nodded and looked down at the floor.  
My eyes followed and beheld the sight of tiny, Castiel replica action figure holding up its little plastic blade. Bastard was right in the middle of trying to kill the kid! I picked up plasti-Cas and set him on the mantle beside me, casting him a glare in case he could still see me.

"I did that." the boy murmured, nodding at it. Served him right, honestly. If we didn't need him in this apocalypse, I thought maybe we could leave him like that. Put him in time out. "But how did I do that?"

My heart ached for him. He was so frightened and confused.

Dean lowered himself to boys level. It always amazes me how good he was with kids. "Well, because you're a super hero." he said.

"I am?"

"Yeah! Who else could turn someone into a toy. You're...superman! Minus the cape and go-go boots. See, my partner and l we work for a secret government agency. lt's our job to find kids with special powers. ln fact, we're here to take you to a hidden base in South Dakota, where you'll be trained to fight evil."

"Like the X-men?"

"Exactly like the X- Men!" Dean said, flashing the boy a warm smile, " ln fact, the guy we're taking you to, he's even in a wheelchair. You'll be a hero. You'll save lives, you'll get the girl. Sounds like fun, right?"

I rolled my eyes and grinned. He was a big kid at heart.

Suddenly Dean was thrown by an unknown force into the wall and pinned there.   
I should have felt it coming, I guess I was distracted, but in walked a demon who I assumed must have been wearing the birth mother of Jesse.   
"He's lying to you!" it told Jesse as it marched into the house. Sam made lunge for it, but she slammed him into the wall as well.   
"Stay right there dreamboat. Can't hurt you. Orders," she turned her attention back to Dean, "But you on the other hand, hurting you is encouraged. "

She twisted and wrenched his insides with demonic power. I made a hard push with my own, sliding the creature back on its heels several feet and hitting the doorway.  
It scoffed and looked at me curiously.  
"Ha! You...we were wondering when you'd turn up."

I swallowed hard and froze. _Shit. Shit shit shit!_ The last thing we needed were demons finding me.   
"You dont know me." I spat.

The demon chuckled. "Oh but I do. Our father raised you himself, didn't you know?"

"Hazel run, get out of here!" Dean hollered. But it was too late. The demon slammed my head with its power into the fireplace and I was rendered unconscious almost immediately.

☆☆☆☆☆

I awoke to someone shaking my shoulder. My head was killing me, and I as reached to touch it I felt a good clump of congealed blood in my hair. I opened my eyes and turned my shoulder to look at my brother Dean.   
"You alright?" he whispered.

I groaned but nodded. "I think so."  
Sam and Cas were behind him, Sam looking relieved but Castiel almost looked furious.

Dean helped me stand and we crept out of what I assumed was an empty house. "What happened?" I asked.

"Jesse made the demon go away and left. We'll never find him." Sam answered.

"Good. Poor kid though..."

Cas pulled me aside by the elbow as the boys began climbing in the Impala. "A word, if you dont mind."

I yanked my arm away. "Yeah I do mind, Cas! You were going to murder that boy!" I hissed.

"I was going to do what I had to." he defended.

I shook my head angrily. "Just like you had to kill me?"

That hurt him, I could tell. Good.  
"That was different..."

"The hell it was! How is that different? You don't kill children for _the greater good,_ period. You're a hypocrite is what you are." I pointed at him forcefully.

I didn't know why I was so upset. Maybe because I was in the same position as Jesse once. But the angels really did kill me, even if Cas didn't. Or maybe it was the irrational junkie in me coming out, displacing emotions like a lunatic.   
"I could be just as big of weapon as him in the wrong hands. So why dont you kill me, huh? Right here and now. Fucking. Do. It." I was practically screaming now as pushed him in the chest with each of those last few words.  
Dean had come to my side and pulled me back. "Take it easy, Haze. Come on."  
Cas said nothing. He barely reacted, though I could see with satisfaction that he was feeling ashamed. I watched him watch us leave in the car, until he was out of view.


	6. Play the Part

I woke up in my childhood bed, complete with Scooby Doo bedsheets and pajamas. But as I looked down, to examine myself, I was still in my twenties. Mother startled me, sitting next to me and stroking my hair. Something wasn't right, but my abilities felt blurry.  
 _Ugh...I'm dreaming. Ok, no problem..._

 _"_ Bad dream, sweet heart?" she asked softly. My eyes instantly brimmed with tears at what was like seeing a ghost. A beautiful, warm, loving ghost. Her black bushy curls, her soft amber eyes...I reached out and hugged her around the neck.

"No, I'm ok mommy." I said, playing the part of a child naturally.   
"I just missed you."

"I missed you too. I couldn't find you after I brought you back." She murmured lovingly in my hair. But I stiffened and pulled away from her.

"What...?"

"You have to find me, Hazel. I can't see you outside this dream. " she said, smiling.

I tilted my head in confusion. "What do you mean...? You're dead mom, you didn't..."

The smile on her lips grew crooked and wicked. Slowly my powers began to put two and two together, and I saw the burning red eyes and brilliant white light behind the facade.

Lucifer.

I ripped myself away from the bed and stood up. "Get out of my head. Now." I spat.

The woman who raised me melted away in a ripple, revealing the Devil's current vessel image. He leaned on his elbow on the bed and grinned at me.   
"So you can see. Even here. Interesting. " he said.

"Get. Out."

"I'm just here to talk. " he said innocently, putting his hands up submissively.

"Call off armageddon, then we'll talk." I hissed.

"No can do," he said with a click of teeth and tongue, " but hear me out. Please. "

I crossed my arms. I had a feeling he was powerful enough to keep me asleep for quite some time so I might as well humor him.  
"What do you want..?"

"You know I raised you from the grave right?" he said.

I bit my lips. "I had a hunch, yes."

"Do you know why?"

"I assumed so you could force me to use my powers for your cause." I replied coldly.

"Well...maybe. But force shouldn't really be necessary. I thought you might join me willingly. " He shrugged .

I scoffed dryly. "Yeah? How'd you figure that?"

"What about revenge? Hm? Those angels put you down like an animal. When such a rare and precious creature like yourself should have been protected."

The truth in his words stung me. Because I did hate angels. For the most part. But not enough to root for the devil's team in the apocalypse.

"This rare and precious creature is going to help put _you_ down. " I snarled. He chuckled, and seemed to be ignoring my hostility.

"You don't have any idea what you really are, do you?" he asked.

"What do you mean, I'm a Seer..." I said derisively. It felt dangerous but really awesome to give the devil a peice of my attitude.

"But you dont know what that means. I take it your pet angel didnt bother telling you..." he rubbed his chin thoughtfully, watching me for a reaction, "You see, being a Seer is more than...seeing. You are a rare breed of hairless ape, my dear. "

I couldn't deny my curiosity. Of course one of the oldest things in creation would have valuable knowledge of what I was. And of course now that he said it, I had to know. "Spit it out. What are you talking about?"

He chuckled. "Ever read the Bible? Hear the stories in Sunday school?"

I shook my head. "My mom was a witch. I didn't get too involved with all that Christian stuff. Imagine my surprise..."

Lucifer laughed at that. "Well, in early Bibical times... You humans used to live up to like...four hundred years old. And a Seer....a Seer does too."

My jaw fell open and felt my heart cringe in its cage. "I'm...immortal?"

"Technically no. But by the time your precious brothers grew old and died, you'd barely look a day over thirty. "

"What's your point?" I spat.

"My point is...there's no point! No sense in you holding onto to everything around you. You'll outlive all of it. You join me, you can help wash away all the fleeting pain and ugliness of this world, and start anew. Surrounded by others who won't die on you. A new Eden. You, the new Eve. Queen of the earth."

I shook my head, the new information was daunting, his offer strangely tempting. "Forget it. Just because something doesn't last, doesn't mean it isn't worth cherishing. If anything, that makes it even more so."

He shrugged. "Alright. Have it your way. But I will get to you, it's just a matter of time. "

And he was gone.

☆☆☆☆☆

I groaned and stretched from under the blanket in my bed at Bobby's, thankful to be back in reality. I faintly heard the television from downstairs, meaning it was almost lunch hour and he watching his shows. I cursed at myself sleeping through my routine of cooking his breakfast and taking his meds, because he probably didn't do it without me.  
I threw on a t shirt over my loose, stretched out sports bra and gym shorts and shuffled down to the kitchen. Bobby was munching on a cold plate of leftovers and sipping coffee.  
"Morning sunshine." he grumbled, but there was endearment there.

"Morning..." I replied, pouring myself coffee as well, "Sorry I over slept . Had an unexpected guest in my dreams..."  
He raised a brow at me seriously.   
I sighed and explained how Lucifer had come to me just like he did Sam, and that he informed me of the more deeper nature of my status as a Seer.

"So if you survive this nightmare, win or lose, you're gonna have to sit back and watch for another three or four centuries?"

I nodded solemnly. "Guess so. Unless I off myself first. "

Bobby shrugged. "I wouldn't blame you."

Wings flapped and I jump with a startle as Castiel pooffed in right behind me, his voice abruptly sounding.  
"Lucifer came to you?" he asked.

I held my thumping chest. "Doors Cas. Use the doors. And yes. In my dreams."

His lips tightened as he looked at me. "What did he want?"

"Wanted me to come willingly of course. Seemed like he wasnt inclined to hurt me if he didnt need to." I answered.

"What did you tell him?"

I glared in disbelief. Was he worried I was going darkside ? "I turned him down of course. He does talk a good game, I'll give him that...by the way...Why didnt you tell me I was going to live half a millenia?"

He bowed his head shamefully. "I didn't think you'd take it very well."

I suddenly remembered that I screamed at him and shoved him last time we spoke. Remembered I was supposed to be mad at him. But I couldn't rekindle the fire.   
"You're right. I wouldn't have..." I admitted with a sigh. I forgave him, for now. The apocalypse was no time to be angry with allies.  
"Why are you here?"

"Sam and Dean are missing. They dissapeared from the town they're working a case in. I'll need your help finding them." he informed me, and started to reach a hand up to zap me away.  
"Whoa whoa! Hold on!" I stopped him.

"What?"

"What do you mean what? I need to put on real clothes. And shower. Give me like thirty minutes. "

"Your brothers have been missing for-"

"I'm sure they will be fine for thirty minutes more, Cas."

☆☆☆☆☆

Yet again I'm dragged to God knows where by the angel. Some random town I wasn't familiar with. I had no idea what to expect.  
We arrived on a business street surrounded by shops and people walking by. I had put on a flattering, fitted magenta tank top and dark jeans, covered by a grayish short sleeve flannel and my favorite western boots.  
Cas glances around before turning to me. "Find them." he said.

"How about a please?" I hissed. He really needed to learn some manners.

"Please...find them." he corrected impatiently. I grinned smugly.

"Alright, but not here. We don't need people seeing my eyes glow." I said and grabbed his coat sleeve. I pulled him into a narrow alleyway.

I pressed my back against the wall of the building most in the shade, avoiding being seen as much as it were possible.

I took a slow, relaxing breath, and centered my thoughts on my brothers.   
My powers twitched and stirred under the surface, but they struggled. Wherever they were, they were hidden. I huffed in frustration.   
"What's wrong?" Cas asked me.

"I cant get a direct line on them. I can't see them." I was beginning to worry. My brothers had a habit of disappearing. But being completely out of sight from a psychic was another story.   
"Keep trying. " Cas coaxed gently. I was impressed by his change of tone. He was learning not to demand things of me.  
And so I did. I tried a different method. I grasped onto an abstract concept with some difficulty; where they went before they weren't seen or heard from again. It was a bit like trying to hold onto a handful of worms. Everything was squirming and slipping, trying to get away. But after serval minutes I locked on, and the vision opened up.   
Baby drove up to some dilapidated building, a warehouse maybe. My power processed the exact location to memory as I continued to watch. They got out of the car warily, entered the building with weapons....and never came out.

I broke the vision, shaking my head and biting my lips. Now I was really worried. They could have died in there, their bodies still rotting unattended.  
"I...found them." I murmured quietly.

I relayed the location to Cas telepathically without even trying. Not sure how but it happened, and he hastily grabbed my waist and we zapped away. That was very different...I didn't know why he grabbed me instead of just touching my head like always, but I was glad to be released when we landed outside the building.  
I nodded at the door I'd seen them walk into, and began to head towards it, but Cas took hold of my shoulder.  
"Perhaps you should wait here." he said.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh please. I have weapons, Cas. I'll be fine. "

"You don't know what's in there." he argued.

"I'm not a child. I can handle myself." I retorted and pushed passed him. He hastily reached the door before me so he could open it first.

We entered into a cloud of fog, greeted by the sounds of an audience and strange electronic buzzing. I waved the fog away trying to see, finding myself looking out on a stage of some sort of game show.   
_"_ What the hell?"

"Cas! " Sam exclaimed, clearly unable to move from the contraption he was in.

"What are you doing here?" Dean asked.

"Looking for you, you've been missing for days." the angel replied.

"So get us out of here !"

Cas reached out to touch each one of them, but he suddenly faded away with a radio static and dissapeared.   
An oriental man came waltzing over to us wagging his finger.   
"No no, Mr. Trickster does not like pretty boy angels." he scolded.

"You idiots got mixed up with the Trickster again!?" I shouted over the noise. Suddenly I was slid roughly by an unseen force on my heels against a wall near the Japanese girls in devil outfits. My eyes covered by a blindfold and my limbs magically pinned and unable to move.   
"What the fuck!?"

"No cheating Seers allowed in the game." Said the game host.

I heard the game continue, Sam explaining to Dean that they had to play the game to survive. After he was pronounced 'nutcracker champion', everything changed and went quiet. I could sense my brothers but I couldn't see a damn thing or move. The Trickster had me locked out of the game.  
I could see nothing. Feel nothing. It was like I was in some sort of limbo. But I could hear everything. Even my powers were sending me vague images and ideas of what was going on. My brothers did some sort of herpes medication commercial, which I wanted to laugh at, but I was too busy shoving with my power at anything and everything trying to get out.   
At long last, my arms were able to move. I couldn't say how that worked, but I reached out in the dark. There was nothing. No walls. Terror pumped through my veins like poison. I couldn't imagine a more frightening experience. This was worse than being dead but still awake, though very similar. I began to hyperventilate, feeling my power respond appropriately as it always did under great stress.  
Just then then my fingers found something in the nothingness. A doorknob. I sighed deeply and shakily in relief and decided not to question it, turning it and shoving it open the second I heard the latch click.

Bright lights nearly blinded me from above, as I looked out onto what was the ugliest motel room I've ever seen. Glancing behind me, the door I'd just come from was the bathroom door. I shuddered. This reality bending shit was nuts. After a moment to gather myself, I realized we were on the set of a homemade sitcom.  
Dean rushed over to me while Sam escorted the phony woman in lingerie that emerged from the bedroom out the front door.  
"Hazel! What happened?"

"No idea. Trickster locked me out. Stuffed me a closet, basically. " I said, hugging myself briefly, still shaking that raw terror I'd just escaped.

"What about Cas?" Dean asked me.

I shook my head. "He wasn't with me. I don't know. "   
Without another word I headed for the front door, but it opened before I could reach out to it, Castiel emerged looking a little roughed up.

"You ok? What happened!?" Sam exclaimed.

"I got out. "

"From where?" Dean and I asked simultaneously.

"I don't have much time," Cas said, "listen to me. Something is not right. This thing is more powerful than it should be."

"The Trickster?" I inferred. He looked at all of us knowingly.

"If it even is a Trickster. " My eyes widened, sensing Cas knew something, or thought he knew something.

"What you do mean?" I asked, but suddenly Cas I and were both forced to the ground.

"Hello!!!" The Trickster sang out as he entered the room in a dramatic lunge. I tried to make a noise but Cas and I both had our hands bound and magical duct tape over our mouths. I took one look at the creature and I realized immediately what was really going on. I exchanged knowing glances with Castiel, who was staring wide eyed at the Trickster. We both saw it. We both knew. He probably knew him by name. I only knew him by wings...

"Hi, Castiel!" the new angel said to him. He then snapped his fingers and Cas dissapeared before our eyes.

"You know him?" Dean asked, "where did you send him?"

"Relax, " the _Trickster said, "_ he'll live....maybe."

I screamed through the tape, but it came out as a wordless muffled mess.

"All right, you know what? I'm done with the monkey dance, okay? We get it." Dean said, angrily defeated

"Yeah? Get what, hot shot?"

"Playing our roles, right? That's your game. "

"That's half the game."

I stood up clumsily and made a desperate lunge at the angel, not really having a plan, just acting on instinct. He slammed me back down with a lazy wave of his hand.  
"Settle down sweetheart."

"What's the other half?" Sam asked.

"Play your roles...out there."

"Whats that supposed to mean?"

"You know, Sam starring as Lucifer, Dean starring as Michael. Your celebrity death match! And Hazel, starring as the snitch for the bad guys! Play your roles!"

I'd heard enough. I summoned all my strength and fury buried deep in my bones and tore at the tape over my mouth. It wasnt easy, fighting angel power with psychic power but I managed to get the corner pulled away.   
"Guys it's not-" I tried to warn them but suddenly I was stuffed away again in my dark closet.

This time I fought even harder, but the mysterious angel must of set up stronger defenses, because it was futile. But I heard everything going on, just as before.  
It was Gabriel.

I didn't know how much time passed, but I remained in the dark until I was suddenly zapped out of it, standing next to Castiel, who looked even worse than before, inside the actual warehouse this time, instead of TV land. Castiel looked me over with concern before turning to his brother, a dark aggravation painted on his face.  
"You guys ok?" Dean asked.  
I nodded.  
"I'm fine," Cas said, "Hello Gabriel. "

Gabriel cocked his head childishly.   
"Hey bro, how's the search for Daddy going? Let me guess... awful."

"Ok we're out of here, come on." Dean said and turned to leave.  
Cas was ushering me out before him, but this time I didnt complain about his protectiveness. I wasn't a fan of hanging around an archangel, whimsical or not.

"Uh, okay. Guys? So So, what? Huh? You're just gonna You're gonna leave me here forever?" Gabriel called after us from inside the holy fire.

"No. We're not, because we don't screw with people the way you do." Dean said bitterly, "And for the record this isn't about some prizefight between your brothers. Or some destiny that can't be stopped. This is about _you_ being too afraid to stand up to your family!"

He broke the glass seal on the fire alarm next to the door, and the ceiling sprayers began raining down on the entire building's interior.  
"Dont say I never did anything for you."

Cas and I looked back at the proud and powerful archangel, now looking lm pitiful and hurt as if we'd all taken a turn in bitching slapping him.

The four of us climbed into the car, Cas apparently a bit tired and glad to take a slow ride inside of flying.

We were all rather quiet after a brief discussion, contemplating the words of Gabriel. Contemplating destiny. Maybe my brothers were supposed to play a role, but nobody ever said I would help Lucifer and the demons. I dont care what they did to me. _The nerve of him to call me a snitch!_

"Hey Haze," Sam said, glancing over his shoulder at me, "dont listen to what that douchebag said. You're not apart of this like we are."

I squeezed the crook of my arms and bit my lips. "But I am..."

"But you don't have to be, " Dean said, "look...maybe you should lie low, like Cas has been saying. So far everything that figured you out is either dead or doesn't care. We need to keep it that way."

"Lucifer wont stop looking for me." I mumbled in disagreement, "I'm in this whether I like it or not."

"That doesn't mean you should be dangling yourself in front of the enemy. " Cas said to me.

I groaned. "You guys can't keep me locked down. It's not happening. You're my family, damnit, I refuse to be benched while you fight. I am the oldest and I'm telling you, I am sticking this out to the end and you cant do a damn thing about it!"

Cas actually scoffed. Like he almost smiled. It was the strangest thing I'd ever seen. "What?" I asked him sharply.

"You have a warrior's spirit. " he commented, his mouth teasing at a smirk that just wouldn't quite come in full. His eyes poured themselves into mine for a moment, full of admiration..

"Thank you..?"

"I think she's right," he continued, talking to the boys, "you'll never keep her off the battle field."

"Damn straight. " I huffed.

Dean raised a brow in the rearview.   
"Yes ma'am..."

Sam chuckled. "You're definitely a Winchester. "


	7. Taken

(Author's note: this chapter is in need of editing. I wrote this story quite some time ago, and have since improved my skills, hence the short chapters....I plan to be going through them all and adding bulk once they're all posted. )

Castiel had heard rumors previously that the Colt was still floating around, but we had given up on that quite some time ago.   
Until I had a vision at breakfast one day.

It was one of the ones in which I didnt just see things, but also recieved information like a memory download.   
When Bella had taken the gun from my brothers, she claimed to have given it to Lilith, but instead, my vision told a different story. It had in fact come into the possession of a crossroads demon named Crowley, a trusted henchman of Lilith.   
It was then that we had asked Cas to track down this mysterious demon, so that we might kill him and nab the colt.  
We waited patiently at Bobby's before we received the phone call from Cas, whom had completed his mission, but the house in which he trailed him to was warded against angels.

Then it was our turn. Or rather, the brothers' turn.   
I had the pleasure of meeting the famous mother and daughter Ellen and Jo, as we plotted to storm the gates to this mansion. Once Jo and I lured the demon guards , Sam and Dean ganked them and proceeded inside.

The other girls, Cas and I, waited outside for news.   
"So," Ellen began speaking to me, "another long lost Winchester, huh?"

I nodded. "Yeah...among other things."

"I heard you're some big league psychic. " Jo added.

"The most powerful in existence. " Cas commented, looking at me with that screening stare he was so expert at.

I swallowed a lump at their widened eyed stares and scoffed dryly. "Maybe someday. But right now there isn't much I can do that's better than any other psychic. " I said.

"Still, doesn't hurt to have you around." Ellen said, "can you see what's going on in there?"

I sighed. I really hated using my powers on command, it was exhausting, but I was getting better at it. Ever since Cas helped me see Jesse's future, I was slowly getting the hang of it. As if he opened something up inside me.  
I turned to the house, focusing on where I could sense my brothers through the windows.  
It was surprisingly easy, maybe because of our shared blood.   
"They're talking..."

"Talking? " Jo said in dissproval, "so much for the gank and grab."

"This...Crowley," I continued, "wants to help us kill Lucifer. He's willing to hand over the colt."

☆☆☆☆☆

With the mission successful, but the hour late, we returned to Bobby's. Everyone was sort of wandering around doing their own thing, the boys sitting alone discussing the plan, while Ellen, Cas and I were taking shots of whiskey.  
I watched in amusement as the angel slammed six glasses without a wince. He looked at us with half a smile.  
"I think I'm starting to feel something." he said.  
I giggled. Angels man, sometimes they were a riot.  
Our eyes locked for a moment, and with the help of the alcohol I wasn't so unnerved by him.   
"Should you even be imbibing intoxicating substances?" he asked me. I bit my lips and frowned into my glass.   
"I'm fine, Cas." I murmured and took my shot.  
Ellen exchanged glances with us suspiciously. "What's he talking about?"  
I was endeared by that motherly tone of hers. She'd warmed up to me fast as if I had been part of family all along.

With a sigh I poured another shot, preparing to answer for myself before Cas did. "I'm a recovering heroin addict," I said flatly, and took another shot.

"Oh..." Ellen murmured sympathetically.

"Like I said," I shrugged, "I'm fine. I can have a drink."

It took a moment for Cas to lay off me with that disapproving gaze, but when he did, he continued to drink right along with me.

"Everybody, get in here. It's time for the lineup. Usual suspects in the corner." Bobby hollered over all our individual clamor. I looked over to see him setting up an old time camera on a tripod.

"Oh come on, Bobby, no one wants their picture taken. " Ellen complained as we all gathered.

"Shut up, you're drinking my beer. Anyway I'm gonna need something to remember you all by." Bobby responded sarcastically, even though he was dead serious. The weight of his words seemed to linger on all of us.

We shuffled around by height in position for the photoshoot, Cas settling in close behind me.  
"Bobby's right, " he said, and placed a hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. For once I found his touch comforting. I thought it might have been his way of saying goodbye.  
"Tomorrow we hunt the devil. This is our last night on earth."

☆☆☆☆☆

Carthredge Missouri, a small historic town full of hardly updated but charming shops and old houses.

It would've been a little more charming if it didn't appear completely empty as the girls, Castiel and I pulled into town.   
The angel and I were both looking around outside our windows, and I knew we were both seeing something the other's didn't.

Personally, I was seeing ghosts. Lots of them, both old and new guests of the veil. Some of them recently deceased, while others were looking a bit faded and wearing Civil War uniforms.   
I shuddered as their despair and confusion reached my senses through the window pane. Most people didnt know this, but as a psychic, I hated ghosts. I liked to help them whenever I could, but when you cant really go anywhere without seeing one, without _feeling_ one, they turn into a nuisance.

Castiel pulled his attention from the window to me, pricking my nerves.   
"What do you see?" he asked me quietly.

My widened eyes left the visage of numerous lost souls and met his.  
"Ghosts...lots of them." I said with a little more sorrow than I meant to reveal.

He seemed disappointed with my answer, as if he expected something else.   
"A place like this must be overwhelming for someone like you." he said sympathetically.

I grimaced. "I've seen worse. Went to Europe once...Never again."

He nodded. "It is the bloodiest continent on Earth, historically. " he agreed.

After pulling up next to the boys in the Impala and agreeing to stick around looking for residents while they searched the police department, we got climbed out of Ellen's car warily.   
Cas didn't appear to join us, making Jo knock on his window. "Ever hear of a doorknob?" she asked, but I knew he'd already zapped out of the car.

He was staring all over at our surroundings. "Of course I have. " he stated plainly.   
I tried to follow his gaze, but he wasn't looking at the ghosts I saw, that were flitting and fleeting at random. He was looking at something that didnt move, but was in several different places.   
"What is it Cas?" Ellen asked.

"This town's not empty..." he said ominously, "Reapers."

"Reapers? As in more than one?" she said.

It was difficult, but after he said that, I too, was able to catch brief glimpses of them. But I quit trying because trying to see something powerful that doesn't want to be seen hurt my brain, literally. They were so dark and blank...it was frightening.   
"They only gather like this at times of great catastrophe." he explained to us, "Chicago fire, San Francisco quake, Pompeii... Excuse me, I need to find out why they're here." And with that, he set off walking alone, looking to and fro at all the reapers he passed.

"Wait I'll help you!" I called and half skipped half ran up to him.  
He put a hand up in front of me.  
"Stay with them...please." he said softly. This time I couldn't argue. He wasn't demanding, he was asking, _beggin_ g me not to put myself in whatever danger he thought he might come across.   
"Ok..." I agreed quietly, and returned to the other women.

We got back in the car and tracked down Sam and Dean.  
"Station's empty." Dean said.

"So is everything else," Ellen agreed, "have you seen Cas?"

"What? He was with you."

"Nope, he went after the reapers."

"Reapers? He saw reapers? Where?"

Jo leaned over her mother in the front seat, "well kind of everywhere."

"Great. We've been in town twenty minutes, and we already lost the angel up our sleeve." Dean exasperated as we all piled out of our vehicles.

"You think Lucifer got him?" Sam suggested.

"I dont know what else to think." Dean replied as we began to march down the street, armed and cautious.

"There you are." came a familiar, teasing female voice.

We all turned around to see a not so friendly face.

"Meg..." Dean hissed.

"You shouldn't have come here boys." she said.

Dean pointed the Colt at her. "I could say the same thing for you."

That's when I saw them, wishing my powers worked a little faster. Ghostly beasts with rippling muscles and hungry snarls.

"Dean..." I mumbled to him in warning.

"Didn't come here alone Dino." Meg said condescendingly. A hellhound on her right pawed at the ground and growled lowly.

"Hellhounds... " he called, trying to sound brave but I knew he was nervous as hell.

"Yeah Dean, you're favorite!" she replied with a cruel grin, "come on boys, my father wants to see you."

Ellen crept closer to me. "You see them?" she asked me anxiously. I nodded gravely.   
"How many?"

"Eight out here, but I sense more around. Maybe a dozen altogether. " I whispered.

"I think we'll pass, thanks. " Dean said defiantly.

"Your call," Meg said, "you can make this easy, or you can make it really, really hard."

"When have you ever known us to make anything easy?" my brother retorted. After a tense, brief moment of silence, Dean took a shot at a hellhound with the Colt, and the game was on.  
"Run!"

We fired our salt rounds and made a run for it, me being the only one who see them having an advantage. I fired my shotgun and kept them off my family as best as I could, but there was too many to keep at bay by myself. Horrified, I watched one take down Jo, helpless to stop it. Sam unleashed his ammo to get it off her while Dean rushed to scoop her up.  
"Fetch the Seer! " I heard Meg command, and for that breif second I was distracted by Jo's bleeding, limp body in Dean's arms, two hellhounds slammed me into the ground.   
One roughly took my boot its mouth, and while I tried to kick it off before its fangs sank through the leather to my flesh, the second snatched my other ankle, sinking down to the bone.  
I screamed in pain and terror.

"Hazel!" Sam shouted, starting to come back for me.

"GO!" I called, "they need me, I'll be ok!" I struggled against the strength of the dogs but eventually lost as they dragged me across the pavement. Sam reluctantly and sadly did as I asked and joined the group in taking refuge in a hardware store while the rest of the hounds pursued. I prayed they'd be ok, but I had my own peril now, being dragged like a chew toy down alley ways of gravel and scrap.  
My head hit a steel dumpster on the way, and I blacked out.

☆☆☆☆☆

"I have the Winchesters pinned down. For now, at least. "

I slowly came to my senses in a daze, blurried vision catching sight of Castiel standing in a ring of holy fire. Meg stood in a decrepit doorway at the monster just a few feet beside me. Lucifer.   
"What should I do with them?"

I weakly struggled, but my hands and feet were bound painfully tight.   
The devil stared at nothing thoughtfully. "Leave them alone." he said quietly.

Meg's face stiffened with shock. "I'm sorry, but are you sure? Shouldn't we-"

"Trust me child," Lucifer said, taking the demons face in his hands falsely lovingly. He made me sick. "Everything happens for a reason."

"Cas..?" I grumbled softly, worried for us both.

"Its going to be alright, Hazel." he said softly, but it was in mind, not outloud. I still had yet to learn how to do that, but now was as good a time as any to try.   
_I'm_ _sorry..._ _I_ _should have_ _listened_ _to you ._

_Its ok, just do_ _what_ _he says, I'll come for you,_ _I_ _promise._

His eyes were sad, like he didn't actually believe his own reassuring words.   
"Well Castiel, " Lucifer said, "you have some time. Time to change your mind. Your little secret over here already had her chance, so I'll just be taking her."

"Leave her out of this, Lucifer! She can't even control her power!" Cas sneered.

The devil smirked. "Do I detect a little sentimental attachment? Don't worry, she'll be safe, as long as she cooperates. "

Lucifer snapped his fingers.

"Hazel, no!"


	8. See the Light

Castiel's point of view 》

I had never been so disappointed in myself in all my long life, than the moment Hazel disappeared from view as my brother took her away to Father knows where.

The first human I had made a private oath to myself to protect, slipped through my fingers into those of the devil. I should have wiped her memories, I should have turned her away the moment she arrived.  
Sam and Dean surely would have agreed with the decision. And yet I wanted her to stay, to be near her, so I could keep her safe in person. Keep safe the little girl I'd watched grow up and struggle with life. Let die at the hands of my brethren.   
After I'd taken the Winchesters back to Bobby's, they questioned me, and I had no easy answer. Only that their sister was gone, after failing to kill Lucifer and losing their friends, they now had to figure out a way to find her.

Dean, who was probably the most family oriented one of all, was particularly upset, though he didn't say much.   
I stood in admittedly self pity in the corner, as the four of us tried to come up with a solution.   
"Ok, let's think about what we know," Sam said, his voice cracking, "we know Lucifer isn't going to kill her. So she's going to be held up somewhere, probably guarded by demons."

"Yeah, and tortured by them, Sam." Dean snapped, "tell us something we don't know. "

Sam ignored his brothers pain driven ire, and pondered silently. 

"We know that Lucifer likely isn't going to be there personally." I informed them.

"What do you, mean, how do we know that?" Bobby asked.

"Because the angels know about her by now, meaning she'll need to be warded from them too." I replied, "or at the very least, he'll think he cant be bothered with it. Let demons interrogate her for him."

"Ok," Sam said lightly, "so all we have to do, is get a demon to talk."

"What about Crowley? He's gotta have spies." Dean suggested, "hate to say it but for the time being he's on our side."

"Dean, he nearly got us killed telling us to use the Colt on Lucifer. " Sam protested. 

"I agree with Sam," I said, "Crowley doesn't need to know about any of this."

"Cas, by now he probably knows about Hazel already. Cat's outta the bag. " Dean snapped at me. I tensed inside my vessel. He had a point. It was unlikely that there was a single demon working for Lucifer OR Crowley that wasn't aware of a living Seer walking the earth. 

"Wait, " Sam said suddenly in eureka, "what about Chuck?" 

"Man, screw that douchebag. " Dean growled, "we don't need him."

"No...Sam's right," I interjected, "the prophet might know where she is."

"Alright, fine," Dean caved, digging his car keys out of his pants, "let's go."

I stopped him, "Wait. We don't have time for a drive, Dean. She's already been gone nearly a week. Either you come with me now, or you don't come at all."

☆☆☆☆☆

I took the Winchesters as my passengers to front porch of the prophet, Chuck. I didn't care if Dean wouldn't be able to defecate for a week, we needed answers fast.

Sam violently knocked on the door. "Chuck! " he hollered, "Chuck we need to talk!" 

There was no answer, but I could sense the prophet inside. "Move." I ordered Sam.  
I ripped the door off its hinges, sending it flying across the lawn.  
"Take it easy, Cas." Dean said as I stormed over the threshold.

I found the prophet cowering in his kitchen, pressed into a corner. "H-hey guys, you shoulda called first...I would've-"

"Save it, Chuck. Were here about Hazel. " Dean spat.

"What? Oh...that happened already? I got my time line all screwed up..."

"Focus!" Dean shouted, "Did you see Lucifer take her?"

Chuck pursed his lips and nodded. "Yeah...I saw. I'm sorry."

Growing impatient I grabbed Chuck's collar in both hands and held him in the air, feet dangling. "Where!?"

"Ok ok easy! Geez and you guys are supposed to be the good guys...put me down...please?" 

With a reluctant growl I lowered him back to his feet. "Where did they take her?"

"She's not in America anymore, they took her to France. "

Dean scoffed and raised a questioning brow. "France? Why France?"

"There's a maze of catacombs under Paris, only a fraction of it charted. That's where they're keeping her." Chuck explained. "But I couldn't say where, the catacombs are...endless. You'll have to figure that out yourself."

"Thank you," I said gratefully, then turned to Sam and Dean. "Are you staying or going? "

Dean smirked. "She's our sister, Cas. And hey, who hasn't always wanted to see Paris?"

☆☆☆☆☆

"Put this on, " Sam said, handing his brother a gas mask from inside his bag.

"For what?" 

"The Catacombs are known for producing toxic vapors, its part of the reason it hasn't been fully explored. "

"Well what about Hazel?" 

I practically rolled my eyes. "The demons will have been instructed to keep Hazel alive, surely they've scrubbed the oxygen wherever she's being held."

Dean nodded with satisfaction. "Ok...so how do we find her?"

We stood together several feet inside an authorized entrance to the underground labyrinth, pitch black to the human eye.  
I squinted into the darkness that I could easily see through. "I sense a presence in the distance. I can't tell what it is, but I say we follow it."

"Lead the way Cas," Sam said, flicking on a flashlight. 

We trekked for hours through endless tunnels before we came upon warding on the walls. Enochian.   
It weakened me but it didnt keep me out. I readied my blade, as did the Winchesters behind me. We'd be in a fight soon enough, I was sure of it.

As I distractedly followed my senses, I couldn't help but worry about the woman we searched for. Wonder how she was being treated. If she was being tortured, and how severely. My jaw tightened involuntarily. I'd never get used to the physical reactions of a vessel to emotions. 

"So...Cas," Dean broke the silence, "what's your deal?"

His question caught me off guard, temporarily shaking my concentration. "What do you mean?"

"Well, we appreciate the help," he began hesitantly, "but you seem extra pissed off about this. "

I slowed my steps and closed my eyes with a sigh. "Yes..."

"Why?" Sam asked.

I had nothing to hide.  
"I have watched over your sister all her life. She didn't know me, but I knew her...if you we're thinking you were the first human I'd grown attached to, Dean, you were wrong. "

"I get it, " he said, "I looked out for Sam. I failed. I got angry..."

"Exactly. "

Suddenly a sound echoed from far ahead in the maze of tunnels. An exhausted scream of agony. My heart wretched.

"Hazel!" Sam whispered loudly.

"We gotta move, fast." Dean said, though I needed no encouragement. I quickened my pace , rounding a corner were a slough of demons were waiting, at least a dozen. They stiffened in fear at the sight of me, but foolishly attacked all the same. Dean fired rounds to keep them at bay while Sam and I engaged in bladed combat.   
One I ran through right in the throat. Next I kicked its legs out from under it and thrust down into its chest.   
Another came at me but stopped dead in its tracks as I stood up, ready to flee. I snatched him by the neck and slammed him into tunnel wall, driving my blade into its skull.  
The tunnel sparked and flashed with dying demons until just one remained, prepared to turn and run. I caught him by the shoulders and held his arms behind his back.   
"Heheh , where'd you think you're going?" Dean said, getting in the demons face while I held him.  
"Where is she?"

"Piss off, American." came the french accented response, and the demon spit in his face. Dean wiped his cheek and smirked cruelly.   
"Cas?"

I couldn't kill them with merely a thought anymore, but I could cause them pain. I grinned too, and seared the demon from the inside out with agony. It shrieked and struggled.   
"Where. Is she?" I repeated Dean.

The demon reluctantly agreed to show us the way, never leaving my grasp. The wards grew stronger, I felt myself weakening by the minute but I was still more than human, and the demon wasn't going anywhere. 

Finally after nearly an hour we came upon a heavy wooden door, crudely fashioned into the stone wall.  
"Thank you. " I murmured and slid my blade deep into the abomination's ribs. He dropped to my feet and stepped over the empty vessel to kick open the door.

Behind it was something like an underground warehouse, recently erected, industrial lights flickering in a concrete hallway.

Hazel screamed again, sounding much closer now. Each scream pained me, imagining what horrors she might be enduring. I could pin point the location through the series of walls and corridors but I couldn't fly under the warding.

"Were coming, Haze!" Dean hollered, just as several demons poured out of the end of the hall. He began firing and reloading like a mad man.

Sam started slashing his way through, while I merely knocked them over like bowling pins in my path, determined to get to Hazel with haste.

I went around the corner to the right, trusting my senses, taking out demons every few minutes I moved, the Winchesters far behind me but keeping me in sight. 

☆☆☆☆☆

《Hazel》

"Try again..." the demon hissed at me.

My bloody lips quivered at the double edged blade pressed to my cheek.   
"Please..." I choked on my cracking, dry voice, "...I cant do it anymore..."

The dagger sunk into the thin flesh over my rib cage and dragged a deep cut across. I wailed pitifully, my eyes blurry and tired. I did everything they asked, but I just didnt have the strength to use my powers anymore. Five days I'd been beaten and gouged like an animal, naked and bound to a slab by seven straps. Given water twice, but no food.  
I knew I'd lost a considerable amount of blood, because I would have fainting spells, to which the demons responded by electrocuting me awake.  
The hellhound had broken my ankle, which throbbed and swelled. I was burned with a hot iron rod across my collar. My face was repeatedly beaten senseless. A few of my fingers were broken, and nails removed. Many cuts and stabs littered me everywhere else. I was truly defeated. It felt like I lost a fight with a wood chipper. 

"You can and you will!" the demon hissed, stabbing the dagger through my broken hand, right between bones and jabbing the slab beneath. I gasped weakly, the wave of discomfort joining the rest of my wounds in a symphony of misery. 

My hearing was muffled and dull, but there was commotion outside the room, distracting my torturer. Shouting. Gunfire.

I was too weak minded to make sense of it, or I might have realized what was going on.  
A loud bang sounded from the entrance to the torture chamber behind me, deafening my defeated ear drums after listening to my own screams for a week. Something heavy thudded on the floor, my guess it was the door.  
I heard the faded shouting of my name, then watched the most welcome yet surreal sight of my brother Sam sticking the demon knife through my torturer's neck from behind.  
I uttered a feeble sigh of relief, the rising of my chest burning the various wounds. I struggled to turn my head to see Dean beside me, fumbling with the straps holding my arm.   
"Its alright, Hazey, we gotcha.."

He was appalled, distraught even. They all were. 

Cas started the other side while Sam handled my legs. But it didn't look like Cas.   
For a long moment, my dry eyes burned at the sight of his true form. Seeing his beautiful light relaxed me, entranced me, and I felt safe. His usual complacent demeanor was diminished. He looked angry and panicky.

"Cas, your coat." Dean said hastily.  
The angel yanked off his trenchcoat and laid it over my bare, bloody body. He tucked it in underneath me, earning a few quiet groans of pain.  
"Sorry..." he whispered near my ear as he leaned over to slide his hands under me and pick me up.

He held me closely to him, my mangled arms folded into his chest and desperately clutching the coat around me.   
My face found it's way to the crook of his neck, searching for more comfort.   
Everything ached and burned but I blocked it out and tried to focus on the familiar scent of my rescuer. I'd never felt so vulnerable in all my life. I was shaking violently, feeling his arms tighten to calm the tremors.

He carried me effortlessly through the tunnels, stepping over corpses carefully. I was in and out of consciousness, but I knew it took a long time to reach the exit, so I tried to watch for familiar markers on the walls.  
"I wish I could heal you." Cas mumbled sullenly. 

"Its my fault. I should have stayed out of the fight, like you told me." I whispered back hoarsely. 

He made a noise almost like a soothing hush, and squeezed me gently a little tighter to him. It hurt but soothed all the same.  
"This isn't your fault, Hazel. Its mine. And it will never happen again. "

"I told them everything they wanted to know..." I admitted shamefully, stinging tears leaving my eyes.  
"But I was so tired...I couldnt do it anymore. So they..."

"Its alright. " he breathed softly.

"Its ok Haze," Sam said from nearby, "we don't think you're traitor."

"What did they want to know?" Cas asked me carefully.

I coughed dryly. "Random stuff mostly. Where to find angels, where Crowley's been hiding. But recently they wanted to know where Lucifer could find Famine. "

"Famine? The Horseman?" Sam asked. 

I nodded. "I couldn't find him, hence the torutre."

I didn't know how he did it, but somehow Castiel zapped all three of us with him back to the Impala in America. I was fast asleep, but was awakened slightly by Cas shuffling me into the backseat with him. He looked almost as tired as me, I could see his wings tremble briefly. My powers were definitely getting stronger, but in this state I couldn't hold onto anything longer than a few seconds.   
Cas never let me off his lap, and I was beginning to understand what Lucifer meant by sentimental attachment.   
Castiel cared about me, that much was clear now.   
"Can we go home...?" I whispered, barely awake.  
I felt a hand touch my hair.  
"You're going to a hospital. " Dean said, starting the engine.

I winced. "No...the needles."

"Its going to be alright, Haze. We'll be right there with you." Sam said.

"As will I, " Castiel's voice rumbled in the chest beneath my cheek.

☆☆☆☆☆

I didn't remember the ride, or the doctors, or anything. All I knew was I awoke in a hospital bed, with all manner of stitches and bandages on my body, and an IV in each hand. One for blood, and one for something clear.  
I silently thanked that it wasn't in my arm. The boys must have told the nurses not to hook me up in the arm.  
I was stiff and immediately in quite alot of pain, apparently not allowed strong medication to due to previous addiction. 

Castiel was standing in front of the window with his back to me, his coat still spattered with my blood.   
"Cas?" 

He turned around slowly, and smiled slightly. Actually smiled. I couldn't believe it. I even saw teeth.  
"The physicians say you're going to be fine. Just need to heal." 

"I never thanked you, for coming for me." I said sleepily. 

"You'll never have to thank me for saving you, Hazel." he replied, a little sadly.

My chest and stomach abruptly shivered with emotional butterflies. I never imagined he'd be like this. There was very kind and compassionate layer to Cas beneath the solider of God. I was seeing him differently now. Not just this, machine of power and battle that I thought I knew. He was actually very human, when it came down to it.   
"Are you ok?" I asked him. With my strength returning I could still he was weakened by the warding and the flight.  
"Yes, I'm...I'm well. Nothing I can't handle."

Dean came through the door with drive thru bags, followed by Sam with the drinks.  
"Hey look who's awake! Just in time!"

"Thank God, I'm starving." I said, accepting a kiss on the forehead from Dean who handed me a big fat cheeseburger. 

"Finish that up and we'll get the doc to check you out, but they're saying you can leave as soon as the blood bag is done." Sam said.

"We driving?" I asked with a mouthful of food. My jaw cramped but I didn't care. It was the most amazing tasting thing I'd ever had.

"Yeah, " Dean replied, "the ride ought to help you get some rest and Cas thinks flying might mess you up."

Thankfully, Sam had bought me a cheap change of clothes to go home in, the nurses helping me into a pair of loose gym shorts and a t shirt that my breasts poked through a bit. I shrugged it of because I hated bras anyway and I didn't expect my brothers to buy me one. Not to mention how much it would probably hurt to wear one.   
I spent nearly the whole ride back to South Dakota either eating, or sleeping. It was like I couldn't get enough of either. Each time I passed out, I woke up leaned against Castiel's shoulder, or laying my head on his leg. Each time I opened my eyes I was greeted by a warm, blue gaze. 

Something was bubbling inside me about this angel. I was no longer afraid of him. In fact, all I wanted was to he near him. I couldn't put my finger on it but I didn't feel safe without him around anymore. I nearly had anxiety attack at a rest stop when I went in by myself, so I made him go in with me and guard the door.   
He must have picked up on this, because he followed my every step wherever we stopped, even when we finally got to Bobby's house.   
I hugged the old man, pretending not to notice the wetness of his eyes and the catch in his voice. Then Cas led me upstairs to my room, supporting my still stiff and weak arm up the steps.   
I sat at the head of my bed, piling up all the pillows so I could lean back on them.  
He seemed satisfied and turned to leave.  
"Wait..." I called out to him, unthinking.   
He stopped obediently and pierced me with those eyes.  
"Yes?"

"Can um...can you stay? With me, I mean...for a little awhile. "  
I couldn't believe the words coming out of my own mouth. But I was terrified of him walking out the door, even if Bobby and my brothers were downstairs. I wanted Cas. Right where I could see him.

"Why?" he asked curiously. 

I felt stupid asking, but I felt too shitty to really care. "Its just...being alone is the worst thing I could think of right now."

He took my request a little too literally and placed himself next to me on the bed, folding up his legs just like I did.   
"I'm sorry its stupid...I don't know what's wrong with me."

A small, dry, chuckle left his throat. "Its not stupid, Hazel" he said kindly, "its called trauma."

I nodded. Right. I'm traumatized. Cool...  
I scratched inside the brace over my broken ankle anxiously.

"I suppose no one's ever letting me hunt again." I sighed. 

"Not the devil, no. Or demons..." he replied gravely. He was serious about that. I knew I would have to fight and likely lose to get back into the apocalypse. 

We sat in silence for a few moments, afraid to say anything else to each other. But a thought crossed my mind that I couldn't ignore. I was going to live a very long time, given I survived. Cas would be the only person in my life that would still be around, given he survived too.  
"Cas?"

"Hm?"

"Will you always stay with me?" 

"What do you mean?"

I frowned sadly. "I mean I'm going to live for centuries...will you stay my friend, so I wont be alone?"

He looked amused by that. "You dont have to ask, Hazel. I've always been there, even if you didn't know."

"I thought you said you weren't allowed to interfere. " I scolded playfully. 

He smiled for real this time, and my heart melted at the sight of its brilliance. How have I never notice how beautiful he was before?

"Remember when you were eight years old, and those older girls chased you into the woods after school?"

I racked my brain for a moment, but then memory was very clear.  
"Yeah, they beat me with rocks and sticks." 

"And what happened to them?" 

"Hm..oh, that huge tree branch broke off and pinned them all down...Kim had a broken-....that was you? "

We shared a smile between us.   
"That was me." 

I grew brave and hooked my arm around his, leaning on his shoulder sleepily. "You really care about me, dont you?" I asked shyly into a yawn.

"More than you can imagine. " he admitted. He began guiding my weight backwards.   
"You should sleep. "

"You'll stay here?" I asked, submitting to the comfort of the bed and the angel leaning back beside me, our arms still linked.

"Always."


	9. Crazy Works

"You were referred to me by a Dr. Babar, in Chicago?"   
The psychiatrist asked Dean.

"That's right. "

I sat in between my brothers for the interview, trying to contain my amusement at the fact that all we had to do was tell the truth to get into a mental institution. It had been a few weeks, four or five maybe, and I was experiencing yet another benefit of being a biblical creature. My bones were healed completely and my wounds were almost completely scarred over. The boys decided I was ready for a hunt, and I gladly accepted the opportunity to get out of the house before I strangled Bobby with his newfound overprotective bullshit.

"Isn't there a children's book about an elephant named Babar?" the doctor questioned.

"I dont know. I dont have any elephant books," Dean deflected, "Look, I think the doc was just in over his head with these two. They're a little..." he whistled and twirled his finger near his head gesturing "crazy" obnoxiously.

"Ok thanks, that's not really necessary. Now, Amber, why don't we start with how you're feeling?" The doctor said.

I sighed, still containing my giddy antics and smiles at the whole idea. But I expertly threw put my game face on.  
"Well I'll be honest. I'm angry, I got handed a real crap deal. I was born to see things. All the time. "

"What kind of things?"

I shrugged nonchalantly "Ghosts. Demons . Angels... Sometimes I get premonitions of horrible futures that give me migraines."

The doctor's eyes widened a bit, but he didn't seem surprised. "So...have you been diagnosed with schizophrenia?"

"Oh no," I corrected him reassuringly, secretly loving this, "I'm a powerful psychic. One that's only born on earth every seven generations. "

He nodded with an unreadable expression and took down some notes.   
"Uh huh...ok and Alex," he turned his attention to Sam, "tell me how _your_ feeling. "

"I'm fine," Sam said with a shrug," I mean I guess I'm a little depressed. "

"Alright, " the doctor said sounding hopeful that Sam might not be as screwed up as me. Oh how wrong he was. "And why do you feel that way?"

"Probably because I started the apocalypse. " Sam replied bluntly.

"The apocalypse?"

"Yeah. That's right. "

I couldn't hold it in. I snickered behind my hand. The doctor and Dean both shot me a glare.

"And you think you started it?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, I killed this demon, Lilith, and I accidentally freed Lucifer from hell. So now he's topside, and we're trying to stop him."

"Who's we?"

"Me. Uh, these two... And this one angel.." Sam explained matter of factly.

"Oh you mean like, an angel on your shoulder?" The Doctor inferred, thinking he was making sense of things.

"Oh no," I butted in, "his name is Castiel. He wears a trenchcoat. "

"See what I mean, doc? The kid's been beating himself up about this for months. The apocalypse wasn't his fault.." Dean explained.

"Its not?" the doctor said, hilariously lost in our story.

"No. This other demon, Ruby, got him hooked on demon blood. I mean near the end, he was practically chugging the stuff." Dean elaborated, making Sam visibly uncomfortable.

"Our brother's not evil, " I said, "he was just...high."

"Right...um, and I understand you also have a history of substance abuse?" he asked me.

"Yup. So...could you just fix up Alex so we can back to traveling around the country hunting monsters?" I said sweetly, flashing my best false sincerity smile.

The doctor took a breath, and pushed the button on his intercom. "Emma, cancel my lunch."

☆☆☆☆☆

We were taken back to a room together were a nurse took our vitals.  
"Dr. Fuller would like to keep all three of you under observation for a couple days." she said.

"All three of us?" Dean repeated, pretending to be surprised.

"Yes sugar. The doctor think that would be best." she replied with a sweet smile. Something was weird about her, I could feel it in my bones as she touched me to take my pulse. But my powers decided they didn't want to work at that moment. They did that sometimes. Must have been the long drive and lack of sleep.   
After the night Cas stayed with me, every other night was full of nightmares. Which wasn't unusual for a Winchester, but I'd never really had a problem sleeping through them before. Trauma was a bitch.

"Alright, " Dean said, "Nurse Ratched, let's get one thing straight, I've seen Cuckoo's Nest so don't try any of that soul-crushing, authoritarian crap on me."

"Okie dokie." The nurse said, a little condescendingly if you asked me.

☆☆☆☆☆

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this." Sam complained to Dean as we were finally allowed out into the common room, fully dressed in our delightful new looney gowns.

"Martin saved dad more times than we can count. We owe him this." was Dean's response, "besides I thought it was better we stay busy."

"Better than what?" I asked, but Sam and I both had an inkling.

"Nothing. "

"Dean...we've been worried about you for weeks. You always do this-" Sam said.

"Oh no...just because we're in the loony bin doesn't give you guys the right to shrink me," was his response, "Ellen and Jo dying, that was a tragedy, but I'm not gonna wallow in it."

"You can't just keep stuffing this crap down!" I scolded him.

He looked me defiantly in the eyes.   
"Watch me."

I rolled my eyes and gave up. I wasn't one to talk, if I were to be honest. I dealt with my problems with drugs. Even with the threat of withdrawal no longer present, I craved it every day. If I hadn't been dead for so long, I might have tried to go looking for it in the usual places by now, after the torture I endured.

"There he is," Dean said, breaking my thoughts and pointing at the man who called us here.  
A middle aged, rough but scrawny looking fellow, sitting alone by the window with his head down. After hearing the stories on the trip, I was a little disappointed. But at the same time I supposed I didnt look like much of a hunter either. I was small, relatively well dressed, and a little more on the attractive side than other female hunters I'd met.

The man noticed us and brightened up. "Sam, Dean, wow! Wow you boys got big!" He greeted my brothers warmly and shook their hands. I stayed back a ways, not wanting to impose.   
"Who's this? Another hunter?" He eyes me suspiciously, and I caught a glimpse of the terrible things that happened to him, landing him in the asylum.

"Long lost sister, " Sam said graciously, "Hazel, this is Martin."

We shook hands awkwardly. He didnt trust me, I could see that, not like he trusted my brothers. So I smiled genuinely and gave a respectful nod.

"Sister huh? How is that...?"

"Long story. " the three of us said unanimously.

"Right well, have a seat.  
In the old days I would have handled this myself but...Well now...I just cant."

"So what is it?" Dean asked.

"A ghost, demon, monster. Animal, vegetable, mineral. Hospital's had five deaths in the last four months. Doctors keep calling it suicides, but they're wrong.."

"You've seen it?" I asked. He shook his head. "Has anyone seen it?"

"A couple of patients have had glimpses, but it's not alot to go on," Martin replied.

"Are they reliable?" Dean asked.

"Well sure, why wouldn't they be?"

I pressed my foot onto of Dean's to shut him up.

"I know you boys think I'm a bag of loose screws...you wouldn't be wrong. But I wouldn't have called you if there wasn't something here. I feel it in my gut."

"I believe you." I said kindly. He looked at me gratefully, "I feel something too..."

Sam and Dean turned their attention to me. "You couldn't have said anything sooner?" Dean scolded. I shot him a glare. Sometimes he was an asshole.   
"I said I feel it, I haven't seen it." I explained. " Somethings been making my power all fuzzy. My money is on the monster, or sleep deprivation. "

"What is she talking about? Power?" Martin asked.

"Hazel's a psychic, " Sam elaborated, "a pretty good one too. Just...untrained." Martin nodded with satisfaction.

"Have you checked the bodies?" I asked Martin.

"Oh no...I don't go around dead bodies anymore..." he said, then shot us a warning with his eyes as the doctor approached.

"Alex, Eddie...Amber..glad to see you're making friends. Alex why don't you and Mr. Creaser join us for group?" doc said.

All three of us got up to move but Fuller held up a hand. "Actually I'm putting the three of you in separate group sessions. "

"What, why?" Dean asked.

"To be frank, the relationships that you have with your brother and sister seem dangerously codependent. I think a little time apart will do you all good."

_Great...we're being separated._

_☆☆☆☆☆_

While Sam was in therapy, Dean and I took up different posts around the halls and common room, looking for any sign of something abnormal. Which wasn't easy in a mental institution.

I hung around the entrance to the other halls, Dean opposite side of the room from me but still in view. I tried to reach out with my powers again, but it felt like trying to flex an arm with a cast on it. It was working, but limited. So I tried something different . Visions weren't working, so it was time for real psychic work. Getting a read on people as they passed by. Just little tid bits of information, like glancing at book, if books could walk past me. Nothing useful. Alot of sad stories.

But that all quickly changed. The more I searched, the more the faces of the patients began to look distorted. Eventually, they all looked like demons. My heart raced with instinctual terror as I pressed myself harder into the wall. I shut my eyes tight. "This isnt happening...they were fine a second ago..." I told myself.

When I worked up the courage to open my eyes, everything was back to normal. Until I looked beside me.  
A male nurse, innocently checking up on me, looked like a demon. Not just any piss ant demon either. He looked more twisted and awful, like the more powerful ones. Like the one assigned to torture me that Sam had killed. I gasped and fell to the floor, screaming and panicking inconsolably.

Dean ran across the room to me, but the staff got to me first.  
"What happened!?" he demanded, as they held me down to sedate me.

"Stay back sir, she's having a episode."

Before they got a needle in me, I felt like I had no control over my reactions. I knew what I was seeing wasn't real. I KNEW it. But with half a dozen "demons " trying to hold me down, my instincts kicked in, and my powers and I involuntarily went into fight or flight mode. We chose fight.

A wave of energy rushed off me, and all the orderlies were thrown off me a few feet, flat on their backs. I scrambled to my feet and made a panicky run for the nearest exit from the room. But I found myself being wrestled to the ground by Dean, face down.  
"What's going on!?" he whispered hastily in my ear before the staff could return. I stopped struggling and kept my eyes down, so I couldn't see anything else that would set me off.  
"I'm seeing things. And I mean _really_ seeing things, like a crazy person. Somethings wrong...you guys have to figure out what this thing is!" I hissed before I felt my arms and legs being secured by several hands and a needle entering my thigh.

I began to calm down as the glorious drugs kicked in, and quite pleasantly let myself give in to them and fall asleep.

☆☆☆☆☆

The next thing I knew, I was waking up groggily on a cot, sitting upright with restraints on my wrists strapped to the rails of the bed. I blinked around at the empty room, to see Sam, in the same predicament, on the opposite side of the door from me. He too was slowly waking and rolling his head around.  
Immediately, I realized I wasn't exactly sober. Far from it. The numb tingling of my muscles, the light, airy sensation in my head, the inexplicable euphoria driving my emotions. I found myself giggling, which drew Sam's attention to me.

"Oh, Hazel! It's you! " he said in a most uncharacteristic light tone.

"And its YOU!" I cooed back, pulling against a restraint to reach my fingers out at him. Sam was great. I loved Sam. I just wanted to touch his face. And his hair.

"Why are you here?" he asked, leaning his head back and moaning pleasurably at the drugs.

I started laughing. "I saw demons. "

He laughed too. "Seriously?"

"Nope. Not seriously. But I saw them anyway." I said, shaking my head exaggeratedly, "what about you?"

"Oh! Turns out it's a wraith. We thought it was the doctor, so I tried to kill him..." he explained lazily, then laughed,"it wasn't the doctor. "

"Nice going," I snickered.

The door between our beds jiggled, then slowly opened as our brother slipped through stealthily. He looked at each of us worriedly.  
"Guys ok?" he asked.

"No, I'm not ok" Sam replied, "I'm..awesomeeee."

"Extra awesomeeee." I sounded off after him. Dean's brow furrowed at us.  
"They give you something?" He asked.

"Oh yeah," Sam answered, "they gave me...everything. Its...spec...spectacular. "

"Spectacularrrrrrr." I repeated him, sing songing. Sam laughed at me, making Dean give us both a look.  
"You always were a happy drunk, " he said to Sam.

"You know what's happy, Dean?" I exclaimed loudly.

"Enlighten me." he humored me.

"Birdies. Little baby birdies."

Sam gasped in agreement. "Oh my God yesss. Dean, can we get baby birdies?"

"Alright enough," he dismissed us, but he was containing a grin. He was so adorable. I loved Dean too. That hardass exterior was so fake. My sweet little Dean.  
"Let me touch your face..." I whined. He ignored me as Sam abruptly straightened up and grew serious.

"Dean, the doctor wasn't the wraith. "

"Yeah I know," he turned to me, "and what the hell is wrong with you?"

I giggled. "I'm craaaaazzzy. Haven't you heard?"  
He shook his head.

"Dean...maybe were all crazy." Sam suggested.

"What are you talking about?"

Even through the fog of drugs, something in my power clicked.   
"The wraith made us spectacular!" I inferred.

Sam's face lit up in agreement. Dean frowned in confusion.   
"You mean, it made us crazy? Like seeing shit?"

"Yeah dude, " Sam said, "maybe that's why you thought you saw the wraith."

"Ok...find me when you get outta here ."

And he left us. Which I wasn't cool with. I didn't care how drugged up I was. Sam and I weren't staying on lockdown.

"I'm getting us outta here, Sammy." I promised to him, gathering my energy.

He chuckled dryly. "Somehow I doubt that will work. I cant even feel the demon blood cravings, how are you supposed to feel your powers?"

I tried to tune him out and concentrate, but he kept babbling, making me laugh.   
"Listen...I think the crazy juice is making me stronger. Well..sorta.."

"Ha. Crazy juice..."

"No, seriously, Sam. At first I couldn't feel them when I got here, but the hallucinations are making me panic, and I can use that. " I insisted to him.

"Pbbbbb! " he raspberried at me, "try it then."

"Make me scared. "

He did a good job. He lunged at me as best he could from his restraints, making and angry face and hollering incoherently. Instantly his face contorted into something else, and my trauma reared its head again.

Struggling to breathe and focus, I harnessed that terror whipped my straps off, sending myself shooting upward telekinetically and smashing into the ceiling. I landed roughly on the bed, momentum rolling me off and finally planting on my back on the hard floor. "Ow..."

Sam was laughing so hard he couldn't breathe.  
When I realized the drugs had blocked any pain I was just being silly, I laughed too, so hard I snorted, which made Sam howl even harder.

I rolled to my belly so I could clumsily get to my feet and start freeing him as well.

We proceeded to sneak through the halls, as well as a couple drunken idiots might sneak. The "crazy juice" was definently getting to us as well. I couldnt see straight, relying on my powers to guide me like a rope tied to trees in the woods.   
I put my feelers out for Dean, specifically, and followed the sensation to a room with a light on, where none other than the nurse who booked us ,the wraith, was getting ready to stab his skull.   
With more strength than I've ever had before, I slammed the creature into the wall and pinned it there, but started to falter as its disgusting true face began to frighten me and poke at my trauma.   
She laughed as I began to lose my grip, but something in me snapped and held her even tighter.   
I felt my whole body tingling with energy, my eyes growing warm and fierce. Dean clambered to his feet, grabbed the small silver blade he'd lost from the floor and jammed it hard into the wraiths head.

Once it was over, and our sanity returned, my brothers stared at me in awe. I was shaking, as the strength I'd just summoned was waning.  
"What the hell, since when are you that juiced?" Dean asked.

I shrugged feebly. "Crazy works."

☆☆☆☆☆

After we'd snuck out of the asylum and retrieved Baby from impound, Cas showed up in the backseat. He must have learned to use the gps tracking on his phone.  
It gave me quite a startle when I noticed someone sitting next to me, and I shrieked, making Dean swerve nearly into the ditch.  
"Geezus Cas, call first!" he snapped.

"Are you done with the Seer?" he asked curtly.

I rolled my eyes. "What do you want now?"

"We should be looking for Famine.."

"Look Cas," Sam said, "Hazel's not in a good position to be using her powers right now."

We explained how the hunt went, and I explained how the wraith had aggravated my PTSD and how strong I got.

"You are not well..." Castiel concluded, something concerned in his voice and eyes.

I shrugged with my head. "I'll be alright...Dean was in Hell for thirty years. I was on earth tortured for a week. "   
I was trying to convince myself to be rational. As if I had no right to be so damaged from one tiny incident compared to what Dean went through.

"Then I suppose..." Cas began, "you should rest first. But come with me, I can help you recover."

"How you gonna do that?" Sam asked skeptically.

Cas awkwardly slapped a hand onto the side of my head, observing me as if he could see inside my brain.  
I sat there frozen and uncomfortable.

"I can help her navigate and manipulate the complexities of her mind." he explained, still looking over me like a doctor might. I felt him picking through my mind, gently, careful not to bring anything to the surface or to my conscious attention.

My brothers took turns glancing to the back seat at the angel and I.   
"Is it bad?" Dean asked, seeming to understand and trust Castiel's expertise on such things.

Cas let his hand fall from me, giving me a look that told me he didn't like what he saw, or felt.

"Bad enough, " he replied sullenly.

"What does that mean?" Sam inquired.

I squirmed in my seat, uncomfortable with this diagnosis consultation.

"It means Hazel is dangerous in the state she's in," Cas warned bluntly, "I highly recommend you avoid hunting wraiths. Even if I am able to help her."


	10. Songs Remain

Cas spent alot of time with me the following week. At first, he simply stayed with me at night, observing, worried my nightmares might cause my powers to go haywire. Mostly he just sat at the edge of the bed, or stood by the door like a statue. No one could stand guard quite like Castiel.   
But when I zoned out one day at breakfast with Bobby, I had a day-nightmare, and flipped the table over and sent everything on it crashing through the kitchen window. That's when Bobby called Dean, who called Castiel, and it became less like a vigilance, and more like a training camp.  
It was nearly dusk when he arrived this time, and dragged me outside to the most open area we could find among the junk.  
"I really don't want to do this anymore, Cas..." I complained, rubbing my eyes wearily. He was lucky I was a morning person. But he also didn't give me time to have coffee.

"You have to." He said sternly, but upon seeing my worried, and sunken eyes, he softened.  
"Hazel you have to do this. I'm sorry..."

I took a deep breath and nodded with tight lips. Reluctantly, I let him approach me more closely and place his hand over my forehead.   
"Ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

He pulled my memories and trauma to the surface. All of it, making me shrivel internally with terror, as if I could still feel everything. I was lost to the world outside my mind, but I heard Castiel's voice through the chaos.  
"Control it. Do not let this be the source of your strength. "

I still didn't understand what I was supposed to do. After trying this for days, I was still paralyzed with fear as the images flashed by, though to me it was slow, as if I relived them. More than the torture I'd recently endured...Old hurts were resurfacing. Battles I'd had with the Supernatural, friends I'd lost...all before I'd reached adulthood. One particular memory gave me chills; the night I was so high I almost couldn't stop myself from getting raped. Almost.

"Push them aside!" he commanded more loudly.

I tried to focus, tried shutting down the program, but it was like shutting rusty garage doors, creaking, scraping and straining. The horror behind them was stubborn.  
I couldn't feel my body but I sensed I had tears streaming like rivers down my cheeks.   
Finally frustration took over everything else, desperation for it to end, and I slammed those garage doors shut. My mind went blank, calm. I felt my energy return to a less volatile state. I'd finally done it after three days of this crap, I finally dominated over the shit going on in my head.  
It took me a moment to leave my own mind, but when I did and pried my eyes open, I found that I was partially pinned to the ground by Castiel, and his face was very close to mine. The glow in both our eyes faded to normal as we entered the real world together and found ourselves staring into each others gaze. I felt my cheeks involuntarily flush.  
"You alright?" he asked me quietly, "I had to hold you down...you started throwing automobiles.."

I squinted and turned my head, cheek in the dirt, to see a couple junk cars flipped over, several yards away from their original position.   
"I did that?"

I expected Bobby to come running, or rolling, outside hollering about the noise any minute.

"You did."

He helped me to my feet, which were a little unsteady, so I supported myself with a hand on his arm.  
"But that was successful, at the end. "

I sighed while I brushed the filth off my pants. "Dean buries his crap all the time, and it's worse than mine. It shouldn't be this hard..."

Cas reached down with his other hand and held mine in the air between us , a sweet and reassuring gesture. "You're not weak, Hazel. "

"I'm not so sure of that anymore. " I said, refusing to look at him. I tried my best to ignoring the sizzling energy between his fingers and mine. At first I was going to react, but then I realized what was happening. I had just gotten stronger, and my energy was reacting in contact with his. I pulled it away and shook off the tingling sensation. I hoped that wouldn't happen everytime he touched me.

"A psychic's mind is...sensitive. It's not surprising that you react poorly to torture. " he assured me, "but I'm going to help you desensitize. As best as I can."

I nodded gratefully. "I appreciate it, Cas. If there's anything I can do to repay you..."

He frowned, and his warm expression sunk into his usual stoic sincerity.   
"Just...stay out of trouble. Until you're strong enough to deal with it, you shouldn't be hunting."

I shook my head with a dry chuckle. "I cant promise that. Especially if my brothers can't stay out of trouble. "

"You're going to be very powerful someday, Hazel. But you must take your time, and be careful until then, or you'll end up getting killed." He said to me, and there was no mistaking the sadness cracking in his throat.

I shrugged light heartedly. "Wouldn't be the first time. Third actually. "

He narrowed his eyes at me, that adorable confused expression slapped over his usual all knowing vibe. "Third?"

"Oh, you didn't know? I guess you couldn't have been watching me all the time..." I wandered over to a car and leaned against the fender, pulling out a cigarette box and lighting one.

He glowered at me, and I just realized he'd never seen me smoke. I wasn't a heavy smoker, especially since dying and becoming sober, in fact the boys had rarely seen it since I'd been alive, and Dean wouldn't let me smoke in the car.  
Castiel looked as if he were about to protest before remembering what I had just said to him.  
"When did you die?" he asked.

"A few years before I died for the second time. I over dosed. Hospital revived me but it was close one." I said nonchalantly, like it was no big deal. In my mind it wasn't. It happened to alot of addicts.

He listened to me quietly, and I could see the gears turning in his head as he worked to understand the strange things humans did, such as drug use.  
I was nearly finished with my cigarette when finally spoke again.

"Do you still want it?" his question took me by surprise.

"Heroin? All the time...you have to understand something about addiction, Cas.." I begin to explain and toss my smoke on the ground and stomp on it, "it's both physical and mental. Mentally? I'm done with it, I no longer have the mind set to go looking for it. But physiologically, my body tells me I should..recent events have made sure of that. "

I bit my lips at the disappointment he wore. I knew he blamed himself for everything bad that has and will ever happen to me. He saw me as his responsibility, and I couldn't change that.

"If I was at full power, I could cure you of that part..." he muttered.

"Don't worry about it. I'm not going to do it. No matter how good it sounds, I know I need to be here and be sober. For all of us."

He paced closer me, looking me over, reading me for sincerity.   
"Can you swear to that?" he asked a little darkly, his firm gaze pinning me in place.

"For now, yes. I swear... but after this is all over...I can't promise anything, if you cant cure me, Cas. I'm sorry.."

At first his lips tightened, and I sensed his frustration. Picking up on emotions with my mind was new, and it jarred me a little when I felt negative energies. My breath shook as I exhaled.   
But then a look of determination replaced the angry one, and his eyes glinted at me with an invisible smile. An arrogant one.

"I'll just have to keep watching over you, then."

I opened my mouth to say something, but all that came out was a shrieking gasp as agony exploded behind my eyes and I was once again blinded to the real world and a vision forced its way in.

It was long time ago, I got that much. Decades. I saw a beautiful couple in their home, the lovely blonde wife greeting young husband coming home from work.   
John, his name was John.

A red headed young woman came barging into the house, terrifying the couple. Not a woman...an angel.

It took a moment for both memory and power to click, but I recognized the woman as Ana, the fallen angel.  
She apologized to John and his wife before attacking them with a simple knife, impaling them brutally.

The vision abruptly left me, leaving me gasping and heaving, finding myself doubled over and staring at the ground.

"What was it?" Cas asked me calmly, steadying my shoulders.

"Ana..." I breathed shortly, "she- ah..She was in the past, she killed a couple people."

I looked to him and recognized that serious, _mortal peril_ expression immediately.   
"What?"

"This is not good..."

"What you mean?"

"You didnt just see into the past, Hazel..."

I folded my arms with wide, expecting eyes, waiting for an explanation.

"You saw the future, happening in the past."

I shook my head, utterly confused.  
"Huh?"

"What you saw was Ana traveling to the past to kill someone, before she did it."

My jaw dropped. _Whoa..._  
I was already surprised to be seeing into the past, but to have a premonition of something that technically happened later but also already happened? _Wait.. no...that's not right. My brain hurts..._

"I imagine it does," Cas responded to my apparently outloud telepathy, "that was...an incredible feat, even for a Seer."

I merely nodded, still a little awe struck and beginning to really understand what it means to be a Seer. "The man's name she killed, or is going to kill or...whatever...Is John, and his wife. Didn't catch her name. Does that mean anything to you?"

"Unfortunately, yes." he replied gravely, "She's going to kill your father. "  
☆☆☆☆☆

"Really? Ana?" Dean said.

We were gathered in the motel room they'd chosen on their trip, Castiel feverishly putting together a locating spell. "Yes," he replied, "shes going to kill your parents to ensure Sam is never born. "

I stood silently pondering next to Sam, whom I sensed grew tense and was experiencing mixed emotions.

"So Ana's gone all Glenn Close?" Dean inferred.

"Who's Glenn Close?" Cas asked.

I chuckled. "No one. Just some psycho bitch that likes to boil rabbits. "

"So the plan to kill me off, would it actually stop Satan?" Sam asked suddenly.

Dean and I both shot him a bitch face. "Sam!!"

"No," Cas said, but he was lying,   
" she's uh..Glenn Close....Found her! 1978."

"What? Why? " Dean asked , "even I wasn't born yet. Why so far back?"

Cas didn't answer at first, a look of quiet contemplation on his face, but I sensed he came to a realization and when he turned to look at me, so did I.

"Because that's the year Cas was supposed to kill me..." I mumbled and swallowed a hard dry lump.

Dean shook his head, and I sensed his anger beginning to rise over the confusion. "Why? What does Ana care about a Seer?"

Castiel seemed reluctant to answer, and wouldn't look at us. In my anxiety I involuntarily pushed my energy into his, and he allowed it. I entered his mind, shuffling past the shame and found the answer.   
I choked on a gasp. "Why didn't you tell me!?"

My brother's exchanged looks around the room expectantly. "Tell you what?" Sam asked.

I bit my lips, fury bubbling to my chest and stealing my speach.

"Cas?" Sam pushed.

"Seers are a universal vessel for angels." he answered gravely, "in the case of Archangels, they're the next best thing to the perfect vessel. Meaning you two. One step below you, and one step above whatever they're using now. Ana's not taking any chances it seems."

'Take us back, now!" Dean demanded.

"And deliver you all right to Ana? I should go alone.."

"This is our family Cas. We're going. " Sam insisted. And I agreed. I had no attachment to their mother, but despite never knowing him, I was ready to save my father as well as my three year old self.

"Its not that easy.." Cas argued, "time travel is difficult, even with the power of heaven, and taking passengers...it will weaken me."

"They're our mom and dad if we can save them and not just from Anna I mean, if we can set things right we have to try."

Cas seemed to cave, and I stepped closer to them all, ready to join the flight, but Dean stopped me.

"Listen, Haze...you heard him, taking us is going to take alot of juice. You should stay and look after Bobby. "

I folded my arms stubbornly. "I want to go. It's my father too..." I protested sadly.

"I know, I know...but we cant risk taking too much outta Cas. If we cant stop Ana, hes still going to have to stop her from getting to you too."

I opened my mouth to argue but Cas came forward as well. "Dean is right. Taking all three of you...I would be helpless. Possibly not even be able to bring you back. I'd rather only lose one battle than lose both. "

I sighed, a little down trodden.   
"I just wanted to meet him..." I muttered.

Sam and Dean pulled me into a group hug, "we'll see you...back in the future. " Dean joked into my hair, but I knew he was nervous, and that he wasn't sure he'd see me again.

"I love you guys." I whispered between their necks, "Go kick some angel ass."

☆☆☆☆☆

If my understanding of time travel was correct, Castiel would have returned with my brothers shortly after leaving; if they didn't die. But I wouldn't have known, because I left.  
I borrowed the Impala, at great personal risk of infuriating Dean, and simply took off.

I didn't have a destination, or a plan, in my mind. What I had, was a restless anxiety that rocked me to my core and I had to leave.  
After having a few painful and breif visions of what was going on in the past, nothing good, I couldn't sit around and wait. At first, I thought the ride might calm me and I'd just return to Bobby's, but I found myself headed south.

It was night again by the time I'd reached an empty backroad highway in the Ozarks, and my phone began ringing. I expected the caller ID to read Big Little Bro 1 or 2, but instead it was Castiel.  
I dont know why, but I silenced the ringer and ignored it.

Something had me zoned out, soul searching and solitary.   
My brothers got to go see and save their family, but other than them, I had none.   
I was feeling drawn to home, and tears threatened to fall as I entered familiar scenery on the way there.

I pulled into the driveway hidden within a glade , moonlight spilling through the clearing in the canopy over the humble but sturdy roof of the place I grew up in.  
I held my breath and shuddered back sobs as I killed the engine.

My hand gripped the door handle, as if I were ready to exit the car, but I froze and stared the front porch in tense silence.

Things flashed through my mind vividly, and I wasn't sure if they were visions or memories. Maybe both. Either way, they hurt.

Mother calling my name from the front door as I sprint out of the woods covered in mud and leaves.

The coyote puppy I found when I was nine, frolicking with me in a blanket of fresh snow.

Lighting off magically enhanced fireworks off the roof together and munching on fresh warm donuts with real hot chocolate...

Something like guilt and longing gripped my chest, shaming me for choosing drugs and independence over the loving home I had. Maybe it wasn't my fault that I was killed, but it certainly was my fault my mother was.

A hard knock on the driver's side window gave me a jolt, and I actually squealed and instinctively reached for my hunting bag.  
I sighed in both relief and dread when I realized the owner of the car was the one who knocked, two other figures behind him. With a roll of my eyes I exited the car with stubborn crossed arms, waiting for the lecture about Baby.

"Why didn't you pick up the phone?" Dean scolded with that smoldering glare of his.

I shook my head lazily.  
"I don't know...didnt want to talk. How'd you find me?" I replied.

Sam held up his phone with a gesturing shake. "GPS..." he commented. I nodded and bit my lips.

Cas was out of the way and minding his business, but I could feel his confusion and concern just as much as that of my brother's. His eyes pinned on me with that unnerving focus he was so famous for.

"So what's up?" Dean contuined gruffly.

"Look, I'm sorry about the car, but I took care of her I promise..."

"Ok...but what are you doing here?"

Before I could struggle to find an answer I didnt have, Cas made his way a little closer.  
"This is Hazel's homestead. " he said blankly, wandering away and taking in the view of the property as if he too had fond memories.   
Sam and Dean softened, and I sensed they're assumptions of me hunting alone melt away.

"I don't know I just...got to thinking too much and I...I had to come see it. "

Sam approached closer and put a big hand on my shoulder, his annoyingly compassionate gaze making me think he understood exactly what my problem was.  
"Are you going to go inside?" he asked me.

I shrugged softly. "Maybe. Heh..it might be a dump now. But there might be things inside I want."

"We'll go with you, if you want." Dean chimed in.

I laughed dryly. "Ok...but what happened with Ana?"

We began walking slowly together up the gravel driveway, Cas in tow.

"Dead." Sam said, "honestly we um...tried to make to where we were never born without mom and dad dying but...it didn't work out."

"So...nothings changed? Song remains the same?" I inferred, to which they both nodded soberly.  
"Well at least you got the job done."

With zero confidence and running on not but pure muscle memory I opened the front door, hit by the smell of dust and mice from the darkness.

The men entered behind me, flicking flashlights on and lighting the entryway before my feet. Dust lay thick like a blanket on the original wood floor, and from what I could see, everything was left untouched.

The fireplace still had a humble collection of keepsakes and picture frames I could see as Sam's light grazed along the mantle.   
I strode across the bed of dust, leaving fluffy dunes with each footprint and began tenderly brushing the filth off the photos.  
There wasn't much, just a few baby and toddler pictures of me, and a few yearbook ones through the years. I stuffed them carefully into my bag, stopping at the one in particular of mother and me.  
We had just left a friend's wedding, I was about twelve, and someone snapped a picture of us side by side with huge, loving smiles.  
I stifled a sob at the sight of my gorgeous, raven haired mother, all dolled up in formal wear fit for a modern witch. Before I broke down I quickly added it to the pile in my bag and moved on.  
The others remained quiet as I made my way to check the rest of the house, first in my mother's study/bedroom. It was the largest room in the house, big enough for her to perform nearly any spell and stash tons of witchcraft supplies. I pawed through the contents of drawers to salvage anything still useable, particularly the rarer items. Next I found an additional duffel bag and rescued her slowly ruining clothes from the closet. She appeared to have taken most of it with her when she left to find me and was murdered.

Then it was my room.

It was mostly empty of clothing and everyday items, but I had left a great deal of keepsakes, including a worn plush toy of a dark grey gryphon. Not a conventional comfort toy one might find in a child's room, but it was my version of teddy bear and I had adored it. I hugged his dusty form to my face before cramming him into my bag.

Last but not least I had to rummage through my desk. Nothing particularly valuable was in it, aside from a handful of jewelry.  
But among the remaining junk I came across an empty syringe, still loaded with a needle and nearly pricked my finger on it.

I abruptly jumped back, causing my brothers to alarm.  
They came close to me out of instinct, but Castiel rather smoothly investigated the desk for himself.

With an unreadable expression, he discovered the syringe, gingerly picked it up, and looked right at me as he crushed it to nothing and dropped the remains to the floor.   
I understood his meaning, and nodded appreciatively.

I didn't need to say I was slightly triggered, and he both literally and metaphorically destroyed the problem.

"Are you finished here?" he asked me, the darkness in the lines of his face fading. He was really sweet, in his own, quite, awkward way.

"Yeah," I replied in almost a whisper, "this is all I want."

Dean cleared his throat aggressively at me and held out a beckoning hand.   
"Keys..." he demanded.

I grinned, feeling a little delighted at his displeasure over his precious car, and handed them over.

After I loaded everything into the backseat and trunk, all four of us rode off together.

I was in a bit of shock, not really processing my emotions, and despite the kind gesture of the angel, I was itching for a full needle. Just aching for that ecstatic, lack of feeling and the sweet slumber that would follow.   
I missed my mother and my life before hunting or drugs so much that I beginning to feel more infuriated with Lucifer for raising me than I already was for apocalypse.

It was then that I understood, that my song has remained the same as well.


	11. Relapse

I'd come across my fair share of strange cases being a hunter, but this was definitely a new one.

A young couple had apparently eaten each other alive after coming home from a date.  
Then another couple shot each other in the man's work place. There was already a pattern apparently that screamed something witchy or demonic. Seemed like it might be a quick case provided we could find the source. 

Enough time had passed that my brothers decided I would be ok to hunt with them. I hadn't had any sort of episode, or even a vision, in weeks, and my telekinesis was stronger and more under control than ever. I wasn't able to move cars like I had in during my little fit in the junk yard, but with enough energy I could toss something at least two hundred pounds several yards away. In other words, I could be useful.

Cas wasn't pleased to hear it, but he was busy with whatever he was doing in his search for God, so he wasn't going to stop us.   
It was nice to have an angel on my shoulder but I'd be damned if his over protectiveness wasn't getting tiresome. I must admit I was glad he wasn't going to be around for this one. Just me and my boys, saving people and hunting things. 

And there we were, at the coroner's for the second time, examining the second double suicide remains.

I stood back, holding back gagging as the two of them dug through the packaged human organs, Sam more meticulously than Dean of course. He was always the more scientific one. At least one of us was. Dean was a brute, and my methods tended to be more mystical.  
"Hey," Dean said quietly, pushing the tub with a severed heart across the table to Sam, "Be my valentine?"

Sam wasn't amused, but I laughed, inappropriately loud. It was short lived however, because the moment the two containers touched, something picked at my brain, and my powers, a little spark of something telling me to take a look.   
"Wait a minute...there's something about the hearts." I said to them before they could push them aside.  
Sam squinted at them and quickly noticed something.   
"They have identical marks on them, look," he said," it's some kinda letter?"

Dean and I cocked our heads trying to see what he was talking about. 

"Oh no..." Sam suddenly exclaimed breathily. 

"What?" Dean asked.

"I think its Enochian..."

"You mean the angel scratches? Oh hell... " Dean grunted, taking his gloves off and digging his phone out.

"Cas, its Dean. Yeah,   
Room 31C, basement level, St. James Medical Center. "

"I'm there now." Came Castiel's voice both into the room and the phone,as he appeared directly in front of Dean. I grinned with a shake of my head. 

"Yeah, I get that. "

"I'm gonna hang up now..."

I bit my amused lips back at Cas as he made his way to the table where he rather casually picked up a heart and examined it. Both of us seemed to avoid the debate over my ability to hunt and hardly acknowledged each other as he passed me. 

"You were right Sam, these are angelic marks. I imagine you'd find similar marks on the other couple's hearts as well." He said.

"Great...so what are they?" I asked.

"Its a mark of union," Cas explained, "this man and woman were intended to mate."

"Ok..." Dean said, " but who put them there?"

"Well..your people call them cupid."

Three mouths dropped open, three sets of ears not sure if they heard correctly. 

Cas continued nonchalantly, "What human myth has mistaken for cupid is actually a lower order of angels. Technically it's a cherub, third class."

I felt a twinge of my powers sear across my forehead as a tidal wave of images of random couples paired by a cupid forced their way in. Unnecessary if you ask me. I believed Cas, I didn't need confirmation. My powers were rude sometimes. I massaged my aching temple for a moment, glad no one noticed.

"So what you're saying is..." Began one of my brothers but I was too concerned with the throbbing in my skull to decifer which one. 

"What I'm saying is that a cupid has gone rogue and we have to stop him before he kills again."

"Naturally. Of course we do." came Dean's smart remark. 

☆☆☆☆☆

Cas led us to some sort of upper middle class restuarant/ bar that was in my opinion tacky beyond belief with it's over zealous valentine's decorations. As soon as we walked in, I could feel the tingle of something in the air. There was definently a supernatural power at work. Something warm and pleasant crackling in the atmosphere that no doubt only Castiel and I could feel. 

As the angel shouldered in behind me and past me, something drew our eyes together. I must have been unintentionally conveying something with my mind that caught his attention.   
"You feel it too?" he asked me quietly as we waited for the host to find us a seat.  
I gave a quick nod. "What is it?" 

A confused grimace threatened to pull his lips. "Its love. In a pure, and magical form. The place is saturated with it. This place is a nexus of human reproduction. It's exactly the kind of Of garden the cupid will come to pollinate."

I was beginning to get dizzy with the feeling. I'm not sure what I was sensing was love, but it was certainly making my heart race. I shrugged it off as another lovely side effect of being a Seer. Primal love energy floating around the room made me a little loopy, apparently. 

However something else, not the lovely dovey juice flying around, was disrutping my energy. I couldn't put a finger on the sensation, for it was like a dull ache in the background. It wasn't unlike craving a cigarette, a sort of itching need, but I'd just had one shortly before entering the restaurant. 

It was all and all an uncomfortable experience, specially after watching Dean, of all people, not eat his food, only to see Cas start devouring it instead. Something was really off about that, but my powers didn't, or couldn't, pick up on it. I brushed it off as angelic curiosity.

Castiel quickly found the cupid and dissapeared to the backroom where we found him, having bound the cupid to manifesting. It was both not at all, and exactly what I expected. 

We took turns receiving uncomfortably tender hugs from the creature, and he explained to us humans that Mary and John, like millions of others, were set up together by cupid's. Also that he had nothing to do with the death of his marks.

Knowing the angels, it didnt surprise me. But an inquiry was quick to come to mind.  
"What about me?" I asked a little more bitterly than I meant to. 

The cupid sighed sweetly at me, and I feared he would bring me in for another hug.   
"You were tricky," cupid explained, wagging his finger, "you had to be born, of course, and there was no way around it. Your mother would have birthed an Oracle no matter what. But we..."

"What?" Dean snapped in my defense. He was already upset about our destinies being toyed with.

"Thing is...the Oracle, or Seer, is a neutral being. They dont owe fealty to anyone. So heaven decided our chances of the Seer helping them were better, if she were related to the Winchesters. They didn't count on you guys rebelling." Cupid said, chuckling childishly.

Sam scoffed. "No one of ever does."

"I dont understand, why would they care if they killed me?" I said.

"Huh...you know I never thought about that'" Cupid said, "maybe..just in case?"

☆☆☆☆☆

So our cupid targets were coincidentally involved in whatever was killing people. Now we had a completely different, and drastically more strange victim. A man had eaten himself to death with Twinkies. Cramming them down his throat like he was loading a cannon. I was both horrified and impressed.

Just as I thought things couldn't any weirder, Castiel was still going out of his way to eat. And not just eat, but stuff cheap burgers in his mouth almost endlessly. My brothers didn't seem concerned with it, thinking he was just doing what he did best; be a weird nerdy angel. But I knew better. Something was wrong and I could feel it.  
On top of that, Sam came across a demon, with a brief case, and chased it down. The container seemed important so he snatched it and met back up with the rest of us at the motel. Cas wasn't around at that moment, out for more cheeseburgers. 

We stared at it, sitting around the room in anxiety. A mysterious object carried by demon was rarely a good thing. In fact it always meant trouble, in one way or another. 

"What the hell's a demon got to do with all this, anyway?" Dean asked aloud.  
"Believe me, I got no idea." Sam answered. 

The both cast me an expecting glance in their own time.  
"I dont know either, guys. Whatever is going on in this town is disrupting my mojo." I said, "I cant even get a feel on what's in that thing. I can't even feel Cas's presence."

What little of my powers that still functioned, picked up deep concern from the two of them. If only they knew just how bad it really was. That itch I couldn't scratch at the restaurant was worse, and I knew exactly what it was at that point. I was jonesing for heroin. I was clawing and fidgeting at the crook of my arms almost incessantly. 

"Let's crack her open, " Dean said abruptly, "I mean what's the worst that could happen?"

"Alot of things..." I muttered as he sauntered over to the briefcase and flipped the latches open. 

Dean lifted the lid and almost instantly we were all blinded by brilliant white light, and a deafening vibration of energy in our ears. Thankfully he managed to slam it shut, gasping and looking back at us.   
"What the hell was that?"

"That was a human soul." Came Castiel's cryptic voice as appeared in the room, munching on a new burger, "its starting to make sense. " 

"What about that makes sense?" Dean asked, "what is with you and the eating?"

"Exactly! My hunger, it's a clue actually. " Cas replied in between swallows.

"For what?" I asked.

"This town isn't suffering from some love-gone-wrong effect. It's suffering from hunger. Starvation, to be exact. Specifically, Famine..." was the angel's answer.

"Famine? As in...the horseman? Great. Just fucking great..." Dean said 

"I thought famine was starvation...as in food." Sam pointed out.

"Yes absolutely..." Cas began, "but not just food. Everyone seems to be starving for something. Sex, attention, love..."

"Drugs." I added dryly. They all looked at me, wordlessly understanding that I too, was affected by the horseman.  
"So...Famine rolls into town and everybody goes crazy?"

Castiel grew serious in both expression and tone.  
"And then will come Famine, riding on a black steed. He will ride into the land of plenty. And great will be the horseman's hunger, for he is hunger. His hunger will seep out and poison the air..."

"Hungry...Famine is hungry.. " I said thoughtfully, " He must be devouring the souls of his victims. That explains the briefcase!! Lucifer must have demons taking care of Famine."

"What do we do?" Dean asked.

"How did you defeat the last horseman?" Cas inferred. 

"Right...class ring. Let's head out."

"Dean..." Sam said shakily, "I cant..."

☆☆☆☆☆

We had to lock Sammy up in the bathroom, cuffed to the toilet. He was going to go totally vampire on any demons we encountered if we hadn't.   
Me on the other hand, I wasn't sure if I was ok or not, but I wasn't going to let Dean face a horseman alone.  
The craving was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore, but thankfully I was in a strange town, my powers muffled, and had no idea where to get a bag of heroin and needle. If anything I figured the frustration might help me in a fight.

Dean, Cas, Baby and I sat outside the diner we'd discovered to be the location of Famine. 

Castiel was again munching away in the front seat, the crinkling of paper and smacking of his mouth driving Dean and I up the wall.  
Finally Dean snapped. "How many is that?!"

"Lost count. In the low hundreds." was the response between bites. We shook our heads at him.  
"What I don't understand is, where is your hunger Dean?"

"Huh?"

"Slowly but surely, everyone in this town is falling prey to Famine. But so far, you seem unaffected. " 

I blinked dumbly for a moment. Cas had a point. Dean was acting perfectly normal, other than doing just the opposite of things he was normally hungry for. "Yeah what's up with that? Sam and I are dying for a fix but you...nothing?"

Dean shrugged and smirked.  
"When I wanna drink, I drink. When I want sex, I go get it. Same goes for a sandwich or a fight."

I frowned at him, a little jealous of his supposed contentment. "So you're just...well adjsuted?"

He chuckled. "God no. I'm just well fed. So you wanna go over the plan again?"

Cas kept eating and didn't answer.

I smacked his shoulder from the backseat. "Hey! Happy meal! The plan?"

Castiel sighed in boredom. "I take the knife, I go in, cut off the ring hand of Famine and meet you back here."

☆☆☆☆☆

Dean and I waited, and waited. It felt like an hour but it couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes. I had the pits of my elbows rubbed raw through my flannel sleeves in anxiety and craving my sweet release.  
Finally Dean let out a grunt and pulled at the door handle forcefully.   
"This is taking too long."

"For real." I agreed, and moved to open my door too.

He snapped his head back me, making me shrink under radar of those bright green daggers in his eye sockets. "I think you should stay here. " He wasn't asking. But I wasn't asking permission either.

"Fuck that." I whined back.

"Hazel..." he began to protest, "look your mojo is down, you've got the hunger sickness...its not a good idea."

"Are you kidding me?! " I shot at him, "I'm still a hunter, you're no more powerful than me. We're in this together!" 

He sighed, still not happy about it.

"Look, Dean...it's not like the horseman is gonna have a needle waiting for me. What's he gonna do? He might leave me alone. These bad guys would all love to get ahold of Seer in one peice right?"

After wasting time arguing, we finally began our march across the parking lot. The closer we got, the more I began to sweat and grind my teeth. The sooner we got the ring, the better.

We came upon exactly what we expected. Dead bodies, or living ones still killing themselves, littering the place.  
And that's when we saw Castiel on the other side of the counter, gorging himself on raw hamburger, as helpless and the rest of them.  
"Cas? Cas!" Dean called. But the angel could not stop.

The thing I could only assume was Famine, a shriveled old man in a wheel chair, sat in the center isle surrounded by demons.  
"Ah, the other Mr. Winchester..."

"What did you do to him!?" Dean demanded.

Famine chuckled feebly. It was really god damned creepy.   
"You sicced your dog on me, and I just threw him a steak."

The creature's eyes fell on me, making my knees and hands shake. "Hmm...the Seer.." he said quietly, "what's wrong my dear? I can help you..."

He gestured side ways with his hand, and a demon at his side stepped forward with a small case, opening and setting it on the floor.

"W-what..." I stammered, hoping to God it wasn't what I thought. All I could see was the twisted top of a plastic bag.

"Its what you want. You're escape." Famine coaxed gently. I involuntarily moved toward it, sinking myself lower as I went until I was on my knees shuffling.   
"Hazel, no! Don't!" Dean cried desperately, making a lunge but Famine shoved him back with telekinesis.   
Tears in my eyes, I greedily opened the baggy to find heroin powder...alot of it...and started spooning it in my mouth with my fingers.

{Dean's POV} 

My poor sister. It stung to watch her so pathetically killing herself. Watch her pupils change, her movements become sluggish from the drug, and yet continue to shovel. It hit me then that she was going to die, there was no way she'd survive this. I fought back stinging wetness in my eyes and stared down the monster in defiance.

"So this is your big trick, huh? Making people cuckoo for cocoa puffs!?"

"Doesn't take much hardly a push. Oh America...All you can eat all of the time. Consume, consume. A swarm of locusts in stretch pants and yet you're all still starving. Because hunger doesn't just come from the body. It also comes from the soul." 

I smirked. "Doesn't seem to be coming from mine."

"Yes...I noticed that. Have you wondered why that is?"

{Hazel}

I was finally unable to keep going, I was higher than I'd ever been in my life. Full of so much bliss and barely conscious. I slumped over against the counter, drooling, not a care in the world. I could the hear the conversation, mostly, though I hardly comprehended it. I saw Sam come in, bloody and determined...but I couldn't focus on a thing. 

Just before blacking out, I felt my heart racing dangerously high, and nausea creeping. A ringing came to my ears. Someone shouting my name? I couldnt tell over the sound of my shallow breath and pounding heart. I was dying.

With Famine's power gone, my powers suddenly took over my senses. I left my body, in a sense, and knew exactly what was going on.  
Castiel had me pulled onto his lap, panicking, with my brothers equally distressed knelt by his side.   
"What do I do?" he begged them. I'd never heard him so afraid.

"Lean her over. We gotta make her puke. " Sam said breathily. But I knew my mouth was foaming. I had overdosed to an extraordinary degree, I doubted I could survive. No, I was going sit trapped in my mind, watching myself die in the arms of an angel until it went black.

Cas did as he was told, his usual resolve broken. He was terrified and holding me so tight I could almost feel it.

Sam pried my jaw open and forced two long fingers down my throat. At first my body didn't respond, and I thought for sure I was gone. He tried again, and again, until finally I started wrenching.   
It took several tries to empty my stomach and alter my state. To shake my body into believing it was alive.  
My psychic being slipped away back into my body, and I was awake, although very, very sedated. 

Cas wiped my mouth on his sleeve and clutched me to his hard chest.

"She needs to get to the hospital, Cas." Dean said.

I could feel almost nothing, my eyes refusing to see anything, but I knew Cas had scooped me up to stand. Once again I was half dead and being carried off by him. I didn't deserve to have such a beautiful being looking out for me. Coming to my rescue every time.

"Cas..." I mumbled, not even sure what I was going to say, his name just came to my lips.

"Shh.." Sam hushed beside us, "we're gonna get you help Hazel."

"I broke my promise..."

"Its not your fault. " Dean assured.

My eyes fluttered and felt myself giving up. I was still in danger of slipping away for good.

"Keep her awake Cas."

I was loaded into the car, but that was all I was aware of. Only my ears were working.  
"Do you remember the place in the woods you used to go to read books?" Castiel asked softly. 

"The river..." I responded so quietly, it's likely only Castiel could perceive it. 

"Mmhmm...and do you remember how the canopy let in just enough light for you? Just one perfect spot?"

His voice sounded so very far away. Like it was calling from the end of tunnel.   
A tunnel that was swallowing me, bit by bit. 

"Hazel?" the voice coaxed again.

"Yes...I remember." I answered wistfully, managing to focus briefly on the time and place he spoke of.

"I did that for you. I did so many things for you. And I always will. Now you have to do something for me, Hazel. You have to stay awake. Stay here...I need you to stay."  
Each word grew quiter and more distorted.


	12. Mother Where Art Thou?

How is she?"

I wanted to interrogate him. I wanted to beat him down till he promised my sister would be ok. Famine didn't lie, I was dead inside, and I couldn't handle another loss. Did I know her that well? No of course not. But she was family, and I don't know...maybe because she was girl, or a Seer... there was something fragile and precious about her that drove me to want to protect her to the bitter end. I couldn't lose her like a lost Joe.  
But I let Sammy take the lead on this. He was sober now and I knew he was the one to be talking to the medical staff, the brainiac. He'd understand it more. He'd keep his cool.

"She is stable. Waking up here and there. Even with the counter active drugs she still pretty loopy. Nothing short of a miracle this didn't kill her. No one, especially not a recovering addict, should have survived this. " the young male doctor explained to Sam.  
I stood quietly beside him, biting my lip and glancing occasionally through the window at the silhouette of Hazel on her bed.  
"But she's ok?" I finally chimed in.

The doctor let out a soft sigh, an annoyingly compassionate expression on his face.  
"For the most part. We did a scan and...it does appear she sustained a small amount of brain damage."

My heart sank.

"How bad?" Sam's voice cracked.

"Its very subtle," the doctor replied reassuringly, "it could be nothing. At most she might have lost a few long term memories, maybe have some issues with attention span. But she's otherwise perfectly healthy. You can take her home as soon as she's awake and we've run final tests for discharge." With a smile the doctor nodded courteously and left us in the hall.  
That's when Cas came striding toward us from the other end, arms laden with all manner of clutter. Snacks, drinks, books, a gameboy, a carton of cigarettes...  
"Cas what-" Sam began.

"I brought all her favorite things." he said flatly. I chuckled dryly. There was something about him, regarding Hazel, that I didn't understand. He treated Sam and I like brothers, but Hazel...there was something more. He seemed the most human when it came to my sister.

"Cas, the doc says we can take her home. " Sam said, but upon seeing the angel disheartened, he quickly changed his beat, "but I'm sure she'll use all that on the ride."

"Can we go in?" The angel asked.

"Yeah, if she's awake."

"She is." He stared through the glass with that distant sight of a celestial being of his.

I anxiously led the way through the door, and Hazel's weary eyes and face turned to me with a small smile, melting my worries.  
"Hey guys. " she said with a cracking throat.

"Hey, how you doing?" That was stupid. Why did I say that?

She scoffed. "Well...here I am. Again. I'm fine. Just a little weak. Ready to get out of here."

☆☆☆☆☆

Home. It was a great feeling after the week I'd just had. I was so thrilled to see Bobby again. To see my room and my belongings. My shower stuff...

Truth be told I was shaky. My body was still upset with me. It still wanted to get high. But that was never happening again. Truth be told, I told everyone I was fine but I was deeply disturbed by what happened.

I didn't want any more pity so I kept to myself, only joining Bobby for meals. I wouldn't even sit and watch our mutually loved TV shows together.

After a few days it was getting tiresome, so I joined him in his study where he was researching, bringing a scotch glass.

"Hey kid." He greeted lazily, still buried in a book with his head down. I set the glass down and planted myself in a chair nearby.

"Just one glass?" He asked, pouring the one I brought him.

I sucked on my lip. "I think it's best I stay sober."

He nodded grimly, took a drink, then stared me down.

"So what's eating you?"

He caught me off guard.  
"What?"

Bobby grunted and sighed into a gulp of his scotch.  
"I know you went through an ordeal, but if you ask me, tortured by demons should have been a hella lot worse. So...what's your problem?"

I sighed. Bobby might have seemed like a white trash simpleton, but in reality he was one of the most perceptive people I knew. There was no hiding.

"You really want to know?"

He gestured with his glass for me to continue.

"Have you ever made a commitment, or a promise...told yourself and others you would do, or never do something ever again?"

He frowned thoughtfully. "Sure."

"Have you ever had that choice stolen from you? Had all your hardwork and dedication nullified...just taken right out from under you?"

Bobby was quite for a moment that felt like forever, as if trying to find the right words.  
"I'm sorry kid." was all he could come up with.

I shrugged. "Its fine.. I know it is. I know I just need time. But I still cant help feeling like a failure. I should have stayed in the car, I shouldn't have gone on the case, I-"

"Quit your bitching. " Bobby suddenly snapped at me, making me mentally jump in shock.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. You're a hunter right? Well guess what...the bad guys make bad stuff happen. Its the life. So this time the bad guy made you get higher than a fucking kite. So. What."

I was stunned. He talked to the boys like this but never to me. A part of me, the defiant, strong warrior in me, agreed. The other part was hurt and offended. I didn't know which side to pick.

"Look all I'm saying is, you still got it easy. The boys lost both their parents, Sam lost the love of his life, Dean went to Hell for thirty years, Sam was cursed and tricked into having a life long addiction...to DEMON blood. Something he has to be around all the time on the job. I hate to be blunt, but you gotta buck up kiddo."

I let his words sink in and he was right. Where was my resolve? I was once one the baddest hunters in the country, before I could even buy my own whiskey. I was a warrior of the apocalypse. I was a Winchester.

☆☆☆☆☆

The next evening I had gone to my room after dinner, alot on my mind. Bobby's lecture had sunk in. I wasn't going to sulk anymore. I was going to take action with my problems from now on.

I'd thought long and hard on it all; searched my soul for what I needed. The conclusion I'd come to was that i needed my mother.

I needed to see her, but more importantly I needed to talk to her.   
To anyone outside the world of Winchester, that sounded like desperate, ludicrous delusions.   
But I knew for a fact that my surrogate father Bobby had access to a variety of summoning spells.

One of which I had commandeered, along with a cornucopia of ingredients, with which locked myself in my room.

I cleared the floor, drew my circle, prepared the basin in the center as well as the candles. Taking slow, anxious breaths, I sat on the bed and continued to read the rest of the instructions with the book in my lap.

It was in Latin, of course, something I studied minimally. Mother and I were a team, and she was the brains of the operation. She always tried to get me to study the dead languages, so I could read the spellbooks with ease. I never put forth enough effort. I recognized the words for the ingredients and the instructions for the circle but that was it. It was more like a memory game than actually understanding the text.

I huffed in frustration, squinting and straining my brain to remember how to translate the last passage. Wishing I had learned more about magic instead of running around behind her back committing crimes.

Suddenly a presence pricked at my powers, and I lifted my eyes to the source near the window.

I let a sheepish smile slip, hoping I wasn't about to get another lecture.   
"Hey, Cas." I said and lowered my eyes back to the book.

He tilted is head, eyes grazing the scene I'd laid out with scrutiny.

"What are you summoning?" he asked lightly, taking me by surprise. For some reason I had the notion that angels disproved of human magic. Maybe they didn't, or maybe Castiel just didn't.

"Um...a spirit." I replied, feeling a little guarded about my intentions. Cas and I were becoming close, but I didn't like to let anyone in my head or heart about my mother.

Those brilliant blue pools fell on me and stayed, and I found myself, and my power, fixated on them. Involuntarily my power peeled away the facade of his vessel and took a sneak peak at the real Castiel.   
Angels were stunning creatures, it took my breath away to witness such pure, and literally heavenly light. And indescribable sight. If you percieved it one way, they looked like a creature, sort of like a beast, each it's own unique design, each magnificent and proud in their own way. If you percieved it the other way, they were humanoid silhouettes of pure light, rippling, ebbing and flowing with power, their grace shining the brightest at the center like a heart.  
It made one feel unworthy, lowly...as if God himself was there. And that was thing about angels, though I doubt they realized it, my abilities had puzzled it together; they were peices of him. Made from him. Their light was almost as equal. The more powerful the angel, the more closely alike to God they were.

"Do you need help?" He asked simply. I shook my entranced thoughts away and panted out my frustration.

"Actually yes...I can't read Latin. " I admitted bitterly.

He gave me a funny look, taking a few steps closer.   
"Yes you can...you..." he broke off for a moment, then his face changed from confusion to pity, "you forgot..."

I was confused at first. I didn't understand how I could not know that I once read a dead language. I was smart, very smart. I didn't just forget things I'd learned. All I could remember was putting in very little effort to learn Latin, so clearly I never actually learned. But then it hit me.  
"My brain..." I nodded to myself sadly. I wondered what else I had lost. I made a mental note to find out sometime.

Cas didn't dwell on it for my sake, and reached out for the book, which I graciously surrendered.

He went over the entire spell quickly, I watched his expert eyes absorbing it all, then his lips tug slightly on one side. "Its simple. You need a precious belonging of the deceased. Set in the basin and recite the words. "

A precious belonging. I had to rack my damged brain for that. I had so few mementos of her. And what part of my memory wasn't gone, was still sluggish.   
"Who are you trying to contact?" Castiel asked me after I didn't say anything.

"My mother..." I confessed with some confidence, "dont try to stop me, these types of spells are temporary and harmless they -"

"I'm not going to stop you, I'm going to assist you." He cut me off softly.   
I nodded shamefully. I should give him more benefit of the doubt. He was almost always on my side.

"I don't know if I have any precious belongings of hers...a few clothes and books... I don't even have her grimoire. " I said .

The angel actually rolled his eyes. I'd never, ever seen him do that. It was slight but he definitely did it.   
"It appears I may know more about your past than you do." he joked.

"What are talking about?" I asked, confused.

"I'm talking about the protection charm she gave you when you were four." He said condescendingly.

I raised a warning brow at his tone.   
"What charm? I think I'd remember her giving me that. "

Again with the subtle eye roll. He marched over to my desk a plucked my stuffed griffin toy from it.   
"Perhaps you didn't know. But your mother put a spell on this to keep you safe when you slept," he said handing it to me carefully, " and it's still there."

I examined it lovingly. I wasn't sure just how protective a stuffed animal could be, but it had definitely made me feel safe. Maybe I was so accustomed to the feeling, I never realized it was magic.

"If you think it will work," I said quietly, brushing the fluffy mane around the head.

I did as the book instructed, placing the plush toy gingerly in the center of my spell zone. The incantation was simple, and at the bottom of the page, so I didn't need to decipher it or understand it.

Swallowing hard I took a step back, lightly bumping into Castiel's chest, receiving a gentle hand on my back in return.   
I remembered enough about magic that I needed to be loud, clear, and intent. Put my will into my words.

"damnato, quaeso hanc demonstrationem habetur."

{ _ **Ok this was just me using Google translate, its probably wrong lol but I typed in 'lost soul I beseech you, follow this beacon and manifest'}**_

"Three times..." Cas coaxed in a whisper.

I repeated it twice, a little louder and more confident each time. A gentle breeze picked up inside the room, and I felt the energy buzzing all around. It was working.  
The toy began to levitate just a few inches, rotating slowly.

The buzzing became a crackling, my powers practically tickling my brain. It was uncomfortable to say the least. An itchy sensation deep inside and beyond physical. Like feathers were dancing in my bones.

It started to become overwhelming and I shut my eyes until the feeling waned.

"Hazel Rose..."

A voice vibrated in both my ears and head. A familiar, eerie voice that stabbed me to the core.

I opened my eyes and there she was, smiling through her sorrow. She didn't look well. Sunken and grayish, but still beautiful.

"Mom..." I choked out, wishing I could run to her for an embrace but I knew I'd go right through her.

"Hello sweetheart. I'm so proud of you. You found me."

I drew a shaky breath. "Where are you?"

"In the veil...I never left the earth."

"But...why? Why didn't you move on?"

Her smile twisted into a sad tight lipped grimace. "I couldn't leave knowing you were out there alone, knowing you were being hunted. And knowing the way we left things between us..."

I shook my head. "You..you knew the angels were after me...you knew, everything?"

She nodded. "They killed me, not hunters."

I sniffled, delicately crying now. "They killed me too, Mom. But I...I came back. I'm ok. I have a good angel looking out for me."

She chuckled. "Yes I know about him, too. Thought he was sneaky. " she winked at Cas, who backed away uncomfortably.

"I dont understand...how did you know all this?" I asked.

"The angels first came to me asking about John. I used a whole lot of careful spellwork to find out what they were up to and that's how I found out about Seers. And about your little rouge friend keeping you hidden from his brethren. "

"I tried..." Cas chimed in sadly, then squinted in confusion "how could mortal magic possibly spy on angels?"

Mother bowed her head. "I used Hazel's abilities as a conduit. You'd be amazed what you can accomplish tapping into the powers of a true Oracle. "

It was quiet between us for a moment, until I realized the issue at hand, aside from my need for closure.   
"How can I help you?" I asked her.

She grinned proudly. "You already have, sweetheart. I just needed to see you again. Tell you how much I love you and...how sorry I am for driving you away."

I really started choking on sobs at that point. "I love you too mommy. I'm sorry too. I forgave you a long time ago. I needed you and refused to see it...I..."

"Hush...Its ok now. I know you're safe, and I have to tell you...I saw a possible future through your eyes.."

I waited on bated breath for her to continue as she paused, unable to read what she was thinking because she was dead. I could read no dread on her expression, so I hoped it wasn't bad news.

"You're going to be ok, as long as you have your brothers, and your angel. Everything is going to work out, if you do not stray from the path. Trust them, and yourself."

"I dont understand...what path?"

Just then she grew more transparent, as a light began overtaking her form.  
"Goodbye baby, I'll see you again. "

She began to dissipate, and I panicked. "No! Mom!" I lunged for her as she slowly transformed into her true form of glowing soul. Castiel caught my arm, protecting me from the potentially dangerous contact with such energy.

It happened so quickly I barely caught the sight of her flowing through the ceiling and disappearing, the whizzing energy of the room along with her.  
I broke down into full blown sobs and streaming tears, turning into the angel's trenchcoat for support because my knees were buckling. He supported my weight and just let me cry.  
Through the sound of my heaving I could feel his pain as well. It hurt him that I was hurting, intensifying my own grief.

"Hazel," he said in almost a whisper, "you saved her from an eternity in the veil. You gave her peace. "

I wasn't in the mood for clarity or maturity. "Its not fair. None of it. Why cant I have her? Why do I have to these stupid powers!? Why..."

"Fate is rarely fair." he said, pulling me straight to stand proper. That wasn't helpful but he was right.   
"You have an incredible gift that can help save the world."

I shook my head. "I dont want it."

"Were you listening to her? " he asked almost angrily, "everything will work out as long as you have Sam and Dean. As long as you ...have me."

I calmed my breath and shaking shoulders. Focused myself like he'd taught me. Wiped my wet face.  
"You did promise I'd always have you..." I managed to grin. A tension built up in my chest as our eyes locked.

"I did." he said, returning the smile, "so we must assume that even if things aren't fair, they will end in our favor."

An urge bubbled to my attention, something I never expected I'd have to resist. Something I didn't understand.

I wanted to kiss him. Channel all my gratitude and affection to his lips and hold him and never let him go. But I was learning to control impulses, and it was working. I looked away, biting my treacherous lips, wondering where the hell that thought even came from.  
"Thank you, Cas..." I said, "listen I...I think I need some time alone. If you don't mind."

"Of course."


	13. Talking Dead

I thought maybe, finally, we we're all strictly on apocalypse duty. No more weird random shit happening. Back to hiding, researching, and occasionally dealing with angels and demons.

But alas, I was wrong. After all, the weird random shit was all apocalypse related anyway. There was no escaping it.

The night there was an unexpected knock in the middle of a storm on Bobby's front door, I was hardly surprised to find out that his wife, his _dead_ wife, had appeared out of nowhere to return home. Nope. Not surprised. Welcome to the apocalypse I had told myself.

We were both distrusting, performed all the supernatural tests on her, came up with any reason we could to put her down. But as far as we could tell, it was really her. She wasn't exactly alive, but she wasn't exactly a zombie either. Hell, I could even sense her soul. It was the real deal.   
And by God, Bobby was so happy I couldn't fight him on it anymore.

I was still not convinced that it was simply a miracle, that it was harmless. But for the time being I let them be. She cleaned and cooked, relieving me of my usual duties, and treated me with warmth and kindness whenever our paths crossed.

Bobby chose to ignore the omens. Ignore the fact that she didn't eat or sleep. All he saw was that love of his life had returned to him and that had to be good enough for me for now.

He begged me to promise to keep it secret, specifically from my brothers. Knowing how they'd react, I agreed. They'd be blowing holes in her in a heartbeat. The way I saw it, and Bobby saw it, if things turned sour, we'd take care of it. But until then, everything was quiet and blissful.

My brothers had tried calling several times, likely picking up on the other cases of walking dead in Sioux Falls. I had made a promise, so I stayed out of it. When I picked up the phone I pretended we were both busy, in one way or another.

Eventually they came knocking. Bobby didnt want to let them, and was reluctant to answer the door at all. I wacked his head with my spoon, after digging into some heavenly strawberry mousse made by his wife.  
"For fucks sake Bobby, let them in. They're gonna find out eventually."

He rolled his grumpy old eyes at me and gave in. He rolled up to the door and let them in less than two feet, still blocking their way.

"You know how many times we called you? Where you been?" Dean scolded.

"Playing murderball." was Bobby's sarcastic response. They both sniffed around the air.   
"What is that smell?"

"Is that soap?"

"Did you clean?"

They couldnt see me but I giggled at the interrogation. I kept the house clean before his wife came back, but I used natural cleaners to protect the wood. She used all things heavy duty. Improved the smell, that was for sure.

"What are you, my mother? Bite me." Bobby grumbled.

"Bobby seriously," Sam pushed.

"Been working. Trying to find a way to stop the devil." he replied, gradually letting them pass by him into the house.

"Its just that...there's a case less than five miles from your house." Dean said. I stiffened at my confirmed instincts. They were onto it.

"The Benny Sutton thing? That's what this is about?"

"You knew?"

"Hell yes. I checked into it. Nothing here."

I had to hand it to Bobby. He was a decent liar.

"What about a witness who saw a dead guy commit murder? Or the suspiciously omen-like lightning storms?"

"You mean the town drunk, and storms during storm season in South Dakota? Any live person could have killed Benny. Guy was a grade A son of a bitch."

"So you're telling us...nothing?"

"Sorry boys, looks like you wasted a tank of gas on this one. "

When they left I swatted Bobby again.   
"You're not going to get away with this forever."

He growled wordlessly at me. "Just...give me some time. I ain't ready to talk to them about it."

☆☆☆☆☆

A head splitting vision let me know the boys were still in town, prowling the case. They weren't stupid. They knew something was up, they just didn't know Bobby was in on it.

Meanwhile, I ventured out of the house for a quiet spot among the junk cars, as I often did, feeling a little pent up. I'd recently started doing tai chi again, like I used to before my life spun out of control and I wound up murdered.

I was scantily dressed, despite the cold, in half length yoga pants and an athletic bra. The nip in the air helped me focus, so I didn't mind.

I calmed myself and began my poses, pulling and pushing my energy therapeutically. My eyes and ears were closed off, my silent dance with the energies in perfect rhythm, amplified by my powers as a Seer. I could visualize everything I did, in a space that didnt exists. Behind my closed eyelids there were no cars and gravel, but an open sky and ocean upon which I stood.

Just as I executed a pose that required a great deal of balance, a voice rippled through my trance and imaginary atmosphere.

"You're focus has improved. "

Everything whisked away in a heart beat and I fell straight on my ass.

"It would be better if my practice wasn't interrupted. " I groaned at the angel standing closer than I expected to find.

"Sorry...I thought perhaps you sensed me." he said earnestly.

"Not when I'm that deep. Maybe someday-" my words caught in my throat as I stood and found myself face to face with him, then suddenly remembered my urges. Remembered I may or may not have a huge crush on a being of celestial intent. I turned away to stretch my arms and hide my flushed cheeks.

"Maybe someday nothing in the universe can take you by surprise. " he finished for me.

I laughed. "Surprises can be a good thing. What are you doing here?"

"To ask you something. A favor actually. " he said, his tone giving me concern.

"I'm listening. " I said, continuing to stretch. For a moment I thought I caught him staring as I moved with grace and dexterity.

"I thought about what your mother said. Using you as a conduit in a spell."

I stopped and turned to him stiffly.   
"That sounds..."

"Dangerous. I know. But she was able to spy on angels with just earthly magic. What if something...more powerful did the same thing?"

I held up a hand. "Wait a minute...you want to try to use me...to find God, don't you?"

He didn't respond. I took that as a yes.

"Cas...that is insanely stupid. Taking a peak at God? I mean an ordinary psychic took a look at you, and her eyes burned out of her head."

"You wouldn't be the one to see him. I would simply figure out a way to channel your-"

"No. The answer is no. I'm not a tool, we've been over this."

"I know but-"

"Did it ever occur to you that God doesn't want you to find him? He doesn't want _anyone_ to find him. "

He was disheartened. I wanted to feel guilty but I was too fired up and angry at his audacity. My biggest problem in the world was that everyone either wanted me dead, or wanted to use me.

"You're right. " he said after letting me cool down. "Its too easy. It wouldn't work. I'm sorry I asked such a thing of you."

Now the guilt crept in, along with his. I couldn't stand his sad face.   
I sighed and for whatever reason, I simply walked up and hugged him around the middle.  
"I know it's hard. Everything you've done. Rebelled, losing your powers, failing to find your absent father..."

Slowly and rather awkwardly his arms found their way to return the embrace, and I'd never felt so whole and cozy in my life. Warm hands on my bare back gave me a deeper chill than cold air. I wasn't sure if it meant anything to him, the way it did to humans, but it was nice he was trying.   
"I want answers. " he said quietly into my hair.

"I know. But I think you're asking the wrong questions."

"And what are the right questions?"

"How are we going to kick your big brother's ass? For starters. "

I pulled away from his warmth and patted his cheek playfully. "Don't worry about dad. For all we know, he's got this planned out."

He seemed reluctant to let me go, making my heart race. Was he feeling it too? He quickly shut me out, something he'd recently learned how to do.   
"I didn't think you were the faithful type." he said to me.

"I'm not," I shrugged, "but I'm starting to be. I've tried to see past the apocalypse, Cas. To see the outcome. But I can't. There are too many possibilities. Do you know what that means?"

He bowed his head in respect to my wisdom. "That the future is uncertain, and in our hands."

"Exactly. I have faith in _us_ , Castiel. And I think God does too. I think his absence means...he trusts us with the world. I think he brought you back, because specifically, he believes in you. Maybe more than us sorry ass Winchesters."

"That's...very insightful of you." he complimented.

I put some space between us so I could resume my training, not letting his presence get in the way.  
"Yeah well, insightful is kinda on job description."

Cas kept a watchful eye on me, observing my technique, I think. While trying to focus, I could feel him brimming with questions without actually hearing them.  
"Is this training going to help control your power?" he asked me, breaking my concentration again.

"No, this is for my body. Not my mind." I replied, "I _can_ do more than see into the future, you know. Everyone seems to forget I'm a hunter. A fighter. "

"Perhaps because no one has seen you fight?" he suggested.

I stopped, once again, and cocked my head at him. "Haven't you?"

"Surprisingly, no." he admitted, sounding a little disappointed, "I stayed away when you hunted. Any other time I witnessed you in trouble, you used your power, not your body."

I sighed, because the truth was, even though I did know how to fight, I usually didn't. Sometimes I had no choice in whether or not my powers protected me.   
I must have spaced out longer than I thought, because he spoke again in a tone meant to recapture my attention.   
"Do you...need assistance?"

"Huh? With what?"

"Combat. Do you need someone to train you?"

I huffed through my nose. "I just told you I _can fight. "_

"But you're out of practice. And currently training. That tells me you dont think you can fight like your brothers can."

I rubbed my eyes in frustration with this conversation. In the last few minutes he had broken my concentration three times, told me I rely too much on my power to defend myself, and yet additionally that I had more wisdom than he did.   
"Are you offering?" I blurted out of mental drainage.

"Well...I" he began to mumble, "I hardly think I'm equipped to train you..Surely Dean-"

"Dean has enough to worry about. And if I'm not mistaken, you angels are among the most skilled warriors in creation. "

"True..but we were made that way. I havent any idea how to pass on knowledge I was preprogrammed with."

My tai chi was officially ruined for the day, so I snatched my jacket off the ground and patted Castiel's chest as I walked past him.  
"Let's start tomorrow. "  
☆☆☆☆☆

I sat in the kitchen cutting cookies for Karen while she worked on pies. The woman would. Not. Stop. Baking.  
I understand her restlessness, trying to fill a void likely caused by being neither dead nor alive. It was still a very bad situation, and I knew it would end soon, but because I liked her, I was kind and helpful. I enjoyed helping in the kitchen and listening to her tell stories about Bobby.

"So, Hazel, how did you come to live here? I'm afraid Bobby didn't make it very clear." she asked me. She had a sweet, almost sing song voice. I envied her light hearted innocence in all this. She was aware she wasn't supposed to be there, but she was making the best of it.

"Well...my old life, ended badly...I found out that these two young men that were like sons to Bobby, were my half brothers. I had nowhere to go so...he let me stay. " I tried my best to explain, leaving out the extra supernatural parts.

"Bobby tells me you've been looking out for him. I appreciate that. You know when I first saw you in the house, my first thought was he was sleeping with some hussy."

I violently spit out the water I had just taken my first sip of.  
Before I could say anything she continued with a smile.  
"Don't worry. I see the way he looks at you. Like a little girl.. or a puppy."

I wasn't sure how to feel about the puppy thing, but I went with it. We talked and laughed like normal people until I sensed my brothers pull up in the Impala. Then I grew quiet, awaiting the inevitable awkward discussion.

When it was said and done, Bobby basically threatened the boys to stay away and let him handle whatever may come. They left to continue investigating the case, and I decided to tag along.

It was the middle of the day, but I insisted we go have some down time at the bar. Just three of us.   
I missed my boys, they'd been on the road without me alot since the overdose. I wasn't all that interested in working the case with them, at least not until it hit the inevitable boiling point and we'd be pumping zombies full of lead.

We sat at a small round table and ordered beers and fried pickles. They thought I didn't notice, but they kept looking at me like I'd fall apart any minute.   
"So...you've known this whole time?" Dean blurted out.

I grunted into my swig of beer. "Yeah. Sorry but Bobby asked me to keep my mouth shut."

"They're zombies, Haze. Zombies." Sam argued.

I shook my head. "They are actual people, who became undead. They walk, talk, and have feelings just like they did alive. Its complicated. "

"I get that, really, " Dean said, shoving a few frickles into his mouth, "but you don't just stroll around like nothing is wrong when there are _zombies_ around. You're both acting like there's nothing wrong here."

"Its not so crazy, you know. Talking to the dead..." I murmured.

"No, it's not, " Sam agreed, "but Dean's right. You were helping her make pies and pick out new curtains. "

I set my bottle down a little harder than neccessary. "If your mom or dad crawled out of the grave, acting almost completely normal, wouldn't you ride it out until things got bad? Wouldn't you savor every minute of normalcy you could get? Cause that's what Bobby is doing. Let it be."

That shut them up. A little too well, and I suddenly felt the need to apologize. All three of us were technically orphans and that wasn't fair. "I'm sorry...I came here to hang out with you guys, not discuss hunter politics."

"Its alright," a humbled Sam said, "I just dont see why this is getting to you so much."

I sucked my lips in so far it pulled my nose, and decided I should tell them what I did in my room the other night.  
"Because I already talked to the dead before Karen showed up."

Their eyebrows raised. They leaned in, fully interested. "Whaddya mean?" Dean asked.  
"I summoned my mother the other night. Turns out summoning her, and seeing me, was all she needed to cross over. I lost her almost as soon as I got her back. I wish she woulda been a zombie instead...wish I had a little more time. Like Bobby does."

"Hazel..." came the beginning of Sam's empathic speech, "you would've had to kill her. Just like Bobby is gonna have to do. What you did saved her."

I took out my feelings and slammed the rest of my beer. "Yeah I know. That's what Cas said too."

"Cas was with you?" Dean said, "Cas helped you...summon a ghost?"

"Yup. And tomorrow he's going to start training me. I've got more psychic than physique these days so I asked him to help me. "

Dean frowned in thoughtful approval. "Not a bad idea, actually. He'd be the one to do it."

Sam started fighting a playful grin and shook his head.

I snapped my head at him. "What?"

His grin turned into chuckle. "Nothing. You and Cas sure spend alot of time together. "

My eyes rolled to the back of my head. "He's sort of self appointed himself responsible for me."

Dean finally caught on to the hint that I was trying to ignore. "Haze...you _like_ Cas don't you?" It wasn't a joke to him. He wasn't happy about it.

I filled my palm and soon my mouth with fried pickles. "Don beh stoopeh." I muffled through full cheeks of food.

"Dude she totally does." Sam snickered, earning him my heel stomped into his toes.

"Even if I did," I said after struggling to swallow way too much food, "for one, it would be none of your business. And two, it wouldn't matter because he's an angel and because we're kinda in the middle of trying to keep the world from ending."

☆☆☆☆☆

Things didn't get any easier. As expected, everyone in town that had risen, turned zombie for real. Not to mention we found out that Death, the horseman, was responsible for it.

Lucky me, I think, I was at the store when the dead came knocking.   
Missed all the action with my brothers and Bobby. Thankfully the butcher counter had a walk in freezer for me to barricade myself in. I'd run out of ammo in my shotgun trying to take out the two zombies in between the isles.

My powers were relatively useless. If I threw them off their feet, they got right back up and came after me. So the meatlocker it had to be. Inside I managed to calm my mind and feel out where and what my family was doing. It didn't last long, Karen being the last one to go. I was leaking tears at the scene.  
Once the smoke cleared I called out to Dean's mind.  
 _Two more at the grocery store._ _I'm_ _stuck_ _in the freezer._

_On our way._


	14. Crossing Over

My so called training wasn't exactly what I had in mind. Due to his lack of confidence as a mentor, Castiel decided to consult Sam and Dean. Dean offered that I build muscle, and Sam suggested I do cardio. Meaning my life quickly became hell.

The muscle part wasn't so bad, just difficult. But the cardio was killing me.

"You were two and a quarter seconds faster than two days ago." Cas recited to me once I reached him at the end of my mile trail he'd carved for me in some nearby woods.

As usual, I was heaving, red faced, and shaking. "Ahhh...I cant- keep- doing -this." I panted, bent over my knees in misery.

"This was your idea." he stated.

"No, Cas. I'm a smoker. I never, ever have an idea of running."

"Then I suppose you cant be a smoker anymore, can you?"

Finally after what felt like a montage of grueling exercise and living without cigarettes, I started to feel change. I was faster, and a little stronger, my stamina was higher than it had ever been...finally it was time to train how I'd expected in the first place.

Cas found a nice level clearing in the woods for us to spar in, when I finally reached it on foot as I was instructed, he didnt look too excited.

"Are you sure about it this?" he asked me.

"Cas...I already know the basics. You're here to help me remember, and improve my reflexes. " I said, stretching my arms side to side. Admittedly I was a little pumped for it.

"Meaning you want me to fight you..." he said a little darkly.

"Yeah that's the idea. It's called sparing." I replied.

"I dont want to hit you." he argued, making me roll my eyes.

"I thought I explained this already. If cant take a punch I shouldn't be fighting at all."

He came a little closer to me. "You cant take a punch from an angel." He pointed out harshly.

I grew frustrated with his lack of logic, dragging my fingers down my face. "Then dont hit me like an _ange_ l, hit me like a man."

"This is a bad idea..."

"Alright you know what? Fine. We'll try something else. No contact. I hit, you defend. "

Before he could argue one more word with me, I threw a jab directly towards his chin. He caught my fist wholly in his hand and stared at me seriously.  
"See? That's all we have to do. "

I took my hand back threw the other, blocked again. I attacked him this way for several minutes before he finally got the nerve to strike back.   
Thankfully he listened to me, and was holding back strength and speed, so I was able to evade or block his first few throws.  
I impressed myself with how well I was already doing. But that was soon over, both my hands were knocked downward, subsequently recieving a punch in the cheek and pushed against a tree by his forearm across my chest.  
For a moment there was ferocity in his eyes, but it quickly fell apart into guilt. He hit me harder than he was supposed to, I could feel it throbbing and starting to swell. But I was too distracted by our closeness. By his other hand pinning my hip to the tree.

He let me go hastily and turned from me.

"Cas...I'm ok," I assured him, "let's keep going. "

With his back to me he still said nothing. "Look, " I sighed, " I know you dont want me hurt. But this is the best way to protect me in the end and you know it. "

We went on for another hour, Castiel informing me of my mistakes when I made them, and praising when I corrected them. In our dance I was feeling more attracted to him than normal, and it began to be distracting. I left an opening by mistake and he hit my ribs.  
I doubled over , trying to be a big girl about it and not puke.

His shame came at my brain in waves as hooked his arm under mine to help me stand. He _did_ hold back, but it still hurt...alot. I was right to do this, because I could apparently not take a punch.

"We're done..." he said quietly, "I'm taking you home. "

He wasn't going to make me walk? He made me walk, or run, _everywhere_ lately. Now all the sudden he was prepared to chauffer again?

Before I could saying anything through a slightly swollen set of lips, he zapped us back to the house. He asked me, without a word but more of psychic vibe, to sit on the couch.  
Bobby, in his chair of course, was nearby trying to watch TV but was now looking me up and down.

"Bar fight?" he jested.

Cas returned to the room with an ice bag and tossed it my lap. He was upset. Not only did he leave his psychic walls down, but his demeanor and body language made it obvious.

I started icing my face, taking turns with my sore knuckles.

"Angel fight." I answered, smiling for whatever stupid reason. I was hurting but I was actually quite pleased with myself, despite what Castiel was feeling.

"We are not doing this again." Cas said gravely.

I shook my head angrily, which hurt, but I'd had enough of his attitude towards this. "If I were Dean would you say the same?" I snapped.

"That's different..."

"Why? Because I'm a woman? "

Bobby slowly rolled out of the room, avoiding the whole thing.

"It just is..."   
He had me blocked again, but something wasn't right with him.

"Its really not different, Cas. Explain to me why helping me toughen up is such a bad thing!"

"Its not. Its just that..." he sighed, "I have to tell you something. "

I raised a sore brow at him.

"I'm...slowly becoming more human. If I were still a true angel I would agree with your logic, and ignore my distaste for hitting you. But I cant.  
I've crossed the line."

I let my powers creep over him, examine him inside and out. He wasn't lying. He was maybe only sixty percent angel anymore. I didn't fully understand how it worked, angels falling from grace, but if he said it made him more emotional, I believed him.   
"If you wish to continue training...then you must ask someone else, or your brothers. I wont do it again. " And he meant it. It was in his tone. In his heart. He was having more and more difficulty blocking me from the feelings that came off him.  
Shame. Confusion. Regret...and something else that was mixed and muddy. It was pleasant, in a way, but I couldnt decipher it.

"Cas- "   
Agony bloomed and overtook my entire head. Blinding me. Deafening me. I had never, ever had an oncoming vision hurt that much. I screamed just before losing the real world and falling into the images.

Sam, and Dean...lying on adjacent beds of a motel, lifeless. Big, bloody shotgun wounds in their chests. This was no premonition. This was real time. This had _just_ happened.

I broke away from the foresight crying out in anguish and suffering horrendous head pain. Bobby had rolled up next to me, where my hand was strangling his paralyzed knee. Cas had taken a knee and was holding my face in his hands, desperately trying to get me to focus.  
He said something to me but I was too shaken to listen.  
"They're dead...they're dead..." I breathed shakily.

☆☆☆☆☆

I led Castiel's wings to the scene, directly inside the room, to find exactly what I had seen in my head.

I dropped to my knees with a wail.  
"No..." I sobbed. It was over. My family, our fight in the apocalypse. All gone. I cried out angrily, wondering why my vision wasn't a warning instead. Why I couldn't have helped them.

I really wasn't a cryer, until it came to my family. And now they were officially all gone. I trembled into my tears and buried my face in my hands.  
"Oh you stupid boys...what did you do?" I moaned.

The angel's hand found the top of my head and I found myself leaning onto his leg. He let me cry, stood fast and said nothing.   
Had I been thinking clearly, I'd know that the angels would have brought them back eventually. But grief doesn't know logic.  
Grief did know anger, however, and like spark lit, suddenly tears of sorrow became tears of fury and at that point...My powers took over.

The room, and probably the whole building, began to shake. What few items were in the room whizzed through in the air.  
It became very loud and disruptive, as if both a hurricane and an earthquake were contained within the room. The carpet began to peel itself up, followed by the floor hoards beneath it.  
Castiel began shouting over the noise, yanking me to my feet and slamming me a little roughly into the wall.  
He screamed over the roar of psychic wind in my face but I couldn't, or wouldn't hear him. I was no longer behind the wheel. My power was in the driver's seat now, almost as if it had an ego itself. It began attacking his energy, poking at him and his grace like thousands of invisible needles.   
He didn't falter. The wind was strong even for an angel, but he pushed through it until he could press his forehead to mine.  
I let out a gasp as he forced his own psyche into mine so he could get through to me.   
"Hazel you have to stop!" He hollered into my head, where even there it was still roaring and loud.  
I was hyperventilating, confused...but I managed to make eye contact, physically and psychically.   
"If you dont stop the angels will find you. And them...come back to me, I have a plan, please!  
We can help bring them back."

My breath slowed slightly, I focused on him. On his eyes, on his essence...it grounded me and I slowly took back control. The winds and tremors died down.

Finally the tension faded to nothing and I slumped into the wall, my only support were Castiel's hands on my shoulders.

I was back to sobbing lightly, mostly because I just couldn't settle down.  
"Th-they're dead..." I squeaked pitifully, shaking my head.

"Yes. They are dead. But this an opportunity. " he said seriously.  
I was confounded by his calmness enough to pay more attention.

"What are you talking about ?"

He let off me, fingers trailing down my arms as they left, giving me a chill as it left a trail of sparking energy that was still volatile. Gradually I came to the realization of how much power I'd just projected and was now in shock. Numb.   
"If they went to heaven, I can reach them. With your help. "

The shock wasn't going away, I lowered my head, trying wrap my brain around it all and comprehend what he was saying.  
Suddenly my face was cupped firmly by two hands and I was forced to gaze directly and deeply into his azure basins.  
"Hazel..." he said softly but sternly, "I need you focused. We've done this before. You dont let trauma get in your way anymore, right?"

I melted, and nodded determinedly.   
"Right...what do we have to do?"

He pulled away from me, leaving me feel cold and faint, and glanced around the room.  
There was a radio, and an outdated analog TV that caught his attention.   
"Sit there, " he directed, pointing at the floor in the center of the room.

With an involuntary sniffle, I passed Sam's corpse, trying to avoid eye contact with it, and did as I was told.  
I sat cross legged between the beds, the TV, and the radio.   
Cas planted himself the same way in front of me.  
"This wont be easy, but after what you did to the room, I think you're capable." he said, "give me your hands. "

I swallowed down my bewilderment and anxiety and lifted my hands to him. He intertwined our fingers and let a connection open between us. It was more open than anything we'd done before. Exhilarating and even a little overwhelming. I gasped and tried to settle with the sensation.   
"First, " Castiel began, "branch a connection to Sam and Dean. "

I closed my eyes and tried to understand what he meant. Shutting the world out, I created a psychic tether to each of their bodies, like ropes. It was simple, because I was already connected to them by blood, but difficult to maintain because they were dead.  
"Good," I heard Cas say in my head, "now tie me to them as well."

That part was easier, threading the line through myself and into the angel's hands.  
"Last step. Link us both to the communication devices in the room. Even the phones."

I shuddered as I attempted that, stretching myself very thin. I had to feel around for Sam and Dean's cell phones, locking on to them first. Then the landline provided by the motel. Then the radio, and TV.

I felt frozen, as if the ties were holding me down just as much as I held them down, caught in my own web.  
"Well done..." he squeezed my fingers, and through my focused state entwined with his I felt his anxiety and fragile trust in his plan.   
"The rest is up to me. Do not move, do not speak, not even in your mind. You will see and hear everything I do, maybe more, but you cannot interfere or the balance will break."

I sent a vague message of understanding to him, not sure if he meant now, or after he started whatever he planned to do.  
"I have to tell you...It might feel like your dead...like before. So...be strong, remember I'm right here. "

With that, he whispered something in Enochian, chanting, and in seconds I was plunged into weightless darkness.

I had no control. Castiel literally steered us through time and space and nothingness, traveling every plane and dimension and that whisked by as if they were nothing.

Suddenly he stopped, and I could see nothing at all, but I could hear things. A car door opening and shutting.  
Radio static..

"Dean." Came Castiel's voice in the abyss

"Cas?" It was undeniably Dean.

"Yes its me."

"Stop poking around in my dreams, I need some _me_ time."

"Listen to me very closely. This isnt a dream."

"Then what is it?"

"Deep down you already know."

"I'm dead..."

"Condolences.."

"Where am I?"

"Heaven."

"Heaven? How did I get to heaven?"

"Please listen, this spell, this connection, its difficult to maintain. Hazel cant hold it forever. "

"Wait, if I'm in heaven, where's Sam?"

"What do you see?"

"What do you mean?"

"Some people see a river or a tunnel. What do you see?"

"Nothing. My dash. I'm in my car, I'm on a road."

"Alright, for you it's a road. Follow it, Dean. You'll find Sam."

We lost him after that, but Cas pushed us and pushed us, circled around the nothingness until we had something to anchor to again.

Suddenly we were looking at was exactly like a staticky TV screen, my brothers' faces blipping across it. I tried to contain my relief at seeing them.

"Cas hey, I can hear you. " Dean said, " so uh, I found Sam but something happened . There was this weird beam of light-"

"-dont go into the light!"

"Thanks Carol Anne...what is it?"

"Not what, who. Zachariah. He's searching for you. They cant use as vessels until they return to your bodies."

"Great problem solved. "

"You dont understand, you're behind the wall, this is a rare opportunity. "

"For what?"

"Find an angel. His name is Joshua. "

"No offense, but were kinda ass-full of angels. You find him."

"I cant. I cant return to heaven. "

"Ok so what's so important about Joshua?"

"Rumor is he talks to God. "

"And ? So?"

I felt Castiel's frustration ripple through the connection, making me wince.  
"You think maybe, just maybe, we should find out what the Hell God has been saying!?" he snapped.

"Ok jeez.."

"Please, I just need you to follow the road. Axis Mundi. A path that runs through heaven. People see different things. For you, it's two lane asphalt. The road will lead you to the Garden, you'll find Joshua there."

"..and Joshua will take us to God?"

My strength was waning, the image began cutting out.  
"The Garden, " Cas forced his voice through desperately, "please hurry."

I'd reached my breaking point and all at once, all the ropes and ties I'd made ripped apart and slapped back into me, knocking me over.

Cas helped sit me back up, breathing heavy.   
"Your nose is bleeding. " he commented sympathetically. I wiped it away and took a deep breath to regain my composure.   
"Well that was fun. Let's never do it that again."

"You did very well." he said comfortingly.

"So what now?"

"Now we wait. One way or another, they will be sent back to their bodies."

I thought for a moment, and realized that they would've been risen eventually no matter what.  
"So this was all about finding God? I thought we were past that Cas..."

"It was still worth a try. And that's not all we did. We helped them escape Zachariah. Hopefully. "

☆☆☆☆☆   
An hour passed before my brothers finally returned to Earth. Once they came to terms with everything, they explained to us everything Joshua had told them.  
How God wanted them to give up. Did not want, and could not be found. And more importantly...didn't feel like the apocalypse was his problem.

"Maybe Joshua was lying..." Cas said. He was wounded inside, I felt it.

"I dont think he was Cas," Sam said.

Cas turned on us and looked up to pray. "You son of a bitch...I believed in you..."

That broke my heart. I moved closer to him, instinctively wanting to give comfort, but he ignored me and dug into his pocket, retrieving Dean's necklace.   
"I dont need this anymore...its worthless." he said and tossed it to Dean.  
The angel was about to take off, I watched his wings unfurl.

"Cas wait..." I grabbed his arm, "we'll find another way."

He looked at me with so much emotion, you'd think in that moment he was a hundred percent human. Regret, sorrow, anger...despair. He didn't have anything to say. But I knew in that moment, if not forever, he had given up hope. With that last look he disappeared.


	15. The Virgin and the Whore

The road was good to the three of us after what happened. We picked up a couple easy hunts, enjoyed each other's company. Of course things had to go wrong soon enough.

An empty highway led us to come across some freelance hunters, who saved us from a mass demonic attack by spewing out an exorcism none of us had ever heard before.   
Come to find out, they belonged to a town that was relentlessly attacked by demons and the citizens had taken matters into their own hands. We were led to the church where they gathered for a wedding. The preacher speaking was loaded with guns.   
We stood against the back wall together and observed.  
"Dean..." I whispered and nudged him during prayer, "something isnt right with this place. "

He leaned over sideways without breaking his false vigil to hear me better.  
"Whaddya mean?" he whispered back.

"I cant feel anything. I mean nothing." I replied.

Sam leaned in from the opposite side now too. "Something unplugged you?'

"I got nothing. Except this...ringing." I said, twisting a finger in my ear. Truth be told, the moment we entered the town's boarder, I had a ringing in my ears, but it was stronger now inside this church.   
The preacher approached us after the session with a welcoming smile.  
"You're a preacher?" Dean asked in disbelief.

"Not what you'd expect huh?" The man replied.

"Well dude, you're packing." I said, tugging at my bothered ear.

"Strange times. "

A young woman crept behind him, listening to us. My brothers asking where they learned that exorcism, among other things, but I was having hard time paying attention. Not just the ringing, which was intensifying by the minute, but I was literally spacing out.  
At first I was frightened, thinking I was about to have a seizure, but it passed almost as quickly as it came and I was snapped back into the conversation.

"Never been wrong, not once." The preacher, or rather the young woman's father said. Her gaze fell on me and the ringing became more like dull, aching buzz. It was coming from her. I cast her a suspicious stare, and when our eyes locked momentarily, the ringing became unbearably louder until she looked away at my brother.

"Let me guess," Dean said, " before you see something you get really bad migraine, see flashing lights?"

"How'd you know?" the girl, Leah, asked.

"Because your not the first prophet we've met."

☆☆☆☆☆

Everything else was kinda fuzzy for me until we got back to room we'd graciously been given by the townspeople.   
Sam was on the phone, trying to get ahold of Castiel, while Dean sauntered over to me on the bed and sat down.  
"Hey, you were kinda...not all there back at the church. You ok?" he asked me genuinely.

"I am now. I think I'm starting to understand what the doctor meant by brain damage. I zoned out and I couldnt bring myself back. But that girl...Leah..."

"What about her?"

"She's the reason my ears are ringing and hurting. "

Dean frowned. "That's weird...prophet ever do that to you before?"

"I dont know...I never met Chuck. " I shrugged, "maybe were both special breed of psychic so we...clash? I dunno..."

Sam frowned with a tilt of his head as he joined us. "Yeah maybe, not a bad explanation. Hey I left Cas a message."

"Great, " I said yawning, "listen, guys, whatever is going on with me, it's really draining me. I think I'm gonna crash."

Sam nodded and started getting himself ready to leave, but Dean lingered next to me. His bright eyes looked me over with concern. He rubbed the back of my shoulders as I began to massage my temples.  
"You sure you're ok?"

"No, but I'm sure I just need some sleep. Maybe try to stay away from Leah if I can."

"Yeah," he said softly, "rest up, we'll be back to check on you."

☆☆☆☆☆

I found myself dreaming, running boundless through an autumn forest. Footsteps echoing in the otherwise silence. Familiar places passed me by. My old home, high school...Bobby's...then a house I didn't recognize.   
I stopped running, for I was drawn to it. Being a dream, I was light in the head and didnt think twice about strolling right up to the door and opening it.

Still didn't recognize anything, but there were a dozen or so half naked women roaming about the place or dancing to very loud music.

I found the owner of the home sitting on the sofa receiving a lap dance, who squealed at the sight of me.

It was Chuck, the prophet.  
"What are you doing here?" he demanded, "my dreams are the only place I'm safe from you Winchesters."

My head cleared, and I came to accept that I was in a dream, and turned lucid. "No...what are _you_ doing here, in _my_ dream?"  
He pushed the woman off him and stepped outside with me.  
"So we're...both dreaming? Together?" He asked.

"Apparently..." I replied irritably.

"Weird...never saw it coming. "

"Hey, Chuck...what do you know about what's going on right now? That girl Leah?"

He looked worried and timid, well more than usual. "I...I dont know. But I did have a vision of something else that might help. "

"I'm listening. "

"Whatever she is, or whatever else is wrong in that town...Cant kill you. "

"Huh?"

"Look I dunno the details ok? I was like...downloading vague information instead of actually seeing anything."

I sighed. "I know how that goes...so what you mean it cant kill me?"

"You cant kill it either, but you can hold it off. Like... a stalemate. Idk it's like a rock paper scissors thing. Your the rock."

"And this creature...is the paper? Paper doesnt really defeat rock it just..."

"Covers it up. Exactly. Your power isn't working right?"

I nodded thoughtfully. "I always figured that logically, rock could smash both scissors and paper."

"Right..ok...So when you find the thing, you can beat the hell out of it till someone can kill it."

☆☆☆☆☆

I slowly stirred and began to wake from what had turned out to be a really good sleep. It was struggle, and I almost didnt want to get up. I sat up, stretched, my somewhat revealing tank top pulling up my belly, with a loud yawn.   
Sam was in the room and rushed to me. "Hey, you're awake." he said urgently.

I narrowed my eyes at him.   
"Yeahhhhh?"

"Hazel you slept almost two days..." he explained.

I blinked dumbly at him for a moment, but before I could say anything, the door swung open loudly.   
Sam got up and out of my way where I saw Castiel leaning on the doorframe as if he was hurt.   
Still groggy, I rubbed my eyes and tried to finish joining the living before I got involved in whatever was happening next. Whatever was happening to me, it left me really sluggish and I was slow to recover.

"I got your message, " Cas said gruffly, stumbling into the room, "it was long, your message. And I find the sound of your voice grating."

"What's wrong with you?" Sam asked, "Are you drunk?"

Cas slumped against the wall again.  
"No!...mmmmm yes."

As he pulled himself away he completely lost balance and flopped onto my bed. Sam wasn't impressed but I giggled, at which point the angel slowly lifted himself up on his hands and crawled a ways towards me...no, _over_ me. Another move he'd be straddling me, his face almost touching mine.  
I froze and blushed, staring back at his drunken, yet still deep gaze.  
"You are...an exceptional piece of art. Mmmm...." he grumbled like he was gathering his thoughts, then trailed a finger slowly from my forehead, down the middle of my nose to my chin   
"Your eyes always look like honey and sunshine...I could go swimming in them..."

"Ok ok, " Sam said and pulled him off me to sit on the edge of the bed.   
"What the hell happened to you?"

He rolled his head lazily away from looking at me again, back to Sam.  
"I found a liquor store."

"And?"

"And I drank it," he replied harshly "Why did you'll call me?"

I snickered into my hand, almost forgetting how incredibly awkward he had just made me feel. Drunk Cas was hilarious.   
He was quiet for a moment, wobbling, then his head nearly flopped back down to my lap before Sam caught him again.  
"Whoa whoa, easy. Are you ok?"

"Dont ask stupid questions." Cas said, glaring at him, "Tell me what you need."

My feet were hanging out of the blanket after his clumsiness disheveled it, one of which seem to catch his attention. He took a single finger and traced it from my ankle slowly over the whole top of my foot the way he had with my face, as if he were actually examining something interesting.

"There's been these...demon attacks. Massive ones. Right outside of town." Sam explained, "but we cant figure out-"

"Any sign of angels?" Cas interrupted him, still caressing my foot. It was beginning to tickle but at the same time it felt nice. Loving. I was deeply confused, if not disturbed, by his actions but he was also clearly inebriated so I tried to brush it off. Who knew what he was thinking.

"Well sort of," Sam said, "they've been speaking to this Prophet."

"Who?" Cas asked distractedly, taking my foot onto his lap and examining it further. At that point I was more than uncomfortable.

"This girl, " Sam continued, "Leah Gideon."

"She's not a prophet. " Cas stated flatly, poking the end of each of my toes.

"Pretty sure she is. Visions, headaches, the whole package ." Sam argued.

Castiel looked at me, ignoring Sam for a moment, admiration on his face.  
"You have...really nice feet."

"Ok enough, Cas. We have a situation here." Sam snapped.

"The names of _all_ prophets are seared into my brain. Leah Gideon is not one of them."

They kept talking, debating, arguing...I got up, barely clothed, and headed for the shower. Cas watched me all the way to bathroom door, like he witnessed an angel. Not literally of course. Maybe more like a twelve year old virgin watching a super model.

Stripping down and letting the water run till hot, I took a moment to look at myself in the mirror. Something I didn't do often, especially not naked. I had so many scars...they were all very well healed and faded white, but there were just so many of them.

I didn't see this "peice of art" Cas spoke of. I saw a weather battered statue with weird proportions. I saw bony shoulders, breasts too big for my body type that I thought made me look fat in loose clothing, a slightly crooked nose I'd had from the demon torture that I absolutely hated.

When I returned from the shower, fully and more modestly dressed, Dean had just walked in the room, his clothes bloody.

Cas sat in the chair, seeming a little less out of his mind.

"You alright?" I asked Dean.

"Yeah," he answered, "its not my blood. Paul's dead. Jane shot him."

"What!?" Sam exclaimed.

"Its starting..." Cas mumbled.

Dean shook his head in confusion. "What's starting? And where the hell have you been?"

"On a bender ."

"Did he..did he just say on a bender?"

"Yeah he's still pretty smashed." I said.

"It is not of import," Cas snapped at us all, "we need to talk about what's really happening here."

"I'm all ears." Dean said.

"Well for starters, Leah is not a real prophet. " Sam said.

"Ok...what is she exactly?"

"The whore. " Cas said plainly.

"Wow Cas, " Dean said, taken aback, "tell us what you really think. "

"She rises when Lucifer walks the earth. “And she shall come, bearing false prophecy.” This creature has the power to take a human’s form, read minds. Book of Revelation calls her “the Whore of Babylon.”

"Well that's catchy." Dean said.

"The real Leah was probably killed months ago." Sam said.

"So...the demons around here? Under her control huh?" I asked. Cas nodded slowly.

"And the Enochian exorcism?" Dean asked.

"Fake," Cas actually smiled now, " it actually means you um...breed with the mouth of a goat....its funnier in Enochian. "

"So..what's her endgame?" I asked.

"Her goal is to condemn as many souls to hell as possible. And it’s…just beginning. She’s well on her way to dragging this whole town into the pit." Castiel explained.

"Alright, " Dean, " how do we go all pimp of Babylon on this bitch?"

That was when I remembered my dream. I cleared my throat and raised a hand. "I might be able to help with that."

The three of them looked at me curiously. I explained to them that Chuck and I had met in our dreams, what he told me of what he knew so far.

"So ..." Sam began, "you can fight this thing without dying?"

I shrugged. "That's what he said. Something about us...equalizing each other's power. She shuts mine down, but she cant do any real damage to me."

"Interesting..." Cas said quietly, "I wonder if heaven knew that....I know of a weapon that will kill the whore, I'll be back.".  
With that he was gone, and we waited till nightfall, likely because he was still drunk and distracted.

When he returned , he slapped a big wooden stake on the table. "A stake made from a cypress tree in Babylon." he informed us.

"Great, let's ventilate her." Dean said.

Cas shook his head. "Its not that simple. The whore can only be killed by a true servant of heaven."

"Servant as in...?"

"Not me, not you or Hazel. Sam of course is an abomination. We'll have to find someone else. "

"Wait..." I piped in, "why not me ? I'm a way better person than these two, _and_ I'm a virgin. "

"You're a virgin?" Dean asked with a mischievous grin.

"Shut up. Why cant I do it?"

"You were raised a by a pagan and would never serve heaven after what angels did to you."

"Right..."

☆☆☆☆☆

After we rounded up the pastor and explained to him he had to kill the thing impersonating his daughter, we were ready to make our move on the church.

We had a plan. First Cas would go in and try to subdue her. If that didnt work, I fight the Whore, and give Pastor Gideon a shot at her instead.

Outside the motel that night, Cas and I sat together on the curb in silence, when Dean tossed him a bottle of aspirin for his hangover. Now that he was sober, I felt his despair. He was devastated that the father he'd never met, had truly abandoned him. Abandoned everyone. I wept for him inside.

"How many should I take?" Cas asked me as Dean lowered himself to join us.

"For you? Probably the whole bottle. " I said.

Dean nudged him in a brotherly manner. "Hey I've been there. Big expert on dead beat dads...so I get it. I know how you feel." he said to him.

"How do you manage it?"

Dean smirked. "On a good day, you get to kill a whore."

☆☆☆☆☆

My brothers, Castiel, Pastor Gideon and I stormed into the church, tracking Leah down to the office.

We busted in quickly, so Cas could wrestle her arms and hold her for the pastor to impale.

"Daddy dont hurt me!" She cried out. My guts twisted angrily at the never ending deception of this monster.

"Gideon now!" Sam hollered, but the father hesitated.

The Whore took the opportunity to chant an enochian spell, leaving Cas to fall helplessly in pain on the floor.

" Cas!" I shouted, lunging for him, but Leah blasted all the men off their asses. She had no effect on me but Dean came crashing into me and I was knocked down as well.

She made a break for the door and ran.

"Oh no you dont bitch..." I growled and took off after her, the pastor on my tail.

We found her in a room were she'd had most of the townspeople locked up and ready to burned alive. Sam tackled the man about to light the kerosene to the ground and tossed the lighter.

"Help me, hes a demon!" Leah screamed for the remaining crowd, and they went after the pastor, the commotion making him drop the stake.

The whore made a move on Dean after knocking him back down with her power, but I stepped in her way.

"I dont think so," I sneered.

The creature smirked. "You cant kill me."

I poised myself for a fight. "No...but I can beat your ass all night, bitch." I taunted.

She came after me, I dodged and countered an elbow into her face, staggering her. In response she physically pushed me down, but when she came close to attack I kicked her legs out, buckling her.

I leapt to my feet, and threw a massive hook at her jaw. She attempted one at me, but she was sloppy, and I evaded, driving a countering knee into her ribs and slamming my elbow as hard as I could to the back of her head as she doubled over.

She was pissed at that point, and threw me hard and far over her shoulder. I hit the wall with quite a bit of force and it stunned me.

Dean had scrambled and tried to grab the stake just as the whore straddled him and pinned him.

"Please. Like you're a servant of heaven." She sneered as Dean struggled against her strength.  
"This is why my team’s gonna win. You’re the great vessel? You’re pathetic, self-hating, and faithless. It’s the end of the world. And you’re just gonna sit back and watch it happen."

Dean managed to get an arm free, and I clambered to my feet to rush over arm strangle my arm around her neck. He reached the stake and impaled her in an instant.

"Dont be so sure, whore." He snarled .

The creature trembled unnaturally, the stake catching on fire and eventually exploding inside her as the light left her eyes.

☆☆☆☆☆

Sam and I helped load the pastor and Castiel into the Impala, me climbing in the back with them. With the creature dead my senses were all flooding back, and I knew Sam was outside the car accusing Dean of wanting to let Michael take him because he was able to kill the Whore.

I had to admit...with the way he'd been talking the whole time we'd been I town (I had to reach back with visions to find out) I believed it too. He denied it, but I wasn't convinced.

The back seat was cramped, because the pastor was kinda big, and I was squished very close to Cas. He was weary and slightly damaged from whatever the beast did to him with that spell. But still he smiled when he turned to look at me, the close space giving our faces very little distance.   
After everything that'd happened between him and me lately, I was instantly fired up in the cheeks and chest. I definitely had a crush.  
"I understand you fought well."

"Um yeah...I guess I did." I replied nervously.

"Dude, she kicked ass." Sam said, "I won't doubt you again, that's for sure."

"Neither will I." Cas agreed. I turned away and watched the road ahead as we made our way back to the motel.  
This couldnt be happening. I had to control myself. There was no room for girlish crushes in the apocalypse.

In my heart I knew it wasn't just a crush. I knew I cared about Castiel, maybe more than my brothers or Bobby. But I would stuff it down deep inside because it was impossible and I wasn't going to let it happen, because it _couldn't_ happen.

We brought Cas and Gideon inside to sit, Sam finding the pastor an ice pack for his head, while I stood over and examined Cas.

I waved my hands over his head and chest slowly, concentrating and assessing the damage. He watched me quietly, attentive mostly to my face.   
"This isnt necessary. " he protested.

"Hush. I just wanna have a look." I said.

Dean was making his way out the door.  
"Where are going?" Sam asked accusingly.

"I'm just gonna grab some clean bandages out of the trunk, relax." He said and walked out.

I refocused my attention to the angel who snatched my hand and stopped me. It was aching and raw from punching a supernatural creature.   
He examined it, frowning, wishing he could heal it no doubt, then dropped it and let me continue.

Back to what I was trying to do, I noticed his power, his grace, was much more faded than the last time I saw him. He was still an angel, but not for much longer. I didn't know how to feel about that. Sad maybe. He didnt know how to be human. And if we made it through all this, I would outlive him. I would be alone someday.

"You've come along way from rising from your grave." he commented.

"I suppose I have you to thank for that." was my way if accepting his compliment.   
I dropped my hands and prepared to turn away to check on the pastor when Cas entered my mind.

_I'm_ _proud of you_

I contained my anxious grin and kept moving.  
Suddenly we all heard the sound of Baby reving her engine and spinning off out the parking lot. Sam and I both charged outside yelling for him, but it was too late.  
"Dean!" Sam screamed, "DEAN. Damnit!"

He was gone. To do god knows what.


	16. Substitutes and Sacrifices

For days I lingered at home with Bobby, who was still researching his ass off. He'd exhausted his resources, but the man wouldn't give up. He was in this for us, his boys and me. I knew him, he could care less about the world ending anymore. I knew about the gun he kept in case he wanted to off himself. But he would stay here and be our friend and father to the bitter end.   
Sam had gone to track down Dean, because that son of a bitch wasn't getting off that easy. We were all so angry with him, that we weren't messing around anymore. Castiel went with Sam, to retrieve that coward kicking and screaming.

All the while I used to my abilities to keep track of him, feeding the information to Sam via phone at every step. Dean was on a farewell tour of his own design, and every stop he made that involved it, infuriated me more and more. I wished I could reach through my visions and strangle him.

Finally, Cas showed up with Sam and Dean, and despite his piss poor attitude, we made him sit with us and brainstorm.

"Yeah, no, this is good. Really," so started Dean's sarcastic rant, "You know, eight months of turned pages and screwed pooches but tonight, tonight’s when the magic happens."

I was closest to him, so I took the opportunity I'd been waiting for and smacked him upside his head, glaring daggers at him. "You're not helping.." I snarled through my teeth.

"Yeah well, let me get out of your hair then." he sneered back at me. My blood was boiling. I knew Cas could feel my energy rising along with it, but he too, was angry, and said nothing to calm me down.

"You..mmm.." I began with a growl because I just didnt have the words, "you are so lucky that I love you. And even more lucky, I have my power under control. "

He shook his and rolled his eyes, making my fists curl in my lap until my knuckles went white. Cas finally intervened.  
 _Not as under control as you think. Relax..._

No one but me heard him of course, so I had to pretend I didn't. My family didnt actually know just how powerful I was becoming, nor how delicate the balance between my power and my emotions was. Only Cas knew, and for the sake of keeping them all from one more thing to worry about, it was going to stay that way.

"What happened to you? " Bobby asked Dean.

Dean's smugness didn't end. "Reality happened. Nuclear’s the only option we have left. Michael can ice the devil, save a boatload of people."

"But not _all_ of them," Bobby said, "we gotta think of something else."

Dean shook his head. "Yeah, well, that’s easy for you to say. But if Lucifer burns this mother down, and I coulda done something about it, guess what? That’s on me."

A point we all knew, but refused to accept. He was only one ready to roll over. My leg started bouncing anxiously, trying my best not throw him on the floor and brawl. I didn't think he would hit me back, so it would be worth it. But because Castiel seemed to be sensing that I was too close to the edge, I held it in.

"You cant give up, son." Bobby said sadly.

"You're not my father, and you're not in my shoes." Dean hissed.

That was it, I couldn't take it anymore. He disrespected Bobby and I wasnt going to be in the same room with the coward anymore. I rose to my feet abruptly and stormed off to my room.

{Castiel}

I watched her go, shaking my head and empathizing with her anger. She came back from the dead because Lucifer willed it, but she stayed because of her brothers. She came to help without even knowing they were family. All she ever did was believe in our cause and care. Even though she had problems of her own.

Even at her lowest, Hazel did not give up. I adored that in her.

"Where's she going?" Dean exasperated.

I stared him down. "To get away from you before she loses her control and throws you out the window. "

☆☆☆☆☆

It was morning before I came back downstairs. I'd been pummeling the punch bag I'd installed in the ceiling for hours on end. Sam tried to come talk to me a few times, but I locked the door and barricaded it with my dresser.

I wandered down only after I'd exhausted myself to the point my fatigue was both physical and mental. My powers were satiated by the work out and utterly drained. For now.

My room was darker than most of the house, and the morning sun spilling through the main floor windows sting my eyes. Sam noticed me coming down and graciously handed me a full mug of coffee. I smiled at him wearily.

"Thanks, Sammy."

"Of course."

He sat at the table with me, where I found Dean already planted , sipping his own coffee and pointedly ignoring me. Which I was fine with. I had nothing to say to him.

"So you alright?" Sam asked me, "there was an awful lot of noise up there."

He noticed my battered knuckles and stiff movements.

"Punching bag." I responded quietly, lifting my eyes to Dean for a brief moment. He got the message, and averted his gaze. _That's right..._ I thought to myself, _don't_ _even look at me._

"Ah," Sam understood, "well while you were up there doing a Rocky, Cas took off."

My brow climbed and my eyes narrowed. "What for?"

Sam shrugged. "Didn't say. Just acted like something was hurting him or bugging him, said something was wrong, and took off."

"That doesn't sound good..." I said, trying to sound casual but truthfully I was concerned. Castiel's rapidly deteriorating angelic status made him more vulnerable by the day. Anything could happen to him out there.

Dean got to his feet, set his cup down in the sink and left us, Sam watching for him to be out of earshot.

"Hazel..." he said once Dean was out of sight, "Can I ask you something?"

I gave him a curious glance over the rim of my mug I was so deeply enjoying. "Sure?"

He paused, gathering his thoughts. I couldn't pick up on anything with my powers so exhausted, so I didn't know what to expect.   
"How do you feel about all this? I mean really? I know you're angry with Dean but you've never really...put in your opinion. "

"I'm team free will, you know that. " I said , bewildered by the question.

"Yeah I know but...I get the feeling that's only because you're fighting for us. How do you actually feel about this crap?"

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. I loved the sympathetic side of Sam, but sometimes he pried too much.   
Thinking for a moment, I realized I never put much thought into what my opinion was, and I realized I was conflicted.   
With a sigh, I gave in and decided to pour my heart out.  
"Honestly? I get where Dean's coming from. I do. I'm not angry with him for wanting to play the part. I'm angry with him because in doing so, he's leaving us in the dust. In my opinion...we should keep denying those bastards their vessels and just stand down. I dont think there's any stopping the apocalypse, but at least if we stuck together we wouldn't face it alone. All I want for you all to be safe, and for me to not be alone as long as possible. I am going to outlive you, Dean, Bobby, and probably Cas...If I don't die in the initial apocalypse, either heaven or hell will have me killed or enslaved at some point or another...and I just..."

His hand found my exhausted shoulder and massaged it comfortingly. "I get it.." he said softly, "and I'm with you. Whatever happens, we should be together. Dean just...doesnt see that anymore. And what do you mean about Cas?"

He might as well know. "Everyday he's cut off from heaven, every time he uses his power, he's becoming more human." I said grimly, "I'm afraid he isnt going to make it through this."

Sam sighed through tight lips. "You really care about him, dont you?"

I hesitated. This was something I was trying to not to think about every minute of every day. "I try not to..." I admitted vaguely, but he understood.   
He understood that I was in love with Cas, even if I couldn't admit to myself.

"Its Cas, he always weasels out of danger somehow." he assured me.

"Help!"

Speak of the devil. Or angel.

"Guys!" Bobby called to us all.

Sam and I rushed to the front room where Cas was supporting a tall, and filthy figure over his shoulder, throwing him over onto the cot set up by the window.

"Who is it?" Bobby asked as the three of us gathered round.

Sam's face became strained in shock.  
"That's our brother. "

"Wait a minute, your brother Adam?" Bobby repeated in disbelief.

"Cas what the hell?" Dean exclaimed.

"Angels." Castiel replied curtly.

"Angels? Why?" Sam asked.

"I know one thing for sure, we need to hide him. Now."  
Cas proceeded to place a hand over Adam's chest and carve the sigils into his ribs.

When he woke, we were informed all about how the angels told Adam he was essentially Dean's substitute, and they'd wrongfully assumed Dean wouldn't give up.

Adam turned out to be in disagreement with us, believing Zachariah over us, and looking for a chance to split any chance he got.

We figured we could handle him, but Dean was still on lock down as well, and with between the two of them, it would be easier to lock Dean in the panic room.

After that, I was left upstairs with Cas, keeping an eye on Adam while I toyed with a sandwich on the coffee table that I wasn't in the mood to eat.  
Adam was hanging out with Bobby in the study, so Cas joined me on the couch. If I weren't so tired , his closeness would've unnerved me. Thankfully, Cas couldn't read emotions the way I could. He still had no idea.

"Not hungry?" he asked.

I shook my head.  
"I'm thinking too much I guess..."

"About?"

"These damn brothers of mine and how maybe I could spare them all this grief if I could only figure out how."  
I ranted off a little more angrily than I meant to.

"You can't. " he said plainly.

I swallowed on nothing, afraid to speak my mind, but it was Cas...If I could trust anyone with harmless thoughts, it was him.  
"But I think I can. I could save at least one of them. Or two, if you count Adam."

He narrowed his eyes at me, his heart open and I could feel him growing concerned, if not afraid, of what I might say. "What are you talking about?"

"Cas...what if I did it?" I blurted out, "what if I said yes to Michael instead? Or even Lucifer...with my power maybe I could...I dunno...fight them from the inside out?"

The angel's emotional waves quickly turned sour and I felt a splash of anger hit me. "Dont...dont you dare. You cant give in too..." he said through his teeth, trying his best not to be angry with me.

"I-I'm not..." I stammered quickly, "I'm just saying...what if? It could at least buy us some time for the rest of you to come up with a plan. "

He shook his head sharply. "No, Hazel. No. I won't have it. Even if you could buy us time, you're not a perfect vessel, they will destroy _you_ from the inside out. Not to mention have all your foresight at their disposal. And all I've done to protect will be for naught."

I sighed deeply at the guilt he just threw my way, knowing he was right. If I threw my life away, it'd be a slap in his face. "Castiel..." I said his full name, which I rarely did, "this a time for sacrifice and substitutes. I will do anything I can to make sure this has a happy ending."

His head was bowed now, and he shut me out. Firmly. But I knew he was struggling with the idea.  
"I know you want to help," he said after a long pause, then finally looked at me, "and you can. You should. But that is what your powers as a Seer are for. You are not here to sacrifice yourself, Hazel. You are here to guide us. You...are the light to lead the way."

I scoffed dryly. "Except I havent had a meaningful vision in weeks. I think Lucifer and Michael have found a way to block me."

"That doesn't mean you can't find a solution. I hate to burden you...but you might be our only hope."

"Yeah no pressure ..."

Castiel stood up and gestured for me to do the same . "We should check on Dean."  
I didnt want to. I wanted to let him rot till the end of the world. But I went along anyway.

Something didnt feel right to me as wandered down the lower hall to the panic room door. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it was more than just my power, it was intuition. I had no reason to trust Dean.

As soon as we get close, we hear a loud crash from within. I hurriedly looked through the window, its inner glass shattered, and saw nothing, no sign of movement.

Cautiously I opened the door and stepped inside, Cas right behind me. "Dean?" I called out, not seeing him anywhere. There was no way he got out...

"Hey."

We whipped around to see Dean behind the door, an enochian banishing sigil painted on the wall in his own blood.  
"No!" Cas and I both exclaimed but it was too late, Dean sent Cas packing and made a break for the door.

I ran after him, jumping on his back and pulling him off balance to the ground. He wrestled me off him and scrambled to his feet, heading for the stairs. I slammed him into the wall with telekinesis, and stood in his way at the base of the steps. "Dont do this." I pleaded with him.

"Get out of my way, Hazel."

"No."

"I dont wanna hurt you. "

"Same."

We stared each other down, that famous Winchester stubbornness flaming in our eyes. He moved closer, prowling with a warrior's grace.   
"Move." He warned me.

"No."

He looked away from me, shaking his head in disappointment, and before I could see it coming he threw a punch. His fist connected firm with my temple and I went down hard to the basement floor. He was going for a knockout and he got it. Tears of pain and betrayal filled my eyes as I struggled to maintain conscious.   
I failed.

I wasn't out for long, just minutes, woken by the sound of feet hammering down the steps near me.  
"Hey hey, easy..." Sam coaxed as I sat up. Adam was there too, surprisingly looking almost as concerned as Sam.

"I tried to stop him..." I moaned, letting the boys help me to my feet.

"I know, it's ok..where's Cas?"

"Blown to Oz. We should go after Dean. I can locate him and-" I got light headed and stumbled down a step as we made the trip up.

"Let's wait for Cas to get back. " Sam said, "and get some ice on that."

I nodded, feeling too dizzy and defeated to argue.

Adam helped keep my punch drunk self steady to lay on the couch while Sam fetched an ice pack.

He tossed it to me and I readily pressed it my aching skull. I had to hand it to Dean. He knew how to hit.

Hours passed, Sam had left me to see if he could find Dean on his own, and Adam fell asleep on the cot nearby. I found a make up mirror I had misplaced in the drawer of the coffee table months ago and checked my head.   
The whole upper corner of my face was red, and the center of damage was turning purple, complete with a growing lump. Even with the ice and medication I'd taken, it was tender and throbbing.

Just as I was about to get up for something stronger, like maybe whiskey, I heard the familiar sound of wings flap into the room.

"What happened...?" Cas asked, dangerous anger tinting his tone as he came close and observed my injury.

"Dean." was all I could say to him.

His fists balled, his wings flexed.   
"I've had enough..." he hissed under his breath.

"Me too." I said with an ironic smile.

"Can you find him?"

I already knew what was happening and I grew a little more excited than I should have. "Sure can. But you're taking me with, as a spectator. "

He didnt argue with me for once, merely approached me closer to brush the hair from my injury gently for a better look. "This is unacceptable..." he growled.

Cas then gave me some space and let me concentrate. Opening my mind and closing my eyes, I searched the blood ties to Dean with fervor.

It was surprisingly easy. He knew he didnt have much time before Castiel and I would find him, so he hadn't gone far to do whatever he was planning. One town over. I relayed the location to the angel, who wasted no time and tapped his fingers to my forehead to go along for the ride.

☆☆☆☆☆

The end is nigh! The apocalypse is upon us! The angels talk to me, and they asked me to talk to you! The apocalypse-"

"Hey! I'm Dean Winchester. Do you know who I am?"

"Dear God..." the preacher exclaimed.

Cas and I watched from across the street, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"I'll take that as a yes. Listen, I need you to pray to your angel buddies and let them know that I'm here." Dean told him hastily. I grit my teeth.

The preacher fell to his knees in prayer.  
"Our father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name-"

Cas grabbed my hand and zapped us next to the man on his knees.   
"You pray too loud." He informed him, and proceeded to put him to sleep with merely a touch. Dean was stunned long enough for Cas to grab him the by arms and toss him into the alley next to us.

I jogged after them, watching Cas come down on Dean with fist and feet on the ground.  
"What are you crazy?" Dean cried out, trying to get away.

Cas lifted him up, and hit him again, sending him right back to ground.  
"You..." he sneered, "you turn your back on me, your brother...You attacked your sister. " -kick-

"I rebelled for this? For you to surrender to them!?"   
He lifted him again and pinned him harshly to the wall. I'd never seen this side of Castiel. He wasn't just pissed, he was insulted, fueled by pain and betrayal.  
He hit him again. Dean's face was already swelling and cut open.  
"I gave everything for you, and this is what you give to me!?" Cas shook him hard, bouncing his head off the bricks, then raised his fist again.

I covered my mouth in horror. If he didnt stop he might kill him.

"Do it," Dean taunted in despair, "just do it." My heart cracked. He'd really given up.

Thankfully Cas unclenched his fist and knocked Dean out with a touch on his shoulder. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, and came to find out I was shaking from the tension and anger. Cas let Dean drop to the ground and turned to me, heaving chest and eyes still wild.

"He'll be fine. I just hurt him a little more than he hurt you." he assured me, gesturing for me to get close so we could leave.

☆☆☆☆☆  
Dean was in and out of consciousness when we returned to the house, just in time to hear the end of a discussion between Sam and Bobby.

"What the hell, Bobby!?"

"Watch your tone, boy. He was right in front of me and he dissapeared into thin air."

"Because the angels took him. " Cas said, catching their attention to our presence.

"What the hell happened to him?" Sam asked, referring to the battered and bloody Cas tossed into a chair.

"Me."

"I got to watch. " I said proudly.

"What do you mean the angels took Adam, you branded his ribs didn't you?" Bobby asked.

"Yes..Adam must of tipped them somehow. Maybe in a dream."

"Where would they have taken him?" Sam asked, which I was wondering as well.

"The same room they took Dean before I'd imagine. "

☆☆☆☆☆

We locked Dean back down on the cot, cuffed, in the panic room for a spell. But Sam had a talk with him and insisted we let him go because he had "faith" in him. I wanted to, but head was still killing me and so was heart.

While Sam and Cas prepared for an assault, I lingered upstairs in my room, going through my laundry to find something combat worthy.  
I sensed Dean coming before he even knocked on the door, rolling my eyes and sighing.  
"Come in..."

The door swung slowly, and my little brother strode in with caution.   
"Can I help you?" I asked snidely, not looking at him.

"Just wanna talk. In case we die today." he said gently. I groaned and turned to him, arms folded.

"So talk."

"Hows the head?"

"Hurts, you?"

"Word to the wise, don't piss off the nerdy angels."

"Word to the wise, I owe you a cheap shot."

"That's fair. Listen...I just...want to apologize. I mean not for trying to get to Michael but ...I shouldn't have hit you. I could've got around you some other way..."

"So you think."

He smirked. "Ok, fine. Still...it was wrong. I mean, Sam and me, we've been beating on each other for years. If we fight, no big deal. But I dont ever want to hurt you, you've done nothing but look after us..."

I was beginning to melt, but I stood my ground and maintained my scowl.  
"What's your point, Dean?"

"My point is..I love you, Hazel. And no matter what happens, I'll make sure you make it out of this in one piece."

I inhaled sharply through my nose, fighting back tears and rolling my head back in defense.   
"I love you too, you fucking asshole."

At then he was the old Dean again, if only for a moment, with a big obnoxious grin. "Hug it out?" he suggested, arms spread and taking a step closer.   
I dropped my guarded arms, waiting for him to get in range.   
He thought he'd be getting a hug, but instead I socked him in his already busted eye.  
"Now we can hug it out."

The embrace wasn't obligated and terrible like I expected. I held him so tight he grunted from the bruised ribs he earned from Cas. I wiped my eyes on his shoulder and breathed him in.   
The whiskey, the sweat and blood, cheap deodorant.. all of it.

"I see all is forgiven..."

Castiel and Sam had come up to my doorway, Cas looking disgruntled to say the least. But Sammy looked pleased.   
"We're ready to go, Dean." Sam said. Dean left me with a satisfied nod and pushed past the others, Sam following behind him.  
Castiel stayed, looking at me, unreadable inside and out.  
"Look...I'm still pissed at him, but I wasn't gonna leave it -"

"Its fine. That's not why I'm here." He wandered over to me with purpose, placing hands on my shoulders. I knew it was serious then.

"Let me guess...you're not taking me with?" I exasperated bitterly.

"There's no reason for you to be there. I'd just be handing you over to the angels. " he said. He fixated on me, the blue fires set in his skull melting me like wax.

"Isnt that exactly what you're doing with them?" I argued.

"This is something they have to do. It isnt about you."

"Yeah? And what about you? After all that, you're still gonna risk your neck for them? Are you gonna come back?" My voice cracked, eyes moistened.

"I dont know. Not likely."

I ran a hand through my hair and stepped away from him. "I should be there to back you up. " I insisted.

"Hazel, someone will have to keep up the fight if we fail..."

"NO! " I shrieked at him, "I am not gonna lose you knowing I could've helped. I'm not sitting around waiting to find out if you died!"

My belongings around the roomed rattled at my outburst.

He didn't say anything. Just stood there, watching me produce angry tears.   
Just as I was about to keep tearing him a new hole, my eyes began to burn, a deep, horrid ache blossoming behind them. "God..not...now.."   
I let out a cry and dropped to my knees as a vision force it's way in.

" _How do you know she'll cooperate?"_

_Two angels_ _I_ _didnt recognize, in a place_ _I_ _didnt recognize either, were_ _in_ _a discussion._

_"Same reason the other one will. For family."_

_They_ _were_ _talking about me._

_"I dont like it. The Seer is supposed to be terminated. We're not meant to use them."_

_"Brother if we get information, valuable information, we'll get our jobs back. Michael will reward us!"_

_"Or he'll kill us for_ _letting_ _her live."_

_"Its a worth a try. We_ _need_ _the information for this war and if we have the Seer, the enemy cant get her."_

The visage dissipated and left me panting on my hands and knees, Cas crouched at my side.  
"What did you see?"

I caught my breath and let him help me up. "Two angels...I dont know who, planning on catching me behind Michael's back."

"When? Where? "

I shook my head.

"This could be good..." Cas said thoughtfully.

"Excuse me?" I said blinking exaggerated at him.

"If these angels want to use you to fight demons, but hide you from Michael or any others... You'd be safe."

My jaw dropped in disgust. "Yeah but I'd also be held against my will, Cas. How is that good?"

"Because they cant take you to heaven without killing you, at which point your powers would be nonexistent. They'd have to hide you on earth. I would have a chance of finding you."

"How?"

"When the time comes, you'll find a way, you're a Seer. You can contact me somehow, I know it."

I groaned in frustration. "Ok ok, let myself get captured, got it...But I'm still coming with you."

"Hazel...no. I refuse. You have to stay."

I was losing my steam with the debate, the vision took it out of me. I lowered my eyes miserably and accepted his decision. Then Castiel did something I would never, ever have expected.   
He pulled me into him, initiated a hug all on his own, and squeezed me tight. I returned the favor without hesitation and inhaled his bizarre but heavenly scent that I'd grown to adore. He separated from me enough to plant a kiss on my forehead.   
My heart skipped a beat. Where was was Cas and who was this suddenly affectionate creaure?

"Take care, Hazel."

☆☆☆☆☆

They left me with Bobby, and after I sobbed myself dry, I realized he might be getting hungry and I should cook him dinner. I'd been slacking on it lately, and even though he could feed himself, wheelchair or no, it made me feel useful and nurturing to help him out.

I was still trembling from my sobfest, trying to peel potatoes to be mashed as I sat alone in the kitchen over a trash can. I'd faced the idea that might lose my loved ones before, but this was different. This was a suicide mission. Michael was going to take Dean, and likely slaughter the rest of them. Cas wanted me to let these other angels take me, promising me he'd be able to find me when he couldn't even promise he'd live after today.   
At least I still I had Bobby, and I was going to make him a nice steak dinner if it killed me.

The old man rolled into the room, rather silently for someone scooting along in a metal contraption. I hardly noticed him over the gentle scraping of the potato peeler. He made me jump when he slapped a big glass bottle of some rather fine look scotch on the table. "Drink up." his surly voice commanded as he set scotch glasses down next to it.

"Sorry?"

"You were upstairs for three hours, came back with your eyes looking like you got maced. Nothing this can't cure. Albeit temporarily. "

I smiled feebly at his gesture. "Bobby...you dont have to-"

"Shut up and drink. We ain't talking about it until I'm drunk and I've had that steak. So we better get started," he poured our glasses and we clanked them together, "Cheers."

An hour and four glasses later, we sat across from each other with plates empty of all but the bone, laughing.   
"Oh my God, Dean would kill you if he knew you told me these stories." I said chuckling into a brand new cup.

"I'm sure Sam could tell you worse," Bobby chortled merrily. I never got to see him like this. I dont think anyone did. He was mean and grumpy, all the time, sober or not. But Bobby and I had a special relationship. He opened up to me, for whatever reason. Maybe because I was the only consistent person in his life.

We grew quiet for a moment, sharing a cigar between us, until he spoke up again. "We gonna talk about why you're such a bummer lately?"

"I am _not_ a bummer, " I defended with a slur. I was definitely getting drunk. I tried to laugh way the change of mood but he wasn't having it.

"Its about that angel isnt it?"

_Crap_

"I dont wanna talk about that big dummy. Or the other two big dummies. They -hiccup- wanna go get the themselves killed, than whatever..."

"You dont mean that, kid. Look I know it's sad, and violent, and horrible, but that's every day. I wanna know why _today_ my little girl cried her eyes out."

I sighed, quickly losing my happy buzz. Touched he called me his little girl. It was the scotch talking, but it came from the heart ."Promise you wont laugh?"

He threw up his hands. "Why would I laugh?" I was getting the feeling he already knew something.

"Fine, fine..." I took a greedy gulp and let it settle, "I think...Im in love with him..."

"With ...Cas?"

"No my brothers...of course Cas!"

Bobby leaned back a ways, as far as his chair would let him in anyway.   
"That does complicate things..." he commented.

"No kidding..." I scoffed.

"And ya think you wont see him again?" He inferred sympathetically.   
I nodded.

"Does he know?"

I laughed dryly. "Please tell me, how does a human explain to an angel that they're in love with them?"

Bobby shrugged. "Same way you would to another human, I guess. "

"No, Bobby...Angels dont comprehend these things the same way we do."

"Or maybe you're just afraid of how he'll react. "

I rolled my eyes.   
"He's an _angel,_ " I reiterated.

"An angel that cares hell of a lot about you, ya idjit," he snapped at me.

I proceeded to pout, rather immaturely.

"Look, Cas is in an idiot, I'll give ya that. But I'm not, and I've seen the way he is with you. Maybe he don't understand it, or realize it, but I'll bet the farm he loves ya too."

"Doesnt matter now," I dismissed wearily, "he probably wont be back. And his old friends are gonna take me prisoner any time now."

"Excuse me?"

I told him everything about the vision, and how Cas thought it was an opportunity to keep me safe.

"What do you think?" I asked when I'd finished and he'd grown quiet.

"What do I think? He wants you to sacrifice your freedom for your safety, not to mention leave me behind in case everyone dies today..."

"I know it's crazy, right?" I conferred, glad he was against it.

"Its nuts sure. But...it ain't the worst idea I've ever heard. "

"What!? Bobby!"

"Look the angels are asshats, but if they think they need ya, they _will_ protect ya. And maybe, just maybe...you can get yourself out when the time is right. "

☆☆☆☆☆

I went to bed, exhausted and restless at the same time. Staring at my phone beside me on the pillow. Waiting for someone to tell me what happened. That my brothers were ok. That Cas was ok.   
All the while thinking about everything the old man said to me. It was overwhelming. Tell Cas how I feel. Let the angels take me.   
Not to mention everything Cas had been saying to me. I was the light in the dark for them. Only I could foresee things they couldn't. Only I could find a way to stop Lucifer.

I was all out of tears, and now I only felt a numbing despair. I was beginning to better understand why Dean admitted defeat. It was too much. It was all too much to ask of humans.   
But the apocalypse wouldn't last forever. Unlike the rest of them, I would always have a responsibility to the world because of my gift, or curse.

"Hello Hazel."

I practically flew off the bed in fright as I was faced with none other than Adam. Only it wasn't Adam. It was Michael. Standing beside my bed with a gentle smile.

I trembled in my blanket before the sight of him. His true form was much bigger, brighter, and scarier than any angel I'd ever seen. Comparable only to Lucifer. It actually hurt my eyes.

"Wh-wh..." I couldnt speak. I hadn't the words.

"Relax," he said with a hand gesture, "I'm not here to kill you."

"You're not?" I asked disbelief. Literal disbelief. "But Seers..."

"Are dangerous, and more power than anyone should have. But that was before armageddon. Now..." he walked closer to me and took my hand, making me rise from the bed. He was actually quite gracious,  
"I think we can help each other."

"You want to use me..." I said grimly.

"No, no. I want you to help me fight evil, Hazel. Find and see things I cannot. In return, I'll do anything for you. I could even give you your mother back."

Stunned by the offer and the whole situation, I was still trying to figure out how this started with two conspiring, nobody angels, and ended with the first Angel himself coming for me.

"What happened to my brothers?" I demanded of him suddenly. He smiled kindly. It was strange and yet inviting.

"They got away. Probably going to call you any time." Michael said honestly. He was open to me, I could feel all his intentions. He didnt mean anyone, except Lucifer, any real harm.  
He was honest, but stoic. He'd do anything to win this war. There was something very cold and dead about him that was unnerving, but nonthreatening.   
Lucifer was different. Lucifer was a creature of rage and willfull passions. Michael...he was a machine. A cold, calculating machine, with very little room for compassion. Not that it wasn't there. He wasn't a monster or a sociopath. He was the general of the greatest army in creation, and it had hardened him.

I swallowed at the dryness in my throat. "And Castiel?"

"Alive. I think..." Michael frowned through Adam's face thoughtfully, "He banished all the angels he faced at warehouse, and himself. Carved the sigil into his own chest. Never seen that happen before so, I couldn't tell you what happened to him. But I don't think it killed him."

_Cas_ _you_ _idiot..._

I was relieved that at least there was a good chance he was alive. Just having a really hard time putting himself back together.

"So now the question is, will you come willingly, or kicking and screaming?"

Suddenly my phone started ringing on the bed next to us, caller ID reading Big Little Bro 1.  
Dean.

"May I...?" I asked Michael's permission. I didn't know why. He'd been polite so far, so I felt the need to do the same.

"Be my guest."

I picked it up, shaking, and clicked answer. "Dean?"

**Hazel! Hey we made it out, well me and Sam. Michael got Adam. We dont know about Cas...**

**_Yeah..I know_ **

**What?** **What** **do you mean you know?** **Oh right...psychic..**

**_He's...he's here. Michael is here with me._ **

**Hazel run, do you hear me? Get out of there!**

**_There's no running Dean. He_ ** **_just_ ** **_wants to take me, I'll be safe._ ** **_I'm_ ** **_sorry. I love you guys._ **

**_Good luck._ **

**Hazel no dont-**

I hung up, tossed the phone on the bed and faced Michael.   
"Ok...I'm ready."


	17. Lost and Found

A steady beeping. An uncomfortable heaviness to my vessel. Pain, everywhere.

I opened my eyes to find a young woman in medical scrubs smiling at me, with sympathy, the window light behind her too bright for my eyes and furthering my disorientation.   
"Good morning, John Doe, " she said to me, "you gave us quite a surprise when your brain activity picked back up."

She proceeded to check the bags I was hooked to through tube and needle, and informed me of what happened to me. How I ended up in the hospital.

I knew something was wrong from the moment I woke up. I could not feel even the slightest spark of power within me. What I'd done to myself had rendered me burned out to a point of no return.   
Completely human.

But I didn't have the time to dwell on that, for there was still an apocalypse to stop, and the Winchesters would need to know I'm alive.

Thankfully a phone was available in the hospital room. The first number I tried was Hazel, but she didnt answer. I tried once more with the same result. That concerned me, but I had to try the brothers next.  
I dialed Dean.

**Hello?**

_Dean_

**Cas? We all thought you were dead where the hell are you man?**

_A hospital_

**Are you ok?**

_No..._

**You wanna elaborate?**

_I just woke up here. The doctors were fairly surprised. They thought I was brain dead._

_Apparently after Van Nyus, I suddenly appeared bloody and unconscious on a shrimping boat of Delacroix. I'm told it upset the sailors._

**Well, I got to tell you, man -- You're just in time. We figured out a way to pop Satan's box.**

_How?_

**It's a long story, but, look --we're going after Pestilence now. So if you want to zap over here...**

_I can't "zap" anywhere._

**What do you mean?**

_You could say my batteries are -- are drained._

**What do you mean? You're out of angel mojo?**

_I'm saying that I am thirsty and my head aches. I have a bug bite that itches no matter how much I scratch it, and I'm saying that I'm just incredibly..._

**Human. Wow. Sorry.**

_Well, my point is -- I can't go anywhere without money for...an airplane ride. And food. And more pain medication, ideally._

**All right. Well, look, no worries. Uh, Bobby's here. He'll wire you the cash.**

_Dean, wait._

_You said "no" to Michael. I owe you an apology._

**Cas...I-it's okay.**

_You are not the burnt and broken shell of a man that I believed you to be._

  
**Thank you...I appreciate that.**

_Your welcome_

**Listen Cas...there's something else** **I** **gotta tell you. Its Hazel...she's gone.**

_What do you mean, gone?_

**I don't know man, we** **called** **her, and she said Michael was with her and was taking her away.**

_I see..._

**What do we do? I was** **counting** **on your** **angel** **to juice to get her back somehow but now...**

_If Michael needs her, he won't hurt her. He's not known for torture._

**So what, we just** **leave** **her**?

_No...maybe. At least until we find her and have a plan but...She may have to get out of this one on her own._

_☆☆☆☆☆_

It wasn't the Beautiful Room, the place us Winchesters had been typically taken when kidnapped by angels. But I wished it was.

Instead, Michael recreated my childhood home. Right down to the broken Barbie leg stuck in the tub drain.

The true, physical location of this facade was unknown to me, and beneath the exterior it was warded up the ass to keep me from locating myself. I didnt understand how enochian spells worked, because I could still see what went on in the world outside.

It was designed to keep me from even _wanting_ to escape, using the power of nostalgia. And I'll be damned it worked.   
The Archangel had yet to visit me and request my services. In fact I hadn't seen any angels since he left me here. I spent two days, doing things I would normally do when I lived there before. I cooked for myself out of the self replenishing fridge, which was a nice touch. I cleaned, did laundry, watched TV, read books, and played my old Nitendo games.  
I knew I should try to escape, but I was too busy soaking in the warm, gooey, nostalgic comfort.   
By the end of the second day, however, I'd grown tired of the loneliness.   
At which point I was in sorrow, and restless. I had to do something. Had to try to contact _someone_.

I shut the lights off in mother's study, closed the blinds to the false sunlight, and surrounded myself with Mom's meditation candles.

The set up helped me focus both my energy and my mind as I closed my eyes and fell into blackness.

I was within myself, swimming through my memory and core data. There I found a door, marked "Castiel", with heart stickers all around his name. Apparently my subconscious was still in middle school when it came to boys.

I pushed the door open, not knowing how this worked but hoping it would do something. This was my subconscious I was dealing with, I didn't have any idea how things were going to manifest.   
Inside was a blank, white room, with a classic phone sitting on a glass table.

I picked up the receiver and held it anxiously to my ear, not sure how this was supposed to work.  
There was no dial tone, and when I tried pressing the keys there was no beeping. I frowned worried he might be dead but I convinced myself that the phone wouldn't be here if he couldn't be reached.

"Castiel....?" I ventured softly into the mouth peice.   
I felt something, like a release pressure. Like I connected.

"Cas? Cas can you hear me?"

"Hazel...?"

I literally jumped for joy. Weird how I could do that inside my head...

"Hazel where are you? Are you ok?"

"Me? What about you? Michael said you blew yourself up."

"Im....on a plane. "

I laughed, and I actually heard him chuckling in return. He was happy to hear me laughing, I could feel it.

"Its not funny. There is a small child kicking my seat. "

"Why are you on a plane?" I asked, still giggling at the idea of the awkward angel dealing with airport security and annoying passengers.

"I'm not an angel anymore..." came his dry, somber reply.

My heart lurched. I knew it was coming but it was still a shock.  
"I'm sorry Cas..."

"Where are you Hazel? Have they hurt you?"

"I'm fine, Cas. Michael set me up nice actually...but its heavy duty lockdown. I have no idea where I am."

"What does it look like?"

"Huh?"

"The room, the place they are keeping you, what do you see?"

"My house. The way it was before I ran away. In exact detail..."

"This is good."

"Not really Cas, he made sure I would _like_ it here. "

"Exactly. I'd imagine it works like heaven's rooms do. Which means you can escape."

"How you figure?"

"All personal heavens have an escape hatch. You have to look for something that doesn't belong, and it will lead you to the way out, or at least let you see outside. Then I can find you."

"Something that doesn't belong...got it."

I felt something outside my meditation stirring. A big energy invading my space.  
"I have to go," I said, ready to hang up.

"Good luck Hazel and please...contact me again as soon as you can..."

I snapped myself away from my subconscious, my eyes flying open just in time for the door to the study to open and reveal an angel I didn't know.

"Can I help you?" I said snidely.

"We need you to locate a weapon." she said stagnantly.

"Weapon? Dont you mooks have your swords?"

The blonde angel glared at my insolence. "Just do as your told and don't get sassy."

"Sorry sweetheart, sassy is the name of my game." I smiled spitefully.

She grunted into a sigh, and handed me an old parchment.   
On it was a drawing of a spear, or lance of some sort. When I touched it, the information flooded to me. Weird how strong and accurate my powers had become.  
"Michael's lance?"

I tried to search my memory of what little I knew about angels. I did remember paintings of Michael usually included a spear or a flaming sword. But Dean was the sword. So the spear was an actual weapon?

"That's cute," I mumbled.

"What?" the angel spat.

"Michael wanting to take Lucifer down with the same weapon he was too chicken kill him with before."

"I wouldn't say that to him if I were you." She warned. I shrugged. Michael didnt scare me. I got the feeling he didn't kill just because he was insulted. He was too "righteous " for that. But if I failed him, that would be another story.

And admittedly, if I could find the Lance, maybe there would be no need to worry. Maybe Michael would end Lucifer and we could walk away unscathed.  
"Fine. Now get out. I have to concentrate. "

The angel wrinkled her nose at me, but obeyed and left me in peace.  
But before I looked for this thing, I had to tell my brothers. I chose Sam, because I hadn't spoken to him in the longest span and I missed my giant brother.   
So I closed my eyes and delved back into the room of doors, opened Sam's and called him.

"Sammy? You hear me?"

"Whoa..."

I forgot I'd never done this to him before.

"Hazel?"

"You got it. "

"Where are you? "

"In my own private getaway. Listen, I have news. The angels want me to find Michael's weapon. An actual, physical weapon. If I find it...we might not have to worry about anything anymore."

"That's..that's great Hazel, really. But are you ok?"

"Yes I'm fine. I've spoken to Cas and I may have a way out of here, but I have to do this first."

"Ok yeah, do what you gotta do."

"Love you, brother."

"Love you too."

Now it was time. I left the room of doors and traveled to the place that let me open up to visions, holding the image of the spear in my mind.

It was painful, and something was trying to keep me out. I pushed harder, physically shuddering in agony and strain.

I saw it, and the one who kept it, barely. Whatever protection was laid on the place would not give me the location.   
But I did get a name, and a face. A terrifying, demonic face. A sense of its power gave me chills. Deep. Dark...more powerful than Crowley, who was until now the most powerful demon I'd seen.

Suddenly the protection shoved me out hard, and I was thrown on my ass, literally.

"Damn..." I groaned the stood up to open a prayer, "hey! God Squad! Anyone got their ears on? I found it...sorta...so..someone get their righteous tail feathers down here?"

"Where is it?"

Michael came to me himself, and I suddenly grew timid.  
"Um.."

He stalked closer to me, determined and intimidating. "Where...is it?"

"A demon has it. By the name of Ramiel?"

This seemed to throw Michael off, take him by surprise. "Is that bad...?" I asked him.

"Very. But I can manage, if you tell me where to find him."

I bit my lip and played with my fingers in shame. "I...I couldn't get a location. Whoever he is, he knows his stuff. It's a miracle I saw what I saw."

"Try again!" He snapped at me, making me wince. Ok, so maybe I was afraid of him a little.

"Alright fine, but you have to leave. Your energy screws up my flow."

He looked at me curiously for a moment, then submitted. "Very well..."

I exhaled shakily, knowing now I needed to save my ass. There was no way I was going to find this Ramiel. Michael didn't understand just how strong those wards were. Twisted and complicated, like some heavy duty magic experiment that ended up successful.

"Ok Hazel...something that doesn't belong, something that doesn't belong..." I told myself like a mantra.

I searched, and searched some more. Nothing seemed obvious. It was time for some abstract thinking because this memory game wasn't working, especially since my long term memory was damaged.

Initially I thought maybe I should look for something that _wouldn't_ be in my memories. Something I didn't know about in the house. Mother did have her secrets. If could find a hidey hole of hers, maybe I would find something that wouldn't make sense.  
With that idea, I searched her study for anything odd. A seam, a crack.. anything that might look like it secretly opened. Nothing.

Hours went by. Late into the night I tore the place apart, moving furniture, emptying drawers and cabinets. Frustration began to set in and I screamed into a pillow.   
Maybe Cas was wrong, and this wasn't set up like Heaven at all.

I needed a break, so I went to fridge, looking for a beer and a snack.

Shuffling through the contents to find what I needed, something caught my attention in the very back. I moved the six pack out of the way to get a better look and narrowed my eyes.  
"What the hell?"

There was a half empty bottle of cheap barbecue sauce slid to the very back against the wall. Mother and I were both bad Americans and hated barbeque sauce...

Could something that stupid really be what I was looking for? How would I possibly find a way out through a refrigerator? No, it couldn't be...

I dismissed the idea and the shut the door, cracking open my beer and stood in the kitchen pondering as I drank it.

"It cant be that simple..." I said to myself, "it's too stupid. "

Time was of the essence. I couldn't stay here and pretend to be trying locate the Lance forever. Michael could return any time, and pissed off next time.

I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I had to at least try something. Take a leap of faith. For Sam and Dean. For Bobby .

For Castiel.

With tight lipped determination, I reopened the refrigerator and reexamined the barbecue sauce. Nothing looked special about it. It was just sitting there, like everything else. But it was only thing pushed all the way to the back against the wall.  
I took a hold of it gently, but it wouldn't move. Relief struck me. I was right, but how did it work?

I gripped it tighter, and pulled. In an instant, the fridge was filled with a blinding light as the bottle acted as a doorknob, opening the back of the fridge like some secret passage. The more I pulled, the more the refrigerator disappeared.

I didnt even have to step in, or do anything. Once I had it open the whole way, I found myself outside.

And boy was I surprised.   
It was freezing cold, and the ground was covered in snow and ice, not another sight around me to be found. Endless tundra. I looked behind to find that my "paradise" had been hidden inside and igloo.

A daunting dread crept over me. An igloo? I had to have been very, very far north. Maybe the farthest you could go.

Shivering in nothing but a warm, but not warm enough flannel, I had to make a decision. Did I move, or did I go back inside ?

Self preservation told me to go back inside, but I wouldn't give up. I closed my eyes, reaching out with my psychic feelers, looking for civilization.  
I got a direction, but it was ten miles away. I whispered to myself, knowing I would die before I made it. I still had to try, and began my march across the wasteland.

Thankfully I was a boot person, they kept my feet protected for the first half hour before the chill seeped through the leather.   
I was already getting way too cold at that point, and warm boots was my last comfort to slip away.   
_This is stupid..._ I thought to myself over and over again. I'm going to die. I clung desperately to the hope that maybe someone might see me. A pilot, a hunter, an eskimo...anyone. Shit maybe I could use my powers to convince a polar bear to give me snuggles. Or give me ride. But there was nothing but snow as far as my eyes could see.  
And hour and half in, I was stiffening beyond repair, and I knew I was going freeze.   
"Cas..." I reached out in my head before collasping.

☆☆☆☆☆

"Well, it's nice to actually score a home run for once, ain't it?" Bobby said trying encourage us all. But we all looked a bit grim."what?"

"Last thing Pestilence said. "it's too late." Sam said.

"He get specific?"

"No."

" We're just a little freaked out that he might have left a bomb somewhere." Dean added, " So please tell us you have actual good news."

"Chicago's about to be wiped off the map. Storm of the millennium. Sets off a daisy chain of natural disasters. Three million people are gonna die." Bobby said matter of factly. 

" Huh..." came Dean's sarcastic, curt response. I agreed with his disdain.

" I don't understand your definition of good news." I said. 

Bobby rolled his eyes at us. "Well...Death, the horseman... he's gonna be there. And if we can stop him before he kick-starts this storm, get his ring back -"

I heard Hazel's voice in my head and stood up straight and wide eyed. She sounded scared...weak. _Hazel..?_ I tried to call back but there was no reply and something told me the connection was lost. Was she dead? My heart began to pound uncomfortably in my chest, a new sensation. Strange how strongly emotion effected a human body. I didn't like it. 

"What is it Cas?" Sam asked me.

I shook my head. "I heard Hazel...but then...radio silence."

"That don't sound good.." Bobby said worriedly. 

"Maybe...maybe she's..." Sam couldn't say, but we all understood. Frustration set in. I couldn't fly, I couldn't find her in a dream..nothing. I was helpless and I couldnt save her.

"I thought you said Michael wouldn't hurt her?" Dean said to me a bitterly.

"He wouldn't...unless he got what he needed and followed protocol on Seers." I replied gravely. A sickening set in my stomach. She just couldnt be dead. Not my beautiful, powerful Hazel...She found a way. She had to. I had to believe that. If I lost her...

We were all taken aback by a sudden loud thump in the house. Suspicion crept over us, especially the hunters who'd learn long ago that strange thumps were never good. Bobby grabbed his gun and held his ground at the desk.   
The sound had come from behind the wall, in the living room. The Winchesters and I exchanged glances and armed ourselves as we cautiously crept through the door.

There, laying on the rug, was Hazel. I dropped my blade outright, clattering on the wood floor. I threw myself on my knees at her side, Sam and Dean right there with me in a heart beat.  
Her eyelids, lips, and fingers were blue and she was tinged everywhere with frost. Sam touched her neck for a pulse, breathing heavy and scared.  
"She's alive, barely...she's hypothermic. " he informed us.

"What the hell..." Dean whispered and started ripping off her boots and frozen socks. Her toes were blue as well.  
I didnt know what to do without my power and began to panic. Her breath was so shallow it was almost nonexistent. 

"What do we do?" I pleaded with her brothers for insight, taking her stiff, frosty fingers in my hand.

"Get her clothes off," Sam instructed, calmly taking control of the situation, "Dean, see if Bobby has a security blanket, if not run to the pharmacy for one. "

I did as I was told and helped Sam strip his half frozen sister down to her undergarments. She was so rigid I feared we might break bones. "Now what?"   
I might have been uneasy about it, might have felt some human attraction to her bare skin but in the sense of emergency I brushed it off and focused. At the moment she was no more sexually appealing than a corpse, because that's what she looked like. She looked dead. 

"I'm gonna go start a hot shower, you get your shirt off and hold her. Share your body heat, and get in the hot water with her." 

Shaking, I didn't hesitate and tore my coat and shirt off me as quickly as I could. I picked her up and held her as close to me as possible, following Sam to the bathroom. Her flesh was so cold against mine it have me chills. A new sensation in my vessel. Making realize just how miserable she must have been in the cold before she lost consciousness.

The water was almost scalding when I stepped inside with her and sat down in the tub, letting the cascade fall upon us. I kept her face close to my neck, and her hands on my chest where the hot water would reach. Her skin felt like ice upon my own, but I could feel it slowly responding as it stole the heat from me.  
Even frozen she was so soft, supple... beautiful. Even her scars were beautiful to me. It was part of her character, like the stripes of a tiger. And I felt so helpless, just waiting for this to work or not. Waiting to find out if I was going to lose her.

All the feelings I'd been pushing away were in full swing, especially now that I was human like her. This closeness, despite the circumstances, was blissful.  
I never breathed a word to anyone, not even to myself, but this woman meant more to me than anything in creation and some might even call it love. I didn't understand such things, objectively. All I understood was how I felt and I wasn't going to label it.  
I squeezed her tighter, ran hands down her back and cold legs, trying anything to get her blood flow going.

She seemed so small to me now, and for a moment I was reminded of the tiny child I'd first met, dragging her blanket and plush toy into the backyard in the middle of the night. The innocent, wide eyed look of fear she gave me before I stowed my blade and refused to kill her. I knew now, that I loved her then, and never stopped. 

"I think she's gonna make it Cas, " Sam assured me from the toilet. I trusted his judgement, on such things, but I couldn't shake my fear.

Dean came with a foil blanket and shut the water off. I wrapped it around her backside and enclosed her against me in it.

  
"How's she doing?" Dean asked, trying to contain his panic.

"I don't know...she's not blue anymore. " I told him. Her face was pale but returned to natural colors to my relief. I wished I could reach her mind, try to coax her awake, but with her unconsciousness and me no longer being an angel, I could not.

"Alright, the blanket should help, here, " he said and tossed a towel," get her hair dry and you can probably get out of there now."

I took the towel and rubbed her long, dark hair in it, meticulously. I'd always wanted to touch it and toy with it. The circumstances were unfortunate but I did admire the soft, thick waves, even wet and flattened. I'd never seen another Seer grow to adulthood, but I was beginning to believe they were born to have an almost supernatural perfection. I didn't think she was aware of how symmetrical and flawless she really was under the scars and broken nose.   
Or just how unique her eyes were, even when they didnt glow. Light brown or amber were already rare colorations...But hers...they were almost golden. As if all the best and brightest shades of brown and gold in nature had come together in a pond, swirled together by the light of a sunset.

My fond thoughts were broken by a suddenly quickening of her breath in my neck, a sharp exhale and a gentle stirring of her body on my mine. I threw the towel to the floor outside the tub and touched her face, now much warmer but still cool by comparison.   
"Hazel...?"

She groaned every so quietly, but didn't speak. It was enough for me, and lifted us both out of the tub, the security blanket tight around her.  
I set her down on the couch, almost sad to let go of her but the blanket was burning me up.  
"I think she's gonna be ok," Sam assured me, noting my concerned stare and I left her.

"How did she get here?" Dean pointed out, "I'm pretty sure we aren't anywhere near a place cold enough to do that to someone, and she literally just dropped in on us."

"Angels?" Bobby suggested.

"Bobby, she just escaped from them. Why would they bring her here?" Sam said.

"Well _something_ that didnt need feet or a car did it." he barked back.

"I suppose only she can answer that, when she wakes." I said.

☆☆☆☆☆

Wakeness slowly came to me, and upon opening my eyes I was weakly relieved to see the ceiling of Bobby's living room. I heard crinkling as I wiggled my body awake, and look down to see I was almost naked and wrapped in a foil blanket.

"Hey," came Dean's voice. He came around to me and crouched before my head, "how you feel?"

"Sore...tired." I replied with a dry throat, "thirsty..."

"Thought we lost you," he said sadly and touched my hand.

"Eh...wouldn't be the first time...How..." I sat up feebly, "how did I get here?"

"Kinda hoping you could tell us. You dont remember?"

I shook my head. "I passed out in the snow, walking away from the igloo...and woke up here."

"Igloo? Damn...they set you up in Seer Alcatraz. "

"Yeah...they really didnt want me to leave alive I think." I agreed, stretching my incredibly stiff arms.  
"So what's going on?"

Dean huffed slowly, "Well, we got Pestilence's ring, Bobby sold his soul to find Death, and me and Crowley are headed there now to get his ring. Sam and Cas are gonna go stop the bio-bomb of Croatoan that Pestilence left."

"Jesus Christ...I leave you guys for a few days..."

He smirked. "I know right?"

"Anything else I should know?"

Dean told me the plan to have Sam say yes to Lucifer, open the cage somehow with the rings, and jump in. I sighed and said nothing, too tired to to tell them they were crazy.

"When do you leave?"

"As soon as the van's loaded."

"I'm coming with." I said and forced my body off the couch, though it protested with fervor.

"Hazel..."

"Its not up for debate," I hissed, "look I'm not trying to fight, but I _will_ be there with you to the end."

I got dressed, warmly, and even put on make up to improve my dreadful, sickly appearance, and joined them all outside by the van to find Cas and Bobby loading weapons into the back of Bobby's full sized van.

"What's your problem?" Bobby griped at Cas. They haven't seen me yet.

"This is what they mean by "the 11th hour, right?" Cas said sorrowfully.

"Pretty much."

"Well it's the 11th hour , and I'm useless. All I have is this.." Cas waved the shot gun around in his hand, " what am I supposed to do with this?"

"Point it and shoot." Bobby sneered.

"But what I use to be..."

"Are you really gonna bitch..to me? Quit pinning for the varsity years and load the damn truck. "

I came closer, and Castiel's face brightened upon seeing me up and moving. "Hazel..." he said quietly, "you're alright?"

"Peachy."

He looked as if he would run up and hug me, but he didn't. So I did instead. He squeezed me back enthusiastically, making Bobby roll his eyes and scoff. "Good grief. Hurry up and load the truck."

I smiled and pulled away from Cas to force a hug on the old man as well.  
"Alright alright," he said, "I'm happy you're ok, too. "


	18. The 11th Hour

All five us, Crowley included gathered around the yard. He looked at a little strange, and I felt the gears in his mind working out something. I wrinkled my nose at him. Whatever he thought he might do with me in the future, wasn't happening. 

" All right, well...Good luck stopping the whole zombie apocalypse." Dean said to Sam.

" Yeah. Good luck killing Death."

" Yeah..."

" Remember when we used to just...hunt wendigos? How simple things were?"

"Not really."

"Well, um..." Sam began, pulling out the demon knife and offering it to Dean,"...You might need this."

Crowley held up a dismissive hand,"Keep it,Dean's covered..." he pulled a small scythe from his coat and handed it to Dean, " Death's own. Kills, golly, demons and angels and reapers and, rumor has it, the very thing itself."

" How did you get that?" Cas asked him darkly. I eyed the thing in Dean's hand, searching the truth of it with my power and confirmed it. It hurt me, actually, to pry into the depths of the most powerful weapon in existence. And we were all standing around so casually about it.

"Hello --king of the crossroads. So, shall we? " Crowley responded, then looked back at the man in the chair, "Bobby, you just gonna sit there?"

" No, I'm gonna riverdance." Bobby retorted bitterly. 

Crowley shrugged, "I suppose if you want to impress the ladies...Bobby, Bobby, Bobby. Really wasted that crossroads deal. Fact: you get more if you phrase it properly. So, I took the liberty of adding a teeny little sub-a clause on your behalf. What can I say? I'm an altruist..." Crowley moved to leave, then turned back to look at him again, "Just gonna sit there?"

A look of realization came over Bobby, and he looked down to see if he could move his feet. He could.

I covered my mouth with joy, almost in tears as Bobby completely rose from the chair.

"Son of a bitch..." he said in disbelief. 

"Yes, I know. Completely worth your soul, " Crowley said, "I'm a hell of a guy."

"Thanks..." and he meant it.   
I wanted to hug him , both of them, but that seemed inappropriate so I stayed still.

"Ok," Dean said, glancing at me, "so what are we doing with the Ice Princess?"

Cas looked at me with a scowl, but I wouldn't be swayed. "Whomever thinks they need me the most, I'll go with."

"I'll take her," Sam offered, "I think she'd be safer with zombies than with Crowley. " 

Crowley threw up his hands in defensiveness. "Honestly, what would I do with her?"

Cas grabbed my arm, as if to keep me further fromthe demon. "I agree. And we already know she's not useful when it comes to horseman." 

☆☆☆☆☆

Sam, Bobby, Castiel and myself hit the road to stop the distribution of the swine flu vaccine containing Croatoan.

It was a quiet, long trip for some time. Bobby drove, Sam was in the front passenger, and Cas and I had free roam of the back. I found myself examining him, just confirming that he was really human. It saddened me, a lot, but I couldnt help wonder how he felt about it. I knew he felt weak, useless...But had he even considered he wouldn't be able to keep his promise?

"How are you doing, Cas? " I inquired bravely, "being human?" Reading him was easy now. The question disturbed him.

"Its...very uncomfortable. I dont know how you people stand it," he replied. 

I nodded solemnly, then shrugged. "Food is good?"

"I'd have to agree with you on that. Everything feels different...physically, emotionally, mentally...I perceive it all so differently than before."

"Emotionally?" I repeated anxiously.

He grinned to himself a little. "Its difficult to describe. Angels have emotions, but we are rarely swayed by them. Logic or obedience is priority, its in our coding. We can ignore feelings, quite easily. But being human...I feel them constantly. Its...unsettling. "

I giggled. "You'll get used to it."

I wanted to tell him so bad how I felt. But not with Bobby and Sam in earshot. But had to do something soon...before we all died.  
Castiel looked me, smiling softly, mixed signals of pain and contentment drawn all over his face. 

And that's when I felt him. The pure adoration radiating from him, mocking my own. It seeped to my bones. Warmed me better than a fire. It wasn't the time or the place say or do anything, and I wasnt sure if he knew what I knew.  
I knew he loved me. And that brought me peace. It didnt feel like what I'd expected. It was...so pure. Unromantic. Adoration in its simplest form. 

Abruptly I became shy about it all, and shut it down. I even shut my psychic empathy down. It was too much, and I needed to be reasonable. We were all facing certain doom. There was no room for a blossoming romance, as I constantly reminded myself. 

Cas seemed to pick up on my dismissal and moved further up the vehicle.   
"Yes to Lucifer, then jump in the hole. Its an interesting plan." he said .

"That's one word for it..." I chimed in. Nobody was happy about it, especially Dean. But something told it was the right thing to do, or at least _try_ to do.

"Go ahead, tell me it's the worst plan you've ever heard." Sam retorted. 

"Of course," Cas said, "I'm happy to say that if that's what you want to hear. But it's not what I think."

"Really?" 

"You and Dean have a habit of exceeding my expectations. He resisted Michael. Maybe you could resist Lucifer but you should know...Because Michael has Adam, if you say yes to Lucifer...this fight _will_ happen. And the collateral..it'll be immense.   
There's also the demon blood."

I pricked my ears more at that. 

"What?!" Sam exclaimed. 

"What are you talking about, Cas?" I asked gently.

"To take on Lucifer.. " he continued," it would be more than you've ever drunk. "

"But why?" I asked.

"It strengthens the vessel, keeps it from exploding. "

"But the guy he's in now...?"

"He's drinking gallons."

☆☆☆☆☆

I was still a bit too fragile to fight, so when my companions went in to stop the virus, I stayed in the van. It killed me worrying about the old man, my brother, and my castrated angel...But they came back to me with hardly a scratch.   
I watched what I could from a distance. But a weakened body meant weakened power, and it wasnt easy.   
In fact, I ended up falling asleep waiting, woken to the sound of the side doors opening.

After some time back on the road to Chicago to pick up Dean, Sam had climbed in the back with us. I sensed a dread and hesitation from him as soon as he looked at me and knew something was coming I probably didnt want to hear.

"Hey, Hazel. " he said awkwardly. 

"Hey..?"

"So um...just how strong are you these days? Your powers I mean."

I was taken aback by the question, mostly because I didnt know a perfect answer to it.  
"I dont know...strong? I mean...I have a lot more control. But it's still difficult to see things on purpose."

"How difficult?" he asked abruptly. Cas narrowed his eyes at him, glancing between us. He knew something was up too.

I shrugged. "Depends on how I'm feeling, and what I'm looking for. Humans are easy. Most objects and locations are easy. Horseman are impossible. Demons and angels are a little harder but doable if they don't know how to block me. And some blocks are stronger than others.. No matter what, I can always see _something,_ even if its vague."

"Ok but...What about the future? I mean you saw that kid Jesse's future."

"With my help," Cas cut in, "with my power, that I no longer have. What are you getting at, Sam?"

Sam sighed and bowed his head.  
"I just...was wondering if you could see how this is gonna end. You must have considered it?"

I rubbed my head wearily. Yes I had considered it a possibility, but I'd tried to see things like that before with little to no luck. Some futures just had too many possibilities. 

"Yes I have...and Sam...I don't know if I can. The future is...ever changing. And the abstract thinking it requires to zero in on something is sometimes beyond me."

"What exactly do you want from her, Sam?" Cas said a bit harshly. 

"I'm just...asking you to try. See if this plan is going to work." My brother replied humbly. 

I remembered what my mother told me; that everything was going to work out. I had been holding onto that all this time, not wishing to look for myself in case she was wrong, in case something changed. 

"Its worth a shot," Bobby piped in from the driver's seat. 

I let out a sigh. "Guys...its false hope. Even if I see, there's no guarantee it will remain true."

"I know, I know..." Sam said, "And I know it's hard, and it hurts...but this is for me. I dont wanna do this if it's all in vain. Please, Hazel...I gotta know if it's at least possible. "

I shook my head at his puppy eyes. He was so scared, and unsure. The fate of the world rested on him now, not Dean. He was right...I had to give him something. I couldn't deny him.

"Ok..." I breathed reluctantly, "but a moving vehicle isn't exactly ideal for concentration. We have to stop somehwere...peaceful."

"Any suggestions ma'am?" Bobby asked from the front over his shoulder. 

"I dont know...my mom always said being surrounded by nature was the most conducive to meditation. Preferably with a clean body of water nearby. "

☆☆☆☆☆

We took a detour on the way to Chicago, to a place called Sylvan Lake in the Black Hills.

We hiked to the highest point in the rock formations surrounding. Bobby was loving the freedom of legs, however exhausted and plopped down to catch a breather.

"Dont have a heart attack, old man." I said giggling. 

He waved a hand at me breathlessly for me to keep going. Sam gave me a nod and stayed with him. 

Cas, close behind me, and I wandered to the edge, where the view was breathtaking and vast. I could feel all the forces and energies around me.   
It was strong, and it was perfect. 

I was nervous, to say the least, but I knew this sort of thing was what I was born to do, so I scrounged up as much confidence as I could.  
"You all remember what I told you?" I asked the men.

"Don't talk, dont touch you." Sam recited. 

"Unless you're about to fall off the cliff..." Cas added. That's why he stayed close.

I nodded, and took a deep breath and closed my eyes, standing still as stone and letting the sounds and sensations of the lake take over me.

{Castiel}

I watched anxiously as the woman stood too close for comfort on the edge of the rock, and her eyes flip open to glow brightly. 

She cried out in pain, as expected, though her conscience was elsewhere. I made an instinctive lunge to grab her as she fell to her knees, but relaxed and withdrew when I realized she wasnt going to fall.

The earth around us rumbled, her power causing a disturbance. I grew increasingly nervous, watching her closely. I didnt what I could do as a man, should she fall into the lake.

The minutes dragged on like hours as we waited, as we watched her struggle and tremble. She was fighting hard, and I didnt know if I should be proud or worried. Her cries soon became screams, the rumbling becoming tangible tremors.   
She lost strength, and the glow faded from her eyes until she finally began to fall sideways off her knees.  
I reacted instantly, catching her by the waist before she rolled off the cliff to her doom and pulled her into me. Her vision gave a final pulse and shoved us both backwards.   
I landed on my back, with the Seer on my chest, shaking and heaving. She whimpered hysterically as I tried to calm her, sitting up with her pulled on my legs and held her. Sam and Bobby rushed to our side, wide eyed and worried.   
"She ok..?" Sam asked frantically. 

I shook my head slightly over top the hair resting on my neck. "I dont know.."

"Well something rattled her cage," Bobby said, " just give her minute."

I held her face close to me, ran my hand over her ear and into her soft hair where I could hold her head and make her look at me.

She was terrified, broken...sad and distant. Wide eyes staring beyond me as if she was still envisioning.   
"Hazel...its ok. We're right here. I'm right here. "

"Cas it was...it was horrible. " she whimpered. 

"What? What did you see?" Sam pressed, earning him a glare from me. 

But to my surprise, she started to relax, though didnt let go of me.  
"Everything..." she answered him, "all the possibilities...some of them were so..."

"Hey, hey its ok..." Sam assured her, "you did great. Better than great. "

"Were any one of those possibilities helpful?" Bobby asked.

She took a long moment to steady herself, finally detaching her hands and face from my coat.  
"Yes...there was some. We _can_ win. You, Sam...can win. Or..." she took a deep breath and completely sat up away from me, "Or you and Lucifer brutally slaughter all of us. There are no alternatives to that. "

She was withholding, I could tell that much. Could only imagine the things she'd seen. Something shook her, and I had a bad feeling she saw something about herself that was particularly horrific.

"What about you, kid? Are you gonna you make it? Are any of us?" Bobby asked desperately. 

Her lips trembled, but she put on a stern face and looked us all in the eyes.  
"Its hard to explain...some scenarios I could see it all, that is, the most likely ones anyway...I couldn't see the how or the why of everything...But sometimes...we all make it. Except Sam of course.." she said sadly, "but every time. _Every_ time...I either die...or I'm left with my eyes ripped out and powerless...and alone. Actually one time I was the one who said yes to Lucifer, and he burns me up when he's done, just to spite me." 

"We wont let any of that happen, Hazel." Sam promised, and I silently concurred with him.

I promised to myself that no matter what happened, Hazel would walk away from this.

"Look it doesn't matter, guys. No matter what we do, this doesnt have an entirely happy ending." Hazel said, "but we _can_ stop the archangels."

"How?" Sam asked, "give us something, please..."

"I cant tell you. If I tell you anything it could change. All I can do is give you some confidence. All I can tell you is that under the right circumstances...you can do this, Sam."


	19. The Ending We Made

_Looking back now,_ _I_ _see_ _what an incredible feat we overcame. I see_ _the_ _love and friendship_ _that_ _held true, and saw us to the end._

 _But if you_ _asked_ _me then,_ _I_ _would_ _tell you that_ _despite_ _saving the world from certain destruction at the hands of the devil, our lives were still ruined. It was but one small step, in a never ending_ _journey_ _through_ _darkness._

_As it turns out, the ending we made, was only the beginning..._

☆☆☆☆☆

Detroit, late night. We drove, together, to the dwelling of the devil, making a stop only to slaughter and bleed several demons. Their blood filled several oversized jugs in the trunk. A dark silence fell over us the whole way, as if in vigil for what was to come. I knew what was to come, and it killed that I couldn't breathe a word of it to anyone.   
I knew what would happen when Sam faced Lucifer. But also I knew what would happen if we did nothing, so this was the plan.

I found myself frequently squeezing Castiel's hand in the car, and sometimes Bobby's too.

When we finally arrived at our destination and dreadfully climbed out onto the street, you could cut the tension with a knife. I felt everyone's fear, and it intensified my own. But out of everyone, Dean was the most afraid. Letting his brother do this was the hardest thing he'd ever done in his life.

Bobby checked the building across the street through binoculars.   
"Demons. At least two dozen. You were right, something is up."

"I know he's here." I said, "I saw it."  
A chill ran down my spine at the thought of being in close proximity to Lucifer again. I never told them that his demons weren't the only ones to torture me back in France. Lucifer came himself, once. He didn't inflict pain to my body the way others did. Instead he filled my head with fear and nightmares. Tormented my psyche with his games until he finally realized that Horseman were immune to Seers and gave up.

Standing so close, I could feel him again. His cold, hateful darkness. All his soulless rage and cruelty. It penetrated me and found myself frozen, backed against Baby for comfort. Staring at the building with trauma filled focus.  
"Hazel? " Cas said softly near my head. I hadn't even noticed him get close to me, and he startled me.  
I jerked my head from the building to face him.  
"Are you alright?" he asked. He looked more concerned than usual, almost out doing Sam's puppy dog eyes.

I shook my head to compose myself.  
"Yeah...just...I can feel him in there. Its..not pleasant. " I said honestly.

He looked as if he wanted to say, or do something...but as usual, it wasn't the time. I felt his urge to reach out to me somehow, and it was enough.

Dean moved to open the trunk, while Sam came over to three of us waiting.

He hugged Bobby, and they said their goodbyes. "I'll see ya around kid. "

"See ya around.."

"Listen...He gets in,you fight tooth and nail, you understand? Dont give an inch."

"Yes sir."

And then he turned to me. He took my both my hands and bent down a ways to my short stature.   
"Hazel...I want you know you, I'm so...so glad you came into our lives. And just like I told Dean, you deserve a normal life after this. I hope you can find it."

I threw his hands off mine and sprung off my toes to link them around his neck and hold tight. He wrapped around me tightly in return, even lifting me off my feet briefly.

"Its gonna be ok," I whispered to his ear. And I meant it.

He let me go, both of us biting our emotions back, then turned to Cas with hand out for a shake.  
"Take care of these guys, ok?"

"That's impossible.."

"Then humor me."

"Oh...I was supposed to lie. Um..sure, they'll be fine."

I laughed inappropriately, despite the mood. "Just stop talking.."

With that he left us, having already had his talk with Dean beforehand , he moved to the trunk.

We all looked away, patiently and anxiously waiting for him to drink all that blood. Every minute he chugged, I felt his power climb, eventually surpassing my own.

We heard the trunk slam shuts and Sam came marching confidently around the front and towards Lucifer's hide out without stopping  
"Alright, let's go." he said. He sounded pumped, and I couldn't blame him. That much juice probably felt...exhilarating.

He stormed across the street, Dean jogging behind to catch up.  
"Alright ! " he hollered at the top of his lungs, throwing his arms up, "We're here you sons of bitches! Come get it!"

We watched as a handle of demons trickled outside to investigate, exchange words then manhandle my brothers though the door. I was terrified of which reality we might be living, because in some, both of then were slaughtered in that building.

"Well...Now we wait." Bobby said.

"Now we wait..." I repeated. For Cas and Bobby, the waiting was different. It was uncertain. But for me, it was like watching a wheel of options spin, waiting to see which slot the peg stopped on.

It wasn't long before I felt a surge of energy, and the windows to the upper floor of the building blazed with white light. Lucifer had jumped Sam.

I held my breath, for what felt like forever, I think we all did. We heard a rumbling, and I myself felt a void in the atmosphere. The rings had opened the cage.  
It felt like it was all around me, a gaping, hungry mouth like a leech in the air. It emptied my lungs and I was forced to gasp for oxygen.

In just moments, the vaccum subsided, and the men beside me swelled with wavering hope. But I knew better. Lucifer was still in there. Sam had failed, and the devil shut the door. Just as I'd seen before.

Tears welled in the corners of my eyes as Dean came sauntering out of the building, deeply disturbed to be seen even just by his body language.

He looked at us, eyes red and glassy, shaking his head at the expecting men with me who hadn't a clue.   
"He...He's gone. It didn't work." he mumbled shakily.

Despair hit us all like a ton of bricks, thick silence between us broken only by the sound of a display TV in the window of the store next to us.

It was the news, a national emergency broadcast .

" _Reports are flooding in - a 7.6 earthquake in Portland, 8.1 in Boston, more in Hong Kong, Berlin, and Tehran. The U.S.G.S. has no explanation but says to expect a six-figure death toll."_

We watched and listened to the obvious apocalyptic signs flooding the news, hearts heavy knowing the people of the world had no clue.

"Its starting. " Cas pointed out.

"Yeah you think, genius?" Dean snapped at him.

"You don't have to be mean..." Cas mumbled sadly, making my heart ache for him. He didnt deserve that.

"So what do we do now?" Dean exasperated, looking desperately at each of us for answers.

Cas leaned against the wall in defeat. "I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol and...just wait for the inevitable blast wave. "

"Yeah thanks, Bukowski, I mean how do we stop it?!" Dean raised his voice some.

"We dont..." Cas replied flatly, "Lucifer will meet Michael on the chosen field, and the battle of Armageddon begins."

"Ok...so where's the chosen field?"

"I dont know..."

"Well there's gotta be something we can do!"

Cas looked at him with pity and regret.  
"I'm sorry, Dean. This is over..."

Dean snagged Cas by the collar and shook him. "You listen to me, you junkless sissy! We are not giving up!" He let him go, then turned to Bobby for encouragement, "Bobby? Bobby?"

Bobby's sad old eyes conveyed just as much defeat. "There was...never much hope to begin with ...I dont know what to do."

Dean was becoming frantic, irrational, I could read him inside and out. When his eyes fell on me, I knew what he was thinking before he could even ask.  
"Stull Cemetery..." I told him sympathetically.

"What?"

"Stull Cemetery," I repeated, "that's where you'll find them."

"Stull Ceme-- Wait. I know that," Dean said, "That's - that's an old boneyard outside of Lawrence. Why Lawrence?"

I shrugged. "I don't know...it has to end where it started I guess."

He nodded in understanding, and went around us, to the car.

Bobby caught him by the arm and made him give eye contact.   
"You goin' someplace? You're goin' to do somethin' stupid. You got that look."

"I'm gonna go talk to Sam." Dean informed us.

Bobby shook his head in disbelief. "You just dont give up..."

"IT'S SAM! " Dean cried out in defense.

Cas joined in and pulled Dean to attention. "If you couldn't reach him here, you're certainly not gonna be able to on the battlefield."

"Well if we already lost, I got nothing to lose right?"

"I just want you to understand, " Cas began sincerely, "the only thing you're gonna see out there, is Michael killing your brother."

Dean put a hand on the car door, fearful yet determined tears in his eyes. "Then I ain't gonna let him die alone."

He got in the car, rolled down the window and looked to me. "What about you? You staying or going?" he asked. It was an honest question. He wasn't angry or expected anything of me, he just needed to know.

A very large part of me wanted to accept the invitation, dive off that cliff with him. Be with my brothers to the end. But I looked back at my angel and my father figure. They were terrified, not just for me, but to be without me in the oncoming chaos. I was so conflicted it poured out of my eyes.  
But I quickly made a decision, nonetheless, smiling weakly at Dean.   
"They need me..." I said to him, and he nodded returning the same, sad smile.

"Yeah..." he said through barely parted lips, "they do. "

"I love you, Dean. I hope you know that. " I said, fighting back a sob and failing.

"I love you too little sister. Thank you."

Before things got any more hurtful, he turned the ignition switch and took off.

"What now?" Bobby asked grimly.

"Copious quantities of alcohol. " Cas suggested again.

I nodded tearfully and took his coat sleeve in my hand. "Yeah...ok. There's a bar down the block."

And so with heavy feet and hearts we dragged ourselves to the seedy little bar at the end of the block, planted our sorry asses on the stools and ordered glasses of liquor.

"Eight bucks for a whiskey?" Bobby complained the bartender, "the world is ending!"

I nudged him hard in the ribs as the keep scowled at him like he was another ranting lunatic.

We slammed our first round, but sipped at our second. Occasionally Castiel would glance at me from my left, or Bobby from my right, as if trying to figure out what I was thinking.   
But I was thinking nothing. I was numb and trying to come to terms with the end of days. After a long while, we'd finally hit a third round, and Bobby suddenly chucked dryly to himself.  
I looked over at him suspiciously. "What?"

"It just occured to me that I never learned your birthday." he said, taking me by surprise. Such a thing seemed so pointless, but I understood he was only coming up with regrets that were appropriate to speak of.

I opened my mouth to reply, but something was wrong. _My birthday.._?

I had forgotten.

My whole face tightened in anguish.  
"I dont remember..."

A warm hand on my left found my knee. "October 29th.." the angel said. I sometimes forgot that he'd known me almost my whole life. Knew almost everything about me.   
"You were due on Halloween, but your mother tripped and fell on the 28th taking out the trash, causing her water to break and you were delivered the next morning. " he informed me, a sweetness on his face that stole my breath.

"Thank you."

Cas nodded and slammed his forth shot. "Easy!" I warned him, "you're not an angel anymore. "

"Right...which why I now must use the restroom. Urination seems to be...an incessant need."

I chucked as walked away to find the bathroom, Bobby clearing his throat next to me. "Ehem...so you gonna tell him?" he asked.

"Excuse me?"

"The world's ending kid, you're not gonna die before you tell him, right?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously, what's your excuse now? He's human, and we lost this fight."

We heard the bathroom door creak back open and the former angel came marching back to us with a look of determination.   
"I have a plan." he stated urgently.

I blinked at him in surpise. "What are you talking about?"

"We can give Dean time to try getting through to Sam. If we hurry." he replied, almost excitedly.

"You came up with that while you were pissing?" Bobby asked in disgust.

"Yes." was the blunt reposnse, "we dont have much time, we have to catch up to Dean on the road."

"Ok, Cas..I'll bite, what's the plan?" I said, hopeful that at least one of the better outcomes I'd seen would come true.

"Its stupid, and will probably get us killed."

Bobby and I both shrugged. "Gonna happen sooner or later. " I said.

☆☆☆☆☆

Cas was right, his plan was stupid, but I was proud of him, of all of us, for growing some balls and joining this fight once again.

We were almost to Lawrence when Cas started fashioning a molotov in an empty beer bottle, only with holy oil instead of liquor. It was all we had left of the stuff in Bobby's van.

We'd been lead-footing it the whole way. I helped us avoid trouble with police by distracting the officers with other thoughts. A new trick I learned right then on the spot. I kept track of Dean's distance from us with my mind, and if all went smoothly, we were only minutes behind him because he'd ran into traffic and we didnt.

Before I knew it, we were out in the open on a very minimal maintenance road in the country, just minutes from the cemetery. In the distance I could see the black dot against the golden color of dead grass that was the Impala.   
"I hope were not too late..." Bobby moaned, while trying to keep control of his van on the rough, bumpy road.

"We're not..." I assured him. Dean was still alive, and I sensed both Archangels from several miles back.

We were less than a quarter mile from the place when the van hit a bump it just could not handle and veered off the road, sending it into the ditch.   
Cas caught my waist as the force attempted to throw me forward. Bobby's airbag went off and kept him safe as well, though a little winded.

"Its alright, keep moving, we can run the rest of the way!" I shouted before they got discouraged.

We climbed out at an angle, stumbling into the ditch and shaking off, and gathering around on the road for one last pep talk.

"Well...this is it kids." Bobby said.

"Yup.." I nodded.

"Nice knowing you two." And he turned to walk towards the cemetery, Cas close behind.

I clenched my fists and cursed myself.  
"Cas wait..."

He turned back around, eyeing me curiously. A I took a deep breath and approached him on feet light as air, dizzy from emotion.   
"Hazel what-"

I didnt let him talk. I did the bravest thing I'd done in my life and threw my arms around his neck, pulled him to my level, and pressed my lips deeply into his.   
I felt a cold tear run down my cheek, Castiel frozen in place and confused at first. But then I felt his lips relax and press back, his heart lighten, and he held me close to him by the waist and head. Fingers tangled in my hair.

Over and over our lips caressed, passionately but innocently, until one or both of us had to breathe.   
We let go and he pressed his forehead to mine, eyes so far into my own we felt like one person. He gave me a sad look of understanding, and gently nuzzled my nose before letting me go completely.   
It was unspoken, but it was said.

"Hate to break up the soap opera, " Bobby said, "but we are kinda at the point of no return here."

And so we moved, slowly and with dread first, but then faster until we were running. As we drew closer, we could hear conversation.

"Adam isnt home right now." Michael said.

"Well then your next on my list buttercup. But right now I need five minutes with him." That was Dean. We were just in time.

We jumped the decrepit fence, well Bobby climbed, and arrived on seen barely noticed by anyone.

"You little maggot," Michael snarled, "you're no longer part of this story!" He lunged towards Dean, and every cell in my body told me it was over.

"Hey assbutt!"

Cas shouted to get his brother's attention, and threw his oil bomb the moment he looked away from Dean.

The bottle shattered against Michael and he went up in flames screaming almost instantly.

Dean looked over the three of us in disbelief, though I could sense is pride and joy that we were there for him.

"Assbutt?" he repeated.

"He'll be back, and upset. But you have your five minutes. "

"Castiel..." Lucifer seethed through Sam's lips, a sight that hurt me more than I expected, "did you just molotov my brother...with holy fire?"

Cas shook his head, backing away.  
"Um...no?"

My gut wrenched. I already knew what was about to happen, and I didnt need to be psychic. Cas looked at me briefly, forced the smallest of smiles and faced his doom.

"No one dicks with Michael but me." Lucifer said , and snapped his fingers.

Cas exploded before my eyes in a spray of blood that showered me.  
I wailed loud and wordlessly. My heart shattered. Bobby caught me from the side as I lost my balance in grief.

"Sammy can you hear me?" Dean said.

I was still shuddering with shock and choking on Castiel's death, trying to watch what happened next.

"You know, I tried to be nice. For Sammy's sake but you, " he lifted Dean roughly by his jacket, "are such a pain... in my ass."

He threw my brother into the Impala's windshield, shattering it. Bobby pushed me away and picked up his shot gun and fired at Sam's back before he could hurt Dean.

He turned to us menacingly, so Bobby reacted and shot twice more in the chest. Lucifer raised a hand in the air, twisted his fingers, and snapped Bobby's neck clean and hard.

"No!" Dean and I both screamed. The body crumpled to the ground at my feet, and another horrendous wave of grief crashed over me. I was beside myself with the deepest, darkest pain one could imagine.

Something twisted in me, flipped and changed. My grief quickly turned to rage and my power boiled to a breaking point. It took over, my eyes glowed brighter than ever before, and I was no longer just Hazel Rose. I was very powerful, and pissed off Seer.

"You piece of shit fucking lowlife! I'll kill you!"

I picked Lucifer up and threw him violently across the battlefield, the strength of my ire fueled power surprising. He rolled and tumbled hard, breaking several old tombstones to pieces before he landed.

He started to get up, and I shrieked and threw him again in the opposite direction, a primal howl of rage escaping my throat.   
"Stay down!"

He groaned angrily, and before I could I see, he was in front of me, grabbing my throat and squeezing to the point I couldn't breathe, lifting me off the ground.

"You..." he sneered and shook me, "you had such potential. I would've given you the world when I was done with it."

"Just...kill me..." I gasped.

He grinned. "Oh no...you deserve to live and watch everything burn and die around you...Well not so much watch.."

He lifted his other hand, pointing with two fingers that began to burn with a bright, fiery glow and shoved them like hot pokers into my eye sockets.

I screamed, wriggled and kicked in agony. The pain and damage to my power sent a shockwave on the ground, shattering the remaining tombstones and windows on the car.

He dropped me, heaving and whimpering...and blind.

"Betcha didn't know, " he said and kicked my ribs, "take out the eyes, and a Seer is nothing more than a semi-immortal freak with no power."

I was too engrossed in my pain and trauma to hear or see anything. I crawled without direction, remembering there was a small tree nearby. I found it with my fingertips and rested by back against it, sobbing hysterically.   
All I could feel was the deep, horrendous pain in my eye sockets, and the itchy wetness of Castiel's blood starting to dry on my skin.

Vaguely I heard a pounding outside the pounding of my head, and I knew it was Lucifer beating Dean to death.

The next thing I actually heard attentively after that, was a loud rumbling and the ground shaking, followed by Michael's voice.  
"Sam! It's not gonna end this way! Step back!"

"You're gonna have to make me!"my baby brother yelled back.

"I have to fight my brother Sam, it's my destiny!"

I blacked out, if only for a few minutes, and when I came to, it was quiet. Deathly quiet.

The pain immediately came to me, and I started hyperventilating again. "Dean?" I whimpered frantically, "Dean!?"

Without my power I had no idea if I was the only survivor surrounded by corpses or not. I was blind, slowly going into clinical shock and terrified of being left here to die alone.

"Dean..." I whispered pitifully again, wishing I would just die right then. I sobbed some more, covering my head and ears in my hands, and accepted that I was alone. Wallowing in sheer misery.

After a long moment I heard footsteps coming towards me.  
"No..no...no get away from me! Please just let me be!" I kicked at the earth with my heels and screamed and tried to scramble away from my tree. I thought perhaps Lucifer had come to punish me some more. Or even Michael.

Two soft hands took hold of my face.  
"No..no..no..." I whined in terror, jerking my head away "dont touch me!"

The hands held me tighter and still.  
"Please..." I begged the mysterious figure in the blackness.

Then I felt warmth and flesh touch my lips. Kissing me.

Like a ripple, everything came back to me. My power, my labored breath...and my eyelids which I was able to open to find a pair of familiar blue gems looking at me.

Without a word, just a subtle grin, Castiel took my hands and lifted me to my feet. I marveled at the sight of him, touched his face and hair to be sure he was real.

I saw Dean standing as well behind him and coming over as Cas bent down nearby to resurrect Bobby as well.

"Cas are you God?" Dean asked seriously.

Cas chuckled. "That is a nice compliment, but no. Although I do believe he brought me back. New and improved."

And I could see what he was talking about. He was brighter, and more powerful than I'd ever seen him.   
He was whole again.

I reached for his hand, which he accepted and held it tight and lovingly.

"Ok..." Dean said, a little disturbed, "when did ...this...happen?" He pointed a finger back and forth between the two of us. I giggled, forgetting Dean was the only one that was clueless.   
"Did you know about this?" he accused Bobby, who threw up his hands.  
"Hey it was none of my business. Ain't yours neither. "

I was beginning to feel a little embarrassed but the relief that we'd won the day, and most of us were left standing, was overwhelming and I found myself latching onto to Castiel, my head against his chest. I just had to touch him, like he might disappear if let go.

☆☆☆☆☆

Bobby had gone back to get the van out of the ditch. Cas repaired Baby's windows and the three of us rode in her.

I took a nap for a long while before a conversation between my new lover and my brother started up again.

"What are you gonna do now?" Dean asked Cas.

"Return to heaven I suppose. "

"Heaven?" I repeated sleepily.

"With Michael in the cage, I'm sure its total anarchy up there."

"So what, you're the new sheriff in town?" Dean said.

"I like that. Yeah, I suppose I am."

"Wow...God gives you a shiny new set of wings and suddenly your his bitch again."

" I don't know what God wants. I don't know if he'll even return. It just... seems like the right thing to do."

"Well, if you do see him, you tell him I'm coming for him next."

"You're angry."

"That's an understatement. "

"He helped. Maybe even more than we realize. "

"Remind me to send him a card." I chimed in. I knew how Dean was feeling, and I grieved for Sam too. But I still had Dean, and Bobby, and best of all Castiel. I couldnt make myself feel bad for it.

"That's easy for you two to say. He brought you back. But what about Sam? What about me, huh? Where's my grand prize? All I got is my brother in a hole!"

"You got what you asked for, Dean. No paradise. No hell. Just more of the same. I mean it, Dean. What would you rather have? Peace or freedom?"

In half a second, Cas reached back, touched my leg and we disappeared, to leave Dean to his misery.

☆☆☆☆☆

It was dark, and at first I wasn't sure where he'd taken me. But I instantly recognized the driveway and front yard of my old home. It was a bright night full of stars, as if the universe was alive with joy that the apocalypse was stopped.

Castiel stood before me, watching my face as I looked around to admire the scenery.  
"Why here?"

"I think...I think you could be happy here. You could fix it up...make it your own. You could live the way you want to." he said kindly, and brushed my somewhat messy hair from my face.

It was a nice gesture, and I believed in the idea. But he made cleaning and repairing a home abandoned for nearly a decade sound so simple.

And the way he talked...it sounded like goodbye.

"Thank you...," I said, "so...you're going to heaven?"

"Yes..."

"For how long..?" I felt childish asking. I knew something like this had no deadline.

"I dont know, it could be a long time. I may not...I may not see you for awhile."

I nodded sadly and looked at the ground. I just got him, for real, and he was leaving.

"Hazel..." he lifted my chin with fingertips to look at him, "I have to do this. For the world...for you. Heaven cannot -"

"I know...I know," I forced a smile and laid my hand on his cheek, which he grasped and kissed my palm. "Just dont be forever. "

This affection was odd, coming from him but I wasn't complaining. I was going to soak up every second I had. He was open and tender it both broke and warmed my heart.

"I made you promise, and I still intend to keep it."

We kissed one last time, deeper than before. And when he pulled away he planted one on my forehead and whispered,   
"I love you..."

And my angel was gone. 


	20. The Beginning I Made

Strange, the way things can change in your life. In ways you'd never have expected in the past.

When I was a little girl, I would pretend and dream of being a famous singer. I wanted to touch the world with my words and voice. Make them cry, make them vent their anger, or excite them.

But the music business was a tough egg to crack, as I'd come to find out. Famous people were either extremely talented, or extremely lucky. Usually both. I was only twelve when I gave up that dream and started hunting.

I grew angry, lonely, dark...and so did my taste in music. I didnt want to be a pop star, I wanted to be a rock star. Wailing loud and passionately into the microphone about truth and real pain.

In my most secret of hearts I held onto that dream, but it never came true.

When I got a little older, I thought maybe my mother would help me become a witch like her. She turned me down, forbade it. Said my talent as a psychic was not something to tamper with by means of magic. Even so young, I understood the severity of her warning and I stayed away.

When the drugs came into my life, I didnt care about my dreams. I barely cared about hunting monsters, either.

And yet here I was, one year after the apocalypse fell flat on its face, living both my dreams and sober.

I hadn't seen Dean or Bobby but once since then, rarely calling them up. And when I did, it was for information on monsters.

Castiel...He never came back.   
The so called love we had was but a bitter memory. For months it tore me up inside, I would cry for hours at night, desperately searching for him in my visions but he was beyond my reach. He had blocked me out completely.   
Slowly the pain became frustration, then anger, then utter, dark indifference. I sought my own path in trying to forget him.

I had a new life now. I joined a group of people, all musically and magically inclined. Together we were both a coven and a small time rock band. Personally I wasn't much of a witch, but I was part of their scheme nonetheless.

We'd enchant our instruments, our songs and lyrics. Then using my voice and my power, we ensnared our patrons.

It was brilliant, really. And relatively harmless. Essentially our music was designed to make the fans give us money, or valuables. As much as they had on them. Sometimes the spell would linger long enough that they'd transfer money to our accounts long after the show ended.

With that money, I renovated my house, added rooms and expanded the basement to a full fledge panic room and arsenal.   
I had a wardrobe full of new clothes, a few expensive tattoos, accessories, a new car...I had professional make up and I was regular at the hair salon to keep my new color vibrant.  
I dyed it purple-black.

When I wasnt singing and swindling, I was hunting. Primarily ghosts.

Naturally as a psychic, it was my specialty. Ghosts were common. In fact, most people that believed in ghosts, didnt believe in other monsters. Meaning a ghost was the worst of their problems, and they'd do anything to get rid of them.   
Even pay money.

I knew I was being bad. Using magic and my power for a profit.   
But I was in a dark, and selfish place. I'd become a workaholic, and maybe even a bit of a shopaholic. Just trying to fill the void.   
I'd spent hundreds of thousands of dollars filling that void. Particularly on the house, that I rarely stayed in because I was always on the move. I did anything I could not be alone or bored or both.

Truthfully, I was no longer myself. Aside from the empty vanity, I'd become more violent than usual. When I came across something other than a ghost, it met a terrible, painful end. Contending with a hunter like me was a monster's worse nightmare. Hell, I dont even think Dean was this scary.  
I scared myself.

I'd become a machine, in the best shape of my life and more skilled in combat than ever before.   
I could take out a small nest of vampires by myself. Fight hand to hand with Ruguru and werewolves.

I told myself it was better than reverting back to heroin. Justified my actions by believing it was all owed to me. I deserved to be violent and self indulgent. I deserved everything after the cards I'd been dealt in my twisted life.

☆☆☆☆☆

My new garage was big enough for four vehicles, and some space off to the side for the band to practice.

The gang was all here.   
Aaron, the drummer. A stereotype of rock and roll drawn up in nutshell. He had a short blue mohawk, piercings all up his ears, covered in tattoos.

Coleen, my trusted bass player. She was little more on the humble side, like me. Liked to wear flannels and boots. She was tall, had dirty blonde hair cut short and layered. Probably the only person in the group I actually considered a friend.

And Andrew, lead guitar. Sort of average in his appearance. Liked to keep a low profile as a witch. He had short, clean cut hair and was rather handsome. Had a jawline for days.  
And the boy could play guitar, let me tell you.

We called ourselves Siren, appropriately, and it was practice day.

Not so much for me, because one doesnt forget how to sing a song, but I facilitated so I was around here and there when they needed me.

It had grown dark by the time we called it a day, and decided to open the garage door and have a bonfire out front. We put my outdoor sound system on a rock station, and started to relieve my garage fridge of its beers.

They were a good time, really. Not terrible people. We were alike, in the way that we came from nothing and found a way through music and magic to make something of ourselves.   
Aaron was hanging all over Coleen all night. They'd been sort of a thing since I met them. They danced, goofed off, and were generally obnoxious and fun to watch. I envied them.  
The way they laughed and loved together. Nothing mattered to them but the fun and and adventure of their lives.

Meanwhile, I sat near the fire quietly sipping beer next to Andrew, who was almost as broody as me. But he a charming confidence about him that I could only dream of having. I was a grumpy, quiet bitch.  
Ladies loved Andrew, but recently he only had eyes, and thoughts, for me. Which I found incredibly annoying.   
He'd asked me out multiple times, rejected every time.

I knew tonight would be no different. He figured if I had a few beers I might let my guard down enough to at least humor him. A trick he'd already tried.

"So when's our date?" he asked me with that impish grin. I rolled my eyes, finding that smile contagious.

"When hell freezes over. And I've heard its pretty hot." I replied, chalk full of attitude.

"Well so are you, so what's your excuse for being the ice queen?" he persisted with a compliment.

I didnt say anything. Just contined to swallow my beer and stare at the fire.  
"Ok, being serious," he said in a change of tone, "what is wrong with you, really?"

I cast him a hard, brow raised scowl.

"Hey, no offense. But nobody's that thorny without skeletons in the closet."

Actually I had hundreds of books on monsters in my closet.

I shook my head. "You dont wanna know."

He touched my shoulder, making me stiffen.   
"Try me."

"No thanks."

"Was it a guy?"

The beer in my mouth flowed too quickly, and I had to swallow extra hard to get it down.

"I knew it" he said shaking his head, "it's always a guy with you dark and bitchy chicks."

I didnt take offense to that. Just tried to push 'the guy' out of my mind.  
"There's more to it than that..." I grumbled, tossing my empty beer into the firepit violently.

"Bullshit. We've all been through some pretty rough times, but love is always what hurts the most." He insisted.

"Why do you even care!?" I snapped at him.

"Because despite you treating me like shit, I really like you. And I think you're worth more than...whatever your holding onto."

I rubbed my eyes irritably. This boy would not give up. Honestly, if I wasnt such a broody bitch I probably would have liked him too.

"So what'd he do...?"

I shook my head, grinding my teeth at his persistence. I grabbed another beer from the small cooler beside my lawn chair and cracked it open.  
"Oh you know...made promises, professed his love...all that shit. And...  
He ghosted me. Left and never came back."

"Ouch..." he commented sympathetically.

I shrugged. "You're probably right." I said, softening my tone for a change, "It probably isnt worth holding onto. We'd just been through so much together ...I guess it was all I knew. Still is."

"So what's holding you back? And I don't just mean me, I mean anybody. Why are you letting some idiot that let a catch like you go, ruin you?"

"It isnt just him...I went through hell last year."

"We've all had a bad year."

I was beginning to get angry with his ignorance, and the alcohol wasnt helping.  
"Have you died ?" I hissed, "been tortured lately? Or watched anyone you cared about _die_?"

He threw up his hands in defeat.  
"Look I'm sorry ..." he said earnestly, "and it sounds like maybe you just havent talked to anyone about it?"

I scoffed into my bottle.   
"Yeah cause that makes it better. "

"Maybe not at first," he said, "but you cant keep all your crap inside forever. That's how it eats you up."

"If you're looking for my life story you can fuck off, Drew!" I said loudly.  
The flames of the fire bent over flat on the ground, my energy blasting a quick gusty over it.  
Coleen and Aaron stopped romping around and stared at me. I grit my teeth and stood up.  
"I'm going to bed." I said to them all, "clean this shit up before you go."

☆☆☆☆☆

"Sweet. Blood, boils...locusts.." I said.

"Three of your more popular Egyptian plagues..." Sam pointed out.

I picked up the jar of the unnaturally large, creepy insects we'd procured from the policeman they killed.  
"Yeah but these guys...ate their way out of a cop's melon. I dont remember   
that in the King James."

"Meanwhile, a kid named Christopher Birch _was_ shot in the head last month after a vehicle pursuit. Hatch, Gray, and Colfax were the three officers involved, and they all filed the exact same police report." Sam summarized the articles and reports he was researching.

I snatched one of the officer's reports from him. "Suspect exited vehicle brandishing a firearm...  
We were forced to fire....

"Bunch of dicks...So they popped a kid and planted a gun?"

Sam shrugged. "Maybe Colfax was right. Maybe heaven has a hate- on for bad cops."

I opened a beer. "So we're listening to the guy with a bug in his custard?"

Sam frowned at me. "Dean, angels have got to have _something_ to do right, now that we're post apocalypse?"

"We should call Cas." I suggested.

Sam scoffed. "You're kidding right? That was the first and second and third thing I did, soon as I got topside. Son of a bitch doesnt answer the phone. "

"Well let's give it a shot.."I moved to sit on the bed and half heartedly closed my eyes. "Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray to Castiel to get his feathery ass down here. "

I opened one eye to pause and check my surroundings.

"You're an idiot." Sam jabbed at me.

"Stay positive..."

"Oh I _am_ positive. "

"Come on, Cas! Dont be dick!" I contined to pray, "we got ourselves a...plague-like situation here. Do you copy?"

Again with the smug Sammy scoff.  
"Like I said, son of a bitch doesnt answer....he's behind me isnt he?"

I nodded.

"Hello." Castiel said flatly.

"Hello?" Sam repeated bitterly.

"Yes..." Cas answered, "that is still the term?"

"I spent all that time trying to get through to you...Dean calls once and its... _hello?_ "

"Yes."

"So what, you like him better or something?"

"Dean and I do share a more profound bond..."

  
"Cas, I think what he's trying to say is that... he went to Hell for us." I pointed out sternly, "I mean, he really took one for the team. You remember that? And then he comes back without a clue, and you can't take five friggin' minutes to give him some answers?

  
Cas frowned, "If I had any answers, I might have responded. But I don't know, Sam. We have no idea who brought you back from the cage... or why."

"So...it wasn't God? " Sam asked.

"No one's even seen God. If you're so determined to find out, you should ask your sister..."

We both fell silent. I looked Cas in the eyes darkly. Something told me that Sammy and I weren't the only ones who hadn't seen Cas all year.  
"We dont know where she is, Cas. She doesnt call, she uses disposable phones, and she's never home."

Cas bowed his head slightly, but wouldn't give up his stoic, blank face.

Sam cleared his throat. "Um...I might know how to find her..."

I raised a brow at him." What are you talking about?"

He did some clicking on his computer and spun it around for me to see. It was an advertisement website.  
I read aloud:

"Be haunted no more, for a low, fair rate, your ghost and poltergeist problems can be eliminated. Call Hazel...psychic medium...Son of a bitch..."

"Yeah...she's charging people for ghost busting." Sam shared my conclusion.

"It must be a different psychic by that name," Cas insisted, "Hazel wouldn't-"

"That's an Arkansas number, Cas." I said, "hey wait...look theres a link at the bottom. "

Sam spun the laptop back around to himself to see and clicked.  
"Oh wow..."

"What?" I prodded.

"Its a link to another website. She's in a rock band."

"A rock band?" I repeated dumbly.

"Yeah..theres a list of their performance schedules and everything." Sam said, reading off the schedule to himself under his breath.

"Hmm...something doesnt feel right about this." I said. I didn't know why, but my gut was telling me that Hazel was up to no good.

"Yeah I mean...look at her picture.."

Cas and I both narrowed our eyes at the image of Hazel and her three bandmates on the website.  
She looked completely different. Dark purple hair, way more make up than she ever used to wear, and half sleeve tattoo on both her upper arms.

"We should go see her..." I said with guilt, "after _Cas_ helps us deal with this case."

"Of course...but know that I will not be joining you to find Hazel. "

I shook my head in angry disbelief at him. "You havent seen her all year, either, have you?"

His silence said it all.  
"What the hell, Cas? No wonder she's joined the circus! You cant just drop people like that. "

"I am busy..."

"No...you _were_ busy, but after awhile you were just afraid what she might think after you just abandoned her. Me? I was fine. I had a family. Hazel? She had _no one_ , but you. And you left her hanging. "

"Dean..."

"No Cas, when we get this job done, you're coming with us and you're gonna talk to her. This is bullshit."


	21. Make New Friends Keep the Old

Another night another show. 

Siren was to play at a performance bar in Kansas City Missouri. A big town, a big paycheck for all of us.   
It wasn't a big place however, maybe a hundred people came to watch and it was about to capacity. 

The lights were dimmed.

Our prerecorded orchestra music started in the background to accompany our real instruments. A pale spot light fell upon me, and I opened my eyes to the darkened faces of the crowd. We all wore dark gothic make up and black elegant attire.  
I felt the magic flow through me, my bandmates, and the crowd as I sang out, strong and passionately. Beginning the song with a heavy heart.  
It was one of our less "rock and roll" songs, one I'd written and opted to perform with a little more of an opera style. 

My powers atuned me to all the souls in the room, through the music I was one with the atmosphere. All my ability and feelings poured forth from my vocal chords.

No one could see the tears fall over the heavy black makeup splashed over my eyes. Every time I sang this song, I cried. The band knew, but they never asked me about it. 

Halfway through, in the big middle verse, I felt a strong, familiar presence somewhere in the dark, along with two others. I closed my eyes and pushed it from my mind so I could finish my song.

When it ended, the lights brightened to set the mood for the next song, and that's when I saw them in the back with my own eyes. 

Dean, smiling proudly and waving as we made eye contact. And Sammy...

I fought to contain my surprise at the sight of him as the music started back up behind me.  
It grew even more difficult when I caught sight of Castiel just before the crowd was blacked again.

My heart darkened just in time for a darker song and I looked directly at the angel's last seen location in the dark as I began the words.

We finished our entire arsenal of songs over the next hour, our "money box" at the front of the stage packed full. Satisfied customers slowly petering out other than a handful that stayed around for drinks.   
I looked to Dean, still standing in the back, gave him a polite nod, and retreated backstage.   
The band invited me to go out front for drinks once they wound down from the show, but I declined and wandered out back to the alley for a cigarette. Yes, I had started smoking again. 

It wasn't long before they found me, shaking my leg anxiously and sucking my cigarette greedily whilst I leaned on the wall.

Dean was the first to approach me, Sam and Cas trickling behind.  
I hugged him, but my eyes fell on Sam.  
"What happened?" I asked.

"We dont know," Dean said, "he's just...back." 

I smiled and pulled Sam into a gentle embrace as well. But something was wrong. I was opened to him, waiting to feel his love and excitement...but it didnt come. And yet when I looked at him, he was still grinning like he was pleased to see me. It was really...off. I frowned but shook it off.

Just I dreaded, I made eye contact with Castiel. His emotions were shut down from me, his face plain and sincere. I bit my black painted lips.  
"Hello Cas..." I muttered as politely as I could.

"Hello Hazel. " His blank tone cut me deep.

"Hey uh..," Dean interrupted the awkwardness, "we've got alot to talk about so, why dont you get cleaned up and meet us at the car?"

"I have my own." I said bluntly, and quickly read his recent past for the location of the motel they stayed in.

"Really? " Dean perked up.

I took them around to the parking lot to marvel at my cherry muscle car.   
A plum-crazy purple 1969 Camaro

Dean whistled in admiration, running a hand over the hood without touching her.  
"This is yours?"

"She's mine," I concurred with a grin, "want a ride?"

I didn't have to ask twice.

  
☆☆☆☆☆

The two classic cars met side by side in the parking lot of the motel, as if they were friends all along, Dean leaving the passenger seat with a huge smile on his face. "You gotta let me drive sometime."

I laughed. "You never let me drive Baby, why should I?"

"That was before I knew you could handle these horses. " he said. I rolled my eyes.

We went inside the boy's room, where they proceeded to explain to me the things that have happened.   
Finding grandpa Samuel, and most recently, the angel Balthazar who had stolen weapons of heaven.

I wouldn't look at Cas, not even when he spoke. It hurt too much and I was angry and confused. Didnt know what to say. My brothers did anything they could to quench the dry tension between us.

Once they'd finished telling me their story, they turned on me, all of them.

"Hazel, I gotta ask." Dean said reluctantly, "what's up with charging people to get rid of ghosts? And the band?"

I shrugged. "All a get rich quick scheme."

"Its magic..." Cas chimed in dryly, "their music charms the people into giving them money."

Dean snapped his judging face to me.  
"Seriously? What the fuck, Haze?"

Again I shrugged. "Its harmless. "

"Black magic is never harmless," Sam argued, "what are you doing mixing up with witches? And stealing?"

I clenched my jaw. "I was raised by a witch, and I had to steal to live for years. Nothing new."

"This is different," Dean scolded, "this isnt surviving. That car? Those easily thousand dollar tattoos? You're treating yourself. "

"So what? " I snapped.

"So what? We're the good guys, Haze. We don't do that to people..."

I sighed. "What was I supposed to do? Go back to Bobby? I had to get a life, and I did. I took care of myself because no one else was going to. You had a life, Dean. Sam was gone, Bobby didnt need me anymore and you..." I shot a glare at Cas, "you dissapeared."

"Hazel..."

"Yeah yeah, you're at war. I dont wanna hear it." I was ready to explode now, finally, the river of crap was breaking the dam, "if anyone has no right to judge me, _it's you_ _._ "

Sam and Dean visibly backed away from oncoming ass chewing.

"You left! You didn't care what was going on with me, you didn't even check, did you?"

"Hazel..."

"I'm not finished!" I snapped loudly. His guard was failing and I could feel his shame. Good.

"I left it alone, for months. Thinking you'd return when you had time. Then I called. Then I prayed...over and over."

"I know..."

"You ignored me. Hell, you wouldn't even have known if I was dead, Cas. Not that you'd care, your precious God Squad matters more!"

"Of course I would I-"

"Save it!" I was so angry now I was shaking. And so was the room. I turned to Sam.  
"And how dare you tell Bobby you were back, but not me? You found me easy enough. You couldn't have told me?"

He didn't say anything.

"None of you, get to judge me. At all. I have my own life without any of you in it, and I'm just fine. "

I slowly relaxed my power before I started damaging the room.   
I shook my head with a scoff.  
"Call me if you need me, the number on the web is my real number. "

And with that I stormed off, got in my car and hit the gas hard, burning rubber as I sped out with rage, crying.

☆☆☆☆☆

I left the band behind, went straight home without sleep, without stopping except for gas.

My car and me rolled at over ninety miles an hour the whole way. Cops chased me occasionally. I toyed with them for awhile, letting them chase what they couldn't catch, pulling moves you'd only see in action movies with the help of my powers.  
It wasn't until I hit the Arkansas border that I let them off the hook and distracted their minds away from me. My phone rang repeatedly on my rampage across the midwest, but I didn't check the missed calls until I had parked the car in the garage and gone inside my house.

Dean called six times, Sam twice, and Bobby eight... with one voicemail.   
Ignoring my dread I plopped on the couch and listened to it.

" _You wanna tell me why I'm_ _watching_ _your crazy ass in a high speed chase on national T.V!? The boys are worried sick about you, and_ _been_ _tryin' to get ahold of you for a case all damn day. Pick up the_ _God_ _damned phone kid!_ "

"Geez, Bobby..." I sighed.

Other missed calls were from Andrew and Coleen. Probably wondering why I just left them without a word. I sent Coleen a text to tell her I went home.

Feeling grungy, I went to my new master bathroom and stripped, letting my giant jacuzzi fill up around me with as hot of water as I could stand. The wall inside the tub was a mirror, and I found myself staring into my own, empty face.  
When Cas healed what Lucifer had done to me, he also fixed my nose, and erased my scars. I was flawless, and yet I couldnt imagine a more disgusting creature.   
My brothers criticized me for my actions, but they didnt know the depth of it.   
They didnt know what a violent, and empty beast I'd become.   
Castiel wasn't the only thing to blame. I think after the apocalypse I was finally given room to breathe and really feel all the things wrong with me. It jaded me. Everything felt bitter and pointless, now that my job to help my brothers was over.

They also had no idea just how powerful I was now. I didnt know if it was the magic I'd tampered with, or the pain, but I could do things most psychics could only dream about.

And thanks to my reckless hunting, much of the monster underworld was aware of my existence. I was sought after, coveted, by anything with intelligence and blood lust.

"Hello Hazel."

I splashed and startled wildly when I heard and saw Castiel in the mirror, sending puffs of bubbles flying.

"You really have a problem with knocking..." I groaned, covering myself with the bubbles as best I could.

"If you're concerned with your nudity...I have seen it before." he said, as if it would reassure me. That was under dire circumstances, not in my bath tub.

"What do you want?" I hissed, sinking lower into the water.

"Dean asked me to find you. I saw you headed home..." he replied.

"And what does the righteous Dean Winchester want?"

"Something to do with a big case, and their grandfather Samuel Cambel."

"And they didnt ask me themselves because..?"

"Because you didnt answer the phone, and time was of the essence."

It was still so awkward and painful to see him, to be speaking to him. He was one to talk about not answering the phone.   
Castiel stared at me, maintaining that blank angelic face of his. It irritated me.

"What?"

I snatched my towel from the rack beside me, slowly standing and wrapping myself. Normally I'd be too shy, but he was love of my life at one point, and I thought it would be delightfully spiteful to let him have a glimpse of what he missed.

"You've changed..." he commented, disapproval quite obvious in his voice

"What's wrong..? Dont like the tattoos?" I asked him sickly sweet, stepping closer. He finally let his guard down, his face falling into sorrow and his heart giving off a longing. He wasnt talking about my body, not really. Though I knew he didnt care for the hair dye.

"Humans have been using tattoos for millenia, I actually think..." he traced a finger tip down the roses, thorns and anti-possession sigil on my shoulder down my arm. I shivered.  
"It looks nice...tasteful. "

He was torturing me. It wasnt fair.   
I shook myself and pushed past him to the door that led to my newly expanded bedroom. "I need to get dressed..."

If he was going to torment me, I would do the same. I put on my tightest jeans, and lowest hanging tank top under a thin leather jacket. He entered the room just as I was hunched over my vanity mirror to do makeup.

"Why are you doing that?" he asked sincerely.

"Its called makeup." I responded curtly.

"You don't need it."

I finished and turned to the footlocker at the end of my bed for my duffle and weapons.  
"I like to wear it. "

He was quiet for a moment, watching me pack.  
"Are going to listen to me?" he asked suddenly, but I didn't stop what I was doing or even look at him.

"To what? Excuses? "

"You wouldn't let me explain before..."

I roughly tossed my bag onto the bed, and rummaged through my closet for another set of clothes.  
"I dont need an explanation. You didnt want me as much as I thought. End of story. "

"That isnt true," he said, his voice raising, "if you would just-" He snatched my arm in the air after I'd just hastily chucked a pair of socks into the bag, "listen." He was stronger than I remembered, and pulled me to turn my body and face him.

I jerked my hand away and folded my arms with a scowl. "Fine. Listening. "

"Hazel...I did want you. I _still_ want you. But when I went to heaven, I acquired followers. Angels needing guidance. Angels who looked up to me..."

I tapped my foot irritably, wondering where this was going.   
He sighed.

"Angels are not meant to mate with humans. Its forbidden...If they found out I wasn't following the most basic of heaven's commandments, they wouldn't trust me. It was hard enough convincing them they needn't kill you."

I cocked my jaw and scoffed in hurt disbelief. "Wow...Ok I get it. "

"You do?" He sounded hopeful.

"Yeah...you're too afraid to tell your friends about your human whore." I spat.

I made him angry, and I wasnt sure what about exactly, but he grasped my shoulders firmly and looked me hard in the face. "Dont...That's not what this is. I love you, Hazel...But it cannot be. We will both be killed. I stayed away to protect you."

I bowed my head, partially in shame and partially in despair. I understood very well, and perhaps he was right.   
"Why didn't you just tell me, Cas?" I whined softly, "I deserved a proper breakup, not abandonment..."

"You're right..." he breathed quietly, drawing his face closer and tempting himself with my lips. I quivered at the proximity, wanting him more than ever, but he moved no closer.

"I'm sorry...just dont hate me, please. "

I couldnt cry, I was all out tears for him. But my head fell into his collar and sighed into his scent. "So this is it? We can't even try?"

He gave into his feelings and wrapped his arms around me. "I wont risk it..."

I became angry again digging my nose into him and beating my fist on him.  
"Screw them! Since when do we care about rules!? They wanna kill me? I'd like to see them try..."

The hand on my back slid to my hair, then to my cheek and drew me up to look at him. "Hazel I need them respect me, or I'll never stop Raphael."

"Its not fair..." I whispered, touching his face in return. His beautiful, masculine face...

"I know...and someday...things will change. Someday it wont matter...and we'll be together if you'll have me. "

I sniffled lightly. "Is that a promise?"

"Its a promise."

☆☆☆☆☆

Cas dropped me off where my brothers were staying, and I didn't even see him when we landed. He just left me. My heart ached, but I had some closure now. I knew he still loved me and that there was a tiny shred of hope.

I knocked on the motel door, and Dean answered it.

"You rang?" I said mischievously. He wasnt amused.

"Yeah like a million times, Hazel, what the fuck?" he scolded me.

"I was busy."

"Yeah I know, it was all over the news, dumbass."

I flicked my power at him, knocking the beer in his hand into the wall, splashing all over him.   
"Real mature."

Sam was sitting down holding his phone out, and clicked the speaker button for us all to hear. I read the ID from a distance as Samuel.

"So you're sure its vampires? A hundred percent" Sam asked.

"Definitely, " the grandfathers deep voice came over the speaker, "we got a pattern now.   
Kids go missing, blood bank van gets jumped. This is the fourth town. Clincher is, this last hit? Driver was found, throat ripped out."

"Okay. They grab kids, that's food, right? But if they already got a bunch of walking, talking juice bars...why bother with the blood mobile? It doesn't add up." Sam pointed out.

I listened intently, gathering information with my power as best I could but it was still foggy.

"Find the nest. Figure it out." Samuel said, and hung up.

"So a vamp nest, huh?" I said excitedly.

"Haze we just needed your help finding it, you dont have to-" Dean tried to keep from hunting, _again_.

"Fuck that, I'm on the job now. You should see me fight these days."


	22. Blood Bath

Vampires.

They'd always fascinated me. Not unlike the way serial killer documentaries fascinate people.   
They were just people, who became something more. People with souls, feelings, ambitions...Human in every way other than the fact that they had a heightened predatory instinct, drank blood to live, and had superior strength and senses.

Their curse was evil, their existence was evil, but they weren't _inherently_ evil. That was learned from a lifetime and more of killing and hiding from the world. Some held onto their humanity, usually the younger ones.

One of the few types of monsters that, although fun and challenging to fight, made me a little sad to kill.

I sat with my brothers at the bar of a club that seemed to be the focal point of all the trouble, called the Black Rose.   
It was a goth bar, elegant, dark, full of red and black decor. "Dark souls" of all sorts scurrying around. I myself decided to play the part, which wasn't difficult.   
Nothing too extravagant. I sprayed my hair into a wild blow back style, put on extra dark and heavy eye makeup, making my light colored eyes pop like a predator. As for my clothes, I merely switched to black jeans, and zipped my black leather coat up to my cleavage. Honestly, I looked a little more like a biker than a goth, but it worked for me.  
Already when we walked in I was receiving stares, picking up on vibrations of lust from several of the men and a couple women.

Sam and Dean dressed normal, even though I insisted they would stand out too much if there really were vampires.   
A waitress in a rubber suit gave us our drinks soon after we ordered.   
"You think she wears all the rubber to the beach?" Dean commented, then looked at us, "when's the last time we had a beer together anyway?"

"Apocalypse, " I muttered and took a drink, "right before I was kidnapped by hell hounds remember?"

Sam ignored our chatter and was grazing the room for suspects already.  
He quickly spotted a young couple, both fitting the profile to a T, all over each other.

"I dunno...its hard to tell. We got multiple choices." Dean said, spotting several other potentially suspicious figures. I rolled my eyes. I could tell them from a distance who was a vamp and who wasn't.

"They're on the move," Sam suddenly said urgently. Each of them left their seats to tail a different target out of the club   
"Wait! Boys, they're not..." But they couldn't hear me over the music, "vampires..."

I groaned, figuring they'd figure it out themselves. Or at least I hoped.  
Shaking my head I continued to drink and sit alone, scanning the room with my mind silently. A lot of horny stupidity, but nothing else.   
Just I thought it was a bust, I picked up on something coming my way.

Vampires felt a little different from humans. They were like a void, a bottomless need of hunger and emptiness, tinged with a chilling sense of killing instinct.   
Before I even saw him, I felt one coming across the room in my direction.   
He sat beside me in Sam's former stool. I pretended to ignore him, only catching his appearance in the mirror behind the bar. He was strikingly tall, dark and handsome. Internally I rolled my eyes. Stereotypical vampire.   
He was dressed rather plainly, in a black trench coat, reminding me of 'Angel' from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

"What are you drinking?" came a soft, but deep voice from his lips as he leaned over to me. I felt his eyes all over my face.

"Cherry whiskey," I answered him, smiling subtly but flirtatiously. My glass was almost gone.

"Another round for the lady," he said to the bartender, who poured me another as requested.

"Thank you," I said, taking a sip while I soaked in his appearance from my peripheral vision.

"I'm Isaiah, " he said cheerfully. God if I wasn't a psychic, a hunter, and recovering from a tragic breakup I'd be all over him. He was gorgeous.

"Hazel, " I cooed back, and shook his cold hand.

"You seem...out of place here," he said, spinning his stool to get a better look at me.

He was being social, but I knew he could smell my blood. It was different than other humans.

"Yeah well, thought I'd try out a new scene." I said.

"Looking for a good time," he said nodding with understanding, "Good on you. Look like you need it. "

"Yeah?" I turned to him, grinning, "think you could show me?"

He flashed a surprised smile. "Heh, yeah...Come on."

He took me ever so gently by the arm and guided me out to the alleyway.

I noticed the boy and girl Dean had chased down leaving in a hurry, and passed my brother's questioning scowl.   
_Got one..._ I said to his mind. He nodded and pretended to walk away.

Isaiah pushed me into the wall, and forced his lips on me passionately. At first, I was appalled and struggled to keep up the act, but something took over me.  
My lonely heart and body devoured him back, letting him trail down to my neck. I forced myself to focus on his intentions, waiting for the cue that he was going to bite. Ignoring the fire growing in me.

Suddenly I sensed another vampire in the alley with us, and heard him address Dean, but I couldn't see them.

"I said...you're pretty." the vampire repeated to my brother.

In just seconds, the sound of a fight broke out, and the vampire with me took advantage of my distraction and chomped down on my lower neck.   
I growled angrily in pain, and pushed him off hard with my power, he went flying into the opposite wall.  
"What the.."

I performed a spin kick to his jaw, and the fight was on. He hit me several times, but I hit him just as much. Occasionally in the midst of our own battle, I could see Dean losing his.  
Desperate to help him, tried everything I could to take on Isaiah.   
I staggered him and unzipped my coat to pull out my machete.

This vampire was old. Strong. And he'd been holding back until he realized I was no ordinary human.  
He hit me harder than ever in the face, then the ribs, knocking the wind out of me and yanking my weapon from my hands. I caught a glimpse of Dean pinned to the wall nearby, and Sam at the end of the alley, just as I was thrown and pinned to wall as well.

I was dazed, punch drunk, and trying to watch my brothers when Isaiah forced his bleeding lips to my mouth, squeezing my jaw to keep me from closing my throat. His tongue forced blood into my mouth and there was nothing I could do.

But I saw Sam's face, if only for a second. He had the smallest of smirks on his lips.   
With one last burst of will and energy I threw Isaiah off me again, and he scrambled away, along with the other vampire.   
"No!" Came Sam's shout from the down the alley.   
I rushed to Dean, before Sam, and our eyes locked in foreboding shared knowledge.  
We were infected. He was frightened, we both were.

☆☆☆☆☆

Back at the motel, Dean and I were both a wreck. Every light, every sound, every smell...all heightened beyond what I'd imagined. Every sense was overwhelming and painful.

For me, personally, it was an absolute nightmare. Something about the disease heightened my foresight, and I was crippled and helpless with vision after vision. Mostly random stuff. Picking up on everything and everyone within a mile or so. I felt like I was short circuited. My head was filled to the brim with agony, so much so that I wasnt aware of my body.   
Sam had to strap me down to a chair, because of my convulsions and destructive outbursts. Every moment i caught a break from the blinding visions, I saw Dean pacing around the room, breaking things that disturbed him and felt his panic.

"Dean, you should sit down." Sam offered.

"YOU sit down!" he snapped, smashing the alarm clock on the end table, "of all the ways to die, I never thought I'd go out like this."

I had to agree, this was not how I thought my life would end.

"Nobody is _goin_ g _out_ ," Sam said.

"Samuel is going to kill us when he gets here!" Dean argued.

"No he's not!"

"Yes he is, cause I'm gonna ask him to, because I know you wont do it." Dean said.

"Ok just hold on a sec..."

"For what!? Look at us! "

"We'll figure this out."

Sam was remarkably calm. I could hear his heart, feel his lack of panic. It wasn't right...

"How?" I groaned after another pointless vision ravaged me.

"Why aren't you freaked out?" Dean demanded of Sam.

"Of course I am!" he defended. He was lying. I could feel it.

"Really? Cause I can hear your heartbeat and its pretty damn steady."

"Because I am trying to stay calm. Guys look, Samuel will know what to do..."

"Come on man, we're monsters! This isn't a problem you can just spit ball. We gotta deal with this before we hurt someone."

"So how does it feel?" Sam asked after a long pause.

"How do you think if feels!? " I snapped, "not good!"

Dean stormed across the room.

"Where you going?" Sam asked

"Bathroom, okay? News flash! Vampires pee!"

I finally had more than a minute to breathe between visions and looked at Sam.

"He's leaving..." I warned him.

"Dean!?" He called through the bathroom door, then stepped inside to find the window open, and our brother gone.

I was suddenly overcome by my new power and frustration, and broke right through the bounds that held me. I couldnt sit still and wait to hurt someone and be killed, just as Dean was thinking.

I knew he was going to Lisa, to say goodbye, and I had a similar plan.

"Hazel..." Sam warned me cautiously with his hands up, "just sit tight, Samuel will be here soon."  
I pushed him hard out of the way and tore out the door into the night.

I ran, faster than I could ever run before, all the people around me that I passed tormenting my senses and new blood lust.

I pushed on, until I collapsed in an alley from a vision.

I saw a man, and instantly I knew who he was. The leader of all vampires. The first of all them. The alpha. He spoke directly to me, as if looking through a window to my mind.  
"Aw what a prize you are, child. You needn't fight it...I can give you a future beyond your wildest imaginations..."

The vision broke away violently, leaving me gasping for air and slumped on the ground against the alley wall.

I closed my eyes, and reached out with all my strength into the atmosphere.   
_Castiel....Cas please..._ _I_ _need to see you._

Nothing.

_Cas please..._ _something_ _happened..I dont have much time. I just_ _need_ _a minute_ _..._

I told him exactly where I was, desperately hoping he would come. I slid myself up to stand and pressed my aching head to the cold stone of the building.   
The hunger was growing, focusing all my thoughts on the sounds of heart beats on the street nearby. It took every bit of strength I had to stay right where I was.  
It felt hopeless. He wouldn't come. He made his point that he'd have nothing to do with me until the time was right.  
A dark part of me was tempted to give it up, march right back into the street and kill. Because it didn't matter anymore.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

The sweetest most welcome voice I'd ever heard filled my sensitive ears.

I kept my head to the wall, ashamed of my new monstrous form.  
"I just...need to tell you goodbye."

"Goodbye? Hazel what..."

"Cas please, " I begged through groaning pain, "just listen. I just need to tell you, that I forgive you, and I love you. "

"I don't understand, what-"  
He turned me around by the shoulder, and his face dropped in horror at the sight of my blood shot eyes and fangs pushing past my lips.

"No...no,no..." he whispered, his devastation only deepening my sorrow.

"I'm going to finish this case...take out the nest...And then I'm going to let someone kill me." I told him.

"No," he said again, touching my cheek, then clenching his fist,"I wont let them..."   
He lied to himself. He knew it was hopeless but he was refusing to see the truth.

"Cas you dont have a choice, " I said, "I will kill people, if someone doesn't put me down. I am stronger than any normal vampire...I can feel it. I'm dangerous. "

"There has to be a way, I can figure this out...Keep you safe and others safe from you."

I shook my head. "No, Cas. There is no other way. If you wont let someone take my head off, then you have to do it."

He backed away. "You cant ask that of me."

"Then you have to let me go."

"I wont!" he said angrily, forsaking all his promises to respect his duty and ignore his love for me.  
"You're coming with me."

I sighed, defeated. "What will you do, Cas? Lock me away while you search the world for a cure that doesn't exist?"

"Hazel !"

I heard Sam hollering from the mouth of the alley. Him, Dean, and Samuel marched toward me with purpose. Cas stepped in front of me with that guardianship of his that never failed.  
"I wont let you kill her." He sneered at them, not even noticing Dean was also infected.

They slowed down and rose their hands in peace as Cas brandished his blade.  
"Cas..." Dean said, finally getting his attention to realize he too was a vampire, "nobody's killing anybody. "

"We have a cure," Sam said carefully, "and a plan."

Cas dropped his guard. "You're sure...?"

"Yeah, Cas." Dean said reassuringly, "Hazel's gonna be fine. As soon as we get to the nest and get the blood of the vampires who turned us."

My angel looked at me, then all of them down menacingly. "Fine...but if you fail," he warned, " _No one,_ is killing Hazel. You'd have to get through me and I'd like to see you try."

☆☆☆☆☆

Either by scent or foresight, Dean and I knew where to find the nest.   
The plan was pretty simple in theory. We went undercover, find our opportunity to hit our targets with dead man's blood, get a sample, kill everyone and get out.

All the while we traveled, even after we entered the warehouse and were greeted by a young male vampire, I was distracted by the alpha. He kept calling to me, encouraging me to come. I hadn't spoken a word of it to anyone. For some reason this monster _wanted me._ Not just for my blood so could share my power, but he genuinely wanted me to join the ranks. More specifically, join him.

He gave me the creeps but there was something very inviting about him. He spoke softly, kindly to me. Like a child. I didnt know if it was the curse or what, but I was entranced by it. Tempted to accept his offers and succumb.   
_Feed, my dear. You must feed..._  
He would keep telling me, especially after the vampire who met us at the door offered Dean and I each a blood bag to drink.   
If Dean hadn't denied it first, I would have taken it.  
Robert, the kid called himself, led us past a group of other vamps crowding the entryway. Most of them with blood bags in their hands. As a former drug addict, I was really struggling as newly made, and starving vampire.

I squeezed Dean's hand, hard, watching the suspicious eyes of the other vampires following us.

"Don't mind them," Robert said to us, "they're jealous. Recruiters get to bang all the chicks."

"Recruiters?" I repeated shakily.

Dean and I exchanged glances.

We found ourselves led into what looked like a huge, old bank. There were barred calls, full of young emo looking women along the walls on the main floor, and up the grand stairs.

At the center of the main room, was a desk with a computer, where the girl that my brothers had first investigate on the case was typing away. Boris, the vampire that had turned Dean, was over her shoulder like a fiend, coaxing her along.

He raised a finger at us from a distance. "Be with you in a minute." he said.

I knew better than to whisper around vamps, so I pushed my mind into Dean's.   
_This is bad...there's alot more than_ _I_ _thought._

 _Just_ _play_ _it cool,_ he replied

_Dean..the vamp that changed me isnt here.._

_What!?_

"Thank goodness!" Boris said to us, "thought the hunter chopped your pretty little heads off."

He approached Dean, a little more friendly and close for comfort.

"Naw, we got away. Sorry. What's a hutner?" Dean's quick and moronic save.

"You'll see if he finds us," he said, then laughed, "you'll see his insides. You eaten?"

"Yeah.." Dean lied.

"Good. You'll need your strength."

"For?" Dean asked.

"Robert didn't tell you?" He got up in his face. "How old do I look?"

"Thirty?" Dean guessed.

"You're off...by about...six centuries?" He started to back away to one of the cages. "And these are the best days in the last six hundred years to be a vampire. Dracula"? Anne Rice? Please. These stupid little brats are so horny they've reinvented us as Prince Charming with a Volvo. They..." He reached through the bars of one of the cages and grabbed a vamp girl by the hair" ...Want a promise ring with fangs, so I give it to 'em. You... you go out and you get them, and you bring 'em home to ME."

"Yeah? Where's my prince charming?" I demanded.

Boris grinned. "Dont worry sweetheart, our father sent Isaiah on a special mission. You'll see him soon enough. "

I cringed on the inside. I wasnt getting cured tonight. Or possibly ever. I didnt know how long I could hold on without drinking the blood.

"Father?" Dean repeated.

"Aren't you the curious one..."

"You dont know the half of it."

Boris leaned into Dean once again , invading his personal space rather seductively. I snickered into my palm at his disgust that he was trying to so hard to conceal.  
"In due time...you want the private tour, dont you?"

"Thought you'd never ask.."

Boris turned his back on us, to lead Dean elsewhere. Now was our chance.   
I waited patiently held still, while Dean stealthily pulled out his syringe.

Heart lurched when we all heard a drop of the dead man's blood fall to the floor.

Boris turned on us, grabbing Dean's arm when he tried to attack, twisted it behind his back and put him in a choke hold. I made my move and surged my new vampire strength combined with my powers, and ripped him off Dean and send him skidding across the floor to the wall.

He was upon me almost as quickly as he fell, and I wasnt fast enough to fight back. He grabbed my hair and took me to floor hard on my face, his boot on my back.  
"You know, father was very interested in you...I'd be a very naughty boy if I had to kill you."

Suddenly he stopped. We all stopped, and anyone standing dropped to the floor, including Dean. Simultaneously every vampire in the building was struck by a vision from the alpha.   
It flashed images of his location and that we were all to come to him.

When Dean and I awoke, blurry eyed, we noticed Boris unlocking cages and hurrying most of the vampires out the door. Until he noticed us getting to our feet. He instructed any stragglers to come after us, and it was on.

We scrambled to our feet, whipped out our machetes and started hacking.  
Even in their numbers, hoarded together like a stampede, they were no match for arguably the two best vampire slayers in America. Not including Sam of course.   
We hacked our up the stairs, Dean chopping Robert down at the top.

Eventually we got to Boris, and then to the others still fleeing out the door.

We were drenched head to toe in blood. Dean slapped my shoulder when the smoke had cleared and we were alone. "Not bad sis," he said proudly but panting, "you were right to come along."

"So much for undercover. " Samuel said.

He and Sammy were creeping through the carnage towards us, stepping over the dozens of headless corpses.

"Let's get that blood and get out here." Sam said.

I quietly backed away from them.  
"My sire isn't here.."I told them..."I have to go..."

And I bolted. They screamed and ran after me. But even Dean couldnt catch me. I was either going to find Isaiah on my own, or was to get away from my family before I hurt them.


	23. Choices

Sammy and me caught on to Samuel's scheme, or at least...I did.  
Instead of killing monsters, they were capturing them. For reasons I didnt know but was sure to find out.

We stood in his dungeon at the compound, before the electrified cage containing the alpha vampire.

Arguing.

" We got some questions for you, skippy, since you're going nowhere fast." I said.

The Alpha Vampire chuckled

"Don't be so sure."

"Yeah? Locked down pretty tight. And with all that dead blood rushing through your veins, not sure you got enough juice to fire up that psychic bat-signal of yours, do you?"

" True. Not near enough juice for that... Dean."

" I didn't realize we were on a first-name basis."

"Of course we are. After all, you were my child... for a time. Dean, tell me... did you enjoy it?"

" I'm asking the questions here, fright night." I flipped the switch and electrocuted him. He grunted a little, and sneered at us.

"When your kind first huddled around the fire, I was the thing in the dark! Now you think you can hurt me? I have all night, boys. Anyway, I'm happy to tell you whatever you want to know."

"Is that so?" Sam said.

"Would you like to know where your sister is?" The creature asked.

I froze, my heart clenching. We hadn't seen or heard from Hazel since she took off on us. We assumed she'd most likely killed herself. But I hadn't given up hope.

"Where?"

He chuckled. "I have a proposition for you gentleman."

I shocked him again. "You're in no position to be making deals."

"Not even if I told you I can cure her?"

"Sure, just tell us where that Isaiah went and we'll be outta your hair." I offered smugly. 

He laughed again. "I destroyed Isaiah."

"What? Why?" Sam asked.

"He took her blood, when I told him not to. Her rare, precious blood..."

Now I understood. 

"And you can cure her?" Sam continued curiously, "how?"

"With _my_ blood, of course. After I drain every ounce of hers. Then you're little homemade remedy will do the trick. I'll hand over my blood willingly. "

I frowned, biting my lips in consideration. "So what's our end?"

"Release me. That is all. A favor for a favor. No harm will come to either of you. I'll even take you to her."

"Why does this still stink?" I asked him distrustfully.

"I'm an honest man, Dean. For the blood of Seer...I will cut you a deal without fine print."

☆☆☆☆☆

I ran and ran, stole a car and floored it home.  
The bloodlust was an absolute nightmare, but I pushed through. 

When I arrived I was relived to see my car untouched in the driveway, but my garage was wide open.  
And that's when I smelled them. And heard their hearts beating. 

The band had come.

As soon as they saw me, Andrew was naturally the first to approach me as I tried running into the house unnoticed.

"Hazel! Where the fuck have you been?" He shouted with his hands up. The other two followed, their combined pulses deafening me.  
"We've called and called..."

"I know I know...please just stay away from me. I quit, ok? Find another psychic who can sing." I said urgently, desperately trying to get away before I hurt them.

"Are you serious?" Andrew hissed in disbelief. He got closer to me and grabbed my shoulder, "Hazel what is going on?"

"I said stay away from me!" I screamed and slapped his arm away.  
But I had accidentally scratched his forearm deeply.  
The smell of his blood intoxicated me, and froze in the trance of it, panting and losing focus. 

I couldnt hear anything else they said to me, despite their raised voices and protests. And what happened next, was all blur.

Andrew was first. I took him to ground with a guttural growl, broke his neck in a hasty effort to push his head aside and sunk my fangs into his jugular.

Sweet, glorious release, better than any heroin, filled me as I drained him.

But I was starving. One wasn't enough. Coleen and Aaron had started to run, but she tripped and was easy prey.

I was an animal, no longer a thinking, sentient being. She died more slowly than Andrew did, screaming and whimpering until she didnt have the blood to support it. Crying my name and begging me.

Aaron grew brave and tried to stop me, throwing me off his lover. I grabbed his leg, snapped it, and bite down on his thigh where the I would find the largest artery. He beat on the top of my head until his strength waned to nothing. 

When I was finished and finally satisfied, I came to my senses. Physically I'd never felt better. I but I realized what I had done in sheer horror. My face and throat were streaming with bright blood.

It was done. I was a vampire. 

Trembling, I made my down to my panic room. There, I just so happened to have a small guillotine mounted on the wall. When I bought it, it was more for ambience and a collector's item. But now it would serve a purpose. I took it down from the wall and placed in the center of the room.  
Tears in my eyes, I fought with my self preservation and placed my head in the stock. 

Just as in was about to let the rope loose, there was a banging on the door. Dean screaming my name through the small window.

Something fast and strong yanked me away, and I found myself forced to sit in the dingy armchair I'd brought in the place. 

Standing next to me was none other than alpha vampire, and in the room were my brothers, and Castiel.   
The guillotine snapped down empty with a disturbing thud, leaving a thick silence in the room.

I started to cry.

"I have to do this..." I whimpered to them, ignoring my confusion of the scene. I couldn't look at Cas, feeling his heart break the way it did.  
"You saw what I did out there, right?"

"Masterful work, my dear," the vampire said to me, his hand comfortingly on my shoulder. "I assure you, the guilt doesnt last forever."

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, wiping my face of blood and tears.

  
Dean got closer, holding a small glass bottle. "He can cure you Hazel." he said softly, kneeling in front of me.

"If that's what you want.." the Alpha said.

I looked at him curiously. He didn't scare me. In fact, he portrayed nothing but respect and affection towards me. I didn't understand it.  
"What do you mean?" I asked weakly.

Dean moved aside, giving my fellow vampire room to kneel in front of me instead. "Feels good, doesnt it? All that emptiness you felt before...just washed away in blood."

I shook my head. But he was right.

"You've been alone and empty most your life, sweet Hazel. A creature of darkness. If you want...You can come with me instead. You can leave all that pain and uncertainty behind. Start a new, and satisfying life of a superior being."

I glanced at my brothers and Cas briefly, all of them painfully worried what I might say. I couldn't say out loud what I was thinking, because truthfully...It was what I wanted. I didn't know if it was vampiric connection, or if he spoke the truth about what I needed, what I _wanted..._ but this was not an easy choice. Not at that moment. Any sane person would have immediately told him to stick his offer where the sun didnt shine.   
Especially my brothers.

I looked into vampire's strangely sympathetic face and sighed.   
"No..." I whispered reluctantly, "fix me..."

He looked disappointed, but he nodded. "Very well...I warn you, this first part...will be unpleasant. "

Before I could ask why, he mounted the chair, and me, like a wild animal, penetrating my neck with his fangs and drawing deeply. I squealed at first, but then resolved to a quite grunting and heavy breathing. Toughing it out as best I could.

I felt cold in seconds, my blood leaving my body so fast that I grew faint.

When he pulled away at last, I almost thought I was dead. But blood loss didnt kill vampires. I was merely unable to move and slumped forward, falling to the floor. My senses were dulled, even my powers, I didnt even know it was Castiel who pulled me onto his lap on the floor until I saw his face.

The Alpha took the cure in the bottle from Dean, and cut himself with a monstrous claws dripping into it.  
"There you are, as promised. And my dear..." he addressed me, "I thank you, for the wonderful gift. Your blood will keep me strong for another millenia. And...the offer will always be on the table."

With that, he walked away gracefully, and left us.

My head flopped back over Castiel's arm. I had zero muscle control. Completely dead weight. My brain was starved of blood.   
Cas looked down me with such pity it hurt me to see it. He pressed the rim of the bottle to my lips, but I could do nothing for myself.  
"Come on..." he whispered.   
I felt his power coax my muscles, my body awake, slowly, eventually allowing me to grasp my lips around it and let him pour it my mouth.

The reaction was violent, and almost immediate. I sprung to the side out of Castiel's arms and begun to wretch.  
Black sludge and blood projected from my innards onto the floor, and my entire body was alight with agony.

"What's happening?" Cas asked frantically while he held my hair back.

"Its working," Sam said.

"Or she's dying, " Dead added.

When I had nothing left to vomit I collapsed and fainted, sure that I was dead before my lights went out.

☆☆☆☆☆

  
I awoke upstairs, on my sofa, cradled in Castiel's lap and arms. Part of me was happy to be close to him, but the other part was bitter and knew it wasnt fair for him to hold me like this.

Knowing that, I sat up, feeling like I had a terrible hangover but otherwise very much alive and human.

"How do you feel" he asked me.

"Not great.." I groaned, "where are the boys?"

He didnt seem like he wanted to answer with the look he gave me. So I used my mind instead, and discovered they were outside, cleaning up my "mess".

"Oh..."

"Its not your fault, Hazel." he tried to assure me.

"That doesnt matter...still happened. " I argued quietly.

"Would you like some coffee?" he asked me abruptly, making me laugh. He'd never offered to get me food or drinks before.  
I had to be honest, coffee sounded amazing.   
"Yes, that would nice." I said smiling at him gratefully.

He left me to my thoughts momentarily, apparently there was already coffee made. He returned with what looked like a cup of coffee _exactly_ the way I liked it. I remembered why I loved him. He cared so much about what I wanted. All the little things. He knew me so well that it paled what I knew of myself.   
I took a greedy first few sips of the coffee while it was still at its hottest.  
It warmed my soul. "Mmm...thank you."

"I forgot to tell something. " he said, catching me off guard. Even though I should be used to him quickly and awkwardly changing subjects by now.

"Yeah? What's that?" I humored him, just grateful to be having a normal conversation with him.

"You're singing voice...its beautiful. I didnt know you could do that."

I giggled sheepishly. "Thank you. Anything else?"

I was begging for more. Anything he could tell me that wasnt gloom and doom would be welcome.

"I don't like your hair that color. "

"I'm sorry?" I wasn't expecting an insult.

"It was better brown. It was earthy and...pleasant. "

I chuckled. "You got a problem with purple?"

"No...I just worry you've changed too much."

"Been changing alot recently," I joked in poor taste.

That reminder of my horrendous experience seemed to upset him. I can only imagine how he felt when he saw what I'd done outside to my friends, or what I was about to do to myself in the basement when he walked in.

"You weren't...you weren't going to do it, were you?" he asked me worriedly.

I wasnt exactly sure what he meant, but I knew I didn't want to answer. I busied myself in my coffee before it went cold.   
"What..? Kill myself? Because yes, I was. No one else would."

Dean had just walked through my front door, looking rough and dirty, followed by Sam. Great. An audience.

I felt that sting him but he brushed it off. "That too but no, I mean...you hadn't considered taking the vampire's offer?"

My brothers both looked at me, expecting an answer as well. Resisting the urge to bow my head in a broody manner and give myself away, I lied right to their faces.  
"No, of course not. Why would I? You _did_ walk in on my trying to commit suicide, remember. Why would I want to be monster?"

That satisfied them, no one could see through my poker face. Well...I didnt know about Sam. I still couldn't feel his emotions and it was really concerning. Dean was onto him too but he wouldn't admit it. He couldn't.

"Well...we're ready to light the fires, if you want to uh-" Dean said hesitantly.

"Fires?"

"You're friends? We gotta burn them.."

"Oh..right..."

Just as he said, three pyres were in my back yard waiting to be lit. The bloody and pale corpses of my former bandmates ready to be burned on top.

I numbed myself as best I could on the outside. But inside, the guilt was devastating. Logically I knew it wasnt my fault. It was a fluke that vampire got to me. I was worried about Dean, and lost my focus on the fight.   
But the guilt told me I didnt try hard enough, that I shouldn't have gone home. I should have killed myself sooner.

Sam touched each pyre with a torch.

The flames erupted, and as they climbed over the bodies, my sorrow climbed to the breaking point.

I couldnt cry, for reasons I didn't understand. But nonetheless, I dropped slowly to my knees and mourned them. Hurting so deep it paralyzed me.

The Alpha vampire was right. I was dark and empty, and with each terrible thing that happened to me, it was worse. I wouldn't admit it to anyone, but I was worse than when Dean gave up on the apocalypse.

Eventually I decided that it was too much, and quietly walked away from the funeral.   
Castiel left, I sensed him take flight and disappear. Without saying goodbye. Which I was actually grateful for. Part of me wished I never had to see him.

That left just me and my brothers to wander into my house.

They sat on either side of me on the couch, silent in vigil.

Just when I was ready to speak up and thank them, I felt a vision creep into my forehead.  
But it was different...it didnt hurt. I couldn't explain it any better than it felt like a part of myself was trying to talk.  
And then it hit me...

_I'm_ _still here..._

The Alpha was in my head, in exactly the way he was before he cured me.

"Where?" I said aloud.

Sam and Dean looked at me like I was crazy.

"Hazel..?" Sam prodded.

"He's still in my head..." I told them, "where are you!?"

But it was silent once more.

"How is that possible?" Dean asked.

"I don't know..." I said shaking my head, "maybe because of my powers and I drank his blood?"

"Good." Sam said bluntly.

"Huh?" Dean and I both snapped at him.

"We still need answers from him, if you can contact him maybe.."

"Sam!" Dean scolded.

"I'm just saying Dean! He seems to like her, and he hasn't tried to kill us yet. "

I summoned my reasoning and let a slow breath go. "He's right, Dean, " I said quietly, "if you want to know what Samuel's been up to...we're gonna have to talk to talk to the Alpha again...just...not yet. I think I need some distance from him right now."

He understood, maybe better than I realized. With a friendly pat on my knee he got up to check on the fires outside.

And I was left with the Sam I didn't know. The Sam that didnt seem to have feelings. The Sam that scared me. I loved him, so very much. But being in his presence alone gave me chills.  
It's very unnerving to a psychic when you can feel absolutely nothing coming from another person.   
I knew at some point I was going to have to tell Dean.  
The old Sam would have more comforting wisdom for me as I sat there in despair, hating myself. But he just looked at me with that same inquisitive stare he had in the alley the night Dean and I were jumped by those vampires.   
I had to admit, whatever was wrong with him, he still tried his best to pretend to be the old Sam.

"Hey Hazel..um.." he started talking and broke my zoning out, "if you want to, maybe going on the road with us would help?"

I tilted my head thoughtfully. A distraction would be nice.   
"You think I should hunt my problems away." I stated plainly.

"Works for us. Sometimes." He shrugged.

"And then what? Get turned into a werewolf next?" I chuckled dryly at my own bad joke.

"Maybe but, if you asked me, I'd say that's alot better than vampire. "

He had a point there.   
"Alright, yeah," I said a little more lightly, "I'll go. Lord knows you two would get eaten without me."


	24. Hard Truths

Sometimes I felt like I was living in Buffy. Killing monsters, special powers, supernatural boyfriend I couldn't be with for the greater good..., dead mom, absent father...Always trying to make it through a very hard life with the support of friends, or brothers in my case. Trapped in a destiny and responsibility I couldn't escape.

Maybe I didn't _have_ to be a hunter. But not unlike Buffy, even if quit, monsters out there would always want a peice of me. They would always find me or I would always find them because I was a Seer.

I often thought about what life might've been like if mom wasnt a witch, and if I wasn't born to this destiny. What would I have done differently?  
The truth was, I didn't know who I was without my powers or my past.   
The only person that ever believed in me for who, not what, I was, was Castiel. And I still didn't know what he saw in me.

After the whole vampire incident, I wasnt even sure if I was a hero or a sprouting villain anymore.  
Which is the real reason I decided to come along on this hunt.

Calumet City, Illinois is where they dragged me and found a potential case.

We were in a market street, something like an outdoor mall, and Sam walked across to the nearby hotdog vendor to get us all something to eat. I didn't have the heart to tell him I wasnt a fan of hotdogs.

While we waited, Dean pulled out his phone and wandered away nonchalantly. I knew he was up to something so I followed.  
"What are you doing?" I asked quietly, taking the hint that he was being secretive. He shushed me and called Bobby.

I used my mind and eavesdropped since he refused to put it on speaker phone.   
" _Hazel's with you?"_

"Yeah?"

_"Can she hear me?"_

I nodded.

"Yeah she can hear you Bobby, why?"

_"You got a good_ _reason_ _for not calling me? I gotta hear all this bullshit_ _that_ _happened to you from Dean?"_

I took the phone from Dean and put it to my ear. "I'm sorry Bobby... I didn't know what to tell you. Congratulations on getting your soul back!" I said shamefully.

"Yeah, well...next time you're about to die, I expect a memo, kid."

"Yes sir."

Dean snatched the phone back and continued his conversation.   
"We know what we saw," he told Bobby, and I started listening more closely because I was involved.

{ _ **Trying a new phone call format. Seems to be easier.}**_

BOBBY:  
We tested him. Salt, silver -- everything.

DEAN:  
He threw us to those vamps. I'm telling you, it's not our brother.

BOBBY:  
Well, then he's something we ain't ever seen before.

DEAN  
Yeah, or it's freakin' Lucifer.

BOBBY  
Did you call Cas?

DEAN  
'Course I called Cas. He's not answering. Screw him. I can't wait anymore.

BOBBY  
Look, I get it. You're rattled. You're right to be. But let's be professional --

DEAN  
Professional? He _watched_ us get turned!

BOBBY  
What you saw... are you sure that's what you saw?

DEAN  
Damn it, Bobby, yes. Hazel saw it too, and she's a fucking psychic. We're not crazy.

BOBBY  
Well, "you know" ain't the same as proof. 'Cause we're talking about --

DEAN  
\-- we're talking about doing something about this, and fast. It's not just the vamps, okay? He has been different from the jump.

BOBBY  
All right. I'm with you.

DEAN  
Are you?

BOBBY  
Yeah. I'll hit the books, hard. Just don't shoot him yet, all right? Watch him. We need facts. 'Cause if it ain't Sam... we don't know _what_ it is. And if we're gonna put him down, we need to know how.

DEAN  
I don't even want to ride in the same car with him, much less work a damn case.

BOBBY  
Get in the car. _He's_ your case.

Dean hung up in aggravation, looking at me as if I had the answers.  
I sighed, glanced back at Sam slowly making his way back to us.  
"Dean...I should tell you, he doesn't just seem off. He _feels_ off. And by that I mean I dont feel anything coming off him. I cant even tell if he's lying."

"Well that sounds wonderful..." he said sarcastically. 

"I know," I said and touched his arm, "But Bobby's right...we don't know anything. And believe me I've tried to see it but theres...just nothing to see. We gotta play it cool until we figure it out."

Sammy finally caught up to us, bearing a hot dog for each and a newspaper. I took mine from him and examined the paper he laid out on the hood of the car.

"Four suicides...so?" I said to him.

"Read it, they all came outta nowhere. Otherwise happy people just...fell off the deep end." Sam insisted.

I rolled my eyes. "Sammy, most people that kill _seem happy. "_

Dean shrugged. "We can check it out I guess. But maybe you ought to scope it out first." He said to me.

"Alright, I can try..." 

I got into the car, so my crazy glowing eyes couldn't be seen, and did some therapeutic breathing to prepare for the inevitable pain.

I opened myself up, but I didn't know what to look for. First I grazed over the newspaper, which led to me each of the suicide victims. Something in the background of it all was weird and fuzzy, and powerful. Inhuman.

As I explored the events leading up to the first suicide, a waitress named Jane, I noticed everyone around her was saying cruel, hurtful things. Out of nowhere, in fact. Completely unprovoked. Even her own sister.

The others were similar cases. Someone said the wrongs and it devastated them. 

A single word kept coming through to me, poking at me like a red flag.   
Truth. Truth. Truth.

The vision changed drastically. Instead of watching something like a movie, images were flashing at me like a scrapbook flipping.

Old books. A music store. And the eyes of a cat. Which disturbed me the most. They kept repeating, blinking and narrowing at me menacingly. 

Suddenly I was thrown out of the vision by a force not my own, and my back slammed into the carseat.

Dean knocked on the window as I rubbed my aching forehead.  
"Got anything?"

I nodded and they got in the car with me.

"It was kinda confusing, " I began to explain, "but something is definitely up. Those people didnt just kill themselves...something made them do it. And I kept getting this word. Truth. Over and over."

"Truth?" Sam repeated me skeptically. 

"Yeah I dunno what it means. Also...something about a music story umm..Harry's House of Horns?"

☆☆☆☆☆

Dean checked out the music store, but even though two victims had that connection, there was nothing Harry could tell him about them.  
However, he did inquire about a rare horn, thatn he had reported stolen. Supposedly a thousand years old, one of kind item, of unknown origin. It had gone missing the same day that Jane died. 

So Dean and I both thought, maybe it was a cursed item. Together at the motel we researched ancient horns, particularly any that were uniquely famous. I didnt come up with anything that wasnt in a museum, but I sensed Dean have a sense of dread come over him as he appeared to have found something.   
"Oh no..." he said irritably.

"What?"

He turned the laptop around for me to see and I instantly felt the same dread. It read "Gabriel's Horn of Truth."

Both of us got our panties in a bunch when it came to angels, so Dean obliged to pour us but some whiskey. I understood why the universe guided me to music store now, just so could we could come across this information. Didnt understand why it couldn't just tell me.  
He drained his with vigor, before looking across the table at me like he had something to say that I wouldn't like.  
"You know what was this means, right?"

I'd been trying not to consider it.

"No," I said, not as an answer, but as a rejection, "we can handle this."

"Haze, we gotta call him. This thing is killing people. We dont have time look for something we know nothing about. "

I growled into a sigh. "Can I hide in the bathroom?"

He scoffed at me teasingly. "Look, what's going on with you two...I'm not getting involved. But he's still out friend, still an ally, still an asset. He's gonna be around from time to time. Deal with it."

I slammed my glass down my throat. "Fine. Call him." 

"Castiel? Hello?" I shook my head at Dean's half assed prayers. Amazed they even worked. "Possible loose nuke down here. Kinda your department. You hear that, Cas?"

Cas poofed into the room in less than a minute after Dean hung up.  
"Hello, Dean."

Dean threw up his hands."Are you kidding me? I have been on red alert about Sam, and you come for some stupid _horn?!_ "

I recognized the disrespected scowl on the angel's face.  
"You asked me to be here, and I came." he said coldly. 

  
It bothered me sometimes the way Dean talked to Cas. As much as he helped us in the past, he really didnt owe us anything 

"I've been asking you here for days, you dick!"

"I didnt come about Sam because I have nothing to offer about Sam."

"Well that's great, " Dean said, " cause for all we know, he's gift wrapped Lucifer. "

Cas moved to the table and to my surprise, graciously grabbed the whiskey and refilled our glasses. I nodded a silent thanks and tried to avoid eye contact. He seemed to do the same. The tension between us was palpable.   
"No he's not Lucifer. If Lucifer escaped the cage, we'd feel it." he told us. All Dean had to do was ask _me_ of the devil walked among us. I could've told him that.

"So what's wrong with him?" I piped in quietly, keeping my eyes on the glass at my lips.

"I dont know, " he replied, "I'm sorry."

"What happened to you, Cas?" Dean exclaimed abruptly, "you used to be human. Or at least like one. "

The angel frowned noticeably.  
"I'm at war," he said wearily, "Certain...regrettable things are now required of me."

I felt his eyes on me, and couldnt help but meet them, if only for a second. The understanding of his words cut me deep. I jerked my head away, as if the the floor were far more interesting.

"Ok well...Gabriel's horn of truth," Dean changed the subject,"that's a real thing?"

"You've seen it?"

"No, but we thinks it in town. It's making people-"

Cas dissapeared.

"Oh well, you're welcome!" Dean hissed into the air.

I scoffed. "Fucking angels."

"Hey you're boning one."

I shook my head, "we've never-"

"It isnt the Horn of Truth. " Cas stated the moment he reappeared.

"What are you talking about?" Dean asked, "you were gone for like two seconds, where did you look?"

"Everywhere." Cas replied flatly as if it was obvious.

"Right well...nice seeing ya anyways," Dean said dismissively.

"Dean.." Cas said in offense. He was guilty.

"What?"

"About your brother. I... I don't know what's wrong with him, but I do want to help. I'll make inquiries."

He gave me one last look, as if he needed to savor the sight of me, and left us again.

☆☆☆☆☆

Sam reported to us that all the bodies were missing from the morgue, and that what he believed to be patient zero in this whole mess was where we should start looking so he was headed to her house to investigate.

We were at the bar together, and the strangest thing happened when the tender asked if there was anything she could do for Dean.  
He responded with "I just want the truth."

The bartender proceeded to spill her private thoughts and secrets, followed by a patron asking us to look at her new fake chest she'd just bought, admitting she needed alot of attention.

It clicked for both of us, that telling the truth was definitely an important element. I was beginning to think that that was why my vision led me to the Horn, as a hint.  
"Alright...we gotta test this out." Dean told me as we left for the car.

We stopped face to face. "Ok umm..so you seem to be affected," I said, "ask me something ?"

He frowned thoughtfully for a moment. "Anything?"

I glared at him. "Be nice..."

"Ok, ok...um...Why are you still a virgin?"

My jaw dropped at his audacity, and I punched his arm. But almost instantly I felt the magic at play pull on me, and i had no choice but to spill the beans.  
It blurted out like vomit.  
"Boys were mean to me growing up so I didnt have interest and kinda hated them, by the time I started to look at them differently, all I cared about were the drugs....and one time I was almost raped so I stayed away completely. " I covered my mouth in shock and shame. "Holy fuck I've never told anyone that!"

"Wow..ok it works. Let's call Bobby and see just how far this goes."

DEAN  
Hey, anything you're itchin' to tell me?

BOBBY  
Not really. Sorry to disappoint.

DEAN  
Ah, that's all right. I'm just testing a theory.

BOBBY  
Well, I'm here hittin' the books while drinking a nice glass of milk, while watching "Tori & Dean."

DEAN  
Wh-- wait, w-who and Dean?

BOBBY  
Tori Spelling. I'm a huge fan. Girl's a real talent.

DEAN,   
Oh, I guess it does work over the phone.

I laughed out loud.

BOBBY  
You know what else? I get a pedicure once in a while -- this nice Vietnamese joint.

DEAN  
Okay. Okay, please stop.

BOBBY  
This one gal, Nhung Phuong -- her name means "velvet Phoenix." Tiny thing, but the grip on her. She starts on my toes, and I feel like I am gonna --

DEAN  
Whoa, whoa! Hey, come on, man-- now I'm scarred for life. Thank you.

BOBBY  
I never told anyone that. Why am I telling _you?_ Maybe 'cause you're my favorite. Although, Sam's a better hunter. Lately, anyway.

Whoa. Why the hell _am_ I tellin' you this?!

DEAN  
Because I'm cursed.

BOBBY  
Cursed?

DEAN  
Yes.

BOBBY  
How is it... that half the time you clean a mess, you end up dirty?

DEAN  
Actually, this might be the best thing that's happened to me in a while.

BOBBY  
What do you mean? Dean... Dean, what damn fool move are you about to --

DEAN  
I gotta go.

BOBBY  
Okay.But did you know my first girlfriend turned out to be a --

DEAN,   
No, no! Mnh-mnh. Mnh-mnh.

He hung up quickly, turning me to laughing my ass off. It felt good. I hadn't laughed like this in ages.

☆☆☆☆☆

I went back to the hotel alone, because was going to go meet Sam and use his curse to get some answers. Eventually he texted me that everything was ok and he seemed satisfied with Sam's answer.   
I wasnt convinced, thinking maybe Dean asked the wrong question, or maybe Sam was simply immune to this curse.

I decided a shower was in order, and just as wiped fog from the mirror to brush my wet hair, a voice crept into my mind.

_Have you_ _changed_ _your mind?_   
_Have you had enough?_   
_Tell me the truth child._

Oh no...

I grit my teeth furiously before I was forced to respond.   
_The truth is,_ _I_ _wanted to take your offer. But_ _I_ _couldnt break my family's heart._

He chuckled into my mind.  
 _I can wait. You're_ _going_ _to outlive them, after all..._

I sighed shakily and slammed my brush down on the sink.   
I had to find a way to keep him out of my head. I couldn't take this.

Shortly after I'd gotten dried and dressed, my brother's returned with news of some strange items found in the girl's room. They learned from her roommate that she had been trying to find out if her boyfriend had been cheating, and that she would do anything to find the truth.

"Sounds like witchcraft..." I commented.

Sam was on his computer and got our attention the second he found something. 

  
"Exactly." Sam said, "so cat skull, uh, grains-of-paradise seed, devil's shoestring. Mix 'em well, you got yourself a summoning spell.

"Demon?" Dean suggested. 

Sam, showed us a webpage about Veritas, Goddess of Truth.  
"God. " he corrected, "Corey was so desperate for the truth about her boyfriend's cheating heart, she went digging around. Nothing panned out, so she went looking for a different kind of help."

"Opened a door she couldn't close." I concluded , "God I hate amateurs."

"Yeah," Sam agreed, "Now anyone in town who asks aloud for the truth invokes Veritas. And she doesn't just give it to you. She slams you with it until you kill yourself and she gets her tribute.

Dean twisted his lips in thought.  
"So, all that "tribute" vanishing from the morgue. What do you think, uh, Soylent Green situation?"

Sam shrugged. "Gods got to eat, too. Which means we got to take her out or you're on the menu."

"All right, well, what do we know, besides... crazy cat lady?"

Sam continued to read the information on the website. "Well, dogs are her Achilles heel."

"Naturally."

"And she was a pretty hands-on goddess back in the day. Her thing was coming down from the mountain to speak truth to the masses. She wanted more than tribute. She wanted to be worshipped."

"An attention whore." I added.

"If you want to put it that way."

Dean suddenly had a moment of clarity.   
"And what is the 21st-century version of speaking truth to the masses?"

☆☆☆☆☆

Our best guess was the local news reporter we'd been seeing was our monster.  
We went over recordings of her news segments for hours, until Dean finally discovered her eyes flashing angrily at a barking dog in the background.  
We found our Goddess. 

So we proceeded to follow her and her red convertible home. A huge, modern mansion, to our surprise.   
We watched as she went inside, unsuspecting of our presence parked up the street.

"Looks pretty normal. " I said, "maybe it's not her." Wishful thinking. I could taste power all the way out here.

"I bet its chalk full of creep." Dean said.

Sam handed us each a large knife and whipped out a canister. 

"What is _that_?" I asked suspiciously. 

"Dog's blood."

"Do we even wanna know where you got that?" Dean asked. 

"Probably not."

So on we went, three idiot siblings, storming the gates so to speak, of the house of a God. 

We crept inside cautiously, finding nothing out of the ordinary at first. It was lavish, full of expensive decor. Including a painting on the wall exactly like what we'd seen on the website of Veritas.  
Definitely the place. 

  
Soon after we noticed that, we noticed the cats. Several of them just wandering around like ordinary pets, but they seemed to be coming and going from a downward staircase.

We follwed one of them down to find something not unlike a torture chamber. Slabs and chains bearing mutilated corpses, or peices of corpses. I became nauseous and momentarily bombarded with the souls of the deceased. Reaching out to me about the fear and pain and confusion they endured.  
"You alright?" Dean whispered, noticing me hunched over a column.

"Peachy..." I hissed back. I really hated being a psychic. The ghosts were not but fleeting balls of light to me, too new and weak to manifest. The sadness and pity it brought me was exactly why I was an expert on dealing with them. They needed saving, just like everyone else.

"You came for dinner."

We all whipped around to see Veritas, now adorned in jewels, hair ornaments and a golden dress.  
I lifted my hands to make a move, but I wasnt fast enough. Her telekinesis beat mine by a mile and sent all of us hurtling into the hard stone wall.  
I went fuzzy and stayed awake long enough to watch both my brothers lose consciousness just before I did.

When we woke, our hands were bound behind us around columns. When I fully came to, I watched the Goddess put our blood dipped knives away in a drawer, then waltz over to corpse laying on the slab.

"Sit tight, you're next. " she said and reached into the mouth with pinchers.

I was in between my brothers, and noticed Sam slip a switch blade out of his sleeve quiet skillfully.

I struggled, and tried to push with my powers at the beast, but it was near impossible to do without my hands.

Veritas pulled the tongue out and turned to us, grinning sadistically.   
"The tongue is the tastiest part," she said, "it's where the lies roll off."  
She took a bite of it, making me cringe.   
"Mmm. Mmm! I cannot _wait_ to eat yours. I mean, I've seen liars before, but you two? Gold standard."

"Point of professional pride. " Dean said. Normally I'd wanna kick him for once again getting sassy with something trying to kill us, but he was playing for time while Sam worked on freeing himself.

Veritas dropped the tongue and walked over in front of Dean on my left. "I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you, Dean. You know what happens when you base your life on lies, right? The truth comes along and... So, while you've still got your tongue, God knows you've got an earful," she said, getting down to our level and in his face, "I think it's your turn to spill some. How 'bout we play a little truth or truth? What should we ask Dean first, hmm? Something... Personal about Sam? Hey, Dean, I'm curious. What do you really feel about your brother?"

"Better now. As of yesterday, I wanted to kill him in his sleep.

Sam looks surprised, which surprised me. Surely he knew we were suspicious of him by now.

"I thought he was a monster," Dean continued,"But now I think..."

  
"Now you think what?" Veritas pressed.

"He's just acting like me. Hazel too."

  
"What do you mean?"

SAM's knife was almost through the rope, now. I hoped and prayed we had time.

"Its the gig," Dean replied," You're covered in blood until you're covered in your own blood. Half the time, you're about to die. Like right now. I told myself I wanted out... that I wanted a _family._ "

  
"But you were lying."

  
"No. But what I'm good at... is slicing throats. I ain't a father. I'm a killer. And there's no changing that. I know that _now._ "

Veritas seemed satisfied, patted him on the shoulder and scooted down towards me.  
"Oh...now I see. You're no ordinary psychic are you sweetcheeks?" She patted my face, "How about it, Oracle? What are you hiding from your brothers? Or..your angel?"

I fought it, fought her power with mine as hard as I could. But I faltered and failed as I bit my lips and let a tear fall.  
"I wanted to take Alpha Vampire's offer.." I said reluctantly. Dean gave me a look that brought me more shame and heartache than I'd imagined it would.

She hummed with satisfaction, "Yeah? How come?"

"Because he was right. I'm empty. A hole growing darker and darker. I dont want this life...I dont feel like a hero anymore, just a victim slowly becoming a villain. The hard truth is, I belonged with the vampires. I wasnt a great person before I died and I'm still not. I'd rather be fulfilled and evil, than try to be righteous but still be empty. "

  
I was streaming tears at this point.

"Hazel..." Dean breathed sympathetically.

Veritas looked at me with hunger.  
"Very good. And that nasty old blood sucker got a taste of you, didnt he? Mmm...I'm sure the blood was a rush...But everyone knows if you want a real ride," her fingers toyed dangerously close to my face, "you go for the eyes."

She plunged to fingers into my left eye socket like pliers, clawing and scooping to get ahold of my entire eyeball with her fingernails, while I shreiked in horror and agony. Struggled and kicked. Then in one swift motion she plucked it out, and popped in her mouth for me to watch.

"Ahhh you bitch!"

As I whimpered and seethed thought my teeth in pain and rage, she slid over to Sam. 

"So, Sam.. walking back into your life must have been a relief. Hmm? And how do you feel about the band getting back together? Hmm, Sam?

"Look... what we do... is hard." Sam agreed with the previous testimony, "But...we watch out for each other.

With my one eye, I could see Dean glancing back and forth between a hook hanging from the ceiling, and back to Sam. I tried to calm my breath, relieved they had a plan. 

"And that's what's important. And that's it. That's the truth."

Veritas was confused. I could feel it.   
"No. No, it's _not._ "

"You said yourself -- I can't lie."

"How are you doing that? That's not possible. You're _lying_ to me!"

"No, I'm not!"

  
"What are you?!" She cried and turned to us, " What is he!?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Sam insisted. 

  
"Really? I doubt that. I doubt anything that comes out of your mouth right now. You're not human."

  
"What?" Dean and I both said.

"You didn't know that? Now, _that_ I believe."

  
Sam was free, and made break for it, tossing the knife to Dean who rather skillfully caught it and began sawing feverishly at his rope. Sam made a move for the knives in the drawer, but Veritas engaged him with fists flying. He fell and dropped the bloody weapon. Dean freed himself, quickly sliced through my bondage and went for the hook while the Goddess went after Sam.

With my hands free and full of rage, I did something I didnt know I could do. All my psychic energy concentrated to my arms and fists and I started to wail on the creature. But with my impaired vision, I was quickly caught with an opening and hit very hard in side of my head, going down with a dizzy spell.   
Dean came behind her and plunged the hook into her back.

She twisted around with a snarl and distorted, inhuman face. Just as I was about to defend Dean from her rage, Sam had scurried to his feet, grabbed the knife he dropped and drove it into her ribs.   
She shrieked and heaved, dying like any normal person and dropped to the cold floor.

It was then time to address the elephant in the room.

I lowered to floor, the empty bleeding hole in my face becoming unbearable, but Dean grabbed another knife and brandished it at Sam.

"Dean...its me." he pleaded.

Dean stalked him like a predator, backing him around the room.  
"You are _not_ my brother..."

"Just listen!"

"What are you?!"

"I'm me, Dean. Look, please, just let me explain."

"Why the hell should I believe anything you say?"

  
"Okay, okay. You want the truth? Here it is. Here it is. God's honest. She was right. There's something wrong with me, really wrong. I've known it for a while. I lied to you. Yeah. And...I let you guys get turned by those vamps. Because I _knew there was a cure, Dean_ , and we _needed_ in that nest! And I knew you could handle it!"

  
"Handle it?! We could've died! I could've killed Ben. Hazel killed her friends!"

  
"And that should stop me cold. But I... I just don't _feel_ it."

"You what?"

  
"Ever since I came back, I am a better hunter than I've ever been! Nothing scares me anymore! 'Cause I can't _feel_ it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think... I need help."

In some small way as I listened, that put me at ease. Knowing he was aware that something was wrong and that he knew he needed help. But Dean was shredding up inside.

At first thought maybe Dean had backed down, but it quickly escalated into him beating Sam.  
And I mean _beating him._ Helpless on the floor while Dean punched him until he finally got a knockout.   
Shaking, he finally got up and came to me.  
"You alright?" he asked softly, taking my hand and helping me up.

"I swear to God...if one more monster pokes my eyes out, I'm filing a complaint."


	25. Soulless and Servitude

I passed out on the way back to the hotel after straining from blood loss to help Dean force Sam's giant ass into the Impala.   
I sensed it was early morning from deep under the covers I was engulfed in, and my eye socket was stuffed with gauze, strapped to my head by a scrap cloth. By the smell I figured it was one of Dean's shirts.

I moaned as my waking brain remembered I was in terrible pain.

"Hey, dont worry Haze, Cas is coming." I heard Dean tell me.

Pushing the pain aside, I tried to see with my mind what was going on.

But nothing happened. Shock and excitement rippled through me as I reached a flooring conclusion.   
Without my other eye.. I could not have visions.

All my other psychic senses seemed to be functioning. I could feel Dean's anxiety, get a sense that Sam was unconscious and in the room. I could even tell that my telekinesis would work if I tried it.

The longer I thought about it, the more relieved I was. I hated my visions. Sure they were helpful, but but it was curse I didn't ask for and didnt want.

I heard a flutter of wings and felt Castiel enter the space.   
"You're right, he looks terrible. You did this?"

I heard Sam groan and stir and begin to wake up.  
"Cas..? What...let me go!"

A chair creaked and rocked. They had him tied up.  
At that point I pulled the blanket down and poked my head out to watch the three men.

"Has he been feverish?"

"Have you?"

"No. Why?"

"Are you speaking in tongues?"

"No! What are you...Are you diagnosing me?"

"You better hope he can."

My pain boiled to a steam and I couldn't contain it anymore, moaning and drawing their unwelcomed attention.  
Cas was the first of course to come to me as I crawled out of the covers to sit up and hold my hand over the makeshift eyepatch.

"Hazel what...your eye!" Cas said urgently but quietly. He reached a hand out to touch me and make it all better, but I pulled away and shot a nervous glare at him with my remaining eye.

"Dont..." I warned, if not begged.

He looked hurt and confused. As if he thought I didn't want to be touched at all.

"I dont want it back," I whispered more to myself than him. Full of pity and understanding, he gave a slight nod. He knew why.

"At least let me heal it, you're still bleeding and in a great deal of pain I imagine. " he said, and touched my head tenderly.

In an instant the pain was gone, and the gauze felt loose and and itchy inside my eyelid.  
I reached up to pull it all off, finding the empty space healed and painless, my useless eyelid staying shut as a reflex. I whispered my thanks to him as he left me to return to his purpose.

All better, however half blind, I sprang up to go get cleaned up and dressed. I didn't bother looking in the mirror. I didnt want to see the inside of my own skull.

"How much do you sleep?" Cas asked Sam as I reentered the room.

"I dont."

"At all?" Dean confirmed in surprise.

"Not since I got back. "

"And it never occurred to you that there might be something off about that?!"

"Of course it did, Dean. I-I just never told you."

I shared Dean's concern. Our suspicions were correct. Something was very, very wrong with our baby brother.

"Sam..." Cas began, " what are you feeling?"

He scoffed. "I feel like my nose is broken."

"No that's a physical sensation...how do you _feel_ _?_ "

I stepped forward between Cas and Dean. "He doesn't, " I answered the question, "I haven't felt a single genuine emotion from him since he's been back."

They both looked at me in awe. Particularly Castiel. He knew something, or thought he did. He sighed . "This will be unpleasant..."

What happened next I didnt know was possible.  
Castiel reached inside Sam's abdomen, like passing through a veil, causing an electrifying amount of pain and screams.

"Find anything?" Dean asked.

"No."

"That's good right?"

"I'm afraid not...physically he's perfectly healthy. "

"Then what?"

"Its his soul...its gone."

☆☆☆☆☆

After a considerable amount of arguing over how well we could trust Sam, we realized we still had a bone to pick with the Alpha vampire, and with Samuel.   
When I reached out to him, I discovered he had been recaptured somehow, and was right back in compound. Something told me he let them do it. Knowing I would come eventually so he could keep pestering me. A creature like him, especially amped on Seer blood, wasnt easily caught and contained.

Cas came with us, because we needed find out if Samuel didnt have a soul either since they both seemed to have been risen by the same force.

The angel cavity search went on just fine, shocking Samuel to learn his grand son's soul was still in the cage with Lucifer.,

After that, Castiel pulled me aside while the boys delved further into compound to snoop and wait for Samuel to leave the interrogation of the vampire.

"Should you be doing this?" he asked me. I was confused at first, but then it hit me that Dean must have snitched what I'd said to Veritas.

I rolled my eye, its counter part now covered with a tasteful leather patch.   
"I'm fine.." I insisted. It wasn't a lie, because I didnt know for sure.

"You lied to me." he said with hurt, and shaking his head, "you really wanted to be one of them?"

I bit my lips. "I wanted an escape, Castiel. My brothers are hanging in there but...I'm not handling life very well. I never have, and you know that."

"Drug use is not the same as turning your back on humanity. On _me."_

 _"_ I didn't do it, Cas! I told him no! Why are you giving me shit over this? " I snapped.

He sighed and was defeated by that.   
"I suppose your right."

But I wasnt finished. He wanted confessions, he was going to get it.

"I'm _miserable,_ Cas. I'm...I'm a murderer, for one. And I'll never be held accountable for that.I'm thief, a drug addict, and a criminal.. The apocalypse I was destined to be apart of...how much did I _actually_ help? What did I do except cause more problems? And you...I have to deal with _you_ coming around every corner, to help Dean. You can sneak around for _him_ , but not for me.   
You know how I feel, Castiel? Worthless, wretched...like I dont belong here anymore. _That_ is why I considered staying vampire. Because at least I could be honest."

By the end of my rant I was shaking with my back to him.

"You're not giving yourself any credit... you are..." I heard him stepping closer , "the most determined, even stubborn, selfless, and pure of heart of all us.  
A heroic heart. You might think because of some mistakes that you don't deserve to live among us... But the truth is, we dont deserve to live among you."

I sobbed lightly and pretended to ignore his praise.

"I have known you... all your life, Hazel. I am older than the _Earth.._ so trust my words when I tell you...you are _not_ evil."  
An arm made its way across my collar and pulled me into his. My head tucked under his chin. I held onto his arm with a squeeze.  
"You may hate yourself, " he whispered into my hair, "but you are loved. And wanted. And needed..."

With that, he was gone.

☆☆☆☆☆

At last we found time to creep into the dungeon, and like deja vu we were facing arguably the king of monsters.   
I kept my back to wall, as far from the thing as I could. But I felt him watching me, smiling at the power he had over me.

" So you're really it. The first of your species." Sam said to him. 

" The very first."

" But if you're the first... who made you?" 

" We all have our mothers. Even me." He replied with a grin.

" What does that mean?" Dean asked. A good question. To think that something like him originated from something even older was disturbing. 

The Alpha Vampire chuckled and didnt answer. 

"And what's with the big surge of vamps lately? I mean, it's like --" Dean continued. 

" Like we're going to war?"

"Why? " Sam asked, "What's going on? Why did Samuel bring you here?"

The vampire sniffed at the air.  
"You smell cold. " he said eerily, "You have no soul. What an oddity. Do you feel how empty you are? What is it like to have no soul? Answer _my_ question."

"You first. You're the one in the cage."

Alpha Vampire rolled his eyes ever so slightly, "The thing about souls -- If you've got one, of course -- is they're predictable. You die, you go up or down. Where do my kind go?"

" All right, enough with the sermon, freak." Dean snarled. Again with the monster taunting. 

Alpha was growing impatient, "I'm trying to answer the question. Now, when we "freaks" die... where do we go? Not heaven, not hell. So?"

"Legoland?"

The creature sighed. "Little rusty on our Dante, boys?"

" Purgatory..." Sam inferred after thoughtful pause.

"Purgatory? " Dean repeated, "Purgatory's real?"

"Oh, stupid cattle, " he said laughing, "Of course! And it is filled with the soul of every hungry thing like me that ever walked this earth. Now, where is it? That is the mystery. And that is what your kindhearted granddaddy is trying to beat out of me."

"Samuel brought you here... to find out where Purgatory is?" Sam said.

Alpha Vampire shrugged. "I keep telling him -- how would I know such a thing? But he refuses to untie me."

"You know exactly where it is. Why does Samuel care about any of this?"

" He doesn't care. He does as he is told."

"Well, if the old man's Kermit..." Dean said, " whose hand's up his ass?"

☆☆☆☆☆

Eventually we were caught, and escorted upstairs by my brother's cousin's with guns. Dean was furious, understandably. Personally, I wasnt surprised. A hunter as talented as Samuel, wasnt someone I would normally trust.

"Wow, you know, I have seen some stupid in my time," Dean scolded, "but you take the crown. Putting Jaws in a fishbowl? How do you think that's gonna end? I don't know what kind of game you're running --"

"What, do you think I'm doing this for kicks?" His grandfather snapped back. 

"I think you've got the rest of these feebs convinced that you're John Wayne. So whatever you're doing, whatever you're hiding... it's gonna put you and everyone around you in the ground."

While they wasted time arguing, the alpha escaped, killing Gwen and resulting in a revelation that Christian was _not Christian._

There came a slow clapping as a new face entered the room. I sensed his darkness but with only the one eye, I couldn't see his true face. 

"Well, that was dramatic." Crowley said, "Hello, boys. What an unexpected treat."

"Bring Christian back now." Samuel demanded.

"I'm sorry?" the demon said.

"My nephew! The one you just crammed a demon into!"

" Oh. No. I had him possessed ages ago. Samuel, really. I keep an eye on my investments."

" Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait." Dean said," You two know each other?:

"Not in the biblical sense. More of a business relationship, I'd say." Crowley replied. 

"You're Crowley's bitch." Sam said.

"It's not what you think."

"It's precisely what you think. That alpha he's caught me is getting him a gold star."

"Since when do you give a crap about vampires?" Dean asked.

"Since, uh... What's today, Friday? Since, let's see ...mind your business."

"You may as well share with the class, Crowley." Sam said, " We know you're looking for Purgatory."

"So you heard about that?"

"Yeah. You want to tell us why?" I finally chimed in. He looked at me in a way that many monsters did. Like a prize just out of reach.

"Isn't it obvious? Location, location, location. I'm a developer. Purgatory is vast, underutilized, and hell-adjacent, and I want it."

"What for?" I pressed. 

"Best shut your gob. Employees don't question management."

"We ain't your employees." Dean sneered.

"Of course you are! Have been for some time now, thanks to gramps. I don't keep Captain Chromedome around for his wit, do I? Samuel knows things. More than any of you, actually. Walking encyclopedia of the creepy and the crawly. And I knew... You two are so hung up on family-loyalty nonsense, he said jump, you'd get froggy."

"Yeah, well, the game's over." Dean said.

"Yeah, well, afraid not, not if you want to see Sam's soul ever again."

Sam scoffed "You're bluffing."

"Tell them, Samuel." Crowley said.

"He pulled us both back, me and Sam."

"No, Cas says it takes big-time mojo to pull something like that off, and you're nothing but a punk-ass crossroads demon." I spat at him.

" _Was_ a punk-ass crossroads demon. Now? King of hell," he corrected, "Believe me, I've got the mojo. I snap my fingers, Sam gets his soul back. Or you can be...You, and I shove Sam right back in the hole. Can't imagine what it's like in there... and I can imagine so many things. So, we clear? Me, Charlie... you, angels. Job's simple enough -- bring me creatures. Aim high on the food chain, please. Everybody wins. It's been a pleasure. See you soon."

And he was gone.


	26. Facing Your Demons

I was furious with Crowley, we all were. But _I_ _knew_ he was lying. I just couldnt see why. Something deep in my bones knew that this whole mess smelled fishy. My brother's were going to play along, do what they're told, for the sake of Sam's soul.

But me? I didnt believe for a second that he could get his soul out of the cage. Nor did I believe that he was the one to resurrect Sam in the first place.   
Demons had no power over life, only death.  
The only way Crowley could have managed that, is if someone made a deal for it. Even then, Lucifer's cage was made by God. No punk ass king of hell was getting in there, deal or no deal.

I refused to join my brothers in their monster quest. I thought I'd be met with arguments, but even soulless Sam thought it was a good idea that I stayed out of it.

But I wasnt staying out of it.

In fact I was digging deeper, myself and my car on the road finding and kidnapping demons. I was still terrified of and traumatized by their faces, but I couldnt see them anymore and I was ready to face them now. Castiel was right about one thing, I was a very determined individual.

So here I was, not unlike Bobby in his own house when he was trying to get Crowley's name and get his soul back.

I had my own little dungeon in my house, adjacent to the panic room. Complete with devil's trap and a table full of non demon-friendly items.

With one tied down and stuck in the center of my trap, I splashed holy water into his face. Steam and screams bellowed.  
"Ahhh! I don't know anything!" he insisted angrily.

"No?" I crossed my arms, "I didn't see you at his house last year? You must be important if he kept you that close."

"Look bitch, " he seethed through his teeth, black eyes wild, "Nobody knows how he did it. He's after purgatory. That's all I know. That's all _anyone_ knows!"

I clicked my tongue in dissproval, then smashed a handful of salt in his eye. More cries of agony, inhuman and jarring.

"Ok..." I said with a frown, "Maybe you dont know...But surely you know _something."_

The demon shook his head. "Listen, cyclops. All I know is we guard the monsters. He grills them. He hardly ever leaves the place! And when he does, know one knows what he's doing."

That caught my interest. "So...he's sneaking around, even on you parasites?"

The demon nodded shakily.

"Hmmm..."

"I think...and this is...just a hunch. I think he's been meeting with someone. Probably whomever is _actually_ responsible for springing the old man and your brother. "

"A hunch, huh? Why?" I asked, shaking him by the collar.

"I heard him on the phone, " he said, "talking about a partnership. Something about keeping their secret from both sides. "

I narrowed my eye at him. "Both sides...? You mean heaven and hell?"

I whipped away from him, pacing back and forth.  
"It has to be an angel..." I mumbled to myself, "one of Raphael's followers. "

Then I grinned at the abomination before me, before starting the exorcism.   
☆☆☆☆☆☆

I set up holy oil circles all over the yard, a tin lighter at the ready and determined to get to the bottom of all this bullshit.  
Taking a deep, meditative breath, I opened a prayer.

"Any angels under that sad sack Raphael listening?" I called out.   
"I'm here, at the old house. Come on, don't tell me none of you want a peice of this..."

I waited for what felt like forever, concerned they may be rallying to take me in. Or just ignoring me.

Then I felt a presence at last, and the very same angel that once watched over me in my "igloo" set up by Michael appeared.

"You're either very stupid, or suicidal." she told me smugly.  
I swallowed, noticing she was standing just barely inside one of my many circles.

I then smirked. "Both, usually. " I said.

"You're lucky an entire garrison didnt respond to an open prayer like that. " she said, taking a few steps towards me, leaving one circle and entering another. "What did you hope to accomplish?"

She pulled out her blade and I couldn't wait any longer. I ignited my lighter and threw it down in the oil.

She hollered in fury at me. "What is this!? How dare you!?"

"Who is working with Crowley?" I began to interrogate, "it's one of you, I know it."

She scoffed. "An angel, working with a demon? You can't be serious."

"Deadly..." I hissed, "and if it's not you, you must have some idea who it might be. "

Now she laughed...arrogantly. "As if anyone under the rightful ruler's command would need to stoop so low..."

It was getting darker, the clouds thicker. Rumbling in the distance. I needed to hurry and get to my panic room before the rain washed away the holy fire.

"THINK.." I shouted.

"Oh. I am. And I think you're asking the wrong side of this war."

"What are you talking about?"

" _We_ are not desperate. Not like those fighting at Castiel's side," she insisted, "I wouldn't be surprised if it was he himself."

I shook my head. "Cas wouldn't do that. "

Lightning suddenly cracked the sky above us, the humidity reaching a breaking point. The angel smiled and looked up. "Better run now, Seer. You have less than two minutes. "

Clenching my fist, I knew I wasnt done. "What do you know about Purgatory?"

She looked at me funny. "Its a myth. Even if it was real, there's no way in. It would exist outside the known plains of reality."

The rain began to fall, slowly at first as I reeled with my thoughts before realizing I needed to move. But I was pretty far from the porch, and had to hurry.

It abruptly started pouring as I ran, tripping on a rut in the ground. I looked back to see the angel stepping ever so casually out of the dousing flames.

Just as I picked myself up, she was upon me. Practically ripping my arm off turning me around to punch me. Twice.

I went down hard. I kicked at her and tried to scramble away, knowing full well that human vs angel was futile.   
She flipped me over and straddled my torso, blade poised.   
"To think Michael thought you deserved to live." She spat cruelly at me, "You're pathetic. A self loathing, greedy little maggot. All you ever did with your life was indulge in drugs, thievery and violence."

I coughed under the force of her knee digging into my sternum, and the raindrops pounding into my face and making their way into my sinuses and lungs. "I should kill you slowly...teach Castiel a lesson. Let him find your mangled corpse."

She cut my face, toying with me.  
"He is a better angel, " I said gasping as her hand held me down by the throat, "than any of you can ever be."

"You Winchesters...always the martyr." she said through her teeth.

"You angels," I sneered back mockingly, "always the mindless, repressed, little toy soldiers."  
If I was going down like this, it wouldn't be without my fair share of smartass remarks.  
"You all think you're righteous, " I grunted, struggling to push her armed hand up and prevent the stabbing, "think you're something special because you've got wings. You're not special...you were just first. You all hate Lucifer. But at least he was honest with himself. You're all just pissy little toddlers; mad because God.. loves..us more."

Just as I was about to accept death, another angel blade erupted from her mouth spraying blood its wake on my face, originating from the back of her head. Her grace burned out through her eyes and lips, and her attacker ripped her off me before the blast wave could hurt me.

Castiel, of course, stood over me instead, his expression hard and his hand outstretched to help me up.  
The rain continued to come down loudly like the sky was falling.  
We were both getting drenched.  
"Cas..." was all I could say. I knew he'd be upset with me, but I was glad to see him nonetheless.

"What the hell are you doing!?" he asked loudly over the beating rain.

"Getting answers! Cas...there's an angel helping Crowely, I just _know it."_

He gripped my bare wet shoulders, poorly dressed in a tank top, face scrunched in an almost exaggerated manner.   
"What are you talking about it?"

"I did the math," I replied, shivering, "there is no way he rose those guys on his own."

He was still angry, but he softened a bit. "What did you plan to do with the answers if you were _dead,_ Hazel? This was foolish."

"Maybe. But this is _your_ problem, " I said, poking his chest, "you have to find out who's doing this. It could be any of them, not just Raphael's followers. "

His face lowered, and I felt him shut me out of his mind. There was something suspicious about that.   
"Maybe it's a good thing you lost your eye. All you do with knowledge is act reckless. " That stung. He'd never talked to me like that before.

Without another word, he gently pushed and pulled me with him to the porch and inside the house. The cool air conditioning gave me a hard shiver.   
Looking at my hands that I'd almost lost to frostbite a year ago, they were unnaturally pale, loosing circulation fast. Cas noticed too, and held them both between his hands, sending warmth and dryness across our bodies in a quick burst.   
It wasn't a perfect fix. The angel didnt have full control over such things; only on himself. He was completely dry but my clothes and hair were still damp. I touched my face, subconsciously making sure it was healed too. No matter how many times he did it, the healing always surprised me.

I began stripping and walking away at the same time. By the time I'd reached my bedroom and was in the middle of removing my last garment, underwear, I sensed Cas in the room with me.   
"Anything else?" I asked a little harshly, pulling a thin, white night shirt over my head. It reached my knees, the top buttons were undone and I was still pretty much naked without actually being exposed. I'd been conditioned long ago not to be shy with my body around him. He didnt typically view human nudity the same way other humans did. I was comfortable with him.  
"I will investigate this alleged traitor." he said quietly from the doorway. I turned around with a sigh and lifted myself up to sit on my desk.

"Good," I said dismissively, "you do that. " I didnt know why I had so much attitude with him at that moment. Especially after he'd just saved my life for the millionth time.

I grew nervous inexplicably as he came closer, eyes peeling me apart more than usual. Sometimes I think it would easier if I didnt know he still loved me. It would be easier if he would look at me with disgust. Easier if I could just hate him and he hate me.

"I'm sorry..." he said unexpectedly.

"For?"

"It is true you are reckless, but I know you're only ever trying to do what's right. I shouldn't have yelled at you."

I nodded, but I was still on edge, not understanding why he kept his mind closed. "Is that all?"

"No," his voice deepened as he came even closer, eventually brushing my knees against his coat. With him standing and me on the desk, we were at eye level. "I think...I think I was wrong to...leave you."

I blinked dumbly. "What?"

He sighed and brushed my messy hair aside and off my eyepatch with his fingertips. "Its..terrible timing but...I dont want to torture you or myself anymore."

I was dumbfounded, as if I didnt understand English. Distracted by him finally reopening himself and letting me feel all the intense emotional affection radiating from him.  
Fingers traced my collar, giving me chills.   
When Castiel touched me, for him it was never sexual. He always seemed to be more intrigued and in awe of me like appreciating art work.   
Which is why I was thrown off and breathless when I felt quite the opposite from him.  
This was different.

"It's for the best...like you said, " I offered reluctantly. In my deepest logic, I knew at the time when he broke up with me officially that he was right. And now he changed his mind? Crush all the resolve I'd been working to build?

He laid hands on my knees, eyes down and unreadable until they followed his hands up my hips then flicked to my face. The sorrow and determination was apparent.  
"You've been in mortal danger many times and yet...moments ago, when I saw you helpless on the ground...an angel blade at your heart..." his voice grew increasingly shaky, breaking his usual monotone to pieces, "I realized I've wasted so much time running away from you."

I smiled shyly, then managed to conjure some attitude, rolling my eye. "Are you saying that you cant live without me?" I teased, feeling like I'd won this game between us at last. In truth, I was fighting my pain and conflicts with humor.

He chuckled, gently taking the back of my head and hair in his hands.  
"I'm saying I would very much like to kiss you, now."

I swore my heart stopped, my legs instinctively opening to let him closer.  
I gave my silent consent up, and drowned in him the moment his lips touched mine.   
It was sweet, tender, at first. But it quickly escalated with hunger and we held each other desperately. Devouring.

Neither of us were experienced in the matter, and yet all the sudden were unashamed experts. His hands slid all over me, exploring every part aching for attention. A lustful fire grew in me.  
Meanwhile I had slipped his trenchcoat off his shoulders and let it slide to the floor.

He got a grip on my bottom and lifted me, my legs automatically wrapping around his waist, pressing my hungry womanhood against him.  
Suddenly I felt a break in the passion between us and he lifted his eyes to mine.  
"Sorry...we dont have to.." he trailed off, losing confidence.   
I smiled softly. "Shh..Its ok." I consented.   
I always thought I'd be nervous when this finally happened, but I felt more ready than ever. He kissed me again then buried himself in the crook of my neck. "I love you, " he whispered, his breath tickling my throat.

I rubbed his head and neck appreciatively. "I love you too, Castiel." I said, forming joyous tears.

In a blink, the little cheater had zapped us to my bed, our clothes magically gone and his hard body on top of mine.  
Breathless, our kiss broke at the lips and he began to peck and nuzzle all around my face, neck, and collar. Appreciating every inch of my skin while his hands explored me.

"I just want to show you how much.." came a husky remark as he returned to my lips.  
He distracted me for a long while with his endless kisses, likely sensing my increasing anxiety while his was fading away. I never thought that _he_ would be the confident one.   
Before I could prepare myself, drowning in his mouth, he pushed slowly inside me until I was full.

I gasped, expecting pain, but instead I felt complete. Safe.  
He held me close to him, our faces touching, and made love to me.

☆☆☆☆☆

Naked and warm between a blanket and a truly angelic chest, I was beyond content. I even dozed off breifly. Woken by the feeling of fingers stroking my scalp front to back through my thick hair.

I smiled up into the face I loved, stared into the eyes I adored. "Dont you have somewhere to be?" I teased quietly.

"Havent heard anything. " he replied, "but yes I will have to leave soon."

It hadn't sank in till just then that I'd lost my virginity to an angel. And thanks to him there was no pain, no bleeding. It was better than anyone could ask for. So gentle and loving. I didn't know he had that in him. I almost felt guilty, because I too had taken his innocence. But I think perhaps that happened long ago when he fell in love with me.   
I snuggled closer. "Let's stay right here, forever. " I suggested.

He grinned and kissed my nose.  
"I could do that."

Just then my phone started ringing on the vanity, the obnoxious vibration on the hard surface enough to irritate anyone as content as we were.  
With incredible laziness, I merely lifted my hand in the air and brought it to my palm with my power.  
The caller ID said Little Big Bro 2; Sammy. I ignored it and flopped my head back down.

"That could be important," Cas scolded me playfully.

"If it is, he'll call _you_ next. " I groaned into his neck. I really didn't want to get up. Do anything. Didn't want to leave this perfect place we were in.

A few minutes passed in content silence, until Castiel's phone started ringing from his pile of clothes on the floor.   
"Noooo," I moaned childishly, clinging to him.

He chuckled at me and slipped out from under me to check it.

"Sam again?" I asked.

"Yes. It appears I missed the call. I should call back..."  
I forced myself out of bed, not bothering to cover up.

"No come onnn.."I whined hanging on his neck, "let's go get breakfast. Forget them. They'll be fine."

He shook his head at me. "Since when does the morning meal matter to you more than your brothers?"

"Nothing matters more than my morning coffee, I can tell you that. I'd let _you_ die if it meant I could have it. " I joked.  
"Oh really?" he said back mischievously.

I squealed as he threw an arm around around my waist and speared me back into the bed. As we bounced he held me down as I struggled, laughing. "Let me die over coffee..." he muttered, pinning my arms above my head with one hand.  
"If I'm not mistaken, Hazel Rose Winchester is particularly ticklish rightttt...here!"

He fondled the lower side crease of my ab muscles with his fingertips, making me squall with laughter and wriggle helplessly.   
While he tortured me, both our phones started ringing again. He finally stopped, kissing me before I could catch my breath, and let up off me.

I got dressed, deciding to switch things up a bit and wear a short, thin camouflage jacket over a black tank that was too small and showed off my belly. Then picked out faded black jeans. Form fitting but comfortable and stretchy.

When I exited the closet, Cas had a serious look on his face. "What?"

"Now he's praying. " he replied, "its important. "

I rolled my eye. "Fine, but coffee first."

☆☆☆☆☆

"I'm here Sam, where is the box?"

Cas brought me to my brothers, and we stood on an empty road next to an abandoned house where Sam stood for his prayer. I sipped at my Scooter's coffee, looking at my brother expectantly.

"I can't believe you fell for that, " Sam said laughing, "that was the plot for Raiders, idiot."

Neither of us were amused. "I was _busy,_ Sam." Cas scorned. I giggled quietly into my straw. Yeah...real busy. With the best day of our lives.

"I dont give a rat's ass about your pissing match with Raphael." Sam spat.

"Listen to me, Sam-"

"No, you listen! I don't care what you're dealing with up in Heaven. You owe me."

"You may not care, but believe me -"

"I'm sorry, do you think we're here to talk this out?"

  
I glared at him. "Sam..." I warned. This soulless thing was getting old.

" If you don't help us, I will hunt you down and kill you."  
That struck a nerve, for both of us. Cas sauntered closer and got in his face.  
" Will you, boy? How?"

"I don't know yet. But I will look until I find out, and I don't sleep."

I grit my teeth and made a hard step towards him, ready to do something about his smart mouth. Cas caught my arm.

"You need help, Sam." he said, letting me go.

"I need _your h_ elp."

He turned from us, and we had no choice after that to follow him into the house.  
Immediately I smelled sulfur. A demon had been there. I wrinkled my nose and looked around to see Dean nonchalantly sitting around.

  
"Wow, you actually showed. I owe Sam a chicken dinner. "

"Was...there a demon here?" I asked him.

"Yeah, uh, Meg. I guess she's gonna help us. I guess..."

"What!?"  
My jaw dropped.

"I know, I know, " Dean attempted to coax, "it wasnt my idea, I'm sorry."

"You're fucking kidding me..." I spat, crossing my arms. "Her and those dogs are what got my ass tortured near to death!"

Cas squeezed my hip. We both remembered all too well the state I was in when he found me. He shared my distaste for the demon bitch.

Dean sighed apologetically. "I know Haze, and she's the reason Jo and Ellen are dead too. But she's after Crowley, same as us. We need her help. Just like we need Cas. And you."

☆☆☆☆☆

Castiel first tried to locate Crowley via spellwork, but it failed. Crowley was under protection.

Then my brothers zapped over to Samuel's to snoop around for clues in his office. They were caught, and after a heated argument, thrown out.

So we sat around the decrepit shack of a house with our thumbs up our asses and out of ideas.   
My brothers and I sat around the table, doing our best at researching while Castiel sat in front of the analog TV.  
"Its very complex..." he muttered to himself.

"Mm hmm.." Dean responded distractedly. No one was actually aware of what Cas was talking about.

"If the pizza man truly loves this babysitter, why does he keep slapping her rear?" My concentration broke and I spit out beer, choking, "perhaps she's done something wrong..."

"Why are you watching porn!?" Dean asked.

"It was just...there."

"You dont watch porn in a room full of dudes. Or your lady friend for that matter. And you dont talk about it...Just shut it off!"

But he was too entranced to listen, and looked down into his lap.

"Great, now he has boner.." Dean exasperated.

I giggled and shook my head. The angel was curious. Despite what happened the night before, he was pretty clueless about human sexuality.

There was a knock at the door, surprising all of us, except Cas who was still in la la land.  
Dean gripped his pistol and carefully opened it, to find none other than Samuel behind it.

"This what you boys do? Sit around watching porn with angels?" he said, stepping into the room, wide eyed at what he was seeing.

"Were not supposed to talk about it. " Cas informed him.

I rolled my eyes got up to flip the switch off the TV. "That's enough," I said trying not to laugh and patted his head like a puppy.  
"Am I supposed to be slapping your rear?" My face dropped and burned up at the cheeks. I didnt have an answer for that, and simply walked away.   
Dean gave us both a disgusted look before returning his attention to his grandfather.

"Why are you here Samuel?"

"Its what Mary would want..." he said soberly and laid a map down on the table, " now this is what I know. Whatever we bag ends up there. That's where he tortures 'em, interrogates 'em, I don't really know. Only been outside the place, but it's a death trap. Nothing gets in that Crowley doesn't want in, and nothing gets out, period."

☆☆☆☆☆

Samuel left us to our own devices, unwilling to take on a suicide mission. It was alright. Suicide missions were our thing.

Dean and I were loading, sharpening, and packing weapons and supplies into a bag for the imminent quest, while Sam was outside.

"You could help, ya know." Dean told Cas, who essentially stood around watching and waiting.

"I'm ambivalent about we're attempting. " he replied. I narrowed my eye at him from across the room.

Dean shrugged in agreement . "Well, breaking into monster Gitmo is not exactly a two-for-one in the champagne room."

Cas sighed." I’m not sure retrieving Sam’s soul is wise."

Both Dean and I were taken aback. "Wait, what? Why?"

"I want him to survive."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Sam’s soul has been locked in the cage with Michael and Lucifer for more than a year. And they have nothing to do but take their frustrations out on him. You understand? If we try to force that mutilated thing down Sam’s gullet, we have no idea what will happen. It could be catastrophic."

"You mean he dies..." Dean suggested. 

Cas shook his head. "I mean, he doesn’t. Paralysis. Insanity. Psychic pain so profound that he’s locked inside himself for the rest of his life."

"But you’re saying you don’t know anything for sure. I mean, he could be fine." I said, getting up from the table and approaching anxiously. 

"He could be, yes."

"Okay then." Dean said, satisfied. 

"But I sincerely doubt it." Cas continued. 

" Well, if he’s not fine, then you fix him." 

" Dean... I wouldn’t know where to begin."

" Then you figure it out, Cas. Come on." Dean replied, getting bitter with the negativity, "I mean, the guy’s a frigging replicant. He needs his soul. Look, we get it back. And if there are complications, then we will figure out a way to deal with those, too."

"Of course...or Sam suffers horrifically..."

It was my turn to say something.   
"He's _already_ suffering, Cas. The real Sam is still in the cage." I said, touching his chest and looking up at him encouragingly, "no matter what happens to him up here, we cant let him stay down there. What if it was me? "

His resolve trembled at that, and I knew I'd won.   
"I'd do everything I could..." he muttered sadly.

☆☆☆☆☆

  
It was finally time to meet Meg and her goons outside Crowley's fortress, in the middle of the night.

I was instantly on edge, the darkness coming off the demons making me uneasy. Meg in particular disturbed me the way she analyzed everything with that dark, sultry stare.

She grinned playfully when she laid eyes on Castiel, upsetting me further.  
"Remember me? I sure remember you, Clarence. "

Cas looked away, annoyed.   
"Why are we working with these abominations?"

"Keep talking dirty, " she said, "makes my meat suit all dewy."

I made a step towards her involuntarily, caught casually by both Sam and Cas and stopped before I made a scene.

"Alright simmer down," Dean ordered us. "Crowley's inside, so let's get this over with."

"Great, see you later." Meg said and turned to leave us. Sam snatched her arm.

"We're all going together. " he said.

"What, I'm supposed to trust you?"

"No, you're not that stupid. Now give me the knife for a minute."

"No I'm not that stupid."

"You want our help or not?"

She rolled her eyes and reluctantly handed it to him. Almost instantly Sam jammed the thing into one of the demons alongside her, dropping him dead.  
"You saw him, he was more interested in killing us than getting the job done. I just did us all a favor." was his defense to our looks of disbelief.

"Hey, you just gonna keep that?" Meg whined to Sam.

"You took it from us, now I'm taking it back. "

I frowned and nodded in approval. Sometimes soulless Sam had its uses.

Dean looked around at the huge building down the hill. "Seems quiet." he said.

"Its not." Cas and I both said.

I could feel so much fear and torment, power and hunger from the place it was like it was alive.

"Meet me at the side door ." Cas said and dissapeared.

We walked quietly to the door indicated where Cas was waiting inside to let us in.  
"This all seem a little too easy?" Dean whispered to me and Sam.

"Way too easy..." I concurred, "I don't like it."

The hallway from the door opened up into a much larger one, lined with prison cells of different varieties. All filled with monsters. Snarling, banging, crying. A female djin in a more open cell begged for us to let her out.   
I pitied her. She looked so human. So afraid and broken. I couldn't help but stop and touch the bars and look at her.  
"Please...please help me..." she begged me, tears streaming down her dirty face. I tried my hardest to remember that djin killed people. That she wasn't just some victim.  
"Come on Haze," Dean whispered, touching my arm, "we gotta move."

We'd gotten passed the cells, and came across more a more plain and well lit corridor, following Castiel's direction.   
He suddenly stopped all of us and turned back to look behind. "Wait..." he said ominously.

I sensed something too. Something far more savage than the feelings in the cells before.

"What is it?" Dean asked, looking at both of us staring down the hall.

My stomach twisted and dropped at the sound of distant barking and growling echoing off the walls.

"Damn it.." Meg said, "here come the guards. "

"Hell hounds..." Dean said, sharing my anxiety. I grabbed his arm.

"We gotta go. Now!"

We made a run for the next set of doors, the demon lackeys that came with Meg falling behind.   
The rest of us managed to get through and slam the doors shut, wedging the handles locked with a piece of wood that was luckily on the floor.  
But it wasn't going to hold.

Fearful but clearheaded, I slapped my hands on the blood soaked glass windows and used my power to hold the doors. The dogs feverishly pushing back against me. I grunted and strained with all my might.  
Even though I still had telekinesis with only one eye, it wasnt near as strong as it once was.

"I knew this was a trap!" Dean hissed.

"What do you want, a cupcake?" Meg came with sarcasm.

"Hazel can keep them out." Sam said.

I gasped and buckled slightly as the beasts threw themselves at the door.  
"Not for long..." I groaned, "if I let go we won't have much time before that wood breaks. "

"How many are there?" Dean asked Meg.

"Lots. I'll be pulling for you...from Cleveland."

"What!?"

"I didn’t know this was gonna happen. Bright side: them chewing up my meatsuit ought to buy you a few seconds. Seacrest out."  
Meg craned her neck and opened her mouth to smoke out, but instead she stood there like an idiot with slack jaw.   
"Spell, from Crowley, I think," Cas said, "within these walls you are locked inside your body."

"Karma's a bitch, bitch. " Dean sneered.

I felt myself fading, the struggle seeping passed my telekinetic strength and into my muscles.  
"Whatever the plan is, hurry up!" I hissed.

Sam gave Meg the knife, because she could see the dogs, but she turned it down and insisted that they needed it for Crowley.   
"I'll hold off the dogs..."

"How are you going to do that?" Sam asked.

At this point I'd given up, wedged the wooden board a little more securely and stepped away just in time to see Meg grabbing Castiel by the neck.  
Her foul mouth invading his as her hands dug into his coat for his sword.  
I marched up and shoved her off into wall hard   
"Excuse you!" I snapped. She waved the blade tauntingly in the air.   
Before I could react, Castiel suddenly took my head and waist and pushed me almost roughly into the wall and kissed me harder and longer than he ever had.   
When he broke away from I was left flustered and even a little embarrassed in front of my brothers who stood in shocked silence.

"Hm..what was that?" Meg asked coyly.

"I learned that from the pizza man..." Cas replied, making me face palm.

"Well A-plus for you. Sorry cyclops, didn't realize you were into interspecies erotica. "

I snarled at her. "You volunteering for dog chow or what?"

"Yeah yeah I'm going. So run."

And we ran, not looking back to see whether or not she was torn to peices the minute the door opened.

It grew quieter the further behind we left Meg, as well as darker. We came across a pitch black stairwell, our only visibility coming from Dean's flashlight.   
"Can't see shit." I whispered, holding Castiel's arm, knowing he could see just fine, so I wouldn't miss a step.  
The room at the bottom appeared to empty and dank, where the light beam crossed.

Just as he and I reached the bottom, the angel at my side was swallowed by a blinding light, I felt his arm dissapear from my grasp.  
"Cas!?" Dean and I both exclaimed.  
Dean whipped the light to the far wall, to find Samuel, his hand on the banishing blood sigil.

"You sold us out!? " I shrieked at him,making an angry lunge from the last step. But without warning, a gaggle of demons appeared and manhandled all three of us.

"Damn you Samuel!" Dean hissed.

Crowley waltzed in from out of nowhere, as he often did.  
"Yes, and I have to say...best purchase I've made since Dick Cheney. "

"Hiya Crowley," Dean said in that face of death humor of his, "how's tricks?"

"Above your pay grade. Been working. Big things. Alas, you'll be too dead to participate." Crowley replied.

"We'll see about that..." I sneered and struggled against the two demons holding me back.

"Oh don't worry, princess. " Crowley said to me with an eerie softness, "you're not going anywhere. Shame I have to do away with your brothers, though. I rather enjoyed their indentured servitude. "

☆☆☆☆☆

The demons dragged us away kicking and screaming but it was useless. We were disarmed and thrown into separate but adjacent cells amongst the monsters.

"Sammy? Hazel?" Dean called out from the middle cell.

We both sounded off that we could hear him.   
"I'm standing in pee..." he groaned.

"Consider yourself lucky..." Sam's slightly quieter voice came.

"Fuck you guys, there's a head missing a body in mine. And its just...staring at me..."

"Yikes, that sucks. Is it alive?" Dean said.

"I dont think so...but I'm not trying to find out."

Some time passed and I heard Samuel and Dean arguing at Dean's cell window.

"You want forgiveness, find a priest."

" I just want you to understand."

"Oh, I understand… that you're a liar. You talk about putting blood first, which is funny 'cause you sound just like my dad. The difference is, he actually did."

"I am putting blood first.

"Oh, gimme a break! "

"Mary's my blood! My daughter! Don't come at me like I sold you out, Dean. You sold out your own mother. It was her or Sam, and you chose Sam, plain and simple."

"Oh, that is such crap! You wanna know what really happened? You chose a demon over your own grandsons!"

" See it how you want. I don't even know what Sam is. And you want me to protect him? And you? You're a stranger. No, really, tell me: what exactly are you supposed to be to me?"

" I'll tell you who I am. I'm the guy you never wanna see again. 'Cause I'll make it out of here, trust me. And the next time you see me, I'll be there to kill you."

"Don't think there's gonna be a next time."

"Whatever gets you through the night."

I heard footsteps, and Dean's cell opening as demons dragged him out. I slapped my cell door in fury, pushing as hard as I could with my power.  
"Dean! Dean!"  
There was absolutely no response of the metal to my power.

"Not gonna work sweetheart," Samuel said, "Crowley took extra precautions with you."

"You son of a bitch, I'll fucking kill you! "

☆☆☆☆☆

In minutes, another set of demons came to take me. I was ready for them, throwing them out the door with my power the second it opened. They didnt like that too much.

This instigated a fist fight, which I was winning for a moment, until one of them broke my hand. At that point it was pure desperation. I still swung and kicked but eventually they beat me so bad I went wobbly. Spitting blood out of my mouth.  
"Feisty ain't she?" one of them said, throwing me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing. "Come on, princess, boss would like to see you personally."

I was taken to a large open room and strapped down to a chair where Crowley was waiting.   
"Ahh, guest of honor. Been waiting for the right time to snatch you up. Instead you came on your own." He said with a devilish smirk.

"Fuck you." I spat.

"Maybe some other time." he jested calmly, "I think you know what I want?"

I scoffed. "You want my help finding purgatory. " I said with bloody mush mouth.

He smirked. "Clever girl. Yes. If you would be so kind."

I shook my aching head. "Sorry can't help you, even if I wanted to."

"And why's that?"

"One eye, zero visions."

His lips twisted in pondering. "Oh I'm sure we can find a way around that. Magic is...a boundless thing, ya know."

Suddenly a loud, blaring security alarm went off, piercing my ears.

Crowley left me alone in a hurry to investigate, while I wriggled under the rope. I took a deep breath, and worked to loosen the knots with my power. But just as I thought it was beginning to work, I short circuited like a static shock in my brain.   
"God damn it...of course he psychic proofed the room."

Next plan was to break the chair, so I rocked myself hard , back and forth for several minutes until the chair toppled backwards.   
It didnt break, but I sure hit my head on the concrete floor hard.  
"Great..."

"Need help?"

I looked up at the upside down image of my brothers, and Castiel in the doorway, Dean holding back an amused grin.

"No, I thought I'd lay here and watch the stars. " came my sarcasm.

Dean pushed me and the chair upright and started untying my sore hands while Sam worked my legs.

Once I was able to stand up, Castiel rather abruptly touched my forehead to heal me.   
He was angry, but I wasn't sure why. I got hurt on the job all the time. For some reason this was different. He felt..betrayed. I squinted at him, trying to get a better read but he quickly shut it down.  
Again being shady with his feelings.

"What happened?" I asked, brushing off my suspicion. "Is Sam...?"

Dean shook his head in despair.   
"Crowley couldn't swing it. He lied."

"What!? I'll kill that son of a-"

"Already done," Dean cut me off, with a spark of satisfaction, "Cas torched his bones."

I was deeply confused by the whole thing, but it strengthened my speculation that an angel was responsible for raising Sam and aiding Crowley.

"I guess we'll find another way," I said shrugging. I looked at Sam, with his fake face of disappointment.   
"I know you dont care either way, but we're not giving up on you Sammy."

☆☆☆☆☆

Outside the prison, we were relieved to breathe fresh air and appreciate the small victory that Crowley was dead.  
"Thanks Cas, if it hadn't been for you.." Dean said.

The angel didn't looked pleased with himself, his mind elsewhere.  
"Crowley was right, it isnt going well for me upstairs. "

"If there's anything we can do.." I said sympathetically.

"There isn't," he said sighing, " I wish circumstances were different. Much of the time I'd rather be here."   
He looked to the side at me, our fingers brushing lightly between our coats.

"Look, Cas, we know you got a steaming pile on your plate. You dont have to apologize. We're your friends." Dean assured him.

"We _will_ find another way, Sam." Cas promised.

"You want to help? " the still soulless Sam said, "building full of monsters; Cant leave em, cant let em go."

Cas nodded and looked at me sadly before kissing my hand and disappearing. I knew he wasnt coming back, for who knew how long. He'd been with me and away from heaven for awhile and it was likely not a good thing.

"He's right, you know?" Dean said to his brother as we prepared to get back in the car.

"About?"

"About your soul. We'll figure something else out."

" No, we won't."

"Why, because Crowley said –"

'You heard what Crowley said. And I heard what Cas said. Putting this thing back in would smash me to bits. '

"We don't know that for sure." I spoke up, putting my best reassurance forward, knowing full well it was useless on a soulless machine of logic.

"You know what? When angels and demons agree on something, call me nuts, I pay attention." Sam argued.

"You say this now? After we practically died trying to – " Dean was getting angry. I couldnt blame him. He was almost ghoul chow, and I was almost imprisoned..again.

"Exactly! We almost got ourselves killed. I mean, how many times do we risk our asses for this? Enough's enough."

"As many times as it takes!" I rose my voice, "Sammy you need your soul."

"I don't think I want it back."

" You don't even know what you're saying. " Dean choked in disbelief.

"No, I'm saying something you don't like. You guys obviously care, a lot. But I think maybe I'm better off without it."

" You're wrong. You don't know how wrong you are. "

"I'm not sure about that..." Sam turned from us and began to walk away, breaking my heart. I could've stopped him, thrown him in the car with my mind...but it wouldn't change anything.

"Sam, don't walk away..." Dean pleaded, "Sam! Sam!"


	27. Barriers

For the first time in way too long, I was back at Bobby's. At first he was angry with me. Cursed me out for not calling, not stopping by...the usual parental guilt trip. But the old man was so happy to have me back home he got over it pretty quick. He asked me about how my powers had changed since losing the eye, and of course about Castiel.   
I explained to him that everything _seemed_ good between us, but that he was behaving strangely in only a way I could see. That he was hiding something. Bobby shrugged it off. Calling it just another angel thing. They were all full of secrets.

I explained how I couldn't have visions, although sometimes I still had vague and useless premonitions in my dreams. It was almost as if my power as a Seer was independently trying to function without the eye, but coming up short. Seeing random, unimportant things instead of something big that seemed just beyond my reach.   
Bobby was concerned at first, that I might be missing out on something important, especially since his suspicions of weird monster activity were increasing by the day. But in the end he agreed with me. That I didnt ask to be a Seer and have the pain and burden that came with it. That it was my choice and he didnt blame me.

After a few days, Dean came to me with an insane plan for getting Sam's soul out of the cage. He was going to let himself be temporarily dead so he could try contacting Death. In theory, it was a good plan, because Death was surely the only thing that could get in and out of the cage effortlessly. Not to mention a proverbial grudge he had against Lucifer.   
Even so, it was insane.

"This may be the stupidest, smartest idea you've ever had. " I told Dean. We were hanging around the porch with an early afternoon beer in our hands. While Sam was inside with Bobby, aware that we had a plan but not informed on the details. He'd been acting relatively normal, complacent even, but didnt say much to any of us.

"I think it's our only chance, Haze." he said.

"And why cant I do it again?"

"Because I think Cas would kill me."

I chuckled. "Yeah maybe."

He looked at me softly, which he didnt do often because well...its Dean. He wasnt soft. It got to the point that he made uncomfortable.

"What?" I asked with an embarrassed smile.

"Nothing its just...I'm still kinda amazed by that." He shook his head.

"By what?"

"You and Cas." he said , filled with tender pride. "He really cares about you, I didnt think he had that in him."

For the first time, we were actually having this conversation. Dean never asked me about my relationship with the angel after finding out on the doomsday we'd shut down. I wondered how he felt about it.

I shrugged. "Sometimes I wonder if we're doing something wrong."

"Whatdya mean?"

I sighed. "He told me it was forbidden, and of course, none of us care what the angels think. But I cant help thinking maybe there's a good reason. Maybe we're crossing a line, breaking a barrier that's never supposed to be broken."

He moved in front of me, sincerity all over him inside and out. "I'm not a expert, believe me. But...love is never wrong, Hazey."

I didn't know what to say. We'd never had a heart to heart quite like this.  
"You're saying you're ok with it?"

"Cas _loves you_ ," he stated after a pause, "You love him, right?"

I nodded. "So much..."

"Ok...well love is complicated. Messy. For everyone. " he threw up his hands dramatically,   
"There's no such thing as barriers or rules. It's all...chaotic and unfair. But its also...its sometimes the only thing you have left to hang on to. You can't doubt yourself. Me and Lisa? It was never going to work. Two different worlds. But you and Cas...you've been in the same world since you were born. "

I started giggling. "Wow...that may the wisest thing you've ever said in your life little brother."

He laughed too. "Yeah well, dont get used to it. I'm about to do something that's anything _but wise. "_

I patted his chest, taking a long look at his face in case I didn't see it again.   
"Good luck."

☆☆☆☆☆

I made myself scarce that evening, thinking about what Dean had said to me as I took a stroll through the open country near Bobby's property.

He had a fair point, Dean. I was human, but I was never ordinary, even for a psychic. I was involved with angels before I was even born, destined to be murdered by them. I was apart of their world. A part of Castiel's world since I was a toddler barely able to form a sentence.

But did that mean we belonged together? Was it a good enough reason to take the risk? I wasn't concerned with the angels finding out. We'd avoided their games before. I was concerned about why exactly such a union was forbidden to begin with. Was it God's word? Or just another made up rule by the archangels? We made love and didn't explode...so what could it be?

My thoughts were shaken when I sensed an oddity in the air. It was strange because instead of feeling something, it was more like feeling a lack of something. A void. And yet it felt indifferent...peaceful.   
The open speck of pasture I'd wandered into felt darker, emptier than it should have.

"So we meet again." came a calm, but eerie voice. In my ears it was all around, but in my head it felt like it came from beyond this world.   
I turned around and came to face a skeletal looking man with black hair and robes. He was the source of the feeling of oblivion.   
I'd never seen him before, and yet I had a sense of familiarity.

"Who are you?" I asked, frozen but standing my ground calmly.

"We've met before." he answered, staring at me like he could see right through me. "Deep down, you already know. "

I blinked and thought for a moment, trusting my intuition.   
"Death..." I inferred.

He nodded slowly.

"Where's Dean?" I asked politely.

"On a little quest for me. Not to worry. I'll be returning to him shortly. "

I swallowed hard. Not out of fear, but out of the unnerving way he made me feel calm. It wasn't difficult to understand why. I wasnt afraid of death, in fact I often times welcomed it, challenged it. That's what scared me.   
"So what are doing here?"

The horseman stepped closer with remarkable grace for what appeared to be a frail frame.  
"To give you some advice. "

I raised my brow at him, not expecting that answer at all.

"No offense...um, sir...But what advice could the embodiment of death give me other than...die?"

He made something like a half grin half grimace. "Well, if you want honesty, I would certainly advice that you return to me, in good time. But that is not why I'm here."

"Ok..I'm listening..."

He actually smiled that time, barely. "I like you, you're much more respectful than your brother," he said, "I'm here to tell you that you should take your power back, as you were intended to have."

Subconsciously I touched my eyepatch. "Why?"

"Well for one, it's an incredible, god given gift to be what you are, and you've thrown it back in his face."

"Feels more like a curse..." I muttered.

"Perhaps...But you must understand, you have a responsibility to see terrible things coming and put a stop to them. This whole business with purgatory is much worse than you and your brothers realize. If you refuse to forsee what is to come, it could very well be just as much your fault as the perpetrators."

I bit my lips and lowered my head at the gravity of his words.   
"Do you understand?"

I nodded weakly.

"Good. I trust you'll make the right choice. Though I warn you, once you've reinstated your power, they will be reset to their less...manageable settings."

He turned from me slowly, like a ghost, beginning to fade into nothing.   
"Wait!" I called out to stop him, "I have a question. "

He seemed annoyed now, impatient even. "Depending on what it is, I may answer..."

"Why is it forbidden for angels to take human lovers?"I blurted out, embarrassed the moment I did.

He looked at me with an indecipherable expression. As if he didn't know, but then realized that I was talking about Castiel.

"There are many reasons," he answered plainly, "firstly because angels were never meant to interact with humans at all unless directly ordered to. Because they are soldiers, mindless drones never meant to have attachment to their charges. Serve and protect and maintain that barrier between their worlds. To do otherwise is treason against heaven.."

I already knew all of this, he wasn't helping.

He sighed, in an almost sympathetic manner which was odd, coming from him. "The real reason, however...is because the archangels, and God himself, feared the blending of the species. "

My stomach twisted. I hadn't even considered that.   
"But why?"

"Stupid girl...because the mating of an angel's grace and a human soul would create something of untold power. "

Now it seemed obvious when he said it like that.   
"Is that even possible?"

His head cocked thoughtfully, making the evening light hit his face just right and revealing a terrifying skull beneath the facade.  
"Yes. But highly unlikely."

"Care to elaborate?" I asked, trying to be patient with his crypticness.

"Angels render their vessels impotent when they occupy them. However...there has been an incident or two in which that was not the case. Dont ask me to explain that, because inner workings of such powers are beyond human comprehension. "

I appreciated his honesty, however blunt. I got the sense that maybe he was trying to be helpful without alterior motive, which I didnt understand.   
"Thank you," I said politely, "really. Thank you. "

"Always thankful of death, " he said shaking his head, "I do like you."

"Yeah you say that...but I get the feeling you aren't telling me everything." I gained a little confidence in his presence.

"No. I'm not. I've been asked not to reveal everything about the nature of a Seer to you, and so I must respectfully take my leave. I do hope you take my advice. Farewell."

And he was gone.

☆☆☆☆☆

I was on my way back to the house, navigating through the rows of cars and junk piles in the dark when I sensed I wasnt alone. Something was stalking me. I rolled my eyes, not wanting another visit from some cosmic being or even a monster. I had enough on my mind.   
Death seemed to indicate that there was another grand secret regarding Seers, and I couldn't imagine what it could possibly be. I thought I had it all figured out.

I could see across time.   
I'd live to roughly four hundred years.  
I was a universal vessel for angels.

What more could I possibly not know? I had a bad feeling it had even more to do with angels.

"Alright seriously, whatever is sneaking around, let's get this over with. Ain't got all night." I shouted, spinning in a circle with my arms spread, inviting the danger.

A raccoon scurried across the clearing I stood in, making me jump and subsequently feel stupid. I sighed in relief, silently cursing the creature and kicking at the gravel.

Suddenly the gravel right behind me stirred, giving me a start. I whipped my head around just in time so see the flat side of a shovel coming at my face.  
Horrible, bone rattling pain. Then blackness.

☆☆☆☆☆

I woke up, head and face pounding, completely oblivious to what happened. I heard voices downstairs as I twisted and turned in my sheets. Some one had put me in my old bed.

To be honest, I was getting really tired of getting knocked out or almost killed and missing the action. And I most certainly missed the action.

There were footsteps on the stairs, and in my state I was immediately panicked, thinking it could be my attacker, which I could only assume was Sam. I reached under the mattress for my hidden pistol that was blessedly still there and recovered myself under the bedding. I positioned myself just right so that I was completely covered, appeared to be sleeping, but also had the barrel pointed and the hammer cocked.

The door opened, my heart raced as I listened. It could have been anyone. If I wasn't so disoriented I might have felt out with my empathy to take a guess but instead....

The blanket was ripped off of me and my finger pulled the trigger with my eye shut.

"Ow..."

I opened my eyes to see my sweet angel standing over me with a hole in his shoulder. I covered my mouth in shock and sat straight up.  
"Oh my god, Cas I'm so sorry!"

Cas didn't seem bothered, understanding my reaction. He sat on the bed next to me and healed my bludgeoned head with a kiss. My cheeks lit up. It was nice way to say hello. I hummed softly in pleasure at his touch, soaking in the moment before remembering I needed answers.  
"What happened?" I asked.

"Sam rendered you unconscious, then attempted to murder Bobby as part of a spell to keep his soul from entering his body." Castiel answered me, in that explanatory monotone I'd grown to love.

I chewed on my cheek as the mixed emotions rose. "What the fuck...but Bobby's ok?"

"Yes. And...Dean was successful. The horseman restored Sam's soul. Putting a barrier up between him, and his memories of hell."

My heart swelled with joy. "Seriously? Can I see him? Is he ok ? I mean -" I started to get up, but Castiel took my wrist and kept me down.

"He's not awake yet. If he ever will be..." Cas told me regrettably.

"Oh god..." I ran my fingers through my hair.

"I understand that Death, spoke to you as well?" He said, following my face for attention, hoping to keep me from worrying about Sammy.

"How do you know that?" I shot.

"He...mentioned something to Dean. The message wasn't clear. What did he say to you?" he asked in genuine curiosity. 

I sighed. "He told me I should take my eye back. That I should accept my responsibility. "

Castiel chuckled. "I do miss seeing both your eyes," he said sweetly, "but that's your decision. You dont have to listen to him."

"What if he's right? What if...I'm being a total asshole by not...being what I'm supposed to be?"

"I think..." he pulled me in closer by the shoulder, "you're an asshole either way."

I laughed out loud. It killed me when he tried talking like a normal person, and the fact he nailed it this time made it even funnier.

"You're right, " I said between giggles, "I can do what I want. And I dont want any more premonition induced migraines. "

"Of course.."

Our heads pressed together, and at first I wasn't sure what he was doing. But when he opened himself and flooded into me I knew. He was silently sharing his love. An amazing, and beautiful way to say I love you between and angel and his Seer. It was almost overwhelming, the intensity of it. It brought an involuntary smile to my face.  
Then I remember what else Death had told me and my pleasure fell apart.

"What's wrong?"

"That's not all Death told me..."

He pulled away and looked at me seriously.

"Cas...are you.." I didnt even know what I was trying to say. I wasnt sure if I should have mentioned it at all.

"What?" His voice cracked with worry.

I took a deep breath. "He told me, the main reason heaven didnt allow angels to mate with humans was because...of what might they might create. " I explained as best I could.

Cas folded his hands across his knees and stared at the floor.   
"That is true. But as far as I know, its never been confirmed to happen."

I shook my head. "I don't understand what the big deal is then. "

He moved a hand to my leg tenderly.  
"Its true, if by some strange twist of fate we conceived a child, it would be more powerful than anything that's ever walked the earth. Which I doubt needs explanation why it could be dangerous. All that power in a child who has no concept of right and wrong..."

"Ok, I get it..." I breathed harshly, "but we could handle it, right? If it did happen?"

I couldn't believe we were talking about this. My stomach churned at the thought of it. I never really wanted children, the very idea made terrified me on so many levels.

"I could..." he replied quietly, "but you would die."

My face scrunched. "What?"

"The birth would kill you." he said bluntly.

"Oh.."

He sensed my nerves and took my face in his palm. "It wont happen, Hazel. You may not know this but...when you came back from the dead...You came back barren. "

"Barren? " I repeated, not sure I heard right.

Cas let his hand fall and press over my lower abdomen. "I noticed it the first time I healed you. It's all still there but...its nonfunctional. It didnt seem important to tell you, until now."

I didnt know how to feel about that. In a way, I was devastated. Felt lesser as a woman. Incompetent. But then again, there was that relief knowing I'd never have to worry about a child in the messed up life I lived, with Cas or not.  
"Well thats...something."

"Are you...upset?'

I shook it off with a smile. "No, I'm not, Castiel. Actually I...I think this is good. There is no reason why we shouldn't be together. "  
I lifted myself and slid over to straddle his lap.  
"There are no barriers," I said softly near his ear, my breath tingling his neck, "we can do whatever we want."


	28. Damsels

After making quick yet satisfying love, Castiel had to leave. Duty calls, unfortunately. It hurt everytime, because I feared for him. He was a skilled warrior, but so were the rest of his brethren. I doubted God would bring him back if Raphael killed him again. I simply had to trust that he wouldn't be reckless.

Feeling a bit grungy, I scurried naked across the hall for a quick shower. No one was upstairs, or in the house for that matter. It was the middle of the day and I could get a small sense that Dean and Bobby were outside.   
I slipped my eye patch back on after throwing on a simple band tshirt and jean shorts.   
And then I stared at myself in the mirror, one eyed and damp haired. Like some ferocious warrior princess. Admittedly I liked the look, especially when I had my leather jacket on.  
But I knew, someday I would have to lose it. Someday I would need my full power and have to bear the burden once more. Just not today.

When I came downstairs, Dean and Bobby were already back inside sitting around the small livingroom table having a beer. The tension was thick with uncertainty.

I sat down with them, emphasizing Dean's worries. "So...he's still asleep?" I asked carefully.

"Yeah.." Dean replied curtly, taking a drink.

I forced a reassuring smile. "He'll wake up."

"He's been through alot before," Bobby concurred, "he always bounces back."

Dean wasn't cheered. "He's never been through this."

I squeezed his arm. "You did the right thing, Dean. Even if it failed, you still did the right thing. "

He scoffed dryly. "Did I?" He then glanced at the newspaper print out Bobby had laying on the table. "Job?"

"Might be." Bobby passed it over, and I scooted my chair beside Dean to have a look too.

It read PLANE CRASH KILLS TWO as the the headline.

"Doesn't really seem like News of the Weird." Dean said.

"Pilot was found seventeen miles away, flamebroiled. Girl is just gone. No body, nothing." Bobby explained.

"Ok, I'm not changing the channel, " Dean said, regaining some enthusiasm.   
We read the article together, searching for any other weird details, completely engrossed.

"Dean?"

A familiar voice filled our eyes and sent a shockwave across the three of us sitting at the table. We looked up to see Sam standing in the entryway, looking a little rough but very much awake and alive.

My mouth fell open, excitement bubbling uncontrollably. I felt him, _really_ felt him. He was there, all of him. My eyes watered.

"Sammy?" Dean stammered as if he couldnt believe it.

He shot out of his chair and took his brother into a strong hug. I waited my turn, after Bobby, and squeezed my Sammy around the neck till he grunted. Taking in the wonderous feeling of his soul giving off all the love and joy it did before.

"Wait...Bobby...Lucifer snapped your neck, I felt it. And Hazel...I'm pretty sure both your eyes..."

"Well Cas kind of-" Bobby began.

"Cas is alive!?"

"Yeah, Cas is fine. Sam..." Dean said, "Are you ok?"

"Actually...I'm starving. " he exasperated. I chuckled and took his arm with me to the kitchen, the others following close behind.

While Sam smashed a sandwich I made him, we had a long, but vague conversation about how Dean had a deal with Death, and what happened after Sam took the dive into the pit. He then of course asked why I still had only one eye. I had to be careful not to give up any details, because Dean feared it might poke at the wall in his mind. Sam didnt remember anything from falling into the hole, and waking up in the panic room. We were both determined to keep it that way.  
Of course then he wanted to know about Cas, and Dean completely took over the conversation.   
"Fighting a war against Raphael, banging big sis on the side." was his summary. I punched his arm. Not playfully either.

"Wow...so...you guys are actually..?"

I rolled my eye. "Yes. He's not around much but, I think we're making it work."

"That's great! I mean...I knew something was going on there but I didnt think anything would come of it. I'm happy for you."

Music to my ears. He was genuine about how he felt.  
"Thanks...honestly I never thought anything would come of it either. "

"It's disgusting, " Dean joked, "like a bad freaking Romeo and Juliet remake."

Sam laughed but I wasnt amused, and punched him again. "Shut up!"

"Ow...jesus I'm just kidding. "

"It is a little weird," Bobby agreed nervously, as if he would get hit next, "but she's happier than I've seen her."

"That's awesome, seriously Hazel," Sam said sweetly, "I dont think it's weird. Cas is as human as angels get."

"Yeah...so hey, um, Sammy, " I changed the subject at the will of my blushing, "we might have a case, if you wanna come?"

"Absolutely!"

Dean cleared his throat. "Whoa whoa, you just got topside. "

"Exactly, I'm up, I'm good." Sam said.

"He's fine, Dean. Come on, _family business ."_ I whined.

☆☆☆☆☆

The way to Portland was long, and very boring. The route was scenic enough at least.  
I spent most the time talking to Sammy, the real one. It was amazing to have my understanding brother back. Dean warned me not to talk about the whole vampire thing, in case he remembered, but I felt like I had to tell him.  
Of course I had to leave out quite a bit of detail.

The case started out rather vague. Girls missing; no details to help us narrow things down.  
We talked to the sister of the girl whom disappeared from the air craft,didnt find anything useful. So it was time for Sam to do what he did best; research.

Dean and I returned to him at the motel after a food run in hope that he'd gotten somewhere. I set the food bags down on one of their beds and took a seat across from Sam.  
"What do you got? " I asked, sipping from a straw.

"Well, not much...looks like those other two missing girls both baked cookies for the lord."

"What is that? Code? " Dean asked.

" No. Church choir, bake sales, promise ring clubs; the works. They were _good_ girls. But Penny wasn't even a Christian, so- "

"I have another theory." Dean said, "Penny's diary."   
He slipped a small pink book from his inner jacket and waved it.

"Did you steal that from her room?" Sam scolded.

"I love that you even asked me that." Dean said. I had to agree but I wasnt stupid enough to say so.

"And why wouldn't I?"

"No reason. So girl-nappings. What if it's not about religion, what if it's about purity? "

"You mean you think they're all- " I began to dechiper.

"Virgins, guys. Virgins.

"Penny was twenty-two. " Sam argued.

"Yeah, with a pink room. "

" So? "  
"And stuffed teddy bears."

"Fine. But you really think- "

Dean opened up the diary, to specific page, waltzing around the room like he was reading scripture.  
" _I've decided I'm going to give Stan my most precious gift."_ he read of in a fake soft voice

"Wow. That sounded really creepy coming out of your mouth." Sam commented. I chortled and almost choked on my soda.

" I think I delivered it. "

"Anyways, let's say you're right. Fine. Who would want virgins?"

" You got me. I prefer ladies with experience." Dean replied.

I frowned, racking my brain. "Well...theres a lot of monsters who prefer the taste of virgins, but I've never heard of any going out of their way to snatch _just virgins. "_

"Like what?" Sam asked, prepared to explore his files some more.

I shook my head. "Pretty much anything that eats folks alive. Vamps, wraiths, Ruguru, Djin...you name it. Then of course there's tons of Pagan gods that like virgins. "

☆☆☆☆☆

While we sat on our asses, another girl had been attacked; only she survived and was in the hospital. Finally we might get a lead.

Like always when we needed to illegally enter a building to speak to someone, we flashed our badges and got to the hospital room where the girl was being treated.

"It happened so fast. "

This young girl, Melissa, was traumatized. Not so much out of fear, but out of encountering something supernatural that destroyed her belief system. Sometimes I was envious of that naivity. I didnt remember a time when I didnt know about monsters.

"It's all right, Melissa. What came at you? You can tell us." Sam said kindly. It made me smile. Soulless Sam was long gone, and this empathetic man before me was so good with victims it made me proud.

" It-it looked like a...a giant bat," she answered hesitantly,"You think I'm making it up, right? That's what the other man said."

"Well, I'm not the other man." Sam said, urging her to continue.

" It came right at me. It was huge. I swear. That's how I got this."

Melissa twisted in her bed and pulled her hospital gown forward to reveal large gashes on her back. My mouth dropped. I didnt know anything off the top of my head with claws that size.

"So, it attacked. And then what happened? " I asked gently.

She shook her head."I don't know. I passed out, and when I woke up, it was gone."

"Is there anything else you can think of?" I pushed, " Anything you can tell us, even if it doesn't seem important?"

The young woman sniffled. "Well, my ring got lost. Or else that thing stole it, if that makes any sense. "

"What kind of ring?" Dean asked, his interest piqued.

" Gold. Promise ring."

"Promise ring. So, uh...from, like, a church? Like like a purity ring?"

"Yeah. Why? "

Dean grimaced, trying not to be cruel and amused. "I got to ask. Uh, Melissa... Look, nobody is, uh, judging anybody here, okay? Believe me. But...Should you really be wearing that ring? "

I was about kick his foot, scorn him for his invasive question. But then I realized he was onto something. Whatever attacked her had let her go because she wasn't a real virgin.

"Well, I-I mean, I-I am-"

"Really? " Dean asked persuasively.

She grew flustered and snapped her eyes to each of us like she was being tried for murder. "Matt Barne didn't count!"

☆☆☆☆☆

Back at the room, we packed and pondered...but none of us had any ideas. Sam's computer was charging so we didn't have that at the moment.

" So, what, you think Batman tried to rape her?" Sam suggested half seriously.

Dean frowned."Well, he does carry a lot of rage. But he rejected her because she was already dehymenated, huh?"

"You think?"

"I think it just goes to show that being easy's pretty much all upside."

I rolled my one eye at the pig that was my brother. "Not if you save yourself for an angel." I said with a wink, just to gross him out.

"Oh god, stop..." he said with his hand up. Sam and I both laughed.

"So, what kind of thing likes virgins and gold?" Sam continued to contemplate before the conversation got out of control.

"P. Diddy?"

"You know, it's comforting..."

"What's that?"

" I died for a year, came back, and you're still not funny."

I laughed again. "He has his moments."

" Shut up. I'm hilarious."

Finally Sam booted up the computer, and we waited while he quietly picked through the internet for leads.

"This cant be possible..." he said after a long while, grabbing our attention.

"What?" I asked.

"I goggled fire, claws, flying, virgins and gold...and it all took me to the same place. "

"Where?" Dean asked.

"World of Warcraft fansites..."

"I dont know what that means. " Dean said. Neither did I, until a couple years ago I was dead. Pop culture was still rather foreign to me.

"Dragons dude..see? Not possible. "

"Actually it might be."

"In what reality?"

"Its been a strange year..." I added, "call Bobby. See if he's got anything. "

☆☆☆☆☆

Bobby gave Dean a lead on a professor down south in California, expert on Medieval studies so he left me and Sam to keep searching for clues. Specifically, where to potentially find a dragon in Portland Oregon.

It wasn't long before the research was boring me to death, so I decided to hoof it down the street to find something to do, or drink.

Night had fallen, after I had a quick couple drinks in a shady bar, I'd taken to the alleys to get back to the motel because I'd grown to learn that people were afraid of a leather clad woman with an eyepatch.

It wasn't long before my instincts and a twinge of my power I had left were on alert. Something was watching me.

Suddenly a figure appeared at the end if the alley, blurred by the darkness until a wall of fire erupted and flashed over my head. I ducked and hit the ground, even though something told me that was the wrong thing to do.  
With my head lowered I was vulnerable, and the figure was gone. Instead it was behind me, or possibly a different one, and wrestled my arms behind me.   
I struggled in vain. Dragon or not, the thing was strong. "Hey asshole, I'm not a virgin!" I hissed, trying to kick at its legs. I even tried my powers, but they bounced right off the thing. Great...a psychic proof monster.

The beast, which really felt like a huge man though I couldn't see, slammed me sideways into the wall, repeatedly, until I was submissive and weakened. Though still very angry.

"Did you not hear me? NOT A VIRGIN!" I shouted.

"Pretty angels always kill the Oracles before we get to them.." came a creepy, deep and gravely voice in my ear.

"Oh shit..." I moaned, "hey I know a pretty angel you're gonna be one sorry ass lizard if he finds-"

I 'oofed' as I was slammed again, my head going fuzzy. I had to succumb, this thing was way too strong and I didnt know what else to do.  
"Mother will be pleased..."

Before I knew it, it took flight with me in its grasp, huge bat like wings flapping beside me, soaring high above the city. I grew nauseous at the sight, my spinning head not helping, and fainted almost willingly just to avoid the sensation.

☆☆☆☆☆

I woke up, head throbbing, just in time to know I was being thrown into a hole underneath some sort of grate with a group of other girls huddled together.

Pity seeped into me as I approached the terrified young women. "Its gonna be alright, someone's coming for us." I told them. Though I had no idea how long it would take, and what would happen to any of us in the time between.

"Who?" a girl I recognized as the plane crash victim asked me.

"My brothers...they kill monsters like these. They'll find us,trust me."

Most of them didnt seem convinced. I slumped to the floor, trying to think of a way out. If I blew the grate off, the dragons would surely be upon in a heart beat, and we'd be defenseless. I considered praying to Castiel, but I feared what might happen if I interrupted something important.

"What do they want with us?" another girl squeaked.

"Dunno...thought you'd be eaten when we found you. Cant think of another reason to need virgins other than some heavy duty spellwork. "

"Spellwork?"

I bit my lip. Shouldn't have said anything. "My brothers are coming, dont worry." I assured them.

Days passed. We were all starving and barely functioning. I spent a lot my time inside my own head, day dreaming of my lover, fighting myself not to call for him. He'd been my knight in shining armor too many times already. At this point being the damsel in distress was just plain embarrassing. No, I would wait for Sam and Dean.

The dragons came and went, dropping a couple new virgins. I counted two of them, but I suspected there might be more out there somewhere. I did everything I could to keep the girl's hopes up, telling them stories of our successful adventures, and of course...how angels were real. I left out the part about them all being raging dicks.

Just as I nearly gave up my own hope, Castiel's voice came to my mind.   
" _Hazel? Are you alright? Sam and Dean said you're missing."_

I groaned to myself. So much for my pride.

" _I'm_ _fine. For now...these_ _dragons_ _have me and a bunch of other girls hostage."_

_"Where?"_

_"I dont know...a sewer, think."_

_"Are you hurt?"_

_"Not really...they seem to be saving us for some purpose. Me_ , _I_ _think they want to_ _give_ _as a gift to some "mother" of theirs._ _Whatever_ _that means. "_

_"Hang in there, love. Dean has_ _found_ _a weapon and they are looking for you now. I would come myself but .."_

_"I know, Cas...its ok. I love you."_

" _And I you, Hazel. Be careful."_

☆☆☆☆☆

Just hours after, I sensed other human presence besides my fellow captives in the tunnels above us, hoping it was my brothers.

It wasnt long before my suspicion was confirmed. They stepped directly over us before realizing we were there.  
"Dean!" I called out. Their faces lowered to the grate as I reached for them, my fingers just short of being able to touch it.

"Hazel! Hey where are they?" Sam said.

"I don't know, still here somewhere. Listen they are really strong, be careful."

He nodded and they got up and stepped away quietly, searching.   
"Is that them? Your brothers?" Penny asked me.

I actually smiled. "Yeah, dont worry, were getting out of here. " I promised, though I wasn't actually sure of it. If anything could end the Winchester legacy, it would be dragons.

It wasn't long before they showed up, taunting my brothers about the weapon they'd brought. Dean slashed one in the hand with it, but I couldnt see much.  
The broken sword was knocked out of his hand and fell, caught between the grate above me. I tried to reach it with my finger tips but I couldnt get a hold of it.  
"Sam!" I called, getting his attention to the knife. He sneaked around behind the Dean vs Dragon showdown and carefully grabbed it.

"Can you break the bars?" he asked quietly. I nodded. "Get these girls outta here."

"Stand back," I asked the ladies, bracing my palms beneath the lid to our cage. The huddled to the corner .

With one hard push of energy, the grate flew off its brackets, loudly clanging and flying into other material above us.

I climbed out to find the dragons gone, one dead and one had fled. Sam and I started helping each one of the girls climb out and gave them instructions on finding the exit.

"Dude, did you just slay a dragon?" I asked Sam, grinning like and idiot.

He scoffed, like he didnt realize till then. "Yeah...I did."

"Legendary!" I said slapping his arm.

Dean had started walking a different direction from where we intended to leave. "Where are you going?" Sam called. He turned around, grinning at us.

"Find more gold!"


	29. Alternatives

After Portland, I went home for a few days, just for some down time and to clean up. Leaving a house empty for weeks tends to create smells and science experiments. But mostly, I wanted my car. I loved the Impala, but she wasn't mine. And I never got to drive her.  
No I wanted the Queen back. She may have been a remnant of a selfish and dark year of my life, but she was special to me, just as Baby was to Dean.

When I brought her home to Bobby's, a nasty thunderstorm was raging over Sioux Falls. Twigs and other debris tossed in the wind, violating my beautiful paint job as I pulled up to park. The rain was pouring like the ocean moved to the sky, and I dreaded opening the door.   
All the sudden it started to hail, knocking angrily at Queen's roof.   
"Mother fucker!" I cursed out loud.

 _"Dean!"_ I screamed inside my brother's head, knowing he was here, probably already had Baby safely tucked away.

After several minutes, both my brothers came rushing out the door with a tarp and ground spikes. Dean was genuinely concerned, because he understood the gravity of the problem. I got out and let them help me secure the tarp over my car, all of us getting soaked to the bone and pummeled by hail nearly the size of golf balls.

Once satisfied we rushed inside before we were knocked senseless. A pond formed at the threshold where we stood, so we actually all stripped down to barely anything to avoid the wrath of Bobby should he come home and slip on any more puddles.

Changed into spare clothes, I started mopping up the mess and threw our clothes in the dryer.

"So where is Bobby?" I asked, finally finished and setting the mop aside.

"In town, supply run." Dean replied.

I glanced out the window and the very angry forces of nature.   
"In this? "

"Yeah, man's a hero. We are officially out of hunter's helper." He swayed an empty whiskey bottle in his hand.

"He knows I have a stash upstairs right?" I said, laughing.

Dean opened his mouth to say something but was quickly interrupted by the sound of flapping wings. Instinctively we all expected to see Castiel standing beside Bobby's desk, but instead it was Balthazar.

"Hello children, you've seen the Godfather, right?" he asked, sounding a little frantic and he glanced around apparently looking for something.

"Balthazar...?" Dean said.

He placed a large bowl Bobby often used for spells onto the desk and continued rummaging.   
"You know the end, where Michael Corleone sends his men to kill his enemies in one big, bloody swoop?"  
He continued to talk nonsense, and poured a container of salt into the bowl distractedly.

"Hey!" I hissed at him, only to be ignored.

"Dead sea brine...good,good,..You know, Moe Green gets it in the eye, and Don Cuneo gets it in the revolving door?"

"I said _hey!"_

Finally he looked up at me, condescendingly. "You did. Twice. Good for you. Now..blood of lamb, blood of lamb..." he moved to the refrigerator hastily, "beer..cold pizza...ah! Blood of lamb!"

In a blink he was back at the desk and set the jar of blood down.

"Why are we talking about the Godfather?" Sam asked.

"Because we're in it -- right now, tonight. And in the role of Michael Corleone -- The archangel Raphael." he explained.

"You mind telling us what you mean?" Dean asked, getting agitated.

" No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no," Balthazar panicked, pawing through the desk drawers desperately until he found something, "Yes. Bone of a lesser saint. This vertebra will do very nicely. Your Mr. Singer does keep a beautiful pantry. "

"Wait, Raphael is after you?" I said.

" Raphael is after us all. You see, he's consolidated his strength. And now he's on the move."

"And where's Cass?" Sam asked, matching my concerns.

" Oh, Cassie? He is deep, deep underground. So, good old Raffy put out a hit list on every last Samaritan who helped our dear Cass -- Including both of you. Especially the Seer... And so much more importantly, me. See, he wants to draw Cass out in the open. If he gets to you boys, maybe, but her? Most definitely. "

"And you expect us to just believe you?" Sam spat.

"Oh, don't. You'll go where I throw you either way." Bal replied arrogantly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dean snapped.

Outside, an unnaturally large and bright bolt of lightning flashed. I felt it. Raphael was coming.  
Balthazar mixed his concoction together and began painting a sigil on the window nearby. I didnt recognize it, but it was definitely enochian.

"That's all the time we have, children," Balthazar opened his jacket, revealing a bloodstain on his side while he dug in his pockets, "Where is it?"

" Whoa. What happened there?" Dean asked.

"Oh. Garish, I know. You see, uncle Raffy sent one of his nastiest to handle me. I'm flattered, actually. And down a lung at the moment, but that's all right. " He retrieved a set of small keys from his jacket and handed them to Sam. " Oh, here's for you."

"What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Run with it."

Balthazar was abruptly thrown across the room as an angel I didn't recognize appeared in the room.

" Virgil..." Bal greeted darkly, then turned to us, " I said, run! "

He shoved all three of us with a gust of power, crashing right through the window painted with the bloody mark.

☆☆☆☆☆

What happened next, I wouldn't have expected in a million years.

I had a hunch, before we even went through the window, that Balthazar would be sending us into some alternative plane of existence. Logically it would be the only way to hide us from an archangel.   
But this...this was insane.

When we landed, it was not outside in Bobby's yard. It was onto a stunt mat, inside a television studio set. Directors, camera workers, the works...all talking to us like we knew what the hell was going on.

When we finally got away from interviewers and make up artists, we regrouped and starting exploring the massive set aimlessly so we could talk.

"I think I know what this is..." I told them.

"Ok, what?" Dean prodded.

"Its a TV show..." Sam took the words out of my mouth.

"Yeah you think?"

"I mean, here --wherever "here" is, this...this twilight zone Balthazar zapped us into. For whatever reason, our life is a tv show."

"Why?" Dean seemed completely appalled.

"I dont know."

"No seriously, why would anyone want to watch our lives?"

"Look, I'm not saying it makes sense. I'm just saying, we -- we landed in some dimension where you're Jensen Ackles, and I'm something called a "Jared Padalecki."

I laughed. "I'm Jade Collins, apparently. "

"Does any of this makes sense!?" Dean hissed.

We roamed outside to a sort of alley between the building and the rows if trailers, where we saw the Impala and my Camaro. Dean and I both swelled with relief.

"Oh at least my baby made it." he said hopefully. But then members of the production crew started sloshing buckets of mud all over both our cars.  
My jaw dropped and I had to physically stop myself from marching down the row and letting all hell loose.

"Oh I feel sick, " Dean complained, "I'm gonna be sick. I wanna go home. I feel like this whole place is bad-touching me."

I shared his pain as I watched them throw gravel at the Queen's windshield.   
"Me too...what do you think? Cass?"

"He's our best shot if he's still alive." Dean said. I bit my lips at the possibility that he wasn't.   
"Dear Castiel, who art maybe running his ass away from heaven, we pray that you have your ears on. So... Breaker breaker..."

I rolled my eyes, which I now had both of again. He made prayer so complicated.

We looked around, and actually saw him just several yards away, and started running. Something was weird though, I couldnt see him, the real him. In fact, I couldnt see or feel anything the way I used to. And that's when I realized...I didnt have any powers. At all.

Dean caught up with Cas first, calling his name to get his attention.   
"Hey Cas, thank God. What is all this, what did Balthazar do to us?"

He hesitated for a second, and didnt even look at me at all.

"To keep you out of virgil's reach, he's cast you into an alternate reality, a universe similar to ours in most respects yet dramatically different in others."

"Like... like bizarro earth, right? Except instead of having Bizarro superman, we get this clown factory." Dean said.

"Um...Yeah, well...Anyway, no time to explain. Do you have the key?" Cas asked.

"Yeah," Sam replied and handed it to him, " So, uh, what does this thing do, anyway? "

"It opens a room."

"What's in the room?" I asked.

"Every weapon Balthazar stole from heaven."

"He gave it to _us_? "

"To keep it safe until I could reach you. With those weapons, I have a chance to rally my forces." Cas explained.

"Oh. Okay, good. Yeah. So, now, uh, what's the deal with all this tv crap?" Sam said.

"Pardon?" Castiel's voice changed. It wasn't gravely and flat, it was...normal.

"Yeah. Amen, Padaleski." Dean agreed.

" Uh, "lecki."

"What? "

" Lecki. Pretty sure."

Castiel's demeanor changed completely and then I knew...

"Man..." he pulled out a series of papers stapled together from his coat, "Did they put out new pages?"

"New what?"

I quickly pulled my brothers aside and away from the false Castiel, snatching the script from him.

" I mean, is this some kind of cosmic joke?" Sam said

"Yeah, 'cause if it is, it's stupid, and we don't get it." Dean agreed.

'Cas' called after us. "Are you guys okay?"

Dean grabbed the script from me. "Give me that. What is ... these are words in a script! That isn't Cas."

"I know..." I said, "I was just about to say that. It's not him. Its just..a guy."

Dean started reading the script, his brow furrowing more and more. " His name's Misha. Misha? "

"Oh, wow. Just...Great." Sam sighed.

"Misha? Jensen? What's up with the names around here?" I said.

After escaping a very confused actor, we found the main trailers, coming upon a huge one with Dean's bizarro world name on it. We went inside and found a laptop, which Sam didn't hesitate to boot up.   
He googled each of us, and compiled a mess of web pages describing our lives in this universe.   
"Well, we're not hunters, but we play ones on TV. You're from Texas, " he said to Dean, "and Hazel ..or Jade is from New Jersey."

I wrinkled my nose. "Ew..."

"Yeah.." Sam scoffed, "it gets worse. Apparently that Misha guy? Is your ex husband."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah it looks like you married young, pregnant, and had a split a few years later."

My head dropped dramatically, along with my jaw. "We...have a kid?" I said,making sure I heard him right.

"Yeah, doesnt say much about it. But he remarried. And there's a whole article about you two agreeing to work together on the show."

I knew it wasn't real, and Misha wasn't Cas, but my stomach twisted nonetheless.   
"So we're actors..." I said.

"Well Jared and Jensen are, this is more of a side job for Jade. She's apparently a pretty popular singer."

"Hmph..nice. But I still dont like this universe. If our prayers aren't reaching the real Cas, we gotta find a way to reverse Balthazar's spell."

☆☆☆☆☆

My brothers went back to the set to look for anything useful, while I snooped around my own trailer. Admittedly I was increasingly curious about "Jade".  
Before I could really start digging, there was a knock on the door. I assumed it was one or both of my brothers so I just called ,"Come in."

In walked my ex husband, no longer wearing his Castiel costume. The whispy, messy hair I'd adored was flattened and neat.  
"Hey," he said shyly. I cursed myself silently for not being able to read him in this dimension.

"Hey..." I echoed warily.

He came in further and pulled up a chair. "I uh... was hoping to talk to you. "

I faked a friendly smile. "Um..sure."  
It was weird as hell looking at him, and trying not to see the angel I loved, but a stranger instead. He smelled faintly of expensive cologne, instead of the light earthy smells of my dear Castiel.

"Well..." he started with a sigh. "You know that my wife and I are separated. "

I nodded, pretending to agree. I didn't need to be a psychic to see that he was nervous. Just how long ago were we divorced?

"Its got me thinking alot...about you." he looked at me, shaking my soul with the same loving gaze Castiel would give me.  
"I shouldn't have thrown you out. I should have helped you..."

I didnt know what to say, having no idea what he was talking about.

"I was just so worried about our son, I didnt think he should be around you at the time."

Something clicked in my head and I came to a very likely conclusion. Apparently Jade and I were both addicts.  
"No, you were right..." I said quietly, feeling ashamed for something I didn't do, but kinda did at the same time. "What's your point?"

He stood up. "My point is...I watched you handle it in your own, and get better. Become a good mother. And now...after shooting these scenes together as Cas and Hazel...I want you back. "

I started crying. Which was stupid. It wasn't real. But the story itself was breaking my heart.  
"Oh Jade, dont cry...I'm sorry I shouldn't-"

I waved it off and wiped my eyes. "No, no, it's ok. I'm sorry...and this is backwards. Shouldn't I be the one crawling back?"

Misha chuckled, and anxiously took my hand lightly. "I'm not trying to rush anything...take your time. We can work it out after were done with this season or, you know, whenever you're ready to talk about it."

 _Not Cas,_ _not_ _Cas..._ I kept telling myself. But it was hard. Those were his eyes, his familiar touch between our palms. His lips speaking. I shook my head, concluding that it didnt matter what I did, rather I was to be stuck in this world or not, I would have him. One version or another.

Driven by impulse I threw my arms around him pulled him into a kiss. I missed Castiel...I barely ever got to see him, and for all I knew, he was dead. I was weak for this, but I didnt care. I wanted him. My body wanted him.  
He was surprised at first, because this wasn't an act on the show, this was passion. He kissed me back like he'd been away forever...He missed me too.   
We couldn't help ourselves, we were in love, even though I didn't actually know Misha, but still he ran his hands all over me and gradually pulled at my clothes. He knew Jade. He loved Jade. In the heat of the moment, that was enough for me.

It was quick, dirty and desperate. Positioned on top of the small countertop near the sink and only undressed enough for our parts to meet. We literally had just enough time to zip up, still disheveled and sweaty, before Sam and Dean came barging in the door.

We froze, his hands still on my hips and his breath still ragged.

"Whoa..." Sam said, covering his eyes, "hey uh...Jade? We're leaving so...if you still wanted to come with us..."

"Right..." I panted, "be there in a minute. " They nodded and backed out of the trailer in a hurry. I was so flushed and embarrassed.

Misha chuckled softly very close to my face, pulling my loose bra strap back over my shoulder. I shivered. That was very different experience from anything I'd had with Castiel. He'd always been so soft and unsure of himself...But Misha acted like he owned it. I felt owned. Dirty. In a good way.  
"I guess that answers my question..." he breathed, kissing my lips.

"Yeah..." I replied, trying so hard to shake myself out of this fantasy but failing.

He touched my hair. "I still love you, Jade."

This was so wrong.

"Me too..."

☆☆☆☆☆

Baby was fake, just a prop, like everything else we found around set, as was the Camaro. However, it turned out that my _real_ car existed, and "Jared" had one too. We decided that we needed to get away from the place and try coming up with a plan, and landed on the idea that we'd go to "Jared's " house in Canada because it was the closest. Sadly, the Queen had no keys to be found and I reluctantly left it in the parking lot.  
On the way, Sam didnt mention anything to me about Misha, but Dean sure as hell did.

"So what was that all about, Haze? You know that's not really-"

"I know. Look, the guy asked me to kiss and make up and I just...lost control of the situation. " I snapped.

"Hey, I'm not judging you. Ya know that. But I'm pretty sure you just cheated on the real Cas."

My heart felt like a stone dropping into my gut. I hadn't even considered that. At the time, all I was thinking about was Castiel, not another man. It was confusing. Jade wanted Misha, and Hazel wanted Cas. It was all mixed together and messy in my head.

"I mean...did I? That was basically the bizzaro Cas, right? Oh god...I don't know..." I buried my face in my hands.

"Hey, Haze...maybe we just wont mention it, ok?" Sam suggested kindly, " It wasn't your fault. Dean probably would've done the same thing if a fake Lisa came onto him."

Dean shrugged. "Maybe. But in the real world, I dont have Lisa anymore. You still have Cas..."

That didn't help. My eyes began to water with guilt.

"Dean..." Sam scolded.

He looked up from the road ahead at me almost in tears in the rearview mirror. "Hey...Sammy's right...we just wont mention it."

The guilt kept on coming, though. How could I live with a secret like that? I didnt even know if it mattered enough to keep it a secret. Maybe Castiel wouldn't care. Maybe he would understand. Or maybe it would tear him apart. But that man, Misha...he loved me. Or Jade. It felt right. It felt like I _was Jade._ Because I was...in this world I was Jade. I didnt know if it was my powers seeping through the cracks or what, but I felt connected to this other person. This other version of me.  
I had to cling to that notion. It couldnt be cheating because I was Jade, and that was her ex begging to be loved again.  
Just when I felt like I'd burst from conflicting concepts and confusion, we finally pulled up to Jared's mansion.

After a very awkward introduction to his wife, the actress who played Ruby, we got down to business searching the internet for ingredients to Balthazar's spell.

"Wrist bone of a saint and holy reliquary. Museum quality...from diocese in Oaxaca Mexico. Looks legit." Sam read off the computer, with Dean and I looking over his shoulder to see for ourselves.

"Alright, auction house is in Mexico City. We could be there two days...we case it, yank it, be back here by the end of the week." Dean said.

"Or we could just buy it..." I suggested.

"That thing is over a hundred thousand. " Dean protested.

"Dude...we're loaded celebrities. " I replied. "I checked Jade out after Sam said she was a singer. She's worth millions. _Hundred_ s of millions. "

"Well hello Jade Collins." Dean said, impressed.

I made the call, and ordered the bone on the fastest shipping possible. Triple rush.   
Sam wandered off to explore his house, while Dean flopped onto the expensive black couch, sighing contentedly.  
"Money, man. There's nothing like it. Alright," he said, getting cozy, "couch, tv star, beauty sleep."

"You do that," I said, "I'm gonna find a guest room."

☆☆☆☆☆

Being a psychic, I knew dreams were powerful. I thought maybe, just maybe, I could reach Cas in my sleep. I hadn't felt a drop of my power since we came to this insane place, but I was a Seer, after all.

It took me a long time to fall asleep, still anxious and guilty over what I'd allowed to happen. It got to the point where I raided Jared's stash of meds and found a sleeping pill. If anything, at least I would get a good rest.

When sleep finally took me into its arms, I was plunged almost immediately into a vivid dreamscape. I was skilled at lucid dreaming, and I took myself to my house in Arkansas.

It was just how I'd left it, and I found myself drawn to the bed where I'd first laid with Castiel. I imagined his scent, and it came into the sheets at my will as held them to my face.  
I focused, trying very hard to summon the power so distant from me.  
"Castiel..." I whispered into the smell of him, "Cas...can you hear me?"

Nothing.

Discouraged but not ready to give up, I posied myself for meditation, folding my legs and closing my eyes.  
"I'm dreaming...in another universe. Can you find me this way?"

Something like air or a light touch brushed past me, tossing my hair slightly. I maintained my focus.  
"Cas?"  
Again a small gust toyed with me.   
I was getting an answer.  
I smiled proudly to myself. Cant keep a good psychic down.

I felt a presence in the room strengthening, but it was difficult to pinpoint without my full powers.

"Hazel." A whispy voice echoed, so quiet I couldn't recognize it.

"That's it, Cas..." I coaxed, "keep trying. "

At long last, I felt something really break through and opened my eyes.

Castiel stood in front of me, though he was transparent as a ghost.   
"Impressive, " he said smiling, his voice sounding distant and echoing.

"Perks of being the Seer." I agreed. I stood up to embrace him, but I passed right through him like a fog.

"I'm afraid our interaction is severely limited. " he said sadly, "is everything ok?"

"You know Balthazar sent us to another universe?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I'll have to explain when its over. I dont have much time. Is that why you called for me?"

"No...I need to tell you something. "

I miserably explained what I'd done with a heavy heart, and he just listened. I couldnt read his emotions, and his face stayed still.   
"I'm so sorry..." I gasped at the end, tears threatening to fall.

To my surprise, he chuckled.

"Hazel..." he reached out to touch me before remembering he couldn't, "you and this...alternate persona, are joined through similar destiny as well as your abilities as a Seer. You may have been present during the incident, but it wasnt all you. "

I sniffled. "You're not mad?"

He shook his head. "Its...alarming. But the way I see it, this other me and this other you, were just doing exactly what we would do."

I still started crying softly, feeling like I deserved punishment. Despite his obvious amusement.

"I appreciate you're concern with being unfaithful. That you prayed to me just to confess."

Forgetting he was ghostly, my emotions boiled over and I went in for a hug. To both our surprise, he was solid. My power must have broken through somehow and pulled him in deeper to the dream. Something I never could have done outside of a dream.  
He squeezed me tight while I nuzzled his chest and wiped my tears on him.  
"Its alright, " he whispered, still sounding amused as if I was some silly little girl sad over split milk.

I sighed as I calmed down and looked up into his wonderful face. "You're too good for me."

"I dont think anyone's good enough for you." he disagreed, driving his fingers deep into my hair and combing to the ends.  
"I have to go," he whispered before kissing my forehead, "dont worry, someone will get you out of this place soon."

☆☆☆☆☆

_The Seer continued to throw me through a loop,_ _every_ _day_ _I_ _knew her. First, it was my decision to disobey my orders and let_ _her_ _live. Then_ _I_ _continued to disobey and watched over in my spare time, occasionally interfering in small ways._

_Then she was murdered, another loop_ _I_ _had to pass_ _through_ _, only to be risen and come_ _back_ _into my life._   
_And then the love_ _I_ _had for her as_ _child_ _evolved into loving her as a woman._

_Each time her powers grew, every new incredible thing she became capable of, threw me. And then when I'd regretfully asked Balthazar to banish her and her brothers to an alternate reality, she still managed to contact me in her dreams. She_ _never_ _ceased to_ _stun_ _and amaze me._  
 _When she told me of her indiscretion with man who was not really me,_ _I_ _was floored. I hid my jealousy and anger and_ _reacted_ _rationally. I_ _couldn't_ _blame_ _her for something_ _any_ _one of us might have done. It_ _hurt_ _me, but again_ _I_ _was impressed; by her loyalty. So loyal she stretched across time and space_ _just_ _to come to me in tears ,_ _distraught_ _that_ _she felt she'd been disloyal._  
 _How could_ _I_ _be angry, when_ _I_ _was the_ _one_ _keeping secrets?_  
 _I'd_ _deceived_ _her so_ _much_ _already, after she told me of her suspicions_ _that_ _an_ _angel_ _was working with Crowley. She asked me not heal her eye, and return her power to her, and graciously I accepted. If she_ _were_ _to learn it was me all along...I would have no_ _right_ _to judge her actions. She confessed, and yet I continued to evade and lie._  
 _I_ _learned_ _then, indefinitely, what I'd always suspected,_ _that_ _I_ _didn't_ _deserve her._  
 _If_ _I_ _had any good sense,_ _I_ _never_ _would have laid with her. I merely wanted to stop breaking her heart,_ _when_ _I'd come to her that day, hoping in_ _doing_ _so she_ _wouldn't_ _hate me, and she would trust me. I didnt_ _expect_ _it to go so far, and if she learned the truth,_ _I_ _feared she might think_ _I_ _took her innonce for her trust._

☆☆☆☆☆

We managed to pick up our package at the air port, under heavy suspicion of our driver, and head back to the set with it.  
When we tried to get set up at "Bobby's house ", the lights came on and we were expected to perform scenes from the show instead perform enochian magic. Not able to have private access to the place until we completed the days work.  
We shuffled aside, off set, to regroup.

"I can't do this," Dean complained harsh whisper, "I don't know how to act!"

"We gotta do _something,"_ Sam whispered back, glancing around at the curious eyes not far from us, gossiping.

"Just...roll with it." I suggested, "how hard can it be? We're playing ourselves, for fuck sake."

Shuffling _back_ onto set, we found our marks on the floor. Dean tried to look stoic and attentive, while Sam stood there not sure what to do with his hands and continuously fidgeted.   
Misha was ready and waiting for us.

"Balthazar is no hero, but knows Raphael will never take him back." Misha recited flawlessly.

Dean approached him stiffly, throwing on a face of severity that couldn't be more obvious, missed his mark and just stood there with nothing to say.

"Cut!"

We did this multiple times before they got it reasonably right, and finally moved on to another scene.

It was just Misha and myself, shooting a scene in which I was supposed to begging him for answers.

Something snapped together in place inside me, and I was suddenly a very talented actress. Or maybe because I didnt really need to play pretend.

"What is going on, Cas?" I said to Misha, looking and behaving exactly like the real Castiel. He was awfully good at playing his part. He didnt answer and turned away from me, like it said in the script.   
"Let us help you! You dont have to fight alone!"

He turned to me, and I shivered inside at the same worrying, loving gaze I'd been accustomed to. It wasn't difficult for Misha to pretend to love Jade, either.   
"I cant let you get involved...an angel already almost killed you."

"I dont care, Cas! Maybe you're not aware, but lovers die for each other. I would-"

"No." he cut me off, "you don't get to die for me. Not after all I'd done to protect you."

Jade and Hazel interwined, and real tears swelled in the corners of my eyes. I lost myself. I lost Jade.  
"Why cant I protect _you_...? How is that fair...? You never let me in, you never tell me what's going on. You're always shutting me out of your head...what are you hiding!?" I rambled on and on, making the entire crew around stiffen.

Misha broke character, shifting uncomfortably. I looked to the side, off set, to see my brothers looking at me with pity.

"Jade that was good..." the director said after an awkward, silent pause, "stick to the script though, would ya please?"

I shook my head, flinging an escaped tear from my cheek. "I can't do this..." I muttered to myself.  
Misha got closer and tilted his head in an attempt to catch my gaze.   
"Jade..?"

"I can't do this!" I hissed at the production crew, before turning tail and running off set. Nobody followed me.

I retreated to my trailer and locked the door. Sam and Dean had to keep doing scenes, I imagined, and wouldn't come looking for me until they finished.   
But someone did knock, and I had a pretty good guess who.

"Jade? " he called through the door.

I really didnt want to see him. Especially if he was still in costume.   
"Come on babe, talk to me." he pleaded, knocking some more.

What was I going to tell him, if I let him in? That I wasnt Jade? That the story we were acting out hit way closer to home than he could possibly understand? How could I explain to an actor, that everything on his show was real, in an alternate universe.

But as he continued to knock lightly and call for me, I pondered the idea in my head. What if I did just tell the truth? Might he believe me? Or might he call the white coats on me?  
I sighed, realizing the man wasn't giving up, and forced myself to get up from the mini sofa and unlock the door, plopping right back down and nurse an oncoming headache in my temple.

He heard the lock release, and stepped inside cautiously, as expected he was still in costume. "Jade? What happened...? What's wrong with you?"

I didnt have an answer, just huffed loudly through my nose at my own frustration. Misha sat next to me, searching my face with a look of sheer worry. Way more emotion portrayed that Castiel's face was capable of.  
"I can't tell you." I said quietly, "you wouldn't believe me even if I did."

His features scrunched in bewilderment, not expecting that kind of answer. "What do you mean, believe what?"

I sighed. _Here goes nothing..._

"Ca-Misha...do you believe in different realites?" I took a shot, my heart racing at where this conversation might lead.  
He squinted, very much the way Cas would, the oddness of the question clearly striking him.  
"You mean...like on the show?"

I nodded wearily, not sure how to keep going with it.

He opened his mouth, but snapped it shut again, completely taken off guard. "What uh...why do you ask?"

"Do you?" I pressed.

Misha bunched his shoulders. "I dont know...I like to think there are possibilities of something like that. But Jade why-"

"What if I told you it was true? What if I told you...I'm the real Hazel?" I asked bravely, tired of beating around the bush.

He blinked dumbly at me. "What? "

I rolled my eyes. "Just think about it for a second. What better time and place for two worlds to meet, than the episode we're working on?"

I studied his expression, wishing so hard I could read him. He was studying me in return, trying to understand and convince himself I wasnt crazy I think.  
"Jade...are you feeling alright?"

I ground my teeth. "Yes, I'm perfectly sane, and sober. I'm trying to tell you that episode? Really happened. Sam, Dean, and me all got pushed through that window and came into this world. Just like in the script."

He looked away from me, down at his hands and knees. "Jade..." he whispered sadly, "if you believe that...I need to get you help."

I threw my head back, groaning. This wasnt getting me anywhere.  
"Listen to me!" I hissed, slapping a hand down on his shoulder, "I am not Jade! Not entirely...I am Hazel, and Jensen and Jared are Dean and Sam. "

He wasn't convinced. "So what, I'm actually Castiel? " he asked sarcastically.

"No he didn't come with us." I breathed, "I told you. Its exactly like the show. "

Misha rolled his head away and stood up, pacing in front of me, biting his nails.

"You think I'm crazy, right?"

He glanced at me with the most sickening pity as he continued to pace. "That or you're choosing a really fucked up way of telling me you don't want to be with me."

"So...no part of you wants to believe me?" I asked hopefully yet bitterly.

His lips tightened. "If I believed you, then it wasn't Jade at all who had sex with me yesterday. "

I face palmed. "No, Misha...It was. Sort of...Look I dont know how it works. I think I am Jade, but she's just...not here right now. Because I am instead."

"You mean Hazel."

"Yeah...But what happened was real," I assured him, feeling worse for Misha now than I felt for thinking I was disloyal to Castiel. "I felt it. She wants you back, too."

Misha shook his head like he was shaking off discomfort. "This is insane. _You_ are insane." he argued, but I could tell I was getting somewhere with him, if only a little.

"Prove it, " he said suddenly after an agonizing pause. I jerked back in my seat.

"I...dont know if I can. " I said honestly. There was nothing I could tell him about myself that wouldn't have been in the script or that would be relevant.

"Lets just say..." he began ccarefully,"I wanted to believe you. That you...are Hazel, not Jade. Then you're psychic right? Show me."

I sighed in defeat. "My powers aren't working in this world...but I did manage to contact Cas last night, in my dream."

"Ok so...whatever you did, try on me."

"Misha..."

"You want me to believe you?" he hissed, making me wince.

"Ok, fine. I'll try. Sit down. "

He reclaimed his spot next to me while I hurriedly came up with a game plan.  
"What will convince you? What do you need to see?" I asked.

He pondered the question for a moment, before looking at me again softly. "Show me Jade."

"A little more specific. " I coaxed.

"Show me something only her and I would know."

That wasn't entirely helpful, but I could work with it. Somewhere deep inside this body, was the real Jade. I twisted in the seat to face him, folding my legs and waited for him to do the same. I took his soft hands in mine, cringing inside at how familiar they felt.

"Close your eyes, imagine a bridge between us. Between our hands. Between our minds."

He did as I asked, and now it was up to me. I inhaled deeply, sinking myself into meditative state.   
My powers felt so far out of reach, like a mirage in the desert, but they were there. I pushed, and pushed, fighting as hard as I could to bring them back to me. Pain racked my brain, but I was winning.

All at once, I broke through the veil. The fabric of time and space ripped open just a hair, and delved into the essence of Jade.

I found something I wasnt expecting.

Jade, much younger, sobbing hideously into Misha as he held her. There was no wedding ring. I strained myself to understand what was happening until it finally clicked.

She had just had a miscarriage. Something absolutely no one but the two of them knew about. Her pain seeped into me, becoming my pain as well, and I violently crashed the vision involuntarily.

Panting, I opened my eyes to see Misha leaned back in shock, a similar feeling painted on his face.

"Believe me now?"

He was breathless; wordless.  
"Its true.." he whispered shakily.

"Yes. "

"Oh god...Jade.." he gasped pitifully.

"Hey," I grabbed his hand, "she's still here. I'm sure when my brothers find a way back, everything will go back to normal. You wont even remember me."

☆☆☆☆☆

Misha left to sort this all out in his own way, while I met up with my brothers back in Dean's trailer.

"So it didnt work?" I asked, "the sigil didnt activate at all?"

Sam shook his head. "No magic, no spells. Nothing works here."

"So what do we do?" I asked them. They didnt appear to have answers.

"I think we might be stuck here..." Dean said sullenly. I shook my head.

"No,there has to be a way. I got my powers through before. We can do this."

"How?"

Just then the door was ripped loudly off its hinges, Virgil storming and going after Sam. They fought and wrestled on the ground, Virgil wriggling the key from him.

Dean and I jumped him, but he punched each one of us back. Angel juice or not, he hit us hard. It dazed us long enough for him to bolt out the doorway at a dead run.

"The key!" I shouted and didn't hesitate to charge after him,brothers hot on my heels.

We chased him all over the studio, finely catching up at the part of the set that was Bobby's house. Panting heavily, I remembered why I had quit smoking last year.

The sigil on the window began to glow, pricking at my senses.   
"Its Raphael!" I shouted to my brothers. "He's coming for Virgil and the key!"

My brothers attacked him, managing to wrestle the key back from him while I shoved him down with all my weight.   
Dean snatched me by the collar of my jacket just in time for him to go crashing through the window, dragging me with.

☆☆☆☆☆

We landed roughly on concrete, my face sliding and scraping and I skidded to a halt. The impact ripped off my eye patch and left my my cheek and empty eyelid bloodied with road rash.

"You three have the strangest luck." came a menacing female voice.

I sat myself up, watching Dean and Sam get to their feet and face down the African American woman in a suit.

"Raphael?" Dean inquired, "nice meat suit. Dude looks like a lady. "

Raphael clenched and twisted his/her fist in the air, metaphorically and literally twisting our guts on the inside. Leaving us bending over gagging and groaning.

"They key..." she said quietly to herself, picking it up off the ground where Sam dropped it.

"And that will open you a locker in the Albany bus station. " came a familiar, annoying voice.  
I looked up to see Balthazar standing in front of me, poised rather arrogantly. _Are you insane?_ I hissed into his mind. He merely glanced back and winked at me.

"You see, I needed a modest decoy to make it more convincing. " he said.

"Give me the weapons Balthazar. " Raphael demanded, twisting my innards even harder. I coughed up blood and leaned over to spit it out, hands braced on the cement shakily.

"Sorry darling, they're gone."

"What!?" Raphael sneered.

"I said too, bloody late.You see, they were so well-hidden that I needed time to find them. So, I volunteered these three marmosets for a game of fetch with Virgil. You were such an adequate stick. Thank you,Hazel Thank you, boys." Balthazar said, turning and bowing to us gratefully. I shook my head in angry disbelief at him.

"This was all a trick!?" I spat through bloody teeth.

"You've made your last mistake, " Raphael scorned, quickly snatching both me and Balthazar by the throat and squeezing angrily, my brothers nearby helpless to do anything.   
"You and the Seer die tonight, no more tricks. "

"Oh I've got a few more up my sleeve, honey. " Balthazar retorted.

I closed my eye as I gasped at the increasing pressure on my air way.

"Step away Raphael. "

My heart lept at the sweet sound of Castiel's voice.

"I have the weapons. Their power is within me, now."

I strained my one eye to see him, flexing his wings and glowing faintly with the power boost he spoke of.  
Raphael dropped me and Bal. I managed to stay on my feet, wobbling and choking for air. Sam made his way to me and held me steady as we watched .

"Castiel..." Raphael spoke in controlled surprise.

"If you dont want to die tonight, back off." Cas ordered, his wings flashing threateningly.

Raphael sneered wordlessly at us all, then disappeared with an angry flap, Balthazar nowhere to be seen either.

"Cas!" I cried out and ran into his arm. He let me tuck under it and embrace him, squeezing me close.  
My brothers approached, but before they could breathe a word, Cas zapped us all.

☆☆☆☆☆

We were back inside Bobby's house, the rain still coming down outside but much more gently.   
I still clutched to my angel like I'd never see him again, but he pulled away from me.

"What the hell, Cas?" Sam said, "you were in on this? Using us as a diversion?"

"It was Balthazar's plan. I would have done the same thing."

"That's not comforting, Cas!" Dean spat.

The angel glowered at him.  
"When will you understand, if I lose to Raphael, we all lose. Everything!" he retorted.

"Yeah, we know the stakes, " I piped up, getting a little angry myself, "but that's about all you told us!"

Castiel bowed his head, sighing. "I'm sorry about all of this. I will explain when I can."

"Excuse us..." I said to my brothers, dragging Cas by the sleeve back outside to the porch.

"Hazel, I dont have time for this..." he protested.

"You need to start keeping us in the loop!" I said loudly. "Let us help!" I found myself echoing the feelings of my character.

"There's nothing you can do." he insisted,"not without taking unnecessary risks."

I scoffed and folded my arms. "Unnecessary? Was it unnecessary to go with you to face Michael and Lucifer in the cemetery? Taking risks is what we do!"

Abruptly, and probably rougher than he meant to, he took my wrists and shook me. "You're not going to die for me, Hazel! I am doing this to protect you. "

"But you wont let me protect you?" I whined softly, "I just want to help...let me in! Why are you shutting me out?!"

Cas let go of my wrists, realizing he was holding too tightly.   
His hardness faded, and lifted his knuckles to brush the stinging wound on my cheek,making it disappear.  
"You cant help me this time, " he said quietly.

"When, then, Cas!? When are you going to tell me the truth? There's more going than you let on, I know it. Please...dont you trust me?" I took his hand in mine begging. He was hurting, and conflicted.

"Not now...not yet," was his response, then he distracted me with soft hands taking in my face and pulling me into a deep kiss. "I'll see you again when I can." he breathed into my lips.

With one last longing, loving glance at me, he left.


	30. True Colors

The smell of fresh coffee brewing drew me downstairs, following the aroma to the kitchen where my family were already gathered in the late morning.   
"Morning sleeping beauty," Bobby greeted in his typical gruff fashion.

I hummed lazily in response, reaching for a mug in the cabinet.   
"Oh that's right, it doesnt speak till after two cups of joe." he chided playfully to my brothers, who grinned and chuckled back.

I took a seat between the old man and Dean and poured my creamer into the black fuel.  
Dean was eyeballing me intermittently, and it took me a while to figure out it was because I still didn't have an eye patch.   
"Take a picture, it will last longer. " I grouched at him.

"Wanna go look for a new patch today?" he replied kindly, avoiding my wrath. Oh bittersweet Dean, how I loved him.

I frowned. "I dont know...I was thinking about putting a fake one in. The patch bothered me."

Dean shrugged. "It looked cool."

I shrugged back, still not enough caffeine in my system to hold a conversation. I busied myself with my coffee and my thoughts. Every day I woke up with my angel, like any other girlfriend should, I worried for him. He was at full power and then some, but I hadn't the slightest clue what kind if trouble he was getting into. I believed he could find a way to stop Raphael, I really believed in him. But I was so afraid what he might do in the process. The he had flexed last night, scared me. I'd never seen such a display from him. I worried what he might do if he acquired even more power.

"Hey, Hazey, what was all that on the porch last night?" Sam asked me carefully, snapping me back to reality.

I stiffened. "Me yelling at Cas."

He scoffed. "Yeah I heard. Why?"

I sighed with exaggeration into my mug. "He's hiding something. Its not just these plans he doesn't let us in on till the last minute...its something else."

"What makes you think that?" Dean asked, shoving a donut in his mouth.

I shook my head slowly. "Sometimes...he blocks me out of his mind. He doesnt want me reading something he feels. Why would he do that?"

Both of them stiffened and shifted thoughtfully.  
"Does sound shady. I mean I get not tellin' ya everything, but if he's goin that far.." Bobby said.

His phone started to ring.

I listened in inattentiveness, finding that Rufus was informing Bobby of all kinds of crazy crap he'd been running into. But I just wasn't able to pay attention.   
I found myself getting up from the table, almost in a trance, and leaving the kitchen.

There was something echoing in the atmosphere. Faint...but it was drawing me. Calling me. I'd never felt anything quite like it. Not even when the Alpha Vampire would invade my mind. I made my way to livingroom window, gazing out into the scrap yard blankly.   
The sound was almost...harmonious. Melodic. Like a song just for me was playing on the breeze. Before I knew it, I was on the porch, dropping and shattering my coffee mug.

 _Hazel..._ my name whispered from nowhere and everywhere. My bare feet stepped lightly into the grass and gravel, walking without a known destination. I couldn't stop myself, I didn't even have the willpower to try. It was like I was drugged or hypnotized.   
I kept walking, until I was no longer on the property, the sound of my name gradually growing louder.

In a flash, I dropped to my knees, ravaged by a vision that I shouldn't have been able to have. It was chaotic, my fractured powers struggling to anchor themselves as the images and sensations passed by. I saw a being of some sort, of great power, but it was so vague I couldn't tell what it was. Not human, and not a demon or a monster.   
It kept calling my name, over and over, louder and louder until it was shrieking at me. Hazel, Hazel, Hazel...

"Hazel!"   
Someone shook my shoulders and forced my head back with their hands. The vision crept away and slowly gave way to my normal eyesight, where Sam and none other than Castiel were on their knees, looking at me like I was possessed.

"What the hell was that!?" Sam exasperated, dusting me off.

"I..." my words caught in my throat, "what happened?"

I was truly unaware of how I got there, and how long I was having the vision.

"You just...took off walking. I came out to find you and thought you were having a seizure. " he explained.

I moaned into confusion. "It was a vision," I said, finally looking at Cas.

"That's not possible.." he muttered in awe, "what was it?"

"I...dunno it wasn't like any other. Something was...calling me. Like by name. Trying to show itself to me."

I felt Castiel's emotion rise in negativity. He didnt like the sound of that. "But you didnt see it?"

I shook my head. "Not really..." I said, "But I think it gave me a name. "

I stood up, brushing off my brother and lover's help because I was just fine.  
"Yeah?" Sam pressed me hopefully.

Honestly, it was hard to remember, and even harder to make out what was said. My own name was more easily recognized in the flurry that had gone on inside my head. I fought with my memory of it trying to bring the sounds to my lips.

After I apparently went quiet for too long, Cas gripped my hands. "A name?"

I shook myself. "It was hard to make out..." I said, "um...Sel...Selaf? No it was longer...Look,I dont know. Like I said that wasnt-"

Cas suddenly dropped my hands looked at me like a ghost, backing up a few steps.   
"What?" Cas what?"

"Was it...Selaphiel?"he inquired

I stared at him,a sinking feeling in my gut at the familiarity and the heavy look on his face. "Yes...why does that sound like an angelic name?"

"Because it is." he replied darkly, turning away from me. I sensed his shock and worry coming off in waves that slapped me. Sam too.

"Who is he?" my brother asked anxiously.

"She." Cas corrected.

Sam and I blinked confoundedly, waiting for an elaboration.

"Cas...talk to me. Who is she?" I said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

He hesitated, the turned back to us to face us, his expression beyond sincere.  
"The Fallen Prophet..."

"Ok Cas...," Sam began, "Angel's aren't prophets. "

"She was the prophet of heaven. Before the Scribe of God was chosen to take down the word of God, Selaphiel was his voice. She was his messanger, the one who brought the prophecies to the prophets," Castiel explained, "and she created the first Seer."

"Ok ..and?" I prodded.

"And she fell when she joined Lucifer, but when she saw what he was doing..what he'd become ... She betrayed him....and he killed her. His own sister."

I swallowed hard. "She's dead?"

Sam waved that off. "She's an archangel? "

"Yes." Cas replied to us both.

"How and why is a dead archangel trying to contact me?" I asked, more to myself as I began pacing back towards the house. Dean and Bobby needed to know.

"I dont know," Cas said, catching up with me and taking my hand." But we need to find out."

"How, Cas? We dont even know where to start looking for a dead angel. And we've got bigger problems." I said to him, trying to ease his tension. It didn't work.

"You dont understand, Selaphiel was _good._ She would help us." he argued.

"You just said she joined Lucifer...but she's good?" Sam chided.

"Selaphiel was sympathetic with his cause, at first. But she wanted freedom, like Ana did...like I did. _Not_ destruction. She loved humans..." His eyes flicked to me, delving into mine and I understood. If his sister was out there, one who understood why he rebelled, and why he loved me...He'd want to find her.

I pulled the angel into an embrace, around his middle, pecking his lips in assurance. "I'm sure we'll find her. But I wouldn't stock your campaign on it, Cas. We dont know where to look."

☆☆☆☆☆

When we went inside and explained to Dean and Bobby what happened, they didn't seem too thrilled. Sam wasn't either.

Dean's arms were folded with a prominent scowl on his brow and lips, while just sat there looking exhausted by hearing about fifth archangel nobody ever mentioned before.

"So let me get this straight..." Dean said, stabbing his hand into the air across the table, "this chick, was on Lucifer's side in the gold old days?"

"Yes..." Cas confirmed stoically.

"And you want to find her because...she sent out a distress signal...from the dead?" Dean continued.

"Yes."

"Because she can help us?"

"YES Dean, shit." I spit at him.

His arms tightened back around himself, shaking his head. "Am I the _only_ one that thinks that sounds stupid?"

"Selaphiel can be trusted,Dean. " Castiel assured him.

I wasn't so sure of that. I wanted to believe every word my angel ever said. But the words _archangel and Lucifer_ never sit well with any of us. I didnt know what to think. On one hand, my lover was convinced that this Selaphiel was like him. A rebel with good reason. She only joined Lucifer because she too, had grown weary of serving heaven. But in Castiel's accord, she loved humans, whereas Lucifer hated them.

On the other hand, as I was about to bring to point, that was just a story. We didnt know that for sure. All we knew was that archangel equals bad news.

"Cas..." I chimed in carefully, "how do you know? Where you _there_?"

He looked at me next to him, as if he misunderstood the question.   
"I was created shortly after the archangels, I was always there..." he informed me matter of factly. I rolled my singular eye at him.

"No, Cas...were you THERE when she betrayed Lucifer? How do you know she was fond of humans if you never came near them yourself at the time? These sound like rumors to me. I'm sorry babe, but you cant trust the chain of command up there as far as you can throw them."

"Babe?" he echoed me as if didnt listen to my entire speech at all. Sam snorted. Dean grimaced like he grew green at the gills.

I huffed impatiently. I adored his naivity, but sometimes it showed itself in worst of times.  
"Term of endearment. " I informed him. I just realized I'd never called him anything but his name before, and felt weird that it just slipped out casually like that. Maybe an after taste of my psuedo involvement with Jade and Misha.

"Anyways..." Dean cleared his throat along with the awkwardness, "that's exactly my point, Haze. We have _no idea_ what Selly is really like. And you know what? Other than you, Cas, and occasionally Gabriel, we havent met single that wasnt a dickbag."

Cas frowned in thought, eyes flitting from the floor blankly, and up to me a few times. "I met her once." he finally said to us.

I nudged him gently with my shoulder to elaborate.

"She was the first one to tell me to enjoy the earth, not just to observe. Told me to watch the people, learn from them. Look after them." He squeezed hip lightly, "at the time I thought it was nonsense. I was a soldier, not a watcher. Until long after she was pronounced dead...and I first saw the child I was told to kill."

Sam furrowed now too, only he seemed thoughtful and I felt him trying to give benefit of the doubt. "Ok...and you said she created Seers? Maybe she just wants to help Hazey." he proposed.

Dean snorted. "Yeah you know what? Michael was supposed to be the good guy too, and he was still willing to roast the planet to kill Lucifer."

"Dean..." Cas spoke in dark determination, "have I ever asked you to trust another angel? Do you think I would vouch for one of them if it wasn't genuine?"

"How about Balthazar? Hm? Actually...you didnt even ask us to trust him, you just gave him the reins and showed up later."

I glowered at him. "I don't think we have reason _not_ to trust Balthazar, either Dean."

Dean threw his head dramatically.   
"Fine. But this not-so-dead-angel is in the wind. If she isnt dead, where is she?"

☆☆☆☆☆

The conversation died out, and eventually all three of them ended up making plans to go on a case with Rufus, so they started to pack and left me alone with Castiel in the backyard.

For a long while, he just stared at me while I sat at the picnic table and he stood nearby. I was used to his prolonged stare sessions. Most of the time he was just...admiring me. Figuring me out. Like he was mapping every contour of my body to memory. Other times he do it in messy mixture of sadness and affection. But this time he was deep in thought, I could practically hear the gears in his head turning.

"Aren't you busy? I realized Sam called you down here but if you have somewhere to be..."

He didnt answer me. Which was common for him, just not towards me.

"Hello? Cas? What's your deal?" I called obnoxiously.

He broke is laser focus and looked me in the eye finally. "I'm trying to understand..."

"What?"

"You." he said bluntly.

My eye narrowed. "What about me?"

His statue like stance broke at last as well, and he drew himself closer to rest his hands on my from behind.  
"Why Selaphiel contacted you specifically. And how."

I shrugged into his hands, secretly praying for a massage as the simple weight of them on my stiff traps made them crave something deeper.  
"She commissioned the Seers? So...maybe that makes me like...her prophet, sorta. She's got a connection to me."

"Maybe."

I bit my lips, contemplating the same things now. All the time, being a Seer meant something new. Now I was this special project started by the devil's little sister?   
"Cas?"

"Hm?" He was losing his brooding and fell into rubbing my muscles with blessedly rough strokes. I almost wanted to purr out loud and forget what I was going to say.

"Be honest...is she dangerous?" I finally asked when he slowed his fingers and dipped his head closer to mine.

I heard him huffed softly though this nose. "She was never meant to be a fighter, in the beginning. But Lucifer and Michael had insisted she learn. When Selaphiel turned her back on all of them....the carnage was unspeakable. But she was defending herself. And she _was_ an archangel. I believe her rank among them was between Gabirel and Raphael. "

"So...backed into a corner, that's a yes."

He hummed in agreement, resuming his massage after he noticed how much it pleased me.

"Are you afraid?" he asked me quietly.

"I'm afraid what she wants from me is exactly what her brothers wanted from mine. " I replied distantly. My shoulders became cold and mournful of the absence as he lifted his hands from me.  
"Vessels..." he inferred.

I nodded solemnly. 

"Well...you dont have to yes, you know that. " he said, stroking a down the top of my hair.

"I know..." I said, looking down in my lap, "but what if I need to?"

"What do mean?"

"What if you cant stop Raphael, and we need Selly? What if...Seers are her true vessel?"

"I had my suspicion of that as well..." he muttered, "are you saying you would let her in if it meant you could kill him?"

"Yes...but I'm afraid. I dont know what it's like to be possessed. And what if she never let's me go? "

I expected him to object, to reject the whole idea, but instead he gave my under arm a light tug, asking me to stand. Which I did and faced him curiously.

"I think she would...but if you'd like...you can see it's not so scary. "

I cocked my head at him, the exposure of my neck tempting him to caress. God he was so smooth sometimes and he didnt even know it.  
"What do you mean?"

The same fingers trailed to my jawline, the up my cheek and over my ear. He was observing me, like artwork again.   
"I mean I can show you what's it like, if you'll let me."

I scoffed, involuntarily. The idea simply took me by surprise. I'd never even considered the possibility of Castiel riding me. Not in that way at least.  
"You really don't care if I said yes to her? If we even find her..."

"I wouldn't like it," he admitted, "but I think she would give you back to me. And you would be safe with her."

I lowered my eyes. Again with the safety thing.

"Hazel..." he continued softly, making me look back up with a single finger, "I'm not asking you to do that. But if you would consider it...I can help you desensitize to it."

I hugged myself, fighting back the oncoming anxiety. I didnt know what to say. It was scary to think about, but in contrary...the idea of Castiel inside me more intimately than ever intrigued me.  
"Does it hurt?" I asked almost childishly.

He chuckled at me. "No."

I opened my mouth to say something but was cut off by the sound of car doors opening and shutting around front. They were leaving.   
I gave Cas a quick nod and rounded the building to find my brothers and Bobby by the Impala.

Sammy noticed me first and gave me a warm smile before I snatched his giant frame into a hug. When it was Dean's turn, he squeezed me alot harder than I was expecting, pulling the wild curls away from my ear and whispered, "be careful with angels, Hazey. "

I tugged away from him with a nod. "I will."

He was so worried. Angels had taken almost everything from him once, and it sickened him that now he could be losing me to them as well. It didnt matter to him that it was all speculation and hypothetical. Didnt matter that we didn't know if we ever could find Selaphiel. All he knew was that he loved his new sister and that be might be watching her disappear the way Sam disappeared.

After our goodbyes were said, I retreated into the house to shut things down for Bobby, and pack my bags upstairs.   
I didnt like to stay in his house alone. It wasnt really mine anymore, and if I left , they would know where to find me. In my own house. I didn't remodel the place for nothing. It was _my house._

When I got to the car, I still hadn't seen Castiel again. It wasnt entirely unusual for him to leave unannounced, especially if something had come up on angel radio. I shrugged it off, thinking our conversation would have to pick up some other time.

☆☆☆☆☆

The Queen and I normally would have headed straight home, but after seven hours of driving, I was having difficulty staying awake. I needed to stop somewhere for the night, but I was currently in the middle of nowhere off an exit to Arkansas.

The road became a bit blurry to my singular eyeball that was doing all the work. I began to wonder if it was even legal for a cyclops to drive.

And that's when it started again.  
The slow dive into a trance, the lack of will power...  
 _Hazel....Hazel...._ the voice whispered. My head bobbed drunkenly, my hands loosening their their control of the steering wheel.

Selaphiel, or whomever it was, was desperately trying to show herself and tell me something again, consuming my brain and my power.

I wasnt aware of it, but the Camaro was swerving all over the road, and I didnt become self aware again until she completely went off course, thundering down a ditch and slamming into a tree.  
The impact and the airbag shattered the trance, and possibly my face.  
In a daze I waited for the damn thing to deflate, throwing my head back with an adrenaline fueled gasp.

Shaking inside and out, I opened my car, thanking the powers that be that it wasnt damaged, and got out to assess the front end. It didnt look too bad, the grill and fenders were slightly caved in, and a slight rumple in the end of the hood. But other wise my queen was still alive and not spilling her guts.   
I got back in her and hit reverse to get out of the ditch, thanking Chevrolet for the rear wheel drive. Getting back into the road took a minute or two but I got it.

"Good lord who taught you how to drive?"

I squealed out loud in a jolt at the sound and sight of Balthazar in my passenger seat. "God you fucking angels...dont pop in on hunters like that!" I scolded through my teeth, "were jumpy enough as it is!"

He chuckled light heartedly. "Didn't sense me coming?"

I glanced over at him getting a good read on him for the first time. He was odd, for an angel. All the vibes coming off him were so human in many ways, so much so that if didnt sense his power I wouldn't know he was one.   
"No I didn't..." I sighed, "an old friend of yours invaded my mind bubble again."

He clicked his tongue. "Right...aunt Selly. What's all that about anyway?"

"You would know better than I would." I replied bitterly, "what are doing here?"

He grinned at me. "Your favorite squeeze, Cassie asked to me keep an eye on you while he's away on business. Seemed to think this exact kind of thing might happen."

I nodded sharply with tight lips. "Its definitely more of a problem that I thought it would be. Look what she did to my car!"

"Right...so where are you going?"

"Home for a minute, " I said, "then probably look for a case."

"Ooo...naughty girl hunting alone with angelic epilepsy? Tsk tsk..."

I shrugged. "Can't do nothing. "

"Oh no, I agree. If you like I can even find a case for you. "

I squinted at him. "Why?"

"Cause I'm boredddd, Hazey. You wanna chop up some vampires? I know of a nest not far from here."

That piqued my interest. One because vampires were a challenge, and because I really wanted to get over my unhealthy relationship with them. I hadn't spoken about it to anyone, but I was still rather disturbed by the whole experience.   
"Alright, " I agreed, "but you stand back. I dont need your help. "

"Of course not."

☆☆☆☆☆

Bal directed me to a village tucked away in nowhereville in Missouri. And by village I mean the population sign read "192".

As soon as I pulled in off the spur, I knew the place wasn't right. I didnt sense a single human. It was dark and quiet aside from the buzzing streetlights down the main street. Parking the car I got out and retrieved my machete from the trunk, Balthazar waltzing around aimlessly watching me.

"So how many?" I asked him, giving my blade a quick swipe or two with the whetstone.

He shrugged. "A few dozen altogether, but at this hour of the night theres likely just a fraction of that left behind to guard the village. "  
I nodded in agreement with his logic.

When I began stalking down the street, my feelers all put out for signs of life, Bal skipped along me rather merrily. "So how do we do this? Clear houses one by one? That's what I'd would do."

I shook my head and brandished my machete to check my form. "Well I'm not you." I said quietly, stopping at the very center of the road. Surely by now, any vamps that lingered in the village could smell me, if not heard the horsepower of my car.

"Ooo...scary Seer." he cooed in delight, making me smirk. I actually really liked Balthazar. He was refreshingly laid back compared to Castiel, though I loved him so.  
"So what _is_ your plan?"

My smirk widened.

"Come on leeches!" I shouted into the echoing emptiness of the street, "prime choice Seer, get it while its hot!"

Eerie silence followed, aside from Balthazar's slow clapping in approval.   
"Very subtle...Cassie would love that. "

I shrugged and loosened my shoulders, trying not to let him distract me. I sensed several entities slinking their way through the night towards my location. In minutes they slowly trickled into view, one by one, until I had the attention of the whole town. There were eight of them, stalking closer on silent feet.

Some of them flicked their eyes towards Bal, fearfully.  
"Come on don't be shy, he's just here to watch. Let's do this."

I assumed my stance, blade and body ready.

The first one came solo, brutefully trying to grab me outright, I shoved him off with my power a short way, keeping him in range to sock him hard in the eye. He roared at me and threw his own fist, but I ducked and maneuvered behind him, seizing the opportunity to chop and send his head rolling.   
The others were angry now, and I was just getting warmed up.   
A woman was next to reach me, faster and more agile. Her and I fought like proper ladies, pulling hair and throwing fists back and forth between the tangle of our tresses. It infuriated me, having my hair pulled and head manipulated.   
I dropped dead weight, sacrificing the pain in my scalp to bring her down with me, planting my feet on her ribs and springing her backwards off me. She let go of me but managed to twist midair and land on her feet. I nabbed my machete off the ground and kicked my legs up and sprung to a stand in time for her to charge at me, meeting her end at an expertly calculated swing.  
Just as that second rolled away, two more were coming at me. I was good and warmed up now, and in warrior mode. Nobody, not even Cas, was really aware of just how good I was, but Balthazar was about to bear witness to my prowess.

I fought the pair off hand and foot, dropping the machete again. I toyed with them. They couldn't land a hit, and I landed several, getting them angry and careless. I maneuvered myself a short distance so I could usr my power to lift the machete from the ground and send it whizzing and slicing through the air like a saw blade, getting me a two for one strike. At this point, blood was everywhere, especially on my arms and a modest spackling on my cheeks.

The remaining four were now terrified after seeing what I'd done without even using my hands, all but one trying to turn away and run.  
A hand outstretched, I stopped all three of them in their tracks and slammed them to ground backwards, heads bouncing hard off the pavement. While they were dazed I marched to forth one, seeming to be paralyzed but snapped into action as I got close.   
The creature snarled and lunged at me with clawed fingers swiping, I darted to the side and chopped down, severing its arm. He howled in shock and agony, giving the opening to finish the job.  
The three I'd knocked down were back on their feet and still trying to run, so my machete was once more soaring in the air and slicing at breakneck speed through each of their spinal cords.

It was finally over, leaving me heaving and shaking with adrenaline, feeling the wild fire in myself struggling to simmer down.  
Again Balthazar started clapping.

"Well well..." he sound impressed, "aren't you quite the death machine. "

I scoffed, rubbing blood from my lip before it got into my mouth.  
"What did you expect?"

Bal shrugged. "Dunno... little more damsel in distress, a little less Zena Warrior Princess. "

"Sorry to disappoint, " I smirked, swinging the blade over my shoulder and headed back to the car, the angel trailing after me.

"Oh no no, no disappointment here, love. I'm starting to see the appeal in you. Sweet kitten's more like a tiger." he praised, jogging behind me.

I rolled my eye. "Why does everyone underestimate me? "

"Probably the pretty package all that dynamite is wrapped in." he replied, graciously opening the driver door for me.  
I ignited the engine and waited to see if he was still coming with me and get in.

"Surely Sabrina the motherly witch didnt teach you all that?" He commented as we began pulling out of town.   
I grinned. "Some. Alot I learned from experience. And a year ago Cas helped me freshen up."

He nodded with impression.   
"So where to now?"

I frowned, pondering. Any fatigue I had before was washed away by the adrenaline. "How bout a drink?"

He clapped excitedly. "Oh yes, _please."_

It was long drive to my house, or nearest bar, so Balthazar opted to zap us, and my car to Kansas City, cleaning me up and insisting I put on less hunter-esque attire before we went inside what looked like a heavy metal bar.

We ordered drinks and reveled in the angry thrashing music and metalheads thrashing about. It was my kinda place.   
After four glasses I was feeling myself, and joined the crowd in their enthusiasm. Even got involved in a mosh that started up. You'd think a small thing like me could get trampled by giant, drunk metalheads. But it paid to be telekinetic in a mosh. I came out of it with nothing but a bruise on my clavicle from a rouge elbow.   
Bal stood by, watching and drinking, thoroughly enjoying the show. It was late into the night, early morning in fact, when last call was up and I was thoroughly smashed.

He guided me outside on his arm, stumbling and laughing down the alley.   
"My my, who knew you were such fun." he said laughing along with me.

" _Pbbbbb_....nobody everrrrr wants to have fun with me. Bastards..."

"Shame really."

I shoved him playfully, but hard.   
"You're fun."

"Believe me, I know."

I gasped in sudden excitement. "Let's kill more stuff! Im...ready.." I stumbled several sidesteps to the left.

"Oh I think you've had enough of that, among other things."

"Fuck thatttt," I whined, " come on _Bally,_ let's murder shit..."

He steadied me on his arm and kept a firm grip on me, laughing.  
"Another time darling."

"Hmmmm...now?"

He shook his head at my dazed, wide eyed pleading. "Time to go home."

☆☆☆☆☆

Bal didnt take me home, but back to Bobby's instead where my brothers and Bobby had recently returned from whatever they had been hunting.

He let me flop into an arm chair, laying side ways in with my feet kicked up on the arm, as my family came around to investigate.   
"Balthazar?" Dean said suspiciously, flitting his eyes back and forth between us.

"No...no...its Bally! " I said, throwing my hands up in the air, "cause he's _ballin' !_ "

"Hello boys," the angel greeted nonchalantly.

"What the hell?" Sam huffed ,"is she..?"

"Obliterated." Bal confirmed, grinning at me.  
I mimicked the sound and demonstrated an explosion in my fingers, giggling to myself.

Dean shook his head smiling. "Well...thanks for dropping her off."

"I'll _drop_ _you,_ mother fuckerrrr." I threatened merrily.

"Hey!"

"Is for horses, Deeeeaaaan."

"Jesus christ..."

Sam came over to me with a glass of water. "Drink this." he ordered softly.

"Fuck you," I spat, "drink these nuts."

He grimaced at me, shaking his head. "Who knew you were a mean drunk?"

Bal chuckled a bit. "She'll simmer down eventually. Just little too pumped from the battle and booze and bass."

"You went on a hunt?" Dean asked me.

"Eight blood suckers. All by my onezy self." I said proudly. "Then... tequila...lots of tequila. Tequila is good."

Bal grinned. "Little firecracker that one, " he noted.  
I mimicked and explosion again.   
"Fireeeee.." I cooed in high pitch, then took a drink of the water I snatched clumsily from Sam's hand.  
"And waterrrrr..."

"Yeah we know," Dean agreed, pretending to be unimpressed.

"I dont think you do," Bal contradicted, "I mean the killer instinct in that little bird..." he trailed off for a beat, "I saw her true colors tonight, let me tell you. Such rage, tsk tsk...well I see that she's in good hands, so I'll be off. Ta'Ta for now."

"Sammy you made my friend leave! Rude ass..." I hissed, the dizziness taking me over as I turned my head and consequently turning my whole body and flopping to the floor. Laughing my ass off.

"Jesus christ, Hazel.." Dean said again, tilting me up to lean back against the chair, my legs sprawled before me in a most unladylike manner.   
"What's the matter with you?"

"What's the matter with _you,_ dick?"

He brushed off my insult and took my boots off for me. "What were you doing with Balthazar anyway?"

I blew a raspberry. "Sexy angel thought snobby angel needed to babysit me." I hummed, relishing the sensation of my tired feet being released from their imprisonment.  
"Proved _him_ wrong, didnt I!?" I shouted celebratory.

"Yeah, yeah..." Dean hunored me, sliding strong arms under my legs and arms and lifting me to his chest with a grunt, "you sure did."

"Weeee..." I giggled as my big little brother carried me across the room, "w-where are we going prince charming?"

"Bed." He replied, not able to contain his amused smile.

I gasped excitedly. "Sleep over!?"

He shook his head at me, making his way slowly up the stairs with my useless ass.

"No, not...not a sleep over. Try the prerequisite to a hangover."

"I'm sssssorry I called you a dick, dick. You're not always a dick. You're alright sometimes."

Dean shook his head grinning. "You're not always a bitch, bitch. "

"Ha!" I let out very loudly, laughing, "that's where you're wrong."

He reached the top of the stairs and carefully twisted the doorknob to my room.

"You're gonna be real sorry tomorrow."

"Pft...hangovers are for pussies." I told him.

"Yeah ok, Hazey," he said softly as he tossed me onto my very inviting bed, "you tell me that again in the morning. "


	31. Fate's a Bitch

Hangovers, are in fact, not just for pussies.

The second I opened my one, very tried eyeball, I felt like I'd been hit by a train, ran over by at least a hundred cars and blown up by the caboose.

For a moment, I hadn't the slightest idea why I felt that way, or where I was. It wasn't until I looked more closely at my purple sheets and caught a glimpse of the familiar doorframe that I realized I was back at Bobby's.

Faintly I recalled arriving at the bar with Balthazar, and the slay fest I had before that. But upon entering the bar until now, it was a complete black out.  
Just how much had I drank?

I rolled back over and buried my head in my pillow, willing it to take away the migraine and groaning.

Knocks at the door sounded like gunfire in my skull.  
"Rise and shine Tequila Rose!" came the excruciatingly loud voice of Dean, slamming the door open.

I growled both angrily and pitifully into the pillow. "Fuck off," was my muffled reply.

Dean army crawled onto the bed towards my head resting on his elbows, prodding to get a look at me. "Aw what's wrong, sis?" he feigned, purposely speaking too loud. He ruffled my hair, shaking my head enough to feel like it was full of bowling balls knocking around.

"I said...fuck off, Dean." I warned.

Maybe it was a good thing we didn't grow up together. If this is what brothers were like, I'd have killed them.

He laughed at me impishly.   
"Come on," he said, slapping my upper back, "Coffee's on and we got stuff to talk about."

I snarled inhumanly and loud, finally forcing my jellied arms to lift my chest to face him.  
"I hate you," I whispered.

"I love you too," he said a wink and smirk and pulled himself off the bed, "come on get up, its important. "

To great protest of my aching, dehydrated muscles, I climbed out of the bed, my feet hitting the floor limply.   
"Shower first," I croaked, then realized the movement I'd accomplished resulted in instant nausea. The gagging started in seconds, my hand flying to my mouth before I could spew all over myself. I scrambled on clumsy, heavy legs to the bathroom down the hall and barely made it to the toilet in time.   
The vomit splashed out of me like something out of the exorcist movie, missing the bowl by inches.

The remaining wretching and dry heaving went on for what felt like hours, but probably only twenty minutes until I just couldn't do it anymore. In the background of my headache, I could sense the laughter downstairs as the sound of my sick likely traveled through the entire house.  
When I finished I shed my disgusting clothes and grappled the shower knob to to start it up. Waiting for the heat to rise, I sat slumped on the floor by the tub, my arm hanging over the side of it, buck naked.

Once the nausea had passed, I felt drunk all over again. But not in a good way.   
Despite that, a richness in the air made itself known to my senses, and I recognized the feeling to be Castiel.

I didnt bother looking up at him when I caught sight of his shoes near my knees on the tile floor.  
I heard throaty rumble of dissproval come from him and he tucked his hands under my arms.  
He wouldn't meet my eyes as he lifted me off my feet and set me down inside the tub like a ragdoll.   
He knelt beside me and shook my hair with his fingers under the running water, helping it soak into the dense layers.   
I hummed pleasingly at the feeling of soul cleansing hot water cascading over my head, leaning it back to let it run over my face.

"Balthazar informed me that I should check in on you this morning..." he said gruffly after watching me for awhile.   
I didnt say anything, feeling too sheepish about my actions.

"I was told you were in poor condition after fighting vampires," he carried on, staring me down. I couldnt read his face, but his mind was mildly upset with me.  
"This was not what I thought he meant."

I smirked inappropriately.   
"Are you mad at me?"

He couldn't help return a small smile to me. "Not as long as you enjoyed yourself. Balthazar however, is how you say...on my shit list. "

I laughed heartedly at that.

"Are in pain?" he asked me.

"Loads of it..."

He was about to touch me to ease my suffering but I stopped him.  
"Why dont you come in here, and do it right?" I asked suggestively.

"I'm not sure intercourse would be wise, given your severe dehydration. " he protested.

I rolled my eye, and stood up shakily. "Then get me a Gatorade when we're done. "

He accepted my invitation, shedding his clothes and practically slamming me into the shower wall, lips crashing into mine. A husky grumble escaped him as he pinned my arms above my head with one hand, and my bare hip with the other.   
"You behaved very badly.." he commented, his tone dark and domineering, eyes boring holes into mine. My breath caught in my chest.

"Mm...what are you gonna do, Cas? Show me who's boss?" I teased lowly.

His grip on me tightened, a sly grin tugging at his mouth.  
"Maybe..."

☆☆☆☆☆  
He left me, painless but even more exhausted, to get dressed and head downstairs alone, stalking the aroma of coffee like a predator.

I passed Bobby sitting alone in the livingroom, and passed my brothers standing in the kitchen doorway staring at him.  
"Say something " Sam whispered to Dean as I poured the largest travel mug I could find in the cabinet.

"You say something. " the elder brother hissed back.

"No. You."

"No. You."

As I turned around to lean dependently on the counter and sip my glorious go-juice, they proceeded to play rock paper scissors to settle whatever they were arguing over. Sam lost.

"What's up?" I asked them quietly, picking up on them not wanting Bobby to hear us.

They huddled further back into the kitchen with me.  
"The case we were on...Rufus didn't make it." Sam informed me soberly.

Though it didn't sit heavy with me, I understood the gravity of it for Bobby.

"You three just gonna stand there like the ugly girls at the prom?" Bobby growled us, startling us, "or are you gonna pitch in? This so called Eve, mother of all or whatever, ain't gonna gank herself. "

"What is he talking about?"

Everything was explained to me. This creature, Eve, the mother of all creatures, had escaped purgatory and was wreaking havoc upon the earth, sprouting new monsters all around.

I suddenly felt selfish worrying about an angel that may or may not be friendly, asking for my help, when something much worse was going down right under our noses.

As it turned out, Bobby had a case for us. Seemingly unrelated, but it was definitely weird and we Winchesters didn't hesitate to pounce on weird.

Essentially a series of gruesome deaths, cause by freak accidents where plaguing an entire bloodline. Naturally we had to go check it out.   
My brothers didn't give me a chance to get over my hangover when they decided to move out, Bobby refusing to join us, claiming we were "driving him nuts".

In reality he'd done nothing but stay awake for two days drinking, mourning Rufus in his own way.  
Before Dean started in the engine of the Mustang, he whipped out his phone, scrolling through contacts.   
I peered over the backseat curiously.   
"Who ya callin?"

"Ellen, she needs to get back here before the old man wastes away."

I eavesdropped, naturally, because that's essentially all a psychic ever does. To be honest, I just wanted to hear her voice. Since the day we met, Ellen treated me like a daughter. That motherly nurturing she poured over me filled a void in my soul I'd been carrying for a long time. I savored every minute I had with the woman, because it was the closest thing I'd ever get to a scolding, or a bowl of soup brought to my bed, or the griffin toy stuffed under my arm while I slept, by my mother. Ellen did all those things for me whenever she was around.

"She's on the road," Dean informed us after hanging up, "said she'll be here in two shakes."

"Good," I said with a tight nod, a little mournful that I'd be missing her visit while we were away.

We set out for Pennsylvania, but it wasn't more than an hour later that Cas popped into the back seat with me, a huge paper bag clutched in between both his arms.

"Cas?" Sam inquired, turning around curiously.   
Cas didnt acknowledge him, merely faced me with an almost puppy dog expression that melted me.  
"What?" I asked him, breaking the awkward stare.

"There were too many choices..." he mumbled, peering down into the bulging bag on his lap.

He dumped the thing over in the middle seat between us, revealing literally every single flavor and size of Gatorade tumbling and rolling out all over the back of the car and my lap.

I melted even more and his literal thinking and consideration, picking out my favorite from the pile, and opening it up. It was still cold, and didnt realize how badly I wanted it until I took a sip, then began chugging barbarically.   
"Thanks babe," I gasped after I finished it. He smiled in satisfaction at me.   
"You're welcome....babe."

I giggled. The word was so foreign on his lips.

"Oh God..." Dean whined, "stop. I'm gonna be sick."

"Hey, we got plenty to drink on the road now." Sam said, eyeing the ridiculous mass of sports drinks over his shoulder. "And I think they're sweet, Dean. Leave em alone. " Sam didnt fool me, he was just as weirded as Dean about me and the angel, but he always did his best to be accepting of it. Encouraging even. I think maybe it was because in his mind, it was much better than him sleeping with Ruby.

Dean shook his head with vigor, as if trying to shake off the urge to gag.   
"Anyway..." he said hoarsely, "Cas you busy? We got a case if you're interested."

"Sorry, Dean, I am in fact busy. Im merely filling Hazel's request for a hydrating beverage. " he said apologetically, then looked at me sweetly. "Let me know if I'm needed."   
And he left.

☆☆☆☆☆

The most recent victim had been butchered by his own construction equipment in his garage. We found no EMF, no sulfur, hexbags...nothing.

Just my brothers were about to call it an accident, I offered my expertise.   
"Wait..." I told them as they were headed out of the garage, "I can see what happened, give me a minute."

Carefully stepping over pools of blood and scattered supplies, I wandered with purpose. My hands outstretched, caressing the air above everything in the room. Mortified by how everything that happened to the man, was literally one accident after another, building up more deadly each time until the buzz saw finally ended him. But something wasn't right. Each time an accident occured, it appeared to me that something purposely set it in motion. I couldn't see how or who, because without my other eye it was more of a feeling than a vision.  
"Find anything?" Sam whispered.

I shook my head softly, still entranced and trying to focus. I switched up my search, and instead of reading the event, I read the garage for anything that had changed, anything that didnt belong.

I quickly locked onto something, my senses guiding my hands and blank stare to crouch and reach underneath the table saw.

Staring forward in the abyss that was my power, my fingers made contact with whatever it was I was drawn to. I plucked it from the dirty floor and broke my trance to stand up and observe the object.

It was bright, yellowish string, as if part of a tassel.   
"What is that?" Sam breathed, squinting and coming closer with his flashlight shining into my palm.  
He took it from me with his fingertips, examining it.   
"String?" Dean offered.

Sam shook his head. "Its not fabirc.." pursing his lips thoughtfully, he turned back to a table where there was clay planter, and rubbed the thread against it, leaking a shimmering streak like a gel pen.   
"Its gold. Gold thread." he concluded.

I cocked my head. "Well that's...out of place."

"Think we found a clue, Scooby Doo." Dean said, dead serious despite the pun.

☆☆☆☆☆

After that, we separated our searches. Sam hung back at the motel, researching family history, while Dean left to talk to another relative, find out if he can dig up any dirt about a family curse.  
Meanwhile, I was going to investigate the scene of yet another victim. A woman had been strangled by her own scarf feeding into a laminate machine. There, I found a very similar scenario. Small, highly unlikely accidents leading up to the big whammy, and yet another gold string on scene.  
Something was definitely up, that much was clear. I cursed myself for not letting Castiel fix my eye, in times like this. I knew I had really come into my own as Seer, knew I was capable of so much more. And times like these frustrated me when I knew I could crack the case wide open with my missing organ.

Sighing and pondering my decisions, I left the office building, taking to the street to find somewhere to eat. My hangover had almost subsided, but now I was starving.   
Something was unnerving me as I walked, as if I was being watched. It felt threatening, foreboding.

I searched my surroundings, a panic coming to head as the feeling increased, but saw nothing but ordinary people walking or driving in broad daylight.   
I quickened my pace down the sidewalk, the lack of security harbinging a genuine terror. Distracting me and my empty stomach.  
Suddenly, a stray cat, of all things darted in front me into an ally and I tripped hard over the creature, catching myself painfully on my hands and knees.   
Recovering from the jump scare, I heard a creaking above me, my instincts telling to look up, rolling halfway to my side for a better view.

A large, heavy glass window in the second floor of the old building next to me was groaning and leaning forward from its frame. I narrowed my sight, trying to comprehend what I was seeing, then quickly realized the damn thing was coming loose, and fast.  
With a gasp of realization, I tucked and tumbled into the street between two parked cars as the enormous window finally fell, crashing catastrophically to the cement. Big hunks of sharded glass littered the scene, the largest of which jammed into the crack of the sidewalk right where I was previously crouched.

My heart raced. Whatever was happening here in Chester Pennsylvania, was now trying to happen to me. Just as I came to terms with that, an obnoxious screech of car tires filled my ears, making me twist my attention to the street behind me.

A full size pick up truck appeared to have lost control and hitting break neck speed, hurdling towards little old me trapped between two closely parked sedans.

I launched myself back to the sidewalk and sprinted several yards down to avoid the truck as it came smashing into the building that had just tried to decapitate me.

☆☆☆☆☆

We finally regrouped, after talking previously with Ellen about the case over the phone.  
Keeping in touch with the case, Dean called her back up after it became apparent that I wasnt the only Winchester under attack. Both my brothers had escaped deadly accidents in the time we were separated. It was time to push harder for information.   
Dean put Ellen on speaker phone.

Dean: So we found another piece of this shiny string

Ellen: Oh I was afraid of that.

Dean: Why, what's up?"

Ellen: Oh, these so-called accidents - we're seeing 'em nationwide. About 75 so far. I got Jo and her crew working on a cluster in California.

We briefly heard Bobby protesting with her on the other end.

Me : Are they blood relatives?

Ellen: Some yes, some no. Jo's got about the same results as you, a pile of bodies and gold strings.

Dean: So what does it mean?

Ellen: I dont know, I got Bobby working on it.

Me: How's he doing, by the way?

Ellen: Oh dont, worry, I'm kicking his ass back to health and happiness.

 _Who asked_ _you_ _? To hell with you!_ We heard Bobby shout loud enough for us to hear. I chuckled.

Me: I heard that, Bobby Singer.

Ellen: He'll be okay.

Me: Are you ok?

Ellen: Aw honey, you're sweet. You know me, I just worry about you and the boys.

Sam : Alright, so all these corpses...anything relate them?

Ellen: Well I did dig up one thing, just dont know what to make of it. It's a weird one, and it was buried pretty deep, but Bobby and me were combing through the family trees on all the victims, and we started seeing... well, the families all came over to America the Same year.

Me: Huh?

Ellen: Yeah, 1912. But here's the really weird part. They all came over on the same boat.

Dean and both twisted our mouths in intrigue. Now we were getting somewhere.

Dean: So what's special about this boat?

Ellen: Nothing. It was boat. Does what boats do.

Sam: What was it called?

Ellen: the Titanic. Ever hear of it?

We all told her no.

Ellen: yeah me neither. I'll keep digging.

Me: Ok, thanks Ellen! Keep on top of the grinch for me!

Ellen: sure thing sweetheart. Good luck.

Dean hung up the phone and looked to Sam sitting near the laptop.  
"Guess we gotta dig up dirt on _The Titanic. "_ he proposed.

Sam wasted no time, clacking away at the keys like he always did, pulling up everything he could about this boat that seemed to be the centerpiece of our investigation.

He cleared his throat and began reciting his findings to us, "The RMS Titanic was the largest passenger steamship in the world when it made its maiden voyage across the North Atlantic in 1912.Oh, looks like there was a close call. Ship almost hit an iceberg."

I frowned. "Almost? So ?"

Sam tilted his head in agreement with my dismissal. "Yeah, the first mate spotted it just in time, I guess..."  
He continued to examine the screen, until his eyes lit up with that familiar eureka of bad news.

"Guys...first mate? His name was I.P Freely."

I snorted into what became a full out boom of laughter. Dean grinned proudly at me. "God you're just as bad as me."

Sam shook his head at us still searching his data. "Suspicious name if you ask me..oh wait...ohhh noooo" he groaned.

"What? Dean prodded, joining me to move around the table to check out the screen.

"Look at his picture. " Sam told us.

Instantly we all recognized Balthazar, despite the grainy quality of the photo.

"Son of bitch," Dean and I both muttered together.

☆☆☆☆☆

Sam gave us a run down of the summoning spell he'd used to get Balthazar's advice on keeping his soul out of his body, and made quick work of it.

The light flashed and burned in the altar and the perp in question appeared in an instant before us.

"Ah...if it isn't Alice, and Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. What can I do for you?" he addressed the three of us smoothly.

"What's up with the boat, Bal?" I demanded, knowing he might respond more willingly to me.

He hunched his shoulders innocently. "What boat?"

"The Titanic..." I elaborated irritably.

"Oh, yes. _That boat._ It was meant to sink, smash into an iceberg and plunge into the briny deep. So I saved it. Anything else I can answer for you?"

"Why?" Sam pressed the matter.

"Because I hated the movie. " Balthazar answered plainly.

"What movie?" Dean inquired.

"Exactly!" The angel laughed out.

I scoffed at him. "You cant just change history. "

"Havent you noticed?" he asked us, particularly pinning me with his eyes, "there are no more rules, children. "

"Balthazar..." I breathed, trying to maintain my patience, "something is killing off the descendants of those passengers. "

"A minor side effect. "

"Its over 50,000 people!" I argued.

"Among so many other, small changes. For instance, you dont drive an Impala. I know...what's an Impala? And of course Ellen and Jo are still alive."

I froze up.  
"What?"

"Yeah, they're supposed to he dead. Obliterated in some dramatic explosion. Anyway, lets agree that I did a good thing. One less Billy Zane movie, and saved two of your closest friends. "

Despite the tugging ache in my chest, I had to press the issue with him.  
"50000 people Bal, we cant save them all and we don't know who's doing it. Help us." I beseeched.

He wrinkled his face at me.   
"Oh, uh, sorry, uh. You have me confused with the other angel - you know, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who's in love with you. I... don't care."

With that last bitter remark, he fluttered away.

☆☆☆☆☆

Calling Bobby with this new information, he had come up with an explanation. The force we were dealing with, was Fate. The actual agent of Fate, one the _sisters_ of Fate from Greek mythology. Because of Balthazar's irresponsibility, she appeared to have been forced to clean up the mess, and erase all the souls that were never supposed to be born.

After explaining with heavy hearts to Bobby that one of the effects of saving the Titanic, was that Ellen and Jo were still living. Bobby demanded that we do _not_ attempt to sink the boat as it was meant to be.

On that, we were all in agreement. Instead, we thought we could put an end to the murderer herself.

We attempted to nab and protect the lawyer Dean has spoken to earlier, but he ended up making a run for it, and getting hit by a bus. And that's when Sam thought he spotted the Fate inside a window. When we investigated, we were almost blown up in a gas fire.  
Running for our lives, the scene changed as something snatched us away, finding ourselves in a forest instead. A cold, dark forest.

I shivered instantly, a deep seeded fear and discomfort of cold seeping into my bones and soul as I hugged myself desperately. Glancing around trying to piece together where we were and how, I caught the sight of both my brothers a few yards away from me, equally bewildered.

"Cas?!" I heard Dean cry out harshly, making me spin around to find the angel standing with us among the trees and snow.

"Hello Dean, Sam," his greeted, eyes then flicking to me, trembling almost violently. He then beckoned me closer with a casualy opened arm, letting me rush over and tuck my under dressed self under it inside his coat. It wasn't perfect but it was much better than the raw exposure to the elements. I relished his warmth and shuddered against him, the feeling in my frost damaged fingers barely maintained. He felt like a life boat in a sea of ice.  
"Thanks, man..." Sam appreciated the rescue, "Where are we?"

"White Russia," the angel answered. The information made me feel even colder knowing we were most certainly standing in subzero conditions.

"What!?" I squeaked.

"Are you aware of what your frat bro did?" Dean asked with angst.

"I'm aware...Balthazar can be impetuous. "

Dean looked as if he trying to come to terms with things before speaking again, "Well riddle me this, if Fate is going after the boat people...Why did she try wasting us, too?"

Cas sighed, glancing down at me shaking like a leaf and pressed me just a little tighter.  
"Well I imagine she harbors a certain degree of rage towards you."

Sam wriggled in offended surprise, "What did we do?"

"Nothing of import... just the tiny matter of averting the Apocalypse and rendering her obsolete. I think maybe she's a little irritated about that." he informed us, a tone of uncharacteristic sarcasm in his throat, "And then you go and dangle yourselves in front of her..."

Dean dragged and hand across his own face in stress, "So we have personally pissed off Fate. Awesome."

Castiel's chest vibrated beneath my cheek with a worrying grunt that only I could hear.  
"If I know her, and I do, she wont stop until you are dead."

"Awesome, " Dean panted again, "so what do we do?"

"Kill her." Cas answered simply.

"Kill Fate?" Sam repeated, his tone marking the insanity of the idea.

"Do you have a better suggestion?" Cas snipped at him, "If you care about your lives, and Hazel's, I assure you that is the only way."

"Is that even possible?" I asked him.

"Balthazar has a weapon that will work against her."

"Of course he does," Dean spat, "that guy's just got it covered, doesnt he? You need new friends, Cas."

I felt the angel's raw nerves be tested. Tighter still he held me, his thumb massaging my shoulder anxiously.   
"I'm trying to save the ones I have..."

Dean humbled himself and agreed silently. "We'll have to draw her out."

"Yeah," Sam agreed, "she's already gunning for us, she's bound to resurface eventually. "

"We'll make it easy for her," Cas concurred, "I believe you have an expression for it....tempting Fate."

☆☆☆☆☆

At Castiel's suggestion, we walked around the busiest parts of town. Nerves on edge knowing death was waiting for us at any given time or place.  
We stopped dead in our tracks, my hand shooting down to snatch Sam's, in front a group of street performers juggling knives and hatchets. Sam squeezed my fingers, sharing the obvious fear between us.  
"Sam.." Dean stammered, frozen in place, "they're juggling knives...and _hatchets_."  
"Yeah...I know..." he scoffed in return, "cant avoid fate."

Summoning all our courage, we strode directly between the jugglers, wincing and pinching our eyes closed, just waiting for something to happen. But we came out the other side unscathed.  
Exhaling what felt like our last breaths, we continued on our death march. Threatened by a jammed nail gun, two viciously barking dogs...it just kept going, but with no results.

Still, we were terrified of letting our guard down, our only hope that the angel on our shoulder was looking out for us.  
"I dont get it..." Sam expressed the same idea we all had.

"I know," Dean added, "who do you gotta kill to get killed around here?"

"Maybe Cas was wrong," Sam suggested. But he was wrong. Every step of the way I felt the same haunting vibe from before that we were being watched. Hunted.

"Look out!" a man from somewhere nearby screamed our way.

We froze on instinct, and my predictive abilities picked up on the fact that a massive air conditioning unit was falling from a window above us.  
Before any of us could see it, or react, we quite literally froze. Everything did. Time stopped.

Sam and Dean were like wax dolls, unmoving and unfeeling, yet somehow I could see and feel everything in spite of my paralysis.

A woman, appeared in the street amongst the frozen vehicles, matching Sam's blonde "librarian " description he'd claimed to have seen before she tried to blow us up.  
Within seconds of her manifest, Castiel also appeared before her.

"Castiel..." she greeted in cold politeness.

"Atropos," he returned, "you look well."

"I looked like stomped over crap, thanks to you." she huffed.

Cas waved down her hostility, though unafraid. "Now lets talk about this."

"Talk?" she spat, "about what? Maybe about how you and those two circus clowns destroyed my work. You ruined my life."

"Let's not get emotional, " Cas coaxed. Oh but she was. I could feel her rage, worsening only at the sight of the angel on top of everything. Her hatred ran deep.

"Not get emotional?! I had a job. God gave me a job. We all had a script. I worked hard. I was really, really good at what I did...Until the day of the big prize fight. And then what happens? You throw out the book!"

"Well I'm sorry, but freedom is more preferable. " Cas said to her, not really apologetic at all.

"Freedom? This is chaos! How is it better? You know, I even went to heaven just to ask what to do next, and you know what? No one would even talk to me." Her voices cracked with anguish. I felt bad for her, really. I could only imagine what it must be like to be laid off from a cosmic position.

"There are more pressing matters at hand. " Cas told her.

"But I don't know what happens next. I _need_ to know. It's what I do."

"I'm sorry, but your services are no longer required. "  
That made me proud of him. I knew he was team free will, but I never really knew just how deep that ran. He basically just told Fate to fuck off. If I could smile I would.

Atropos crossed her arms, becoming irate. "You know what? I've kept my mouth shut. I could have complained, I could have raised a fuss, but I didn't. But you know what the last straw is? Un-sinking the Titanic. You changed the future. You cannot change the past. That is going too far!"

My heart stiffened, if that was even possible in my current state, frozen in time. Was he really responsible for that?

Cas merely shook his head at her.  
"Its Balthazar. He's erratic-"

"Bullcrap," she hissed, "this isn't about some stupid movie. He's under _your_ orders. You sent him back to save that ship."

"No I didn't, " he defended, "why would I?" But he was lying. _Lying._ I don't why it hurt me, but it did.

"Maybe because you're in the middle of a war and you're desperate?" She chided, "come on. This is about the souls."

"You don't know what you're talking about. "  
But he continued to lie. I didnt realize he was capable of such outright deception. The sister of Fate and I both saw right through his illusions.

"That angel went and created 50,000 new souls for your war machine. " she continued to accuse.

"You're confused," he deflected once more, but he was losing conviction.

"No," she snapped , standing her ground, " you can't just mint money, Castiel. Its wrong...its dangerous. "

Admittedly I was beginning to agree with the murderous celestial being who'd spent the day trying to squash me.

"And I wont let you," she added one last jab darkly.

Castiel too, turned dark and came closer to her.  
"You dont have a choice."

Even from my statuesque position several feet away, the threatening under tones in his words gave me chills. It wasnt often one might hear Cas sound so aggressive. A heavy reminder that he wasnt just a man. He was powerful being of light and energy, capable of great and terrible things.

"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do?" Atropos challenged.

Cas glowered at her, clear warning flashing in his eyes. "Do you really want to test me?"

She paused, counting her blessings and losses carefully.  
"Fine. But think about this - I've got two sisters out there. They're bigger, in every sense of the word. Kill me? And Sam and Dean are target one. That Seer? Target two. For simple vengeance. You're not fighting a war or anything, right? You can watch them every millisecond of every day. Because maybe you've heard -- fate strikes when you least expect it."

As she spoke her threats, Balthazar had appeared behind her, a blade raised to ventilate her. Cas now gave himself a pause, considering her threats.  
"Balthazar stop..." he said in defeat.

And he did, lowering his hands sheepishly as the Fate turned to him.  
"Ah...awkward. "  
She whipped back to Castiel venomously. "Set things right, before I flick your precious boys off a cliff. _And_ your whore."

My angel's eyes widened at that, visibly holding back anymore back talk at the derogatory mark regarding me.  
Atropos dissapeared, leaving Cas and Balthazar to stand alone, wallowing in their predicament.   
"Alright then," Bal said , "let's go sink the Titanic. "

Time unfreezed, and my brothers and I are no longer standing under the certain death by air conditioning.

Instead, we are in the Impala, just as we thought we had been before had left Bobby's for the case. All feeling like we'd just woken up from a dream.

I stayed silent while my brothers discussed how they had identical dreams about what just happened. I knew it was real, given my heighted awareness as a Seer.

"It wasnt a dream." Castiel said, appearing next to me, a greeting hand on me knee.

"Wait...you're saying that whole," Dean stammered in disbelief, "that was all real?"

"Yes."

"So what happened?" Sam asked.

"I insisted he go back in time and correct what he'd done." Cas explained blankly.

"Why?"

"It was the only way to be sure you were safe."

"So you...killed 50,000 people for us!?"

"They were never born. That's far different from being killed wouldn't you say?"

"Ellen and Jo...?" Dean croaked.

"I'm sorry..." Cas said sincerely, squeezing my knee, knowing full well how attached I'd been to them in that alternate world as well.

"So how do we remember all this?" Sam asked.

"Because I wanted you to remember. I wanted you to understand who Fate is. Cruel and capricious. "

"I'd go as far as "bitch " ." I added.

Cas fought a grin. "Well yeah. You're the ones who taught me that you can make your own destiny. You don't have to be ruled by fate. You can choose freedom. I still believe that that's something worth fighting for. I just wanted you to understand that."

"So wait...," Dean halted the tender moment, "Did Balthazar really unravel the sweater over a chick flick?"

I felt lock his mind up, unaware that I already knew the truth.

"Yes. Absolutely. That's what he did." he lied outright to my brothers' faces. My stomach gurgled with anger, but I wasnt going to pipe up without talking to Cas first.

"Wow," Dean shook, "maybe he needs his cable privileges taken away. Titanic wasn't _that_ bad."

I noticed the feeling Castiel flexing wings, and halted him, throwing a hand on his arm and clamping down.  
 _We need to talk..._

He looked over at me curiously, and obviously tense and unsure, but gave me a quick nod.

Instead of leaving on his own, he took me with, landing us somewhere high up on a hill. Getting a sense that we hadn't left South Dakota, I assumed it to be part of the Black Hills.

"You wanted to speak with me?" he said carefully, a note of concern.

I crossed my arms, staring at my feet shifting in the dirt. "I heard everything, Cas. Everything she said to you."

He looked like I'd just smacked him, stunned and ashamed.

"I underestimate your power, it seems." was all he could mutter, more to himself than me.

"Why? Why are you lying to us?" I demanded quietly.

He strode closer to me cautiously, as if I might bite. "I...I didnt think you'd understand. " he sounded almost hopeful that I would.

"That you want to utilize human souls for firepower?" I snapped quickly, making him flinch.

"I knew you would react that way," he murmured.

"Cas, if something feels wrong enough to lie about, than _its wrong."_ I pressed.

"I have to defeat Raphael, Hazel. These are desperate times. " he defended, then reached out to my face, "I am doing this to save you."

I swatted his hand away. "But you're _lying_ to me, Cas. You dont lie to someone you love. "

I felt his heart sink in guilt. I wished that satiated my anger, but it only hurt me more.

"I mean...what else are you not telling me?"

He shut his mind down from me.  
"Nothing. "

I groaned in my throat. "See? You're doing it again! Dont shut me out! Dont LIE TO ME." I let my anger and hurt boil over, a harsh gust of wind pushing at his trenchcoat.

"Hazel..."

"Dont _Hazel_ me, you're keeping secrets and it hurts, Cas. You are hurting me, do you understand that?"

He didnt respond, merely looked away, plastering a hardened, hurting expression.

I scoffed, too weary of this pointless argument. "Just take me home. "


	32. Ashes

Weeks went by, a few random hunts as well. Some alone, some with one or both of my brothers. We had to refocus our attention back to stopping Eve, meaning questioning and cutting up monsters. As many as we could.

Castiel never returned to me, and at first I was glad, because I was still so upset with him. I wanted to trust him, but I was increasingly worried about his decision making after what I'd found out him trying to manufacture souls for his cause. I sympathized with his intentions, but didnt have faith in what he chose to do with them.  
On the other hand, staying angry at someone you love is hard, if not impossible. I was accustomed to missing him. But all the other times we'd parted on relatively good terms, knowing where were in a relationship, however complicated.   
This time, it was after a fight. One mostly fought by me. I yelled at him. Called him a liar and told him he was breaking my heart with his shady behavior. Where did that leave us? What did he take from that? Did he think I was splitting it off? And more importantly...what else was he doing behind my back? It pained me to ponder these things, and yet I stubbornly refused to pray to him.

"Haze, you coming or not?"

Sammy snapped me back to reality, calling for me from the door of my motel room. After futile efforts with the monsters, we had come up with a plan to raid Samuel's newly vacant compound for anything we could dig up. He was after all, the best source of info on all things creepy.

I lifted myself off the bed, bag slung over my shoulder and followed Sam out the car where Dean was waiting in driver's seat. Bobby was parked nearby in his Chevelle, waiting as well.   
Thinking the old man could use some company, I chose to climb into the front of his two-door, and we were off.

"What's eatin' you?" Bobby asked me after several hours.

"You're one to talk." I gruffed back.

"I lost a friend, what's your excuse?"

I inhaled and exhaled deeply, not really sure if I wanted to talk about it.  
Bobby waited patiently, glancing from the road to me. He wouldn't show it, but he couldn't hide it from me: he didn't like to see me sad.

"Come on kid, seriously. " he coaxed as soft as he capable of.

"Its Cas..." I finally seethed out.

"He hasn't been around for awhile. You two have a fight or something?"

My lips twisted. "Something. "

"Ain't one to push for details on something like that but...If you wanna tell me..."

I really didn't. But at the same time, it was eating me up and I had to tell someone.  
"Can you keep a secret?"

He narrowed his wrinkled eyes at me.   
"Is that a trick question?"

"Ok... _will_ you keep a secret?"

He scratched his beard anxiously. "I s'pose...why?"

"Remember when we told you all that stuff about Balthazar and the Titanic?"

"Sure."

"Well...when Cas was talking to Fate...it sorta came to light, to my ears only cause...you know I'm special that way...that he _ordered_ Balthazar to do that. To generate souls for himself to help fight his war on Raphael. "

Bobby whistled softly. "Wow...and that pissed you off, I reckon. "

I nodded slowly. "I tore him a new one, and I haven't seen him since."

Bobby reached behind his seat, pulling a small bottle of liquor up and handing it to me. "Crack that open will ya?"

I twisted the cap off and took a healthy swallow without invitation, passing it over to him.  
"So what you worried about? He wont come back? "

I shrugged, taking my turn on the bottle a little more greedily.

"Did you tell him not to come back?"

"No," I whispered, passing it back over.

Bobby took his shot and sighed, looking over at me, probably bearing the most pitiful sad puppy face he'd ever seen. "He'll be back." he said suddenly. It wasn't a reassurance, more like stating a fact.

"You think?" I asked, now just fiddling with the rim of the bottle between my fingers.

"Listen I might talk ignorant but I don't miss much. He looks at you like I might look at buried treasure. You won the heart of that winged idjt, he ain't gonna just walk away from a catch like you."

I let his words sink in, taking the unspoken meaning of them, as often needed be done when translating Bobby. What he meant is that there is no way in hell, with how much he loves me, that he just gave up because I got pissy with him.

"Its not just the fight Bobby. I told you before, he's hiding things from me. From all of us. You know what his excuse was? _We wouldn't understand."_

 _"Hmph,_ well I'm with ya on that. He's more shady than a baby daddy. "

"Thanks for the imagery..." I mumbled, remembering briefly a glimpse into the life of Jade Collins. I never told anyone, but I saw pictures of her child with Misha on her phone.

A beautiful little boy, with his same black and blue eyes, but he looked so much like Jade. Or me, I guess. It had tugged my heart more than I had expected it to. In many ways he _was_ my son. And I never got to meet him. Misha seemed like a good father, but I couldn't imagine Castiel even comprehending what it would take to be a parent.

I remembered her anguish and horror in the blip of memory I dug through when she had miscarried a previous pregnancy. I wasnt sure how well Cas could handle that either. Despite my distant jealousy, I was glad that would never be us.

☆☆☆☆☆

We finally made it to the compound, Sam leading the way into the office.

For a hunter, it was a relatively empty nerve center, giving none of us any confidence. But Sam was determined.

"I know its here somewhere..." he whispered to himself, eyes darting about.  
He then squints at the desk curiously.   
"Help me move this."

I halted Bobby with a blocking hand as he moved to start sliding the desk.  
The three men looked at me funny until I rubbed my hands together and shook my elbows in preparation.   
"You guys make things way harder than they need to be." I told them, smirking.

With one hand held forward, I rather effortlessly pushed my energy at the desk, sliding, or maybe even slamming it, into the opposite wall next to Dean, who was barely an inch from collision.  
He cast me a frightened bitch face, earning a smug one in return.   
"Jesus, Hazey, "

Beneath the desk was what appeared to be a trap door.  
"I'll be damned," Bobby breathed, as I flipped the door open with a swish of my fingers.

He went first, then my brothers and me in the rear, down the ladder.

It was dark, naturally, but my fingers found the light switch near the the ladder on the wall.  
The buzzing light fixtures flickered to life at their own pace, revealing a small, but packed full room of shelves and books and few other unidentified objects. I looked around in wonder, always loving the way books each had their own special _feel_ to them. History, adventure, love, tragedy, power...so much was saturated in books that ordinary humans would never know.  
"Welcome to Campbell family library." Sam said proudly.

"Samuel realty collected all this stuff?" Dean asked, matching my wonder in a different way.

"Apparently. "

"Wow.." I marveled, sensing vaguely that this was indeed a whole fresh batch of knowledge that Bobby or me didn't have in our houses. "Alright, so what are we looking for?"

"Anythin' that will put a run in Octomom's stockings. Pick a row."  
Bobby said.

We poured over books for hours, some of which were more than two hundred years old. Several in foriegn or dead languages that we slid over to Bobby's increasingly large pile.

I studied hard a first, serious about our cause, but I drifted off on more than one occasion. Eventually I closed my eye and it didnt open again.

☆☆☆☆☆

"Hello Hazel. "

Aware this was a dream, I strode across the snow laden front yard of my home the way it looked when I was roughly thirteen, my beautiful mother wearing a plain white dress, stood on the porch. It seemed out of place, for obvious reasons. A dress in winter time, and my mother always wore black or green. Something about embracing "witch stereotypes "

"Mom what are you-" I halted in the snow, realizing that the figure before my eyes was not my mother. Not even human. The inner glow so bright, and intermittent appearance of wings in certain light patterns was a dead giveaway. An angel. And a powerful one at that.

A shiver ran down my spine, remembering that Lucifer once came to me as my mother as well. But this wasn't Lucifer. Wasn't Michael, Gabriel, or Raphael.

Any other angel would have come to me in the form I knew them as, such as Cas or Bal. That left me with one possibility, but I wasn't prepared to think it.

There was something comforting about her though. Something that made me feel like a belonged near her. Like I did with my real mother, or Ellen for that matter. I felt a connection between us that went beyond the sentiment of her using my mother's visage.

"Who are you?" I asked bravely, knowing there was no need for fear in a dream.

'Mom' smiled at me gently.

"Your mother," she said softly, then adding before I could protest, "the mother of all the Oracles and commissioner of the prophets. Protector of children, bringer of dreams, guardian of the chosen, patron of exorcism and song.." She rambled off her titles as if I should be familiar with them all.

"Selaphiel...?" I took an educated guess.

Her smile widened as she nodded.

"I was told you were dead," I said, not hiding my confusion and distrust.

"Not dead. Imprisoned. " she corrected.

I swallowed, my mouth strangely dry for someone who was dreaming.   
"Where?"

She looked at me with deathly sincerity, the soft look that replicated my mother's dropping to the stoic tell tale of an angel.  
"Purgatory. "

My eyes widened, stunned by the coincidence.   
"What do you want with me?"

Selaphiel made her way down the steps to join me in the snowy lawn. She looked me over, seeming to admire me very much the same way Castiel often did.   
"You were the only one I could make contact with on earth," she explained, "my opportunity to escape is approaching. For I have seen it."

"Crowley..." I inferred under my breath. She cast me a completely unreadable expression. I got the feeling she knew something I didnt.  
"What does that have to do with me?"  
But I already knew the answer.

"When I make my escape, " she began, stroking my hair motherly, but with distant, cold eyes, "I will need your help to stop the oncoming darkness."

"Darkness?" I echoed.

"Many dark times lay ahead of us, Seer. I have seen it all. I am going to be the last, living archangel, and I will be needed to save you all."

I crossed my arms and lowered my eyes. "You need a vessel..."

"Yes."

"Who is it?" I dared to ask, just in case.

"There are few," she replied admittedly, "but only a Seer, can be the true vessel of the Arch Prophet. "

"Aaanddd there it is." I said sardonically.

"I need your help," Selaphiel affirmed.

"And how can I trust you? Winchester track record with archangels? Shoddy."

"I understand...But you must believe me, Hazel. I have always had the best of intentions for the earth and mankind. I joined Lucifer against _heaven._ Not humanity."

"Yeah..." I said quietly walking away a few steps, "that's what Castiel said "

She hummed softly in pleasure.   
"He was such a good soldier..." she said fondly, "until he met you. Now I couldnt be more proud of my little brother. "

I got the feeling she knew we were lovers.

Suddenly her expression darkened.   
"But you cannot trust him, anymore Hazel. "

"What?"

"You must let Crowley open purgatory. _Only Crowley._ Do you understand?"

"No! Why?"

_Hazel!_

Someone shook my arm rigorously, waking me from the drool puddle I'd slept in all over an antique book.  
"Dean?"

"Bobby's got something, pay attention."

"Says here," Bobby said, pointing in his book, "the ashes of the phoenix can burn the mother."

"Great," Dean said halfheartedly, "where do we get one?"

"You got me, I thought they were a myth. " Bobby shrugged off.

"They're not..." I chimed in, " mom used to tell me stories passed down to her from our bloodline. As far as Egyptian dynasty shit, I'm talking witches through the ages, guys. She was convinced that they were real, among other things."

"Well we did fight with a Leprechaun..." Sam pointed out, "I'll buy it. Know anything about them?"

I shook my head. "Its stories. You know, fables? No specific time or place."

"Great," Sam said grimly, "back to the books then."

☆☆☆☆☆

Dean had come across the actual journal of Samuel Colt, finding an entry stating he used his infamous gun to kill a phoenix in 1851.   
And that's when he came up with a stupidly brilliant plan.

"Time travel?" Bobby scoffed.

"Yeah." Dean confirmed like it was no big deal.

"That's a reasonable plan?"

"We got a guy who can swing it," my brother said, standing from the table and opening a prayer.   
"Castiel. The, uh, fate of the world is in the balance. So, come on down here. Come on, Cass, "I Dream of Jeannie" your ass down here pronto. Please."

I folded my arms anxiously, not prepared for the certain awkward tension once we saw each other again. Especially after recently speaking with Selaphiel, who seemed to be indicating that I can't trust Castiel, _and_ that Crowley was still alive.

A blonde female angel appeared in the room with us, taking me by surprise when I expected the sound of wings to be my lover.

"Jeannie?" Dean intrigued.

"Rachel." she corrected, "I understand you need some assistance. How can I help you?"

"We kinda need to talk to the big Kahuna." Dean insisted as politely as he was capable of.

"I am here on Castiel's behalf," the angel underlined. She wasn't too happy to be there with us.

"Where is he?" Sam asked.

"Busy."

" _Busy?"_ Dean parroted snidely.

"Yes."

"Well we got a line on the mother of fucking everything, so-"

"I'm sure your issues are very important, " Rachel cut him off, her false concern obvious, "But Castiel is currently commanding an army so-"

"So we get stuck with miss Moneypenny..." I grumbled.   
The angel narrowed her cold eyes at me

"So you need to learn your place..." she corrected me with venom. Her particular distaste for me was clear, though I didn't understand it. I knew that even the angels fighting alongside Castiel weren't pleased that a Seer walked the earth, but I would've thought they'd get over it by now. Even Michael was going to let me live.

"Look, I dont know who you think you are-" Dean started up his predictable attitude.

"I'm his friend." Rachel informed him irritably.

"What, you think we're not?" Sam added.

Rachel glowered at him coldly. "I think you call him when you need something. We are fighting a war."

Sam threw up a peaceful hand. "We get that."

The angel uncharacteristically scrunched her expression. "Clearly you dont, or you wouldn't call him every time you stub your toe, you petty, entitled peace of-"

"Rachel." a dark but pleasantly familiar voice came to my ears behind me, "that's enough."

The blonde angel huffed at Castiel, standing behind me. "I told you I would take care of this." she protested.

"Its alright, " he said, sliding away from me and closer to her, without so much as a glance my way , "you can go."

"You're _staying?"_ She asked, appalled.

"Go," he reinforced, "I'll come when I can. "

Something passed between them, a sense of betrayal and power struggle, then she disappeared.

"Wow," Dean said, "friend of yours?"

☆☆☆☆☆

Cas gave us all, and the vehicles, a quick zap back to Bobby's where my brothers explained their findings and their plan to him. All the while, he didnt look at me, and remained shut off from my prying powers. I stood quietly in the corner, as far from him as possible, thinking perhaps that's what he wanted.

Dean had taken off, not really giving us a good reason why, so we waited for him, standing or sitting around. I chose to stand, busying myself with a small bottle of spiced rum, trying to drown out the tension and frustration in my head.  
"Where the hell is Dean?" Bobby asked impatiently.

Sam shook his head. "Supply run, he said...I dont know."

Cas strode casually around the room, passing me with a tiny flash of emotion pushed my way before he shut it down again. It was a confusing bullet of affection, shame...I didn't even know...shot right to my head. A desperate cry for forgiveness perhaps.

"About this plan of yours...you'll only have twenty four hours. " he told Sam.

"What? Why?"

"The further back I send you, the harder it becomes to retrieve you. 24 hours is all I can risk. If I don't pull you home within that time, you'll be lost to me." Cas explained.

"Well then we better get you a watch." Dean said, entering with arms laden with shopping bags labeled _"Wally's Western World_ "

"What the hell is all that?" I asked him.

"We are going native, " Dean answered me with a huge grin, handing a bag to me, "gotta blend in."

I set the bag on the floor, pried it open and partially pulled out the contents to reveal the upper half a beautiful, but far too frilly white and pink dress from the 1800s. I wrinkled my nose.  
"I'm _not_ wearing this."

"Yeah no thanks, I'm good." Sam agreed, "I can wear what I got."

"And look like a spaceman?"

"Look, just because you're obsessed with all that wild west stuff-"

"Shut up, I like old movies."

"I'm not sending Hazel," Castiel interrupted their argument over how Dean had literally every Clint Eastwood movie memorized.

I actually wasn't going to complain, but hearing my name on his lips gave me inexplicable discomfort.

"Why not?" Dean asked, a little disappointed not to have a female along to complete his little western gang he was trying to turn us into.

Cas finally looked my way for more than a second. "If by any small chance, an angel in that time period discovered her presence, she would be killed on sight."

☆☆☆☆☆

Castiel lingered for short while after sending my brothers away through time and space, sitting in the armchair, looking almost pouty.  
I'd finished my bottle of rum and tossed it lazily into the trash can, feeling the liquor loosen me up.   
"Little early to seeing the bottom of a bottle Haze," Bobby scorned.

"Mind your business. " I said quietly and carefree, joining him on the couch.

"God you get nasty when you drink." he muttered.

I merely shrugged and started drinking a Gatorade leftover from weeks before. Cas let his gaze fall on me, heavy with uncertainty and regret.   
Bobby seemed to recognize the tension and rose to his feet. "I'm gonna go find a timer I can set to twenty four hours..." he said and walked away.

"Why are you drinking?" Cas asked me rather suddenly.

I jerked my head carelessly, not really knowing the answer myself. "Never been one to deal with problems in a healthy manner. "

He rose from the chair to stand in front of me, eyes boring down at mine with a sickening look of pleading. "Do we have a problem....Hazel?"

Damn that face of his, so adorable when he was sad or afraid. I couldn't find it my heart to bring any anger to the surface. I looked away.   
"I dont know..."

Cas lowered himself to his knees before me, not letting my face escape his gaze. "I've missed you..."

I nodded slightly, keeping my eyes lowered. "Me too..."

Two fingers touched my chin as light as feathers, begging me to look at me.  
"Are you still angry?"

I sighed, my resolve caving. "I don't know...a little."

He had no idea I'd spoken with Selaphiel, that she was trying to warn me. I didnt want to believe her...but when the head psychic of all creation gives you a warning...its difficult to ignore. He searched my face for answers to his pain that he so openly shared with me now.  
"I will be honest you, Hazel, from now on."

He didnt appear to be lying, but something told me I shouldn't trust it.   
If I were to be honest with myself, I didn't want to ask anymore questions. Did not want to know the answers.   
"I know what happens when dishonesty takes hold of the relations between people. It burns up the bond until there is nothing but ash...I don't want that to be us." He said, drawing his face closer, as if waiting for permission to kiss me.   
"Can you forgive me?"

I wanted to, so badly. I couldn't help myself at his pleading. " _Can_ you be honest? Can you stop shutting me out?"

He swallowed, as if struggling with his answer. "Yes," he whispered, "I will tell you everything, if you can promise to accept the decisions I make in order to protect you."

I wanted to fight that, give in to my stubbornness, but the part of me that loved and respected him so much wouldn't let me. I melted completely at the feeling of his fingers creeping further along my face to cup my cheek, thumb stroking the pronounced bone lovingly.   
Without a word, I leaned into his lips, sending my forgiveness and desperate affection through him in waves.  
He pulled his mouth away to press his forehead to mine, nuzzling my nose lightly with his eyes closed.   
"Everything I do is for you, Hazel Rose. I love you so...so much." He whispered.

"I know," I whispered back, stroking his cheekbone in the same manner. "And I hate that I can't stay mad at you."

He grinned into a light chuckle, kissing me once more and standing up. "I have to go."

"What about Sam and Dean?"

"Pray for me in twenty four hours. And I'll return."

☆☆☆☆☆

Bobby and I occupied the time playing cards in the kitchen, munching on some jalapeno peppers I'd ran to the store for. Several hours had passed, it was almost night. Occasionally, at Bobby's request, I tried to reach out into the past to see what was happening. But without my other eye, it was a futile and painful effort.  
So we waited, trying to ignore the uncertainty of the plan.

Just when I thought I might give in to fatigue and head to couch for some shut eye, the flapping of wings and thud of my angel hitting the counter beside me woke me up.  
He was bleeding in his ribs, his energy obviously weakened.  
"What the hell? Cas?" Bobby cried out, but recieved no response. I got to my feet to reach out to him, but turned from me, touching his bloody wound to soak his fingers and painstakingly draw a sigil on the cabinet beside him.

"Cas?" Bobby said again frantically, "are we running or fighting?"

My concerns exactly. He turned back to us, leaning wobbly in my direction.   
"We're..."  
But he collapsed into my arms, nearly knocking me over.

"Balls..." Bobby spat.

Cas was down for the count all night, and into late morning, I cradled his head on my collar on the couch, eventually falling asleep with my own head slumped sideways.   
I was awoken abruptly by him suddenly sucking in a sharp breath and sitting up right.   
Bobby had just walked into the room, with a coffee mug for me.

"Cas what happened?" he asked, "you look like you went twelve rounds with a truckasauras."

Cas panted, trying to steady himself through the pain. "I was...betrayed. Rachel she...Raphael corrupted her. She turned on me."

"Sorry, " Bobby offered sincerely, "girl's a real...peach. "

"She's dead..." Cas replied grimly, "I was wounded...I needed safety...thank you." He tried to stand himself but I pulled him right back down.

"Hey hey hey..." I crooned, rubbing his head and hair, "take it easy. "  
He grabbed my free hand and squeezed, maybe a little harder than he meant to, but I allowed him express his pain and didnt wince.

"What's with the finger painting?" Bobby asked him.

"..warding against angels. "

I'd never seen Castiel this way. Never seen him in such pain and vulnerability. The way he struggled just to stay awake hurt me down to the soul.

"How bad is it?" I asked quietly, taking my hand back to pull his coat from his wound to have a look. He halted my wrist, likely not wanting me to touch it.

"I'll heal," he said breathily.

"Well good. Cause we got less than hour before you pick up the kids at Frontierland." Bobby said hopefully. But I knew better. His grace was flickering like a half dead light bulb.

"I can't...this injury has drained me."

"There's gotta be something than can juice you up." Bobby suggested.

"Bobby..." I warned.

"We can't leave your brothers in Tombstone, Haze, and we obviously can't trust another halo to get down here to do it."

Castiel sat himself up a little straighter, grunting all the way.  
"There is something that might work. But its extremely dangerous. "

"Shocker, " Bobby said gravely, "lay it on me."

"Its your soul. I need you to let me touch it."

Bobby took a step back. "Touch it?"

"The human soul its...its pure energy. If can syphon some of that off, I might be able to bring Sam and Dean back."

"And the catch is...?" I prodded.

"Doing this is like...putting your hand in a nuclear reactor. I have to do it very...gingerly."

"Or..?" Bobby pressed him for the risks.

"Or you'll explode." Cas stated darkly.

The old man sighed in resignation. "Well, keep both hands on the wheel, lets do this."

"I'll do it," I offered, making Cas roll his head sideways to look at me, "surely my soul has a little more oomph than Bobby's, being a Seer an' all?"

"I don't want to do that..." Cas argued sadly, "Hazel this is an extremely unpleasant procedure. "

"Its our best shot," I insisted, "I can take it. You know I can. "

Bobby shrugged as the angel gave him a pleading look, as if he could make me listen to reason. "She's got a point."

Castiel's face contorted with reluctance. I knew he didnt want to hurt me, hell, I didnt want to do it either. But there was too much at stake not to. He pried his eyes away from me and adjusted his position to turn his body towards me.  
"I suggest you get her something to bite down on." he told Bobby.

The old man shuffled around in his pants and over shirt pockets, pulling out his thick leather wallet.  
"This oughtta work," he said and handed it to me.

Avoiding the angels pained and worrisome gaze upon me, I clamped the bitter tasting wallet between my teeth. Cas took hold of the back of my head, as if to support my weight and drew me a little closer to him, his free hand placing itself across my belly hesitantly. "I would encourage you to use your abilities to take yourself elsewhere ..." he said quietly, looking me in the eye fearfully. I nodded, and closed my eye, trying to fight the anxiety and push myself to a peaceful place. "In advance...I'm very sorry for this..."

It didnt work, at all.  
The second the angel delved his finger tips into my being I was electrocuted with indescribable agony. Fire and lightning seared through every fiber, every molecule of my existence, making me clench at the couch and Castiel's pants aggressively. My head dropped near his shoulder, screaming through the leather of the wallet into his ear .

I was blinded by pain, but I could feel the connection between us as he drained a small, but noticeable amount of my life force and feed it into himself.  
It was almost as unpleasant as the pain, like bleeding at a thundering, throbbing rate. Reminding me of when the Alpha vampire had to take all my blood into cure me.

It felt like forever before it all ended abruptly, leaving me gasping for air, the wallet dropping from jaw and my head crashing into Castiel's chest. He held me weakly, his own strength just as waned as my own. His heart was hurting, traumatized a little even, at what he'd just done to me.

"Send us back!" I heard Dean's desperate voice. I peaked out from the under the angels arms to see my brother belly down on the floor, an empty glass bottle held in his hands.  
"You gotta send us back."

"Dean..." Sam scolded softly, "look at him, he's fried."

Cas touched my hair, staring at me apologetically before letting me sit up on my own to catch my breath.  
"I never want to do that again..." he said to all of us firmly.

"Hazel are you...?" Dean began, looking me over and beginning to understand what had happened.

"I'm still kicking...I think."

"We screwed the pooch guys, I'm sorry..."

A knocking at the front door caught us all by surprise, making me instinctively throw a hand to my waist for a weapon that wasn't there. Cas took that hand in his comfortingly.  
" _Just a human.."_ he relayed to me. I should have known but it was then that I realized I didnt have a drop of my powers in me right now.

Sam answered the door, revealing a delivery man holding a faded brown package. " Is there a Sam Winchester here? "

"Who's asking? "

"Look, this is nuts ...me and a couple guys made a bet....So... this thing's been laying around the office since...ever!? Uh, with a note on it saying to bring it here today. It's from a-a Samuel Colt?"

" Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's...that's mine. Great. Thanks. ." Sam hastily grabbed the package and shut the door in the delivery man's face.   
He removed the paper to find a letter sitting ontop of an unimpressive box and opened it up to read aloud.  
"Dear Sam, I got this address and date off your thingamajig, and I thought the enclosed might come in handy. Regards, Samuel Colt."

Sam pulled a bottle from the box, filled with a dark substance.

" Is that what I think it is?" Bobby exasperated.

"Ashes of a Phoenix." Dean said enthusiastically, "You know what this means? "

"Yeah," I panted, throwing my head back at the headrest of the couch, "it means I didn't get a "soulonoscopy" for nothing."

" Yes." Dean agreed, casting a sympathetic glance my way, "And... it means we take the fight to her."


	33. Lovers, Brothers and Mothers

Castiel was around alot more than usual the following days, fearing his entire army might have turned on him. Both of us were broken toys, barely functioning on low batteries.  
He didn't sleep, exactly, but he spent most of his time resting on my bed to heal himself.   
By noon the second day, he had risen to join the rest of us downstairs, stiff but much stronger.   
Sam and Bobby had taken a drive to a fast food place, bringing back a hefty pile of cheap burgers and french fries for us to dig into over the coffee table.

I sat relaxed but exhausted in the armchair, not really interested in food. Dean held up a wrapped burger in offering, his own mouth stuffed full.  
"You gonna eat?" he asked he asked through puffed cheeks.  
I shook my head. I hadn't eaten since the angel fondled my soul. The very idea nauseated me.   
Dean furrowed his brow at me, but brushed it off and kept stuffing his face.

"You should," Castiel said lowly behind my chair, placing hands on my shoulders. I touched his fingers lazily.   
"I'm really not hungry..."  
Which wasnt true, as far as my body was concerned. I was starving. But something about having the life sucked out of me killed my will to eat. All I wanted to do was sleep.

Cas moved around me and snatched one the sandwiches from Dean's hand, reaching to hand it to me.  
"I'm afraid I must insist. "

I rolled my eye, sighing sharply through my nostrils.

"I could hold you down and force you, if you prefer. " he threatened light heartedly, smiling innocently.

"Fine.." I accepted it into my hands and started unwrapping it.

"How come you listen to him but not me?" Dean whined.

I chuckled through my first bite. "Maybe because you have far less chances of successfully holding me down."

He shook his head. "Bullcrap. You're _helpless_ right now, I could take you." he taunted with swelling pride and virility.

"Wanna bet?" I taunted back, feeling a growing sense of sibling competitiveness. Sam and Bobby rolled their eyes at us.

Dean cocked his head arrogantly. "Knocked you out before," he pointed out.

"That was a cheap shot, and you know it."

"You're still a girl."

"And you're a chump. "

At this point, we were both standing, staring each other down with playful menace.   
Before I could sling another insult, he drove his shoulder into my middle and slung me over it, with me beating on his back and laughing. I used what little power I had to take his legs out from under him, sending a us both crashing to the wood floor. It hurt but it was good hurt. Fun. Dean wrestled himself ontop of me, belly down and holding my arms down.   
"No powers!"

"Do I....should I intervene? What's happening?" Cas asked a little frantic and confused.  
Bobby chuckled.  
"Nah...let em go. They never goof off anymore. "

"Eat it! Eat it!" Dean cried, smashing a burger still wrapped up into my face. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe, literally, and started coughing, feeling my weakened state.  
I managed to slip a hand free and grab his neck, yanking him hard into a roll and thudding to the floor beside me.   
I straddled him, armed with a fist full of fries, straining against his hands trying to push both my arms away. Finally I'd had enough and licked his hand.  
"Ew!"

He jerked it away from me, and roaring with laughter I took the opening to smoosh the fries against his mouth.  
I laughed so hard I couldn't keep it up, eventually sliding off my brother and coughing violently.   
"I think that's enough..." Cas advised, helping me to my feet and patting my back as I hacked and struggled for air, still choking on laughs and smiles.

"That's what you get for smoking." Dean said victoriously.

"I thought she quit?" Sam interjected.

Dean shook his head. "Nah, she just been sneakier about it. Not sneaky enough. "

The angel at my side shot me a disapproving scowl, giving me cause to bear my teeth sheepishly.   
"Woops?"

 _"Woops?"_ he mocked, "you might be semi immortal but you can still get cancer, Hazel."

"What are you, my mom? I'm fine." I argued, knowing full well that my angel would clear up any illness of mine in a heartbeat.

He looked down at the floor, trying to ignore the belittling I'd thrown at him. "If I was your mother you'd most certainly be grounded." he shot back quietly.  
Sam and Dean both snickered, earning the most professional bitch face from me.

"Aren't you supposed to be looking for Eve today?" I asked Castiel pointedly.

While most might have expected an angelic bitch, I found a toothless grin. A tiny hint of amusement. I didnt understand it why he was like that. Most of the time, when people get short with him, even if they're joking, Cas internalized things and gets upset more than others realize. But when it was _me_ giving him shit, he seemed to adore it. He would play on it cheerfully. I seemed to recall him calling me an asshole not so long ago. But between us, it all fair in love and war. Nothing we ever said to each other could break that secret code of ours and ruin us. He didnt care if I bossed him around a little, or when I disagreed and told him he's nuts.

"Now who sounds like a mother?" he teased, with that faint but endearing human inflection he occasionally let out from beneath the angelic monotone. The complexity of him, knowing the little hints of humanity when others couldn't see past it, was what I loved most about him. To see behind the emotional wall of an angel is a beautiful thing.

"Just go." I said laughing .  
☆☆☆☆☆  
(Narrating)  
 _There were unlimited reasons to love a woman like Hazel. Her elegant beauty, her intensity in her beliefs...but I think the most prominent for me was her capacity for love itself, in_ any _shape_ _you choose. Forgiveness and mercy, loyalty and honesty...She was damn near a saint. A bright but_ _bleeding_ _soul beneath beneath a lovely_ _yet_ _battered_ _facade_.   
_I knew_ _her_ _rude stabs at me_ _meant_ _nothing. It was a mask she wore. There was_ _darkness_ _in her, true. Something_ _she_ _was always trying to fight. Nothing she could say or do could taint her visage in my eyes._

 _She always took me groveling. Always forgave people when they didn't deserve it. I wondered how much longer_ _I_ _could be in her good graces, how m_ _any more lies I could tell_ _before_ _I_ _ruined_ _everything. I was afraid of her_ _rejecting_ _me completely if she_ _learned_ _what I'd been doing_ _with_ _the demon._

 _I was aware_ _that_ _I_ _was in the wrong, but it didn't matter. If_ _I_ _couldn't_ _defeat my brother, he would have her killed the_ _second_ _after me. And_ _I_ _was willing to break all the rules to prevent that._

_I rebelled for her brothers. But_ _I_ _keep up the fight for their sister._

_And_ _now_ _,_ _I_ _was to_ _search_ _for a monster that was too important to my plan to be killed. I didnt know what to do at first, but_ _when_ _I_ _joined_ _them_ _to take on Eve,_ _I_ _remembered the_ _sacrifice_ _I'd made_ _to_ _make_ _it_ _happen. I was wounded and_ _I_ _tortured the woman_ _I_ _love to insure we had a weapon._  
 _If the end of this mission led me to compromising my other agendas, then so be it. I couldnt let the Winchester siblings face the_ _mother_ _of all without me._

_☆☆☆☆☆_

"I mean this stuff is supposed to burn the bejeezus out of Eve, but doesn't give me a sunburn."

Dean and Bobby were busy making shotgun shells out of the Phoenix ashes, the familiar tension of an upcoming battle we might not win was thick between us all.

He was worried, scared even, that this was all in vain.

"Maybe it's like iron and silver, hurts the creeps but no us?" I offered.

"Maybe...but a fat lot of good it does till we find the bitch."

I sighed over the books and laptop Sam and I were buried in. "We're looking, Dean...relax."

"I'm thinking maybe it's time you made the call," Bobby said to Dean, visibly weary of the work.

"Why does it always have to be me that makes the call? _I'm_ _not_ the one screwing him, " he shot a look at me, to which my response was his glass of whiskey magically tipping over onto the floor. Bracing himself, he decided to react and standup to get a towel. "Its not like Cas lives in my ass. Dude's busy..."

I snickered through tight lips at the angel now literally standing inches behind Dean, who turned around to be physically startled. "Cas get out of my ass!

"I was never in your...Have you made any progress finding Eve?" He took a look around at our work stations.

"No..." I said sleepily, "kinda hoping to ask you about that."

The angel was disappointed. "I've looked, she's hidden from me. From all angels."

"Great..."

Sam leaned back away from his computer, rubbing the stress away from his face. "You know what we need, is an inside man."

"What do you mean?" I asked, deciding to start closing all my books and folding all the newspapers.

Sam shrugged into stretching his arms behind his back. "Something with claws and sympathy?"

I frowned thoughtfully at that. It was actually brilliant.

"Like a friendly monster?" Dean said, "those are in short supply these days."

"Yeah," I scoffed, "if I'd have known this was going to happen maybe I would have stayed a vampire."

All four men each cast me their own, unique bitch faces. Castiel's winning the trophy. I thought he might smite me on the spot with the look he gave me.  
"Kidding!" I defended, "just kidding guys."

"Its not really funny Haze," Sam muttered.

"No..." Dean agreed, "but it does give me an idea."

I raised my brow at him over my new eyepatch that he got me at the western store.

"Cas..." he continued, "there's a vamp, by the name of Lenore we met years ago. She was...she was good. Can you find her?"

Cas nodded, giving me a weird look as if asking if I'd be ok in the presence of a vampire, before taking off.

"So Haze..." Bobby addressed me, "you seen anything about Mommy Dearest?"

I shook my head. "No, I tried. All I can get is her face. Like she's staring right back at me...super creepy. That's never happened before. Somehow she's aware of when something peaking in at her. Maybe if I wasnt half blind I could do it but..."

"Its alright, " Sam assured me, picking up on my flicker of guilt, "no one's asking you to take it back. " He patted my hand on the table.

I smiled gratefully at him. I loved my brothers dearly, and equally. Even if in all honesty, we weren't that close. The familial bond was there, and I'd grown to love them from my grave long before they learned to love me. When it came to Sammy, however, I had the most respect. Despite the demon blood, and Ruby, and unleashing the devil, he was the rational one. The more compassionate one. The one I trusted more to make the right choices. The one I'd most likely tell my secrets too.   
He'd never ask me to take back my full power anymore than I'd ask him to drink demon blood again.

And then there was Dean. Sam might have _seemed_ like the sensitive one, but the truth was that he was stronger than Dean.  
My older, younger brother was a hurricane of despair and broken peices. A soft soul forced to fight, with a sword put in its hand that it didnt ask for. It turned him into a complex character, just like me. Buried under a a facade of simple needs. We were warriors, living for the battle we never wanted any part of but found comfort in the simplicity of violence. He would try to hold me back. Try to protect me. Pretend it was for my safety. But I knew it was because he didn't want to see me become the same kind of monster he was becoming.   
Together we were in love with the misery. Hating ourselves and putting the concern of everyone else first.   
No matter how much I put my faith in Sam...Dean and I were the true kindred spirits.   
He knew it too. Sometimes the way he looked at me...I got the sense that he was looking in a mirror. Seeing the same patterns unfold in my life as his own.   
From the moment they learned we were siblings, both of them latched to me like children looking for solace, and I to them. Each time we faced down the impossible together, I knew I was in the right place at their side.

Hours passed, while I sank further into my contemplations and fidgeted with my cigarette cravings. I quickly became distracted from the task at hand, remembering that I still carried a secret from all of them.

_"_ _You cannot_ _trust_ _him anymore "_

The words of Arch Prophet echoed against the walls of my skull endlessly. I didn't understand it. If Castiel wanted to find Purgatory, same as Crowley...why did he kill him? Clearly he had been closer to finding it. We could have used that, found a way to keep track of his actions.   
Why did Selaphiel seem so afraid of someone other than Crowley opening that door?   
She'd insisted that once she was free, that we would need her help. I assumed at the time it was to kill Raphael...but then she spoke of coming darkness. The more I pondered it, the more I thought letting her have me was for the best. She was afraid of Castiel for whatever reason, and I had to be honest with myself. I had to admit that his secret keeping was likely to lead to terrible things.

My heart stopped with guilt at the sound of his wings entering the room, accompanied by a young woman, looking a little rough for wear.

She looked around, disoriented from being plucked and moved in such a manner, then spotted my brothers and made a run for it.

"Lenore hey hey hey stop!" Sam coaxed, catching her arms, "look we're happy you're here."

She calmed herself, then her eyes landed on me, while I stared back uncomfortably. The vampiric nature I sensed in her put my on edge, as they all did. Part of me hated it, but part of me envied it. Missed the simple bliss of being a predator.  
Cas drew closer to me, as if he thought I shouldn't be too near one those creatures.

"My name is Lenore," she said quietly, "I'm not gonna hurt you."

I nodded, flashing a quick, polite smile. "I know."

Dean came closer. "Been a long time, remember us?"

The vampiress nodded. "I remember. Your hunter friend almost killed me."

Sam chuckled dryly. "Well if it makes you feel any better, he turned into a vampire and I chopped his head off."

Dean smiled fondly at the memory. "With razor wire. It was wicked."

"Well that's something, " she said with tired tone of relief, "what's going on, why I am here?"

"We need to talk to you about Eve." Sam said.

Her face grew sour. "Eve? I've got nothing to say about Eve...I'm trying to stay away from her. My nest...they're all gone. They gave in..everyone does. She's in our heads.."

I felt a prickle down my spine, remembering how the Alpha could do such a thing and imagining how much worse it probably was with Eve.

"Alright..." Dean said gently, "so this psychic two-way you've got going, does that mean you know where Mom's camped out?"

She crossed her arms. "You've got to be kidding me. You want me to tell you where she is? You do know she could be listening to us right now. I might as well be a video camera. What are you thinking?" She scolded us, "especially with _her?"_ She nodded in my direction.

"Eve wants Hazel?" Sam inquired.

I rolled my eye. "Monsters always want a piece of me, Sam. Its nothing new."

Lenore shook her head, then looked at me with deadly sincerity. "You dont understand...She doesnt want to eat you. She wants to _make_ something of you."

I shrugged it off, not surpirsed.

"So we dont have the element of surprise, " Dean said complacently, "we're still going in."

Lenore hesitated, her vibes reading nothing but concern and compassion, and fear. Impressive really. I had sympathy for vamps, true, but I'd never met one quite so resilient and kind.  
"You really think you can stop her?" she asked.

"Just tell us where she is." Sam affirmed.

The vampire sighed. "Grants Pass, Oregon. And now she knows you're coming."

"Well let's go see," Bobby said.

We all began to stir to start getting ready but she halted us.   
"Wait. I didn't tell you this out of the goodness of my heart. I need something," she said foreboding, "I need you to kill me."

"What? Look Lenore, we'll lock you down until-" Dean started

"You don't understand. I fed. I couldn't help it. I'm dangerous...I cant stop anymore. You have to...please."

Before any of us could protest, the angel beside me stepped forward and placed a hand on the back of her head, smiting her with burning eyes and reducing her to dissipating ash.

☆☆☆☆☆

There was no time to waste. Castiel flew us to Grants Pass , and we sought refuge for time to think inside a diner.

We found a wide booth, big enough for the five of us. Naturally Cas sat next to me, squeezed into the interior seat, and Sam on the outside of him. Bobby and Dean across from us.

A waitress addressed us, took our orders and scurried off. I ordered a simple bowl of soup, while my brothers devoured sandwiches. Bobby busied himself on a tablet, trying to do a little research all the while grumbling about it not being a computer and having trouble with it.

 _"Is_ _that_ _all you're going to eat?"_ Cas asked me telepathically.

My head rolled in annoyance, and I pointedly stole a handful of Dean's fries and dropped them on a napkin in front me. "Hey! Get your own!"

"So you find anything Bobby?" Sam asked.

"Not really. You think vampyra was lying?" the older hunter replied.

Cas frowned. "I'll search the town, give me a moment."

Instead of the gathering of energy and flexing of wings I was expecting, nothing happened at all.

"Cas..we can still see you." Dean spoke the obvious.

"Yes...I'm still here.." the angel agreed in bewilderment.

"Well...you dont have to wait on us."

Cas cleared his throat determinedly and scrunched his face, straining. Nothing happened.

"Well now it just looks like you're pooping" Dean said.

I choked into my glass of water, snickering. "Something wrong?" I asked after I recovered from my immature episode.

"Something in this town is affecting me...I'm powerless. " he informed us gravely, "I'm assuming its Eve."

"So what...mom's making you limp?" Dean prodded, "how?"

"I dont know...but she is."

Dean flipped his hands up in frustration. "Well that's great. Without your powers you're basically a baby in a trenchcoat. "

Cas winced inside, turning his head pointedly to the window. I gave my brother a death glare.   
"You hurt his feelings." I scorned him.

☆☆☆☆☆

Bobby a got lead on a doctor who called into the CDC about a patient, then went missing. Which led us to the body of said patient in his shed.

That led us to the patient's house, after an awkward discussion with the Sherriff, where we found a whole mess of bodies. Sickly, dead or dying things...all an exact replica of the patient, Ed Bright.

We couldn't put the pieces together. Surely this shifter - gone - wrong scenario was the work of Eve...but why?

The sole survivor, just before he too withered away from some type of sickness, informed us that Ed had met a girl at the bar. A girl in white.   
We could only assume that to be Eve, and decided that our next stop was that bar.

What we found, was nothing short of shocking. The entire bar was littered with at least a dozen not so fresh corpses, the smell offending my senses and making clamp a hand over my nose and mouth.

"The Sherriff was an idiot but, you'd think he'd notice this many missing folks." Bobby pointed out.

I carefully stepped over the body closest to me to follow Dean's investigative body language. He grabbed a cloth from the from the bar counter to protect his skin while he pried open the lip of the body laying sprawled over some barstools.  
"We got a vamp over here, " he called out as I got closer.

"Nope..." I said, nudging his arm and pointing at the protruding spike from the creature's forearm.

"Scratch that, we got a wraith," he corrected himself, "what the hell? What has teeth and spikes?"

"Eve's making hybrids?" I suggested.

Dean agreed silently. "But why? What does she want with these...what do you call these?"

"Congrats," Bobby said, "you discovered it, you name it."

Dean thought for a moment, then brightened with boyish amusement.   
"Jefferson Starships," he declared, "because they're terrible, and hard to kill."

I threw my head back, not sure if I should laugh or hit him.

Sam glanced around, noting that every body had a spike in its arm, "it looks like the whole bar got turned into these-"

"Jefferson Starships. " Dean finished enthusiastically.   
I couldnt help it that time. I giggled.

"Fine..." Sam surrendered, "but why are all these _Starships_ dead?"

"Looks to me like they..burned up. Like. Fever or flu or something. " I observed.

"What the hell? " Dean huffed, "does every monster in this town have the motaba virus?"

The doors of the establishment suddenly flew open, the sheriff and two other barging in with guns raised.  
"Hands where I can see em'!" He barked at us. I rose my hands alright, to try ripping the guns from their hands with my powers. But just like the angel...I was apparently impotent. Embarrassed, I put them over my head isntead obediently like the rest of the company. Except for Dean, who had dipped and dived over the counter, hidden from sight.

"Now this is not what it looks like..." Cas tried reasoning with them.

"Look we're the feds," Bobby told them passively.

"Yeah? Well feds aren't allowed to do _this._ " the sherriff retorted, "cuff em!"

We stood helplessly as we were patted down and cuffed, even Cas. Both of us shoved into the wall while another searched and cuffed Bobby.

We were manhandled into the station. Bobby and Cas remained calm the whole way but I was taken kicking and screaming. Finally the officer charged with me had enough, and slammed me flat into the wall of the front office.  
"Knock it off, princess. " he hissed in my ear, "play nice."

"Look if we can just make a phone call, we can straighten this out" Sam insisted at the sheriff holding him.

"Straighten out a massacre? I'd like to see you try. "

In a split second, Sam caught a glimpse of the security footage on the wall, as did I, and abruptly head butted the sheriff when he caught sight of a glow in the eyes on the screen.  
"Jefferson Starships! " he hollered a battle cry to alert us.

The sheriff attacked Sam, while the others went after Bobby and me.

Cas rammed me out of the way only to have himself slammed into the wall instead by the beast.  
Luckily, Dean had followed us and chopped through its head from behind, splashing blood all over the angel. He handed him an extra machete, and Castiel decapitated the Starship trying to bite Bobby.  
Sam had been kicking and trying to fend off the sheriff while Dean killed the last lesser officer. I ripped the blade from the angel after he broke my cuffs for me and charged the sheriff, throwing him to the ground by the shoulder. Just I raised the bloody blade to strike down Sam stopped me yelling, "Hazel wait!"

☆☆☆☆☆

The sheriff was chained to a chair inside an interrogation room, Bobby in with him and knife while Cas guarded the door and my brothers and I watched from the window.

After awhile of getting nowhere, we all heard a loud bang from further inside the police station. All three of us humans outside the interrogation room cocked our guns. "More starhips..." Dean said quietly, stalking away to investigate.

Sam paused next to me and Cas. "Stay here." he said, Cas didnt protest, but I did, following behind him anyway.  
Without looking away from our captive, Cas blindly shot a hand out and caught my belt in his fingers, holding me back like a collar in an iron grip that wouldn't give an inch. My brothers disappeared around the corner without me while I groaned in annoyance. "They can handle it." he said, jerking me by the pants closer.  
I made my annoyance known with a growl, but didnt argue.  
"You know..this chauvinistic crap is getting old."

He grinned to himself, tugging me the rest of the way to his side.  
"I really dont care how strong you are, when I'm around, you're not jumping into fights. "

"If I wasn't slightly turned on right now I'd be slapping you."

"Your wasting your time you stupid head of cattle." The monster sneered at Bobby.

Bobby cut his face, the Starship grunting but then laughing.  
"You really think that's gonna make me talk?"

"Something will..." he promised.

Several minutes passed, Bobby's questions still bearing no fruit. I planted myself on the steel bench nearby, beginning to feel exhausted.  
A slow blink unfolded a questioning blue stare from the angel across the hall from me.

If only he knew what I suspected. Would he still look at me the same?   
Would that look of love and concern become one of betrayal and hate? What if I was wrong? I wanted to enjoy him, not sit around feeling like he was a sleeper agent.

Just as I was about to ask myself if Selaphiel was wrong...she came to me.

Like a vision that I was no longer capable of having, my head jerked backward, smacking the wall, and my one eye burned and glowed as I was lost to the real world.

I saw her face, her true face. And heard her voice.

_Eve must die_

_Crowley is alive, the angel is a liar_

_"What am supposed to do?"_ I called back into the abyss.

_Wait in silence. All is as it should be. When_ _I_ _come for you,_ _I_ _will protect your family._

_Trust no one,_ _change_ _nothing._

_Trust me child._

As quickly as she came, she released me, my sight returning to the physical realm to find Castiel sitting next to me, face plastered in shock.

"How...h-how did that happen?" he stammered. I bit my lips, sucking them in as far as they would go. Selaphiel said to remain silent. But how could I not tell him? If everything was inevitable as she said, what did it matter?

"I..I dont know." I said somewhat honestly.

"Was it her?" he deduced, "Hazel was it Selaphiel?"

I nodded. There was no lying. Not with him. No matter how much he lied to me. How many pieces of his deceptive puzzle I put together...I could not be the one that was lying.

"What did she say?" he whispered, noting Bobby eyeing us from behind the window.

I realized then, that I didn't have to tell him everything. Just what would be relevant to him.  
"She um...she's not dead. Just trapped. And...when she escapes, she wants to use me to stop bad things from happening. Told me to just...wait and change nothing till then, that everything is as it should be."

The sense of dread coming off him disturbed me. He wasn't stupid. He knew Selaphiel was onto him. But he didnt know I was too.

Before we could discuss anything further, Dean's voice came booming from the other room where he came from, leading two young boys.  
"Got a couple hungry boys here!"

My brothers sat the kids down in the office with candy bars from the vending machine, and asked them questions. They learned of an uncle they could stay with in the next town over, at which point Castiel left my side and pulled Dean away.   
"Can I have a word with you?"

My brother joined us on the far side of the room to speak in hushed voices.   
"Dean, we need to find Eve _now."_ Cas said urgently.

"Hold your water, well be back in a few." He turned to leave but Cas touched his arm.

"Dean..Dean.." he implored him, "millions of lives are at stake here. Not just two. Stay focused."

I chewed on my thoughts on the matter, saying nothing. I had bigger things to worry about than philosophical debates.   
"Are you kidding?" Dean hissed.

"There's a greater purpose here." Cas explained.

"You know what, I-I'm getting a little sick and tired of the greater purposes, okay?" Dean replied bitterly, "I think what I'd like to do now is save a couple of kids. If you don't mind. We'll catch up."

And with that, he and Sam led the children away.

Cas moved to the window, now darkened by nightfall, long after watching them leave.

Bobby passed me by, approaching the angel. "They wont take long." he assured.

I felt Castiel's resentment rise.  
"You dont know that, they might find more wayward orphans along the way. "

I was completely taken aback by his bitter sarcasm.

Bobby narrowed his grumpy eyes at him. "Oh dont get cute."

The angel turned away from the window to face him. "Right. Pardon me for highlighting their crippling and dangerous empathetic response with "sarcasm". It was a bad idea - letting them go."

In a less serious situation, I might have laughed at his air quotes when he said 'sarcasm.'

"Cas..." I breathed scornfully.

"Come on. You don't let Sam and Dean Winchester do squat. Hazel ain't no different, neither. They do what they gotta. You know that." Bobby reminded him. "Anyway, we want Eve, we need coordinates. So we can stand here bellyaching or we can go poke that pig 'til he squeals. Thoughts?"

Castiel rolled his head in annoyed acceptance, and walked with us back to our captive.

Bobby tried and tried again, but eventually need a break, and returned outside to sit down.

The angel's impatience was growing by the second, and finally he looked at Bobby with intimidating conviction saying, "I need five minutes with him."

Bobby snapped his head in confusion.   
"What for? Your batteries are dead."

"Give me five minutes. " Cas reiterated. I knew what was coming. Cas was a relatively gentle person, until he was put on the spot for a mission. He would become very dark and cold in an instant. A terrible force to be reckoned with.  
When I saw that very same look on his face as he walked away to enter the interrogation room, I knew we'd get answers.

Bobby and I heard chilling screams of agony, and in fact, in less than five minutes, the angel reemerged with blood soaked hands.  
"Eve's at 25 Buckley street. You can call Sam and Dean." he muttered sardonically at Bobby.

☆☆☆☆☆

25 Buckley Street just so happened to be the exact same diner we'd eaten at when we first got to town, we came to discover as we stood across the street from it, laden with duffle bags full of shotguns loaded with the ash shells.

"You gotta be kidding me?" Dean whined, " She's been in there the whole time?"

"Why did she ever let us in? Or out?" Sam wondered.

"Well there's one way to find out." Dean said, taking one of the bags from me and slinging it over his shoulder.

"What, just stroll in?" Bobby said in dissproval, "we dont know who's human and who's her!"

"One way to draw her out," Dean replied to him confidently, "me and Sam will go in."

"I'll go too," I said, stepping forward before Cas could snatch my arm. I felt the drop in his heart the second his hand came up empty.

Instead, Sam was the one to stop me, blocking me with his wall of a body.  
"You heard Lenore, Hazey. Eve wants you, bad. You're better off out here looking after these guys."

I crossed my arms to pout, but he had a point. Bobby was old, Cas was terrible with a gun, and throwing myself in the fire this time wasn't a good idea.

"Look if we dont get a shot off, you three better. " Dean said.

☆☆☆☆☆

We waited in tense silence, only more tense when the all the blinds if the diner were suddenly shut.

I made a lunge on pure protective instinct, but Bobby threw his arm out in front of me. I was confused, thinking we were all on the same page, until I followed his eyes.

A handful of people, presumably Starships, came pacing towards us from around the back of the diner.

We fought with them, in vain this time, out numbered and without knives. My already split lip from the cops was busted open wider and we wrestled and taken prisoner, marched into the diner against our will.

The place was full of Starships, and my brothers sat on the stools helplessly. A woman I recognized all too well as Mary Winchester approached the three of us, smiling rather casually as if she wasnt a monster at all.  
"So much for your plan B," she said, her eyes falling on me and Cas, "wondering why you're so flaccid? I'm older than you Castiel. And older than the first Seer. I know what makes them tick. As long as I'm around, consider yourselves unplugged."

She was wrong of course. I still had my empathy, and Selaphiel was still able to tap into my power from Purgatory. I was beginning to further understand just how absolute the power of a Seer really was. Especially under the wing of her creator.

Eve took me by the hand, gently at first, but then squeezed it almost to the breaking to drag me in front of my brothers and hold my arms behind my back.   
"Work for me..." she said with an inflection indicating she was continuing a conversation. "Its a good deal. _Bonus..._ I wont kill your friends, or steal the Seer from Selaphiel. "

I heard Cas struggling against his captures behind us valiantly.   
"Steal me?" I repeated.

She hummed in my ear. "Oh yes...you see, one of my children did once. You're uninhabitable if you're infected. But I asked my first born to let go you...Or that bitch would never leave Purgatory. "

The faces of my brothers were opened with shock and awe.   
"But..." Eve continued sweetly, "I'm willing to put up with her and use you myself...If you're brothers dont cooperate."

"Alright, look," Dean said, growing bolder and more angry, "The last few months we've been working for an evil dick. We're not about to sign up for an evil bitch. We don't work with demons. We don't work with monsters. And if that means you gotta kill us, then kill us!"

Eve let me go and glided over to Dean, her hands laid gently upon his shoulders behind. "Or I turn all of you, and you do what I want anyway."

"Beat me with a wire hanger, answer's still no." was his defiant response.

"Dont test me..." she warned lowly, drawing her face closer to his.

"Bite me."

Dean was confident, to my confusion. He knew something we didn't. He wanted her to bite him. I hastily strained my logic to conclude that somehow, he had poisoned himself against her with the ashes.

And I was right. She bit him viciously on the neck, subsequently backing off, coughing and choking on his blood.

A nasty gray light flashed behind her ribcage, her body pouring black sludge from every egress as she gasped and fought for her life.

At last, ding dong the bitch was dead, dropping heavily to the floor of the diner. The second she fell, the powers of the angel and I returned in a flood.

The monsters around us stirred and lunged in rage. I ducked the nearest one taking a swing at me, stumbling over the leg of another that Bobby had knocked down, and ended up crouched beside Castiel's feet.  
I moved to get up, but he pushed me back down and before I could react to that, he raised his hands on either side of him. His power surging, he shouted at all of us.  
"Shut your eyes!"

I shielded my one eye with my arm, waiting for the holy blast wave to subside.

"We gotta take you on more monster hunts." Bobby commented, letting me know it was safe to rise to my feet and observe the carnage he spoke of. Every single Starship had its eyes burned out.

Cas placed himself in front of me breifly, brushing a thumb across my bloodied lips. Something of an understanding passed between us when our eyes met. I wasn't for sure...But I think he finally realized that I knew, or at least suspected, that Crowley was alive and that he was somehow involved. It was a spark of pleading.  
He was subconsciously asking me not to breathe a word. He knew that if Selaphiel had been speaking to me...that I might have learned things. Perhaps forgetting to hide his guilt from me, in that tiny slip up, I was convinced.   
I believed every word Selaphiel said to me.  
Before, she had told me to let Crowley open the door. Now, just hours ago, she didnt seem to care about the who or how. I had trust that whatever she had foreseen was inevitable. I decided right then, in the that split second, that I would do what she asked of me. I would say nothing, and wait.


	34. Confessions

_You know, I've...I've been here for a very long time. And I remember many things._   
_I remember being at a shoreline, watching a little grey fish heave itself up on the beach and an older brother saying, "don't step on that fish, Castiel. Big plans for that fish."_

_I remember the Tower of Babel...All 37 feet of it, which I suppose was impressive at the time. And when it fell, they howled 'divine wrath'. But come on - dried dung can only be stacked so high._   
_I remember Cain and Abel...David and Goliath...Sodom and Gomorrah. And, of course, I remember the most remarkable event. Remarkable because it never came to pass._   
_It was averted by two boys, an old drunk,a fallen angel...and_ _the_ _woman he tried not to love._   
_The grand story. And we ripped up the ending and the rules...And destiny...leaving nothing but freedom and choice. Which is all well and good, except... Well, what if I've made the wrong choice? How am I supposed to know... I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you my story. Let me tell you everything._

_☆☆☆☆☆_

Dean drove into the night, his sister half asleep and sprawled across the back seat. Ever since they'd left that whole Eve mess behind, she'd been acting stranger than usual. Quieter.

All the time they'd spent the last week searching for Crowley, she wasn't helpful. She was distant. Like it didnt matter. In the beginning, he thought it was because it of the seemingly hopeless odds against them. But that didnt sit right with him. Hazel was the one person who didn't give up.   
And yet for reasons beyond him, that appeared to he exactly what was happening. She'd been acting shady, often disappearing just to be alone with herself. Usually to drink and sleep.  
He recognized the downward spiral all too well. He just didnt know why.

"Hello, Dean."  
Castiel appeared in the passenger seat, once again scaring the shit out of him and making readjust his grip on the wheel.  
"Are you alright?"

Weird question, but Dean rolled with it. "Yeah I'm...I'm fine."

The angel glanced over his shoulder at the snoozing psychic beginning to stir in discomfort.   
"How are you, Cas?"

"Just wanted to...check in."

"Any word on satan jr being alive?"

"I'm looking...believe me. I just dont know how Crowley could have tricked me."

"Well, he's a tricky son of a bitch, that's how. Doesn't matter. But if he is up and kicking, then what does matter is finding him, ripping his head off, and shoving it up his ass."

The angel nodded, but somehow it seemed hesitant to Dean. He shook it off, refusing to give in to his guts.

"What about you? Have you found anything?"

"No...nothing yet. "

☆☆☆☆☆

I had to return to Crowley, to check his progress, same as Dean. I cut it short, fearing that Hazel might awake. I didnt think I could face her.

I was no fool. She had spoken directly to my older sister, and the way she looked at me that night....  
She knew the truth, or at least some of it. She had to. The only one who could see and hear more than Selaphiel, was my father.

What I didnt understand was why she remained silent. To her brothers, and to me. I left without so much as a goodbye because it had unnerved me so. Was she remaining loyal, standing by my choices? Or did Selaphiel involve her in a conspiracy?

"Howdy partner." Crowley greeted me as entered his makeshift lab.

"What have you found?" I asked, observing the pried open corpse of Eve on the slab.

"I've found a lot of things. For example...Eve's brain? Dead as a tinned kipper. And yet..." Crowley reached inside Eve's chest cavity and pulled out a handful of fish like eggs. "For some reason...She keeps laying eggs. Watch this." He took a hot electric poker and jabbed Eve's brain. The vampire he had strapped on the wall helpless, began seizing violently until he let go. "Chocula here feels every tickle."

"What is that good for?"

"Apart from the obvious erotic value, you got me."

"You said Eve could open the door to Purgatory," I scorned, shutting down his humor.

"Correct. I did. And I'm confident that she could have if she was still alive! Single best chance to get over the rainbow, and the Winchesters killed her! "

"It was unavoidable," I told him honestly. The only way I could have prevented that was to protect Eve outright, and that would have ruined everything.

"You screwed up, Cas. You let the hounds mangle the pheasant, and now I am up to my elbows in it." The demon complained.

" What is your point? "

"The point is...You're distracted, and that makes me nervous."

"I am holding up my end." I affirmed.

"Ah, yes. But is that all you're holding? See...the stench of that Impala's all over your overcoat, Angel. I thought we'd agreed - no more nights out with the boys."

"I spoke with Dean. I needed to know what they know."

"About what? About me, maybe?' Cause I happen to have it on good authority that your two little pets are currently trying to hunt me down! And they've got the bloody Seer on their side! Forgive me, but I think you might have a little conflict of interest here."

~ _Crowley had a point, of course. My interest was conflicted. I still considered myself the Winchesters' guardian. After all...they taught me how to stand up..._  
 _What to_ _stand_ _for._  
 _How to love..._

 _And what generally_ _happens_ _when_ _you do._

_I was done. I was over. And then most extraordinary thing happened. I was_ _brought_ _back._   
_And we had one._   
_I had the freedom, and the girl._

_But at a terrible cost._

_And so I knew what I had to do next. Once again, I went to Harrow Hell, to free Sam from Lucifer's cage. It was nearly impossible, but I was so full of confidence, of mission. I see now that was arrogance...Hubris...Because, of course, I hadn't truly raised Sam -- not all of him._

_Sometimes we're lucky_ _enough_ _to be given a warning. That should have been mine.~_

_"_ I'm begging you Castiel, just kill the Winchesters!" he demanded of me.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "No."

"Then I'll do it myself!"

The thought of my Rose in the brush, diamond in the rough, dying at the hands of Crowley put a nasty pit in my stomach. But I remained calm.

"I will just bring them back."

"No you won't. Not where I'll put them. Trust me."

I drew myself closer to his face, bearing down on him with dominance. "I said...no. Dont worry about h-" I had to stop myself from defending her personally, "them."

"Don't worry about.... what, like Lucifer didn't worry? Or Michael? Or Lilith or Alastair or Azazel didn't worry?! Am I the only game piece on the board who doesn't underestimate those denim-wrapped nightmares?! " he roared angrily.

I steadied my own rising heat, refusing to lower myself. "Just find Purgatory. If you don't, we will both die again and again, until the end of time." With that I began walking away " The Winchesters won't get to you."

"Let them get to me! I'll tear their fucking hearts out!"

☆☆☆☆☆

I watched Dean and Hazel return to Bobby's together, while Bobby was busy trying to get answers from a demon.

She couldnt see me, none of them could. But I had to take extra precautions to ensure she couldnt _feel_ me either.

"So he burned the wrong bones, so Crowley tricked him." Dean defended me.

"He's an _angel."_ Bobby said.

"He is the Balki Bartokomous of Heaven! He can make a mistake!" Dean shot back irritably.

~ _I_ _watched_ _them argue, all but Hazel._

_She stood aside,_ _silent_ _and still as stone. But_ _I_ _knew...these accusations were killing her.~_

" Look, Dean, he's our friend, too, okay? And I'd die for him. I would, but...Look, I'm praying we're wrong here." Sam offered kindly.

"But if we ain't..." Bobby added, "If there's a snowball of a snowball's chance here...that means we're dealing with a Superman who's gone dark side. Which means we've got to be cautious, we got to be smart, and maybe stock up on some Kryptonite."

Dean looked across to his sister, who barely acknowledged him, "This makes you Lois Lane."

She grimaced ever so slightly, as if the very mention of any affiliation with this 'superman ' pained her.

"Look, one problem at a time here." Bobby reasoned with everyone, "We got to find Crowley now, before the damn fool cracks open Purgatory."

 _The worst part was Dean,_ _trying_ _so hard to_ _be_ _loyal, with_ _every_ _instinct_ _telling_ _him otherwise. And Hazel..._ _completely_ _shut down. I hadn't seen her so caved_ _into_ _herself_ _since_ _she was_ _living_ _on the streets all those years ago._

They continued to interrogate this red haired demon hunter, until he revealed the name and location of a demon named Ellsworth.

A demon who would surely lead them to Crowley. And Crowley would tear their hearts out. I had to get there first.

I had no choice. I did it to protect the boys, and my rose. Or to protect myself...I didnt know anymore.

☆☆☆☆☆  
 _ **{Hey**_ _ **I**_ _ **know this is hard to keep**_ _ **track**_ _ **of, bouncing around with point of views, but the episode is**_ _ **like**_ _ **that, so**_ _ **I**_ _ **had to do it too}**_

I didn't want to go with them looking for Ellsworth. But I feared my own brothers would stop trusting me if I appeared to be completely avoiding their mission. That they might think that I was helping Crowley and Castiel myself.   
It hurt me more than I expected when Sam and Bobby continued to try to convince Dean of their suspicions.   
He was just as loyal as me to our resident celestial being.

At some point I knew I was going to have to tell him he was wrong.

We searched the house thoroughly. But it was completely bare. Not a single shred of evidence or sprinkle of sulfur.   
"Demons get tipped and bugged out?" Dean suggested in his bewilderment.

Even I was confused. This lead was good, and yet we found absolutely nothing.

"Maybe they run from _us,_ now, " I said, "that would be a nice thought, right?"

"If that's what happened..." Bobby said grimly.

"This place is clean. " I shrugged, crossing my arms and leaning on an interior doorway.

"Yeah, but it's...It's like "Mr. Clean" clean, you know? It's kind of OCD for your average demon." Bobby pointed out.

"So what now?" I asked wearily, just wanting this to be over.

"We call Cas." Dean said sharply, as if daring any of us to argue.

"What?" Sam was the first defy it.

"This is usually the point where we'd call Cas." he elaborated.

Bobby sighed. "We talked about this, Dean."

"No. You talked, I listened. " Dean retorted darkly, "This is Cas, guys. I mean, when there was no one...And we were stuck - and I mean really stuck - he broke ranks. He has gone to the mat cut and bleeding for us so many freakin' times. This is Cas! Don't we owe him the benefit of the doubt at least?"

Sam sighed, giving in. I bit my lip and wandered away from the main room as my brother prayed.

"Castiel ..this is really important, okay? Um...we really need to talk to you."

"Come on in Cas." Dean added.

~ _But I didn't go to them...Because I knew they would have questions I couldn't answer...Because I was afraid.~_

After silence, Dean seemed relieved and said, "Cas is busy."

"That's alright, " Sam said, but I knew his distrust was only deepened, "we are too."

Just as we were all about to shuffle out the door, Dean was attacked by a stranger. A demon to be specific. Sam and I hollered in surprise at him, but we were quickly brought into fights of our own.

A rather large man grabbed me from behind and shoved me into a wall, where he struck my face once, then tried to stab me. I shoved him back with my power, but no sooner did he go sliding away from me, did a second assailant punch my jaw from the side.  
Hard enough to loosen a tooth, and cause me to brutally bite my cheek and fill my mouth with blood.

_~Crowley sent his very best. I was caught as much by surprise as the rest of them. And it left me with yet another choice. I could reveal myself and smite the demons. Of course Crowley wouldn't like it. But on the other hand, they were my friends. And Hazel....~_

I spit a spray of my own blood into his face, halting him from hitting me again, and kicked his knee backwards. The first demon had regained himself and barreled at me, throwing me to the ground and managed to drive his little knife into my shoulder, very near my heart but fortunately missed its mark. I howled in rage and pain, until the demon's eyes went from black to bursting with burning light.

Castiel yanked his corpse off me.

_~ For a_ _brief_ _moment, I was me again~_

Our eyes locked, the apparent concern for me all over his face as he pulled me to my feet.

"Its good to see you Cas," Dean said, approaching with the other two close behind. Cas hardly acknowledged him for a moment, taking the time to heal the gushing wound on my fore chest.

He finally pulled away from me, leaving me mournful and empty, to look at my brothers. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah" Sam said, "perfect timing, Cas."

" I'm glad I found you. I come with news."

For a brief moment, my heart fluttered with hope. Stupid, ignorant, baseless hope.

"Yeah? What? " Dean goaded.

"I firmly believe Crowley is alive." the angel replied, crushing my hope.

"Yeah. You think, Kojak?" Dean snapped, "Well, Bobby, what do we think about Cas saving our asses...Again?"

Bobby hunched his shoulders, then relaxed with friendly warmth. "I think we owe you an apology. "

Castiel squinted at him with a tilt of his head. " Why? "

"We've been hunting Crowley this whole time..." Sam said carefully "And keeping it from you."

"We thought...You were working with him. " Bobby added.

"You thought what? " Cas said, faking his surprise. I grit my teeth at his arrogance. _Damn you Selaphiel...this_ _better_ _be_ _worth_ _it,_ I thought to myself.

"I know," Dean chuckled, "It's crazy, right? "

" It's just that you torched the wrong bones...It doesn't matter. We - we were wrong. " Bobby admitted shamefully. God how I wanted to correct them. To validate them.

Cas sighed."You know...You could've just asked me." he said quietly, his eyes finding mine. I couldn't keep up the act, I scowled back at him, though it hurt me to do so. I had to make sure there was a mutual understanding here. That I knew everything. He ripped his eyes away from me.

"And we should have," Dean happily agreed, "We never should've doubted you. It's...I just hope you can forgive us. "

_~Wonders never cease. They trusted me again. At least the men did. But it was just another lie.~_

"It's forgotten." Cas said with a smile.

" Thanks."

" Yeah. Thanks, Cas. " Sam concurred bashfully.

" It is a little absurd, though." the angel continued with a wry grin.

"I know, I know." Bobby agreed.

"Superman going to the dark side... I'm still just Castiel. " he assured us.

All of us felt a change in the air, shocked by what we just heard, though we didn't show it.

"I guess we can put away the Kryptonite, right? " Dean struggled to say without emotion.

"Exactly. "

~ _Of course, I didn't realize it at the time. But it was all over. Right then - just like that.~_

☆☆☆☆☆

The angel left, leaving me secretly shattered. The silence between the four of us in the empty house was overbearing.   
All of us knew what we just heard, and what it meant.

I looked to Dean, a very dark, and stunned expression painting him.

"Dean you heard that, right?" Sam asked him gently.

The older brother drew in a shaky breath. "Yeah..."

"He's been watching us..." Bobby said, "Damnit he almost had me fooled."

"What now?" Sam asked.

Dean couldnt talk. He was so betrayed and still fighting the idea inside. He didnt want to believe it. His pain was seeping inside me like a disease, and I couldn't take it anymore.  
It was time to fess up.

"I have something to tell you guys," I said hesitantly, making them all look my way. Bobby was the only one not surprised. He knew I was suspicious of Castiel quite some time ago.

I exhaled slowly, mustering courage against the breaking of my heart.  
"For months now, I have noticed Cas lying, or carefully hiding his mind from me," I began, and made sure they were paying attention.

"It started when I first told him, that I thought an angel was helping Crowley.

And...as you know. The archangel Selaphiel has been trying to reach me. Well...she succeeded. She's not dead. She's trapped in Purgatory waiting for someone to open the door so she can get to me.

She told me...

She told me not to trust Cas. Told me Crowley was alive..."

Dean visibly sank, staring at me sullenly. "Why...why didn't you tell us?"

Tears welled in my eyes as I cringed.  
"She told me not to..."

"What the hell, Hazel..." Sam whispered, "we don't just do whatever we're told by angels, you know that!"

"This is different, Sammy!" I snapped, my voice croaking in emotional agony, " She just wants to help. She said alot of bad shit is coming, including stuff about Cas. She just wants to protect us. And I think...I think she wants to stop Cas."

"And you believe her because...?" Bobby asked.

"Because she is the mother of the Seers. She is the original psychic, guys. She knows almost everything there is know. Why would she warn us if it wasnt true?"

Dean shook his head. "So Selly...she wants us to _let_ them open monsterland?""

I bit my lips in response.

"Fuck that, Haze! " he hissed at me,"we've been busting our asses trying to put a stop to this and you've been conspiring right along with angels!?"

"Dean...its not like that. I'm not conspiring. Selly asked me to just wait. Like...she knew we couldn't stop it. But she can _help_ if she gets out."

"Yeah by riding your ass, am I right? You're her vessel, tell me I'm wrong. "

A tear finally fell. "Yes..."

"Unbelievable..." he scoffed.

I looked at my other brother, still quietly listening to us. He was hurting too, he who had been possessed before.  
"I think...Dean is trying to say, Haze...is we dont wanna lose you. Angels dont usually let their vessels go."

"Look...forget Selaphiel. We have a different, much more arrogant angel to deal with right now. " I pointed out, "you want to confront him, right?"

☆☆☆☆☆

We waited till nightfall, making ourselves comfortable in the abandoned demon headquarters. Bobby had sniffed out some whiskey, Sam had found some crates and chairs, so we sat around drinking and thinking.

The atmosphere was so heavy, it made me sick. I'd been keeping strong and stoic for some time now, but the thought of betraying my lover was really hitting me like a sack of bricks.

I found myself smoking a secret stash of cigarettes I'd hidden in the trunk of the Impala, courteously leaning near a window and blowing the smoke outside. I was on my fourth of what was becoming a chain smoking, when Sam lumbered over to me.

"Hey..." he prodded when I didn't acknowledge him. I felt his eyes burning into me, and his heart wanting reach out and console me.  
"How you holding up, sis?"

"I'm not..." I said quietly and flatly, dragging greedily at the cigarette.

"I know," Sam said gently, leaning closer to get a better looked my face that was struggling to hold back tears.  
"What are you thinking?"

Blowing the smoke out slowly, I asked myself the same question internally.  
"Everything...maybe worst of all...did he really care or was he just trying to make sure I trusted him..."  
My voice started to crack as I bowed my head, gasping lightly at a sob trying to escape.

"Hey, hey..." he crooned, massaging my back and getting as close as he could without actually holding me.  
"That isn't true. I know it isn't...He cares, Hazey. He's an angel...he wouldn't have done any of that with you if it wasn't real."

"Somehow, I think that makes it worse..." I choked.

"Hey..." Dean called us over his shoulder, "we're ready to do this. "

I flicked my cigarette outside, and let Sam take me by the hand to stand off to the side with him, carefully stepping over the ring of oil saturated into the wood.

Dean stayed where he sat, crouched and in obvious reluctance, breaking the silence by opening a prayer.   
"Castiel..um...we need you for a little powwow down here so...come on down."

I tightened my grip on Sam as the angel appeared surprisingly on the landing to our right, just feet away from our trap.   
"Hello."

"Oh, Jonny on the spot." Bobby commented in surprise.

The angel took a step forward, glancing around at the place.   
"You're still here..."

"Yeah..." Sam spoke up, "we had to bury the bodies."

"And we found whiskey," Dean added, jingling his glass in the air, "thanks for coming."

"How can I help?" Cas asked earnestly.

"We have a new plan, we think we've finally figured out a way to track Crowley. " Sam told him.

Cas took just a couple more steps, and it was over. I practically crushed Sam's hand as Bobby darted out of the way and threw a lit match on the floor, ignited the holy fire.  
"Its you."

Cas whipped around wildly looking at each of us. "What are you doing?"

My lips quivered with guilt at the sight of my angel trapped like a rat.

"We gotta talk." Dean said.

"About what? Let me go!" Cas bellowed.

"About superman. And Kryptonite. " Dean replied darkly.

"How did you know what I said?" Bobby asked.

Sam was more straightforward. "How long have you been watching us?"

Castiel continued to spin and search our faces frantically. Particularly mine, forcing me to pull away from Sam and turn my back so he couldn't see my face.

"You know who spies on people, Cas? Spies!" Dean hissed.

"Okay, just wait. I don't even know what you mean. " he said hastily.

"Lies..." I muttered under my breath.

"What about this demon craphole? How is it so, uh..."Next to godliness" clean in here?" Sam asked.

"And how exactly did Crowley trick you with the wrong bones? " Bobby wanted to know.

"It's hard to understand... It's hard to explain. Just let me go. Let me out and I can - "

"You got to look at me, man. You got to level with me and tell me what's going on. Look me in the eye and tell me you're not working with Crowley..." Dean I implored him desperately.

Castiel looked at Dean, for a long moment, without a word, but then looked away in shame.

"You son of a bitch."

"Let me explain." Cas pleaded.

Dean was getting more and more angry. "You're in it with him? You and Crowley have been going after Purgatory together? You have, huh? This whole time!"

"I did it to protect you. I did it to protect all of you. " I felt his eyes on my back but I still refused to look at him.

"Protect us how?" Sam said sardonically, "By opening a hole into monsterland!? "

"He's right, Cas." Bobby said, " One drop got through, and it was Eve. And you want to break down the entire dam? "

"To get the souls. I can stop Raphael. Please, you have to trust me."

"Trust you?! " Sam said louder next to me, making me flinch, "How in the hell are we supposed to trust you now?"

"I'm still me. I'm still your friend" his tone was breaking my heart, "Sam...I'm the one who raised you from Perdition. "

Sam scoffed. "Yeah...that's what Hazel thought... Well, no offense...But you did a pretty piss-poor job of it. Wait... Did you bring me back soulless...On purpose?

"How could you think that?" he croaked.

" Well, I'm thinking a lot of things right now, Cas. Especially since you can do all this behind Hazel's back, of all people." Sam dragged me into it, "you have any idea what she's going through right now?"

"Hazel..." the angel finally addressed me, "sweetheart please..."

The word 'sweetheart ' broke me, sounding so pathetic and pleading. It felt like an ice pick had just been rammed down into the iceberg I'd I'd trying to maintain. This just had to be the one time he called me that.

With a stiff sniffle and little mental preparation, I finally spun around to face him.  
"That day...I told you I knew an angel was helping Crowley...you lied right to my face and said you would investigate it." I said through my teeth, my hands shaking. The other men held their breath. They didn't know about this, not really,  
"Did....did you take me back...so I would..." I could hardly summon the words, "did you sleep with me so I would trust you?"

I'd never seen him look so hurt.  
"No...Hazel of course not. I _missed_ you. I couldn't stand to hurt you anymore I-"

"You're hurting me now!" I spat loudly, my energy flexing the flames and nearly touching him.  
"You even told me, not so long ago, that you wouldn't lie to me anymore. I knew everything Cas...I've just been waiting for you to come clean. "

"So why didn't you tell them? Why are we just now reaching this point?" he demanded, waving a hand at my family.

I couldn't hold the back the cries anymore. "Because I just wanted to believe in you..."

He did his best to shake off his pain and rip his eyes off me. "Listen to me, Raphael will kill us all. He'll turn the world into a graveyard. I had no choice."

"No, you had a choice." Dean barked,"You just made the wrong one."

"You don't understand. It's complicated. "

" No, actually, it's not, and you know that. Why else would you keep this whole thing a secret, huh, unless you knew that it was wrong? When crap like this comes around, we deal with it... Like we always have. What we don't do is we don't go out and make another deal with the Devil!" Again my brother was shouting.

Castiel softened sadly. "It sounds so simple when you say it like that. Where were you when I needed to hear it? "

"We were there. Where were you?" I asked him, referring to all the time he spent staying away from me for a year.

"You should've come to us for help, Cas." Dean said.

The wind outside abruptly started howling, the very atmosphere appearing to rumble.

"Its too late. I can't turn back now. I can't. " Cas insisted.

The disturbance I came to realize, was demonic energy. A lot of it. I touched Sam and nodded at the window.

"Its not too late!" Dean hollered over the noise, "Damnit Cas we can fix this!"

"It's not broken! Run...you have to run now!" he shouted turning to me pointedly ,"run!"

Bobby and the boys didn't need to be asked twice, they booked it right out to the car. But in the confusion they didnt realize that I stayed behind. Just absolutely frozen in place by the breaking of my heart.

The hoard of demons ambushed the house, bombarding it until their boss stepped through the door.  
" _Hazel...go. Please..."_ Cas hissed into my head. But I refused. I had to see this for myself and Crowley didn't scare me.

"My my, " he said, "playing with fire again?" He snapped his fingers in a wave and the holy fire extinguished.

"Oh hello love," he addressed me, "come here often?"

"If you touch them..." Cas threatened, pacing closer to the demon.

"Please. I heard you the first time. I promise - nary a hair on their artfully tousled heads. Besides, I think they've proven my point for me. It's always your friends, isn't it, in the end?" The king of hell glanced my way again, "We try to change. We try to improve ourselves. It's always our friends who got to claw into our sides and hold us back. Or in your case...a girl...But you know what I see here? The new God and the new Devil, working together."

"They new God?" I mumbled.

Cas got right in Crowley's face threateningly  
"Enough. Stop talking. And get out of my sight." he said slowly, a gravel in his throat that frightened me.

Crowley grinned grimly. "Well...Glad I came. You're welcome, by the way. " he said as he headed for the door, before turning back once more, "You know the difference between you and me? I know what I am. What are you, Castiel? What exactly are you willing to do?"

And the door slammed shut, and every demon surrounding left.

Cas turned to me slowly, his eyes heavy. "So this is it...?"

I left my post and made my way closer, badly wanting to make his pain go away. "I don't know..." I whispered.

"You didnt tell anyone...does that mean you'll stand by me?" he asked without much hope.

"It means...I won't get in your way."

He drew a sharp, shaky breath. "Are you done with me...?"

And there it was. The hard question I couldn't answer. "I love you, Castiel...but...I dont know. If you open that door, I am going to say 'yes' to Selaphiel. Am I done with you? I dont think I have a choice...when its over, I wont even be there. She will."

"Dont do this Hazel. She has other vessels." He begged me, daring to take just one more step.

We were as close as we could be without touching.

"Not strong enough to do what may need to be done." I replied.

"If I have to..." he couldn't finish that sentence, "please I cant hurt you. I can't. "

"Then dont, Cas...She doesnt want to hurt you. She wants to _protect me_. Can you accept that?"  
I touched his face lightly, not able to control myself any longer. He shuddered and grasped my fingers, holding them there. Quiet for a moment, soaking in the feel of me.

"Can you accept a proposal then?" he asked softly, with his eyes closed.

I tilted my head in inquiry. "What are you talking about?"

He removed his fingers and placed both sets of them on my cheeks.  
"What you're saying is...this is our last night together. And I propose we make it count."


	35. Just one Night

  
I had know way of knowing for sure how Hazel felt. Despite all my power as angel, I could never read emotions the way she could.  
All I could do is recognize the hurt on her face, and the trembling of her fists.  
I just wanted to be sure she didn't hate me. If she was soon to be lost to me, I just wanted to be sure that we still had love.

She graciously accepted my offer to spend one last night with me. So I had to take her somewhere special. Somewhere beautiful and secluded where we could be alone and pretend for just one night, it wasn't all about to end. 

I choose a cave in Mexico, where a river gently flowed over the entrance and the top of the cavern had been worn away, leaving a perfect view of the stars that would give us light.

Hazel stopped looking sad long enough to marvel at the place. 

"Where are we?" she asked me, craning her neck to look through the natural skylight. 

"Mexico." I replied, and sat down beside her feet.

She joined me, hugging her knees to her chest.  
"So...I guess we need to have a real talk." she said to me.

I nodded in reluctance. 

"Why dont you go first?" she asked of me.

"What can I say...?" I said, not able to meet her eye.

"Just...start slow. From the beginning. Tell me how you feel...about everything. "

I sighed and paused for a long time. Just trying to find the words.

"From the beginning....?

It doesnt feel like it's been twenty years since I was ordered to kill you. Every time I see you, it feels like yesterday. Like you grew and seduced my body and my heart overnight. 

I loved you as a child for so long...even when you were grown. But when I finally got close to you again, something changed. I couldn't even begin to explain.... perhaps it was finally seeing you up close again, and realized just how beautiful you were. 

Before I knew it myself, I was a fool in love. And just before we were all about to die...you kissed me. Then as I faced my brothers that day...I knew, I'd do anything for you. 

I didnt know what love was, not really. All I knew was that I wanted to hold you and never let go. Shield you from all the darkness and pain in the world. Hide you if I had to. Because you were mine..."

☆☆☆☆☆

I listened intently, my smile growing wider by the minute. Forgetting we were there to say goodbye.  
He was open to me now, completely. As he spoke of me it was nothing but fondness and lack of regret.

"I realize now...I didn't deserve your love." he said more quietly casting a sad smile my way.

"Oh Cas..." I murmured, leaning over to rest on his shoulder, "that isn't true."

"You said yourself my lies have hurt you." he breathed into my forehead.

"Love isn't always rainbows and butterflies. Its messy for everyone..." I quoted Dean, "I suppose its my turn."

I gathered my thoughts for a moment. Trying to organize all things I never really said to him.

"It feels like forever since I was dead, struck down like game by the other angels. Watching Sam and Dean fight for their lives nearly every day. And then I saw you...a creature of myth stepping into their lives. You saved them...over and over. I had so much respect for you. But I when I actually met you...I was afraid. How could I stand in the presence of an angel? I thought so little of myself. A junky...a theif...I felt like you should smite me any second.

And then that changed, when you came to my rescue in France...

I was broken. I had given up hope of living. And then I saw this...beautiful light standing next to me, trying to save me. And I knew I needed you. I knew you weren't just my brothers' angel anymore. You were mine. And that made me think that living past the apocalypse just might be worth it. 

I'm not sure when I fell in love, if you can measure such things. But I did eventually tell someone. And they insisted for weeks that I tell you before it was too late. And it was too late. All I could is take you in my arms and kiss you at the last minute.

It wasnt enough, knowing I would soon die, but it gave me peace. I felt your heart that day, Castiel. I knew you loved me and I was ok with dying.

And then..."

I stopped, choking on my train of thought remembering the painful year I spent in his absence. 

"And then I left you, " he said for me.

I nodded sharply. "Yeah...I wish I could say I handled it well. But the way I see it now...I was only choosing one of two choices. Lash out at the world and behave that way...Or go back to heroin. I'd never been heartbroken before...not really. I wanted to hate you, for bringing me up so high and letting me fall so low. But even when I saw again, and I was so...so mad at you. I couldn't stop loving you. You were...my angel.."

I was loosing it, my voice cracking and my heart curling in a tight ball.  
He wrapped himself around me and let me start crying into his neck. A hand found the side of my, just caressing repeatedly while I shuddered into him.

"I'd almost forgotten just how amazing you were, until I heard you sing." he said quietly into the curls of hair near my ear. "Humans and their music...it was always such a fascinating and beautiful quality. Something unique to them. Every voice different from the next. Yours...it made my heart weep. Such beauty, and unapologetic emotion. Though it was under unfortunate circumstances, you sang for me. And I never could get the sound out of my head."

I calmed down, soothed by the kindness and pulled myself away far enough to look at him. The starlight casting off the waterfall cast an inhuman shimmer in the pools of blue he had for eyes. He spoke of my beauty and yet I could never compare myself to him.  
"I wish I could have written a happier song for you." I said.

He chuckled dryly. "You could sing one to me now." 

Bashfulness gripped at my chest. Singing in front of darkened crowd with music, and in front of single person in the silence were two very different things.  
"I told you I didn't write any happy ones."

"So steal someone else's. " he suggested with a sweet encouragement.  
"I just...want to hear it one more time."

I thought for a moment. Racking my brain for the right song in my endless repertoire. I slid out from under his arms to stand up once I decided on one.  
"Fine...but dont watch me."

He laughed. "Why not? "

"Because...its weird. And there's no music..."

He stood up too. "Close your eyes, hear the music in your head. Pretend I'm not here." 

I snorted at his suggestion, but it seemed to make sense. My talent for music was more than capable of generating the instrumental part inside my head. So I breathed deeply and got into my zone, waiting for him to step back and let me stand alone in the spotlight made my the stars.

I sang "I turn to you" by Christina Aguilera. Executing every note with passion and perfection. Forgetting he was there but meaning every word of it.  
By the end of it...I was streaming tears and blinded by them, feeling the angel take me into his arms firmly. As if I'd melt into a puddle if he let go.  
We stayed that way for I dont even know how long.

Until he nuzzled his way into my buried face and found my lips to kiss. Without breaking away, he pushed the wetness from my cheeks on the path of his fingers searching for my hair. I grasped at his shirt as our connection intensified. Passion and pain mingled in a mess together.

When I had to take a breath, he stepped into me, like he couldn't get close enough.

I sensed his wings unfurl, in sync with taking my legs out from under me and pulling them to cling to his hips.  
He took me away, pleasantly trapped in the iron cage of his arms.

I didnt know where at first, too consumed by fire between us, but I knew we laying on a bed. 

He took his time, more than usual. Savoring every touch, every inch of me that mattered. I clawed at his bare back when the pleasure came, perhaps trying to keep him close.   
It was slow, seemingly never ending, and then started up again when it did.  
He didn't stop until he recognized my exhaustion from the onslaught of orgasm and finally rolled to pull me into snuggling his chest.

When I finally came back to reality, I realized with a bit of horror that I was in my room at Bobby's. I made a quick scan of the house, making sure they were all sleeping. How they didnt hear my cries of pleasure was beyond me.  
The angel cradled my body, tucking me into his neck and kissing my head.  
I felt his regret then, he knew this had to end soon.   
"I love you," I whispered into his skin, planting my worn out lips to his throat. 

"And I you," he breathed back, tugging my hand from him to hold to his face.  
"Thank you...for this."

I gave a slight, half hearted nod.   
"What will you do, now?"

"I have to keep searching for the spell to open the door." he replied solemnly.

I swallowed my pain. "And then what?"

"Once I have the souls...I will destroy my brother, and any who follow him."

"And then?"

"Then I think I will start making the world a better place. Fixing things my father never bothered to."

That worried me. It was always my understanding that God minded his business for a reason. And Cas was talking about being the new God.

Something told me that was path I could not follow with him, even if Selaphiel let me go.

"What will you do?" he asked me.

"Wait for the inevitable. I know you're going to succeed. I won't try to stop you, and I wont help my brothers try to stop you. All I can do is...wait."

"Wait for Selaphiel, you mean."

I nodded. "I dont know for sure what she wants, Castiel...other than to be free. I just know that...she's afraid you'll hurt me."

He tensed and squeezed me tighter to himself. "Never," he said, a little hurt, "dont believe everything she tells you, Hazel."

"Hard not to, she is the prophet of heaven."

"She prophesied the apocalypse, " he contended, "but we proved her wrong. She created the Seers believing humanity would have something of their own to help fight the evil. And she was wrong. Her brothers dismissed her ideals and ordered the Seers terminated indefinitely. "

I sighed. "Cas...things can change, you're right. But this time...I don't think she's wrong. Bad things are coming. Especially for me, I think."

His heart spilled over with anguish as he pressed our foreheads together.   
"Then...then you let her keep you..." he advised painstakingly. 

"You're ok with that?" I asked, titling to look him in the eyes. 

"No..." he admitted breathlessly, "but at least nothing could hurt you."

I planted a light kiss on him, realizing now that this was hurting him a thousand times worse than it was me.  
"Hey..." I said comfortingly, "you'll still see me. Just not...like this."

He was quiet, the only thing stirring were the invisible waves of emotion radiating from the chest in front of me.  
He twisted onto his back, laying my face directly over the beating, bleeding heart. 

A rhythmic stroking of my hair sedated me effectively, just seconds from deep sleep.

The last thing I heard, before the abyss of my mind took me away, was his voice, his real, celestial voice.

"Good bye, Hazel."


	36. When the Levee Breaks

I didn't wake till late in the day, having been up since nearly dawn with the now absent angel. I got the feeling he stayed with me for a long time while I slept, with no idea when exactly he left.

The first thing I noticed, before I could even let the grief take hold of me was that I had both my eyes again. My eye patch had been taken from my face and tossed on the floor.  
Well rested and at full power, everything in the environment felt strong. Overwhelming. It took me awhile to suppress it and relax myself, and which point the sorrow finally set in. I'd never felt so alone, even after what could have been the best night of my life under different circumstances.

But the feeling was deeper than tears, my eyes incapable of producing another drop. A surreal sense that I didn't exist outside the emptiness. Weightless and heavy at the same time. I stared at the ceiling blankly, for at least an hour, naked and unable to form a thought.   
It wasnt until a chill set in, reminding my body with goosebumps that I was still alive, that I rolled out of the sheets and found a simple dark green dress that once belonged to my mother. I pulled it over myself, and dragged my feet to the door.

The stairs felt like an eternity and I dreamily followed my senses to my brothers in the living room.

Sam had come around the corner just in time to meet me at the last step, shocked.  
"Oh my god..." he gasped and drew me into a tight hug. His relief told me they thought I was dead.  
I halfheartedly squeezed him back out of habit.  
"What the hell happened? Where were you?" he stammered, pulling away to grasp my shoulders and look me over for injuries.

Dean, followed by Bobby had crept into view, the same shaking expressions of appeasement on their faces like I'd come back to life all over again.  
The older brother practically jerked me away from Sam, holding me even closer with one hand pressing the back of my head to bury me into his chest.  
"Jesus Christ Hazey...we thought..."  
He let me go enough to look me over the same way Sam had.  
"Are you alright?"

"No." was my emotionless response.

"What happened?" Bobby pressed more urgently, "we got to the car and you weren't with us and...the place was overrun. "

I blinked slowly at the floor, finding the answer to feel unfamiliar, as if it happened to someone else.  
"I was with Cas. He brought me home."

"Why didn't you come with us?" Sam asked.

"We had to talk...and now it's done." I answered, stepping away aimlessly, my bare feet carrying me to the armchair.

All three of them cast their condolences my way without a word. Staring at me like a wounded animal.

Bobby passed a hand over my shoulder as he walked past me, returning shortly after with a glass full of scotch that he had to press into my barely responsive fingers.

I stared it for a moment, before a flicker of longing crossed my mind, like I was staring at an old friend. I brought to my lips and didnt wince at the burn at all.

"Hey um, we're gonna keep trying to crack this Purgatory thing before they do..." Sam said delicately, "So if you wanna help..."

I ignored him.

"We think H.P Lovecraft opened it up once before, so we got a lead. " Bobby added, as if it would get a rise out of me.

"I don't care." I said dispassionately.

That shocked them all to the core, but they empathized that now was not the time to ask anything of me and didnt push me any further.

I continued to drink slowly, the growing buzz doing nothing but numbing me even further.  
I hardly was aware when Dean received a distress call from Ben. They were frantic, arguing about how to handle it. I was longer a concern and I was clearly going to be no help, so my brothers left in hurry on a desperate mission to rescue Lisa and Ben.

Bobby forced me to pack clothes and come with him on his lead, refusing to leave me alone.

He did however, supply me with a flask that was readily refilled whenever I wanted. He wasnt going to judge me, nor himself for enabling me.

☆☆☆☆☆

We posed as journalists, finding a young man who was apparently a huge Lovecraft fanatic that might be able tell us more.

I kept up a steady drunk, still sipping as we stood in the man's nerd cave for an interview.

" You know, uh, horror - lowbrow. Put us in the ghetto, fine. But H.P. Lovecraft, this guy is literature. I mean he - he - he should be taught in schools. He's up there with Dickens and Dean R. Koontz, seriously. " the man known as Judah explained enthusiastically.

"Well that's, that's definitely the angle I'm taking with my piece."

Despite my stupor, I was impressed with Bobby's ability to play a roll.

" Oh, okay. Okay. " the kid said nervously, "Sorry, you - please, have a seat."

Bobby obliged, but kept myself scare, leaning in the doorway.

Bobby glanced back him disdainfully but continued his interview without skipping a beat. "So, I hear you have a large collection of Lovecraft's private letters. "

"Yeah. World's largest."

" Wow. You must be catnip to the ladies." I cast a sarcastic stone. Which he didn't catch 

Judah chuckled sheepishly. "I'm in a long-term online relationship, so... "

I scoffed cynically and rolled my eyes.  
"Cause those always work out..."

"Dont mind her..." Bobby brushed off, " I'd like to ask you about Lovecraft's last years. Specifically, anything that might've gone down around March 10th, 1937."

Judah became rigid. "Are- ? Okay. Are - are you working on this with the other guy?"

"Other guy?"

"Yeah, uh, you know, trenchcoat, looks like Columbo, talks like Rain Man."

I stopped still in my stance with the flask held to my lips.

"Right. We're... competitors.Rival magazines. " Bobby explained away quickly.

"Oh, okay. Okay, well um, I'll tell you what I told him. Howard had a dinner party on March 10th."

"Party? How many friends at this party? "

"Well, six. If by "friends" you mean co-worshippers in a black magic cult. They were getting together that night to perform a ritual. Something big. "

Again I scoffed rudely. "Cause that always ends well..."

"Define "big". " Bobby urged him, keeping him focused.

"Not much. Just open a door into another dimension. "

"Why would they do that?" I asked, making my arrogant disdain known.

"To see what's out there, you know. Maybe it's friendly. "

"It's never friendly," Bobby said, Judah giving him a look, "I mean, I imagine. So, did it work? The spell. "

"Well, uh, there was no mention of Cthulu in the morning papers, so... Actually, I do happen to have several letters detailing the dinner," the little geek walked over to his desk and pulled out a file, "Worst thing that was reported was a hangover, so it's, uh... Got it - I've got them right here. Some - it's actually pretty interesting, um..." He opened the folder just to find it empty, "And, and they were... I'm sorry, they were right ...they were right here."

My dead heart actually flickered a moment, realizing the obvious that Castiel had stolen it.

Bobby stood up, ready to bring this to an end, "Well, it's not like an invisible guy could just pop in and steal 'em, right? "

"Right... right. "

"So, uh, I'll leave you to it. And, um, you call me if you find 'em, huh?"

We went back to the car, utterly unsure of what to do next except to call the boys and fill them in.

"Well..." Bobby said after we hit the road again. "Now we gotta find this kid that was there when the spell went down. The maid's son."

"Pft..." was my only response.

I got the feeling Bobby had just about enough of my attitude, and I didnt need to be psychic to see it.  
He snatched the flask from me before I could get my lips around it and tucked in his jacket.

"Look, kid. I know you're hurtin', hurtin' bad..." he began with sympathy, "but you gotta get in your head in the game with us."

"Its not a game. Games give you a chance of winning." I retorted derisively.

"Right. Because some angel we dont know, said we cant win. She's just looking after herself, bringing you down like this, why can't you see that?"

I didnt answer, successfully pissing him off just a little bit more.

"You know, you got both your damn eyes now, so why don't you sober up long enough to _help me._ Humor me if just for a minute."

"You gonna lecture me about drinking? _You?"_

"No, it ain't about the liquor, dumbass. It's about you acting like you give a shit. You're attitude is bullshit. "

"Dont talk to me like you're my father." I hissed, feeling the angry drunk in me rise.

Bobby screeched the Chevelle to a halt on the side of the highway, the inertia slamming my skull into the headrest.  
"I _aint_ your father. But I knew him, pretty damn well. If he was here he'd tell you the same god damned thing I'm tryin' to!"

"Yeah? What's that, Bobby? Please, tell me how I'm supposed to cope with all this."

He softened up, perhaps because he finally poked enough buttons to get an emotional reaction out of me.  
"By keeping up the fight, kid. You remember how pissed you got when Dean was gonna throw it all away to Michael?"

I groaned through my nose. "I remember..."

"Well now I'm you, and you're Dean. Except Cas isnt gonna kick your ass. You have to kick your own. He's gonna kill himself with this plan of his Hazel...you gotta at least care enough about that to wanna stop him."

I sighed, defeated by the circling conversation. "What do you me to do?"

"For starters, help me on this goose chase. Tell me where I need to go next."

☆☆☆☆☆

With my vision, an extremely difficult and painful one I might add, we found the maid from Lovecraft's home all those years ago, to be none other than Dr. Visyak. The one whom had given Dean the dragon's blood sword months ago. She was the thing that had fallen out of the portal they opened, and had been living on earth undercover ever since.

Bobby pleaded with her tell us how the spell worked to open the door. She refused. And refused some more when Bobby insisted we take her somewhere safe from Castiel, knowing he was on the same trail as us.

We couldn't convince her of anything, and were forced to leave it alone.

Until she had a change of heart, and called us, asking to meet.

It was long after Dean and Sam had finally rescued Lisa and Ben, and we all regrouped to find Ellie and get back on track.

I still drank like a fish, and Dean wasnt far behind me now, after leaving Lisa's life for good.

We were walking down an alley, following the verbal directions given to us.  
Well I didnt walk, I stumbled. The only reason I was brought along was to babysat. If I'd been in my right mind, I'd have thrown a fit over that.   
But I didn't. I merely tagged along and watched everything unfold just I thought it would.

With my eye back, Selaphiel had shown me that Cas was going to win. No further than that, but there was no alternative. In every possibility, Cas opens that door.

Ellie was supposed to have met us out a back door somewhere in these alley ways, but we still saw no sign of her.

"Where is she?" Dean asked Bobby, who shrugged.

"Said she'd meet us here," he replied, "I'll try calling her again."

As he dialed and let it connect, we all heard a phone ringing nearby.   
The men followed the noise, with me trudging slowly behind, and found the very phone Bobby was calling laying on the cement beside a dumpster.   
A moan was heard from the other side of it, making them shuffle around to find Eleanor slumped against it, her hand over a bloody wound in her belly.

"El?"Bobby spoke softly, coming to her side.

"Hey," she greeted him with a shaking smile, "I guess I could have used your help after all."

"Just be still," Bobby advised, carefully touching her clothes to take a look.

"What happened?" Sam asked.

Ellie looked up at him. "They took me...but I got away."

"Oh Ellie..." Bobby sighed, "what have they done to you?"

She chuckled feebly. "Everything...the demon I could have handled but when the angel stepped in..."

Even drunk, I felt a twinge of pain in my chest. Cas tortured this woman. Monster or not...I was appalled.

"I told him Bobby..." she whimpered apologetically, "they have enough to crack Purgatory wide open. "

"Tell me," the old hunter beseeched, "I need to know."

"They need virgin blood. That's a milk-run for them. And they need the blood of a Purgatory native, and well, they've got plenty of that now."

My stomach was churning,mixed with the liquor I wanted to vomit. I couldn't believe my ears, even though I knew it was coming. I steadied myself against Sam, who'd been trying his best to be patient with me but scowled at my weight on him.

"Have they opened it yet?" Dean asked.

Eleanor shook her head. "Tomorrow," she grunted, "the moon...an eclipse.."

Bobby tried to keep her talking, asking her where to find them, but I knew she was slipping away. I even caught a glimpse of the reaper standing by, waiting patiently.

We let Bobby have a moment of silence as he gently pulled her eyelids closed.

"I'm sorry this had to happen. "  
Castiel startled us from behind.  
"Crowley got carried away..."

"Yeah I bet it was all Crowley you son of bitch!" Bobby snarled, making a good effort to lunge at him but the boys effectively held him back.  
I made an obvious move of avoidance, finding a spot on the wall furthest from the scene as I could stand to walk to without tripping on my own feet.

"You don't even see it, do you? How totally off the rails you are!?" Dean yelled at him.

"Enough..." Cas said rather firmly, "I dont care what you think. I've tried to make you understand. You won't listen. So let me make this simple," I accidentally let him catch my eyes before both of us shook ourselves of it, "Go home. And let me stop Raphael. I wont ask again."

"Good. Because you already know the answer." Dean spat back defiantly, "you might've beaten Hazel into submission, but not us."

I avoided eye contact with anyone, taking the very last gulp of my glass pint of rum and smashed it violently on the ground, grabbing all of their attention and sending shards of glass flying. Before he closed it off, Cas was breifly a wreckage of guilt and pity as he watched me lazily roll my head towards my brothers.  
"Dont bring me into this.." I warned.

"Take it easy Captain Morgan. " Dean said, utterly unimpressed with me.

Castiel shook his head. "I wish it hadn't come to this. But rest assured, when this is all over, I will save Sam, but only if you stand down."

"Save Sam from what?"

I watched the angel disappear and reappear behind my youngest brother, touching his temple. A simple touch to the untrained eye. But even this very drunk psychic saw what was happening. In a very brief moment of sobriety and emotionality, I screamed and tried to make a run to stop him, "CAS DONT!"

But it was too late, and my brother collapsed into convulsions on my lap.  
I stared absolute venom at the angel standing beside me before he flew away.

☆☆☆☆☆

My baby brother was laid out on the cot in Bobby's panic room, comatose, with Dean I pulled up in chairs near his head.

"Come on Sammy...Snap out of it..." Dean urged pitifully.

My hand was laid across the unconscious hunter's forehead while ignored my rum induced migraine to reach into his mind.

"It's gone..." I whispered, "the wall is gone."

Dean shook hismelf, trying hard not to cry. He stood up and started pacing back and forth just as Bobby walked in.

"I can't just sit here, Bobby. I gotta help him."

"Dean..." the old man said.

"I dont know...maybe Hazel can dreamscape his noggin. _Something."_

I sighed, stroking Sam's hair. "Dean I dont know what's going in there. Best case scenario I get sucked in and dont come out, and we both die."

"We have to try!" he snapped destructively at me.

"And we will, " Bobby coaxed him down, "but right now we got sixteen hours 'til they pop Purgatory. I'm down one man. I can't afford to be down two or all three."

"Yeah, and how's that going, huh? We've got no line on Crowley. We got no line on Cas. Balthazar's MIA. I mean, all we've got is Sam, going through whatever the hell this is!"

Bobby crossed the room to the desk and poured himself, and me, a drink.  
"This is exactly what Cas wants, for you to fall to pieces. "

Still fuming, Dean grumbled to himself before looking right at me, not with pleading but with angry, demanding eyes. "Find Cas. Find him now."

I was about to argue, but was immediately distracted by the body beneath my hand beginning to convulse, thrashing wild and rigid.  
"Sammy!" Dean cried out, holding his arms down before they hit me.  
I moved to press down on his chest and forehead until he became still again. Catching a glimpse in my mind of what was happening to him. I didnt bother relaying the concept to and already distraught Dean.

Bobby left us, after I flat out refused to use my unstable power to find Cas when I already knew he was capable of hiding from my sight.  
He returned, with Balthazar at his side.

Dean and I were sharing yet another bottle, watchfully keeping an eye on Sammy when they entered the room.

"Look what the cat dragged in." Bobby said, grabbing our attention.

A flicker of something came off Balthazar towards me. He felt sorry for me. I mean really, really sorry.

"Well, at least you mudfish finally got the angel-proofing right," he commented, tearing his attention away from me and onto Sam," How's Sleeping Beauty? You didn't steal any kisses, I trust?"

"What the hell took you so long?" Dean demanded, stepping up to him

"Honestly? I was having second thoughts."

"About?"

"About whether to help you. I was thinking maybe... Maybe I should rip out your sticky bits instead. I still dont like you, but I do like her..." he nodded to me, "and Cas is my friend and well..." He pulled out a peice of paper from his coat and handed it to Dean, who opened the folds to examine an address. " Cas and Crowley are there. That's where the show gets started."

"Alright, well give us a minute to pack and zap us there." Dean asked nicely.

"Oh no,no,no...I dont think so." the angel retreated.

I pried myself away from Sam and walked up to him. "Please Balthazar."

He looked at me as if he might cave, but quickly resumed his usual demeanor. "I'm betraying a friend here. A very powerful one. We all are. I've stuck my neck out far enough already."

A very brief flash of the near future blazed through my eyes, so quick I doubted anyone noticed. Cas was going to kill Balthazar. I swallowed my urge to tell him, instead kissing his cheek and patting it lightly.   
"Thank you."

But I really meant goodbye.

☆☆☆☆☆

Bobby and Dean had made preparations to leave, the old man now finished packing and looked to Dean who still not leave Sammy's side.

"Times up, Dean," he said.

"Yeah just a second. " My brother looked at me, absolutely broken.  
"Listen...if he wakes up," he pushed the paper with the address into my hand, "you bring me to us, you understand? You get your broody, lazy ass up, and get him there."

He was demanding on the outside, but begging me on the inside. Begging that I didnt give up.  
"Please..."

I nodded and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I promise." I whispered before he let me go.

What he didn't know, what that I wasnt making the promise for myself, but for Selaphiel. If that door was going open, we were gonna fix him together and confront Castiel.

☆☆☆☆☆

I waited at the bedside for hours, drinking to near blackout. Probing the universe to keep track of what was going on as best I could.

But alas, the whiskey finally put me down, slumped over Sam's chest.

Normally I don't dream drunk, but I was plunged into what looked like a dimly lit forest. Grayish and depressing. It felt wrong, dangerous even. My senses tingling wildly that I was not in a safe place.

And then I saw her.

It was strange, watching something start out as being of light walk towards me and then slowly morph into looking exactly like me.

Only she wore a long, rather cliche white dress like one might expect to see an angel wear. And my hair that she'd stolen was tamed, combed back and held back by a shimmering silver headdress of some sort, the curls flattened to soft waves beneath it trailing down the open back of her dress much longer than mine.   
"Hello Hazel." Selaphiel greeted, ringing in my ears. It was her real voice. A melodic, blissful sound like an instrument, something that couldnt be described with words.  
Her presence was strong, not like it was when she'd come to me in the past. It was as if she really was standing before me.

I didnt reply. Just watched her curiously as her head turned slowly to observe something distantly.   
"The door is opening. Its almost time."

"Cas...he hurt Sammy..." I whined quietly.

"I know. And it's not something that can simply be fixed. I'm sorry."

I put a hand to my mouth to stifle a disheartened sob.

"Listen to me, Hazel. When you awaken, I will be outside waiting for you. Will you come to me?"

I steadied myself. "What's going to happen? What are you going to do?"

She smiled at me softly. "I will take all the souls your lover is currently siphoning into himself, and send them back. "

"You can do that?"

"If I hurry. The longer he is intune with his new power, the harder it would be to steal."

"How do I know you wont keep it all for yourself and just kill him?"

She looked taken back, offended even. But not angry. "Hazel...I love my brothers and sisters. When I had to..." she lowered her eyes in obvious pain, "when I had to slaughter those loyal to Lucifer, some of which under _my_ command, it destroyed me. I'm not a killer. I didnt want to fight at all but Michael...he wouldn't listen to me. He made me chose. If I wanted my freedom and my life, I had to fight. And I chose Lucifer."

She raised a hand to remove the tiara-like headdress from her head.  
"I laid down my power. My father gave me this. Gave me the power to see even more than I already could. A great gift but a great burden as well. I gave it up, ceremoniously, refusing to serve heaven any longer."

I understood then. She'd done exactly what Castiel and Ana had done. Abandoned their posts for a more worthy cause.  
"What happened...? How did you..get here?" I asked her.

She sighed, a sound resonating like a breeze in a cave. "I saw what my brother was doing to your people. And turned on him. But when the time came to confront each other...he wouldn't kill me."

I dropped my head dramatically, looking up over my eyelids, brow raised. "Lucifer? Not killing? Really?"

She grinned tight lipped and sadly. "He wasn't always evil. He adored me. They all did. And when I stood between him and his prey...he couldn't bear to strike me down. Instead he banished me to Purgatory, telling the rest of them I was dead so no one would ever come for me. As if I wasnt punished enough, he told Michael _exactly_ where I was. Instead of rescuing me, Michael dubbed my actions treason, ordered all the Seers to be murdered as they came, insuring I never found a way out. Until one little soldier, couldn't find in his heart to kill you."

"Cas..." I breathed, earning a nod from her.

"I owe you both everything. I would never hurt either of you."

The breeze in the air was picking up, soon becoming a deafening roar, leaves and twigs whizzing passed us, all in the same direction that I had to assume was the door.  
"Its time, he's almost taken them all," she said urgently, her voice somehow carrying over the noise effortlessly, "I need your answer now, child. When I am free...do you agree to house me?"

Anxiety gripped me, knowing I couldn't hesitate due to the urgency, but still the answer wasn't easy. Castiel told me it was ok, Selaphiel had me convinced she meant no harm, and yet...my family had been fighting me not to do it. It seemed so simple, in their minds, as it used to be in mine as well. We dont choose angels over family.   
But that was then, this was now. This wasnt about resisting the apocalypse from tales of old. This was about preventing a whole new one. About saving everyone, especially Castiel.   
I was horrified and livid at his decision to break the wall in Sam's head...but I will still so in love with him...

"Will you let me go?" I asked like I'd asked before. She was impatient now.

"When I can rest assured that I dont need you anymore...yes," she brought herself closer and gripped my shoulders with a shake, "we're running out of time! Your answer, now!?"

I clamped my eyes shut, the pressure of such a big decision almost too much to bear. The roaring wind and the shouting angel in my face making it impossible to relax and make a choice calmly.

"YES !" I finally yelled back, just wanting the noise and pressure to end. But I was confident with my decision. She smiled gratefully, placed a kiss on my forehead, then shoved me back hard.

☆☆☆☆☆

I gasped awake, my cheek slick with a cold sweat that had formed from lying on Sam's stone body.  
I was surprisingly sober now, and at peace with my choice. I stroked Sammy's hair once, whispered good bye in his ear, and got up to head upstairs and out the door.

Archangels were known for bringing with them some type of disturbance, such as obnoxious weather patterns or electrical surges.  
Selaphiel was circling Bobby's property, and with her came an unnaturally bright, hot sunlight. I could barely see a thing. Everything around me was enlightened, reflecting and refracting light in all manner of beautiful way and powerful ways. The sparse grass was catching fire, random little rainbows were spun across spaces of air where you'd least expect.   
I waited for her, admiring her handy work, terrified of what I was about to experience but dead set on it.

And then it happened.

A solid, direct beam of light shot through me from the sky, and I was filled a with the strangest sensation. Like eels or snakes were slithering from my core to my extremities, filling me up and taking me over until there was nothing left that was really me.

The angel's voice sang in my head before I lost myself completely.   
"Thank you."

☆☆☆☆☆

I let the Seer look through our eyes, not having the heart to shut her out completely. She was still, unchallenging, but terrified.

Earth. My real home. The place I truly loved. Even with the unsightly discarded automobiles littered around me, I relished the smell of the air that didn't reek of death and violence. I longed to stretch my wings and explore her majesty, but I had a mission that must come first.

"Hazel..?"

The youngest Winchester had awoken on his own, though I had planned to wake him myself. I turned to him slowly, standing on the porch, shaking but otherwise well.

"Hazel where is Dean?" he asked me in heavy breaths.

"Hello Sam," I said to him, gliding on bare feet to him and touching his face, Hazel's black casual dress flowing behind me.

The damage was significant. My brother had all but destroyed the poor boy. His soul, his mind...were like shredded sheets whipping in the wind, barely hanging on to the clothesline.   
"I'm so sorry, sweet boy."

He looked at me in horror.  
"Who are you?"

I flashed a him a sympathetic smile.  
"I think you know."

"Selaphiel..." he deduced with a curt nod.

"Come," I said to him, taking his hand, "we have to stop it."

He jerked his hand from me. "No...give me my sister back. "

"Its ok Sam..." I cooed, "we dont have time. She promised Dean she would bring you to them when you awoke. I intend to keep that promise. "

Still he hesitated, and was trying my time and patience.  
"Please Sam, if we dont go now, all lost, if it isnt already."

He finally gave in, and gave me his hand.

☆☆☆☆☆

The building Balthazar had provided the location of, was crawling with angels, some dead some not. Depended on who's side they were on. I continued to tug Sam Winchester along, passing the flipped and totalled Impala in the street when he tried to stop and make sure it was empty.   
I assured them that his brother was inside. Two angels stood outside, guarding the door, their faces dropping when they took in the sight of me.  
"Sel...it cant be," the male on left stammered.

"Yes Adriel, its me." I said kindly. He and the other lowered to one knee to bow. "I come to speak with Castiel. "

"Of course my lady."

Sam scoffed, impressed. "Wow...that was easy."

"I was much loved in heaven..." I said sadly, leading him past the guards and to a stairwell, "down there."

I guided him past me with a gentle hand on his back, urging him to descend the steps.   
"Aren't you coming?"

"They need to see you first," I replied, "Fear not. I'll be right behind you."

He nodded and took one cautious step after another, while I followed several seconds behind, allowing him time to make an entrance without me.

Sam made his way into room below, while his brother pleaded with my brother.

"Listen to me. Listen, I know there's a lot of bad water under the bridge, but we were _family_ once. I'd have died for you. I almost did a few times. So if that means anything to you... Please. I've lost Lisa, I've lost Ben, and now I've lost Sam. Don't make me lose you too. You don't need this kind of juice anymore, Cas. Get rid of it before it kills us all."

To which my brother responded coldly and arrogantly.

"Your just saying that because I won. Because your afraid."

Sam crept behind him, picking up the archangel blade left on the floor by the now deceased Raphael.

I shook my head when he glanced back at me at the top of the stairs, but he didnt listen.

"You're not my family, Dean. I have no family."

The youngest Winchester bravely stabbed Castiel nearly clean through in the back with a grunt and took a step back.   
Castiel merely twisted around and pulled the blade from himself, with no blood on it to be seen.

I realized then that I had come too late. He was beyond my help.

"I'm glad you made it Sam." Castiel said, "Hello Selaphiel..."

He didnt even look my way, but Robert and Dean did.

"What?" Dean gasped, his eyes wide and finding me descending the stairs and approaching my little brother. Dean glanced over at Sam, who gave him a nod of confirmation.

"Its good to see you." Castiel said to me as I placed myself between him and the humans.

"You as well, brother." I concurred, smiling. It was honest. Though it hurt to see him this way, he was still my favorite of the heavenly host. The most heroic and brave of them all.

"Have you come to stop me? As you can see...I'm not an angel anymore. Your blade wont kill me. "

"And who are then, but an arrogant fool out of his league?"

He stepped away enough to look at everyone. "I am your new God. A better one. So you will down, and profess your love to me, your lord, or I shall destroy you all."

"Haz-...Sela-whatever!' Dean cried out, "if you can stop him, do it! Do it now!"

I looked upon him with pity, then back to Castiel. "You will not hurt them."

"And how would you stop me?" he retorted smugly.

"However I can..." I replied without fear. True I couldn't fight him, but I could protect the humans in other ways.

"You belong at my side, sister. Serve me, lead our armies. " he implored me.

"No," I said, taking a step back closer to the humans. I spread my great wings defensively. "If you want to kill them, you'll have to kill the woman you love first."

"No..." Sam huffed.

Castiel chuckled darkly. "Love? Love is beneath me. I am God. _She_ is beneath me."

"She can hear you, you know. Crying, screaming...you're breaking her heart."

Again he laughed quietly. "Is that your argument? Now I ask again, bow to me."

"Stop him!" Dean screamed.

"I'm too late...I cant." I told him regretfully.   
Still defending my position to protect them, I got down my knees, and did as my brother asked, for the sake of all of them.  
Robert was the first follow suit, but as the brothers began to do the same, Castiel shook his head.  
"Stop. What's the point if you dont mean it? You fear me, not love, not respect, just fear."

"Cas..." Sam uttered.

"Sam you have nothing to say to me, you stabbed me in the back, not doing so well are you?" He gazed upon him cruelty, as he seemed to be struggling with something internally.

"I'm fine.." he lied bravely to himself.

"You promised you would fix him!" Dean cried.

"If you stood down. Which you hardly did. "

"So what then, kill us?"

"What a brave little ant you are. You know you're powerless, you wouldn't dare move against me again. That would be pointless. So I have no need to kill you. Not now. Besides...once you were my favorite pets before you turned and bit me."

I rose to my feet, and looked my little brother hard in the face.  
"Castiel...I love you. I respect you. If...if you can promise to leave these people be, I will join you."

"No! Dont you dare!" Dean hissed, "Hazel you have to fight her! "

"She doesnt want to fight, Dean. She agrees with me."

I let the Seer find her brother's mind.  
 _Dean please...we will keep an eye on him until we can figure_ _something_ _out. Dont_ _fight_ _this._

 _Dont do this Hazel..._ he said back into our head. _Dont_ _you_ _give_ _up._

_I_ _haven't_ _given up, Dean._ _Trust_ _me. Its better this way._

_"_ I accept, " Castiel agreed, "Come, Raphael has many lingering followers who must be punished."

He offered his hand, and I took it, trying to ignore the wailing heartache of the Seer inside me.

"At your service... my lord."

☆☆☆☆☆

~End of Book 1~

Sorry if it needs editing, I'll get to it eventually.


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